posted on November 29, 2007 at 1:22 am

lemme tell you something is going on here
i have a theory that a huge enough destiny
will imprint backwards into the present day
so we kinda remember it all before its happened
of course i speak of my pet political obsession
mr malcolm turnbull
my opposite
my negative
my anathema
to bring those of you up to speed here
i give you the brief rundown
if you know this bit
then keep moving down the page
till you find something you like
now get comfy
have a cuppa tea and a biccie
and read on :
against the background of vietnam
t rex
long hair
teenage lurve
jamming in the garage
last year of high school
i was in canberran debating team
the nsw side came down to debate us
we had to put up one each in our own homes
my guy was malcolm turnbull
same age
we hated each other
i couldnt believe an eighteen year old
would look and act like a forty year old
possessed of unbeleavable self con-fidence
malcolm already knew it
he knew he was going all the way to the top
and maybe even further
i guess everybody around him felt it too
his team beat our team
he demolished us
next to his debating skills
his ability to think on his feet
his huge vocab and his toffy accent
next to him we were fucking kids
he was the best we’d ever seen
it was like arguing with winston churchill
this dude was the decider
you know the other bits
an attempt to dally with our rather large breasted 1st speaker
was thwarted quickly when she told him to bugger off
as we drove home
the atmos-fear in my mazda was icy
malcolm didnt really dig rock neither
so we didnae have much more to say
except of course
occaisionally he’d mutter
something like
how dare she reject….ME!!??
anyway he chatted to joycie
in his smoking jacket
he knew everything about everything
mum was impressed
and issued her famous prophecy
say what you like about him
he will one day be the prime minister of australia
and you know what
whatever i may have said
i knew
in my heart of hearts
that had already seen the future
but could not reveal it to me
that malcolm would be the top man…one day
yeah you read all that before
but i wanna say it
you overseas readers
watch this
this guy will at the next election become p.m.
no doubt
you see this election
it was all looking so bad for him
his wife wrote letters to his constituency
begging them to believe that her mal was not a toffy nosed snob
if you only knew him like me
said mrs moneypants (of the olde-moneypants)
and suddenly his boundaries got changed
incorporating some serious proletarian hoi-polloi lefty voters
plus a new opponent who was ex mayor and out to get him
plus some horrible posters everywhere
featuring mal next to the now gone john howard
both looking so miserable
and underneath how they wont sign kyoto
(which is ironic cos mal was the one lib who did wanna sign)
i thought
uh oh
mals gonna get done
i wont be able to say i had the p.m. stay with me
i wont be able to dine out for years and years
on how our joanna told him to flipping well bugger off
and i can embellish and embellish it forever
so i started looking at him very differently
hes very humble now
tho i suspect that
its an act
like me
hes just getting older…
despite it looking so grim before the election
mal gets voted back in with a swing to him
howard the leader of the libs gets thrown out of his own seat
costello the next in line spits the dummy and quits
(cos he knew mal was gonna do him)
suddenly mal is gonna be the opposition leader
gimme a crack at rudd he says
mal will have rudd on toast
mal will do rudd and whoever comes next
mal is unstoppable
so what
but the really weird thing
is everybody knows it
already there a hundreds of letters appearing in the papers
all saying
we’ve all always known mal would be the pm anyway
its inevitable…
a couple of useless gooses stand in his way
abbott and nelson
and i tell thee this
mal will do em both and toss em aside
most of the party and people of aust
have already accepted it
what joycie said 35 years ago
we all knew it all along
i wonder what it is that he only ever succeeds
like a poker player on a roll
he doesnt believe he can ever lose
and if you come up against him
you will believe it too
heres something
i believe he will be a memorable prime minister
he’ll be around a long time
he’ll see aust is a republic
he’ll make logical decisions
he will be environmentally aware
i wonder what will eventually bring him undone?
once he’s leader he can drop the lightweight humble act
he sometimes put on
to seem less threatening to those he would soon replace
i am in awe of the man
filthy rich a success thru and thru
what gives?
how does this work?
what mechanism propels these men to their destinies
and then
their dooms?

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