posted on March 3, 2006 at 1:40 am

im safely back from the future
its rough out there, kiddo
try to enjoy now
as much as ya can
cos its never gonna be this way again
if youre a childe
dont be in any hurry to grow up
being an adult(erer) is harde graft
if ya olde like me
relax and enjoy it
you gonna be young a million times over
it aint so badde
being senile deaf and blind
hobbling round
tryin to strum mah bass
stryin to croak out a tune
for ya
and speakin of which
the 1st of april
the sando
on my own
stripped bare
in a way youve never imagined
an evening with me
just you and me
and some people called the ordience
please come a long
otherwise i will feel pathetic in the empty venue
singin my maudlin tripe
to no one
except maybe ditch peter
and the cap’n
and dp is a smart arse anyway
i remember one night
i was guest appearin with the crystal set
i was gonna be doin
from now on
(which is actually a beautiful song fiendss)
this was maybe 1983?
i step up on stage
i hear a big gale o laughter
its d.p.
he screams out
at the top of his lungs
and thereby ruined this kinda frank sumatra
thing i had going on in my head
thanks dee pee
(you little c@#t)
im glad you were there that nite!
you totally fucked up my song…
never mind
that was a long time ago fiendss
even i dont bear grudges that long
i put the grudge down
then i pick it back up again when i need it
in fact
chez kilbey
has a whole room
which is devoted to grudges
that i won in grudge matches
i thought i was gonna be big in 92
when nirvana came out
i thought it was grudge rock
i thought pearl jam was seaman
i thought teen spirit was a casper film
i thought a lot about you lately baby
you were always on my mind
be at the sando
prepare to adore me
prepare to applaud me
prepare to throw your bras at me
the only trouble really is
although i am goode at many things
and the best at others
standing there with an acc guitar
and singin’ by myselves
isnt one of them
we can admit it
ah go on say it
im not much chop at it
no folks
this aint false modesty
its just that
it aint my thing
never really was
i came into music the other way
playing the bass
singin with a band
i never even tried to do a gig like this till 1989
the limelite club or something
in l a
the first time ever
age 36
so its weird for me
like drivin a car on the wrong side o the road
i can do it
but i cant relax
if something upsets the apple cart
im all at sea
you see….
so please come along
how often can you see a gen u ine
renaissance manne
in the flesh
in newtown on satday nite
all fooles day
for 15 aust bucks
even if im not very goode
its still a bargain
im tryin to think of somethin different
but i probably wont be able to
it’ll just be me
fucking up almost wid you
or something
i cant be good at everything
i had to pay a price in some areas
for my expertise in others
so whattya got
the best lyricist in the world
but he cannae strum n sing so well
if ya happy with that
you got it
bring yer money
smoke a spliff
drink some plonk
have a laugh
and prepare to gush
in case yer not goode at gushing
ive written a sample gush
which you can base yours on
if ya like
stevie k hit the stage at the sando
on satday nite and slew the sell out crowd
of tertiary educated boheemian celebs
with his virile good looks
his soothing warm sexy voice
his ineluctable songs
and his lyrics
which are simply the best
in the whirld.
there you go
something like that
get out yer dictionary
look up some big adjectives
throw em out at the hoi polloi
theyll never understand that
you dont have a fucken clue
just look at me
ululating like enki
and persicknetty ulladullas
whatever you gooseballs
see ya round

30 Responses to “march hair and all that malarkey”

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