gooday fiendss
saw johnny cash movie last nite
still dont know much about johnny cash tho
i dont even know what drugs he was taking by the bucketload
and i aint ever seen a dealer of any drugs
who carries his stash around in a big rolled up hankerchief
like your mum’d do for you for school
and ikept thinkin’ johnny cash was gonna change into that badde emperor
maximum nastiuss
he was in dat other big movie
(which i didnt mind)
i dunno
it seemed so awfully faked
why spend 10 billion dollars
on making a film
then have them mime the songs
actually the dialogue on most holiwood films
its lip synched
recorded n dubbed in later
by actors watching themselves and trying to match it up…
they dont record the sound usually when they film
or if they do they hardly ever use it…
all the sounds you hear.the cars the cities the crickets
the guns and hands knocking at door
are done later
does this contribute
an olde smarte arse like mee wonders
does this contribute
to most films inability to transcend
suspend yer diss-belief
theres bradley pitt-stoppe
up on the big screen
hes temporary just like achilles
no expense has been spared
theyve spent more on this scene
than the city of sydney makes in parking fines in a year
(shame ! shame! shame!)
the citadels a’burnin’
the evil-doers are a’writhin’
the damsels are a”kissin’ n a’cuddlin’
we zoom right in on his lips as he whispers
his final doomed desolate words…
and jesus christ!
the man is a poofteenth of a second
behind his dialoggy
and then it shakes the jaffas rite outta yer packet
that the words you were hearing
were uttered by yon achilles pitt
in the gold star studio, la
probably clutchin’ a starbucks
n joshing with the other guys
i dunno
they shatter an already frail illusion
and they treat us like chumps
steven and kilbey give walk the line
a big thumb upndown motion

on sunnaday
i went to see first screening of davey c s
movie overboard
which i did some “music” for
its a lovely horrible film
put me off houseboating(!?) forever
sustained anxiety
aust gothic
i dunno
watch out for it somewhere soon

got 5 dvds werth of jacques froste
from donaldo bee in ye olde middle or is it albert park?
some leafy european suburb of melbourne
living the high life no doubt…..
strange to see that goes without saying…
grant distancing himself hilariously
from my stupid behaviour
on the “set” of our video for t t i w o u
get that reefer away from me
the beleaguered grant mutters
and then complaining about my gold glittery guitar strap
and then backstage in boston or somewhere
in 1991
grants explosive laugh
his everpresent black top
with the little silver zip on the collar
his scornful n withering looks
when the local guys are layin’ it on too thick
some live footage of us in paddington
the nite we squabbled with eddie keupper
about who was goin’ on last
ok you say
whatta cliche rocknroll squabble
no but ya see
me n grant wanted to go on before smilin’ ed
because it was our second gig ever
and ed had a drummer
and they were really good…
but ed smelled a rat
and didnae wanna play after us
cos he wassa stickler for detail
and ye olde contract said before jack frost
and thats how he wanted it
(fair enuff too)
anyway there we are
strummin’ away
havin’ a bit of a laugh
cos i loved playing live with ‘im
anyway
im gonna try
possibly with db s helpman
to make ye olde doco/roco from footage
and handage

lookin at my tour schedule sometimes gloomily
all that travel
all those miles hurtlin’ along in metal
in the air
on the ground
all the fuckin’ argy-bargy
all the disappointments n successes
all the waiting around
all the airport metaldetectors messin’ up my etheric double
all the we need you to fill in this cardn yer rooms not ready yet s
i know
i know
stop complaining
some of us got real jobs
touring is anxiety for me
meeting a load a people
who already think your
a prophet
or
a prick
and im both n im neither
and i hate being rude
but usually am
and i want it to be goode every nite
and i feel rotten for both our sakes
when it doesnae happen
sometimes it just doesnae happen
thats a fact
how can you explain that
and then in other
totally unlikely places
it explodes into a ball of fury n energy
and if you think it aint gonna rock cos we’re accoustic
come n give me my money back guarantee
this is pure rock
unsurrounded by the noise
like waterskiing in bare feet
or parachuting without the chute
or bullfighting without the bullshit
insert own sporting cliche here
anyway
back to my anxious complaining
and i know some of you have real hard backbreaking gigs to do
dont you?
do you?
but its a glorious 2 hours
surrounded by 22 other hours of rigmarole
driving in vans
finding yer way in sellersville pa
or oogamalooga in wa
turn right there pete
oh no
now were on the freeway to the airport again
we just by passed nyc completely
and the gig started a half hour ago
and i aint had my vegan ice cream with nondairy chocalate
lashings of toffuti tutti n eggplant soy shakes
i aint checked into my 3 and a quarter stars hotel
you know the one next to the black hole of a construction pit
where the noise starts at 6 30
but that dont matter
cos yer getting up at 5 30 to start driving n flying
to nexttown
and yer cant get yer suitcase closed
and theyve charged you a million bucks to call home
and the others have already had brekky and wanna go
or youre sittin on the bus packed n ready to go
while theyre all asleep in their beddies
do we do instores?
i hate em
no surprise
do they do any goode?
how the hell would i know?
it aint all dancing on clouds
not asking for sympathy fiendss
jus’ givin ya a lil insight…
kilbey n.bondi 2006