another cold day in sydnee town
im up early
back in the saddle again
i just noticed last night
that about 50 per cent of shows on tv
are about murder
aint that strange?
that for entertainment
after a long day under the fluoros
or drivin a taxi (hi g + g)
or diggin’ ditches
people sit around n watch shows about
murder
eg
forensic investigation
crossing jordan
(nothing to do with holly)
but” its a race against time as the entire morgue
works to stop a series of bloody murders”
then theres
serious crash unit
infamous murders
ncis(a pentagon cryptographer is found dead)
cold case
law n order
etc etc etc
jus’ check yer local tv guide
youll be shocked by the blood n gore
thats dished up on yer screen
EVERY FUCKING NIGHT
can ya believe it
theyre dishing up murder
as entertainment
here mr smith
drink yer booze
smoke yer fags
n watch yer murder
n get back down that factory at 7 every morning
pay yer taxes
eat yer steak
and get yer 2 weeks holidays
out of 52
yeah theres a good deal for ya….
people i thought murder
was a crime most hideous
the worst n most unalterable crime
thou shalt not kill baybee
yet half or more tv shows are
dramatizations of this heinous act
sposed to “entertain” ya
whether its some english dopey detective
stumbling thru the clues in a little village
or some hard hitting yankee cop
trackin’ down the bad guys in brooklyn
or some coroner in nsw
HOW THE FUCK DID WE COME TO ACCEPT THIS TRIPE?
cmon cmon
aint this just a small example of how its all gone so wrong?
ya cannae watch people creating life on yer telly
but every nite ya can see em getting blown away
poisoned
strangled
beaten
and then the gruesome inquests n trials
why the hell do we need this?
its bullshit, my people
pure bullshit
n they tell ya pots bad for ya!

the opposition leader in australia
eg the labor party dude
is a great pudgy useless slimy imbecile
hes had a million makeovers n new suits
still hes what he is
a great pudgy useless wally
no ones ever voted for the turkey
n they aint gonna start anytime soon
why why why labor…?
here i am
the next pm of australia
im here
im a genius
im a socialist
ive got charisma oozing from every poor pore
(its pouring)
im an ex debating champ
i could look good in an expensive suit n floral shirt
already got a sun tan..no extra cost for tanning lounge
ok i dont know anything bout the “issues”
but neither does olde useless they got now
i could be briefed n de briefed
i look good in my briefs actually
i’d withdraw all our troops from anywhere
i’d go for the rich bastards not paying any taxes
(a cuppla years ago one of austs richest men
claimed taxable income of 160 grand n got away with it!)
i’d fuckin sort it out for single mums, students, pensioneers
disableds n ex rockstars
we’d all be on easy street
if we sold a few of our useless fuckin jets
cmon who are we gonna dogfight with…
the red baron?
buy the kids in school some rockn roll instruments
didja know the greedy greedy bastards in parliament
also just voted to give emselves more super n more pensions etc
a bipartisan movement in fact
tha only thing those crooked lying swine could agree on
pay ourselves more
more perks, more lurks
have ya ever watched the disgraceful behaviour
(they screen “live” parliament between murder shows)
talentless tepid vapid insipid nobodies feebly rowing w/ eachother
(except about getting more money natch)
jesus politics is screaming out for me
someone with a bit of pizazz
(but not pizzas)
christ, i’d look good addressing the nation
can you imagine
“my dear fellow australians,
ive cancelled the war,
ive made marijuana legal
ive lowered parliaments wages, super n perks
n im givin it back to the nurses n hospitals
n schools n orphans n sick people etc etc
WHERE ITS SPOSED TO BE

didja know if one of these pricks can stay in for 7 years
THEY GET PAID FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES INDEXED TO INFLATION???
thats bullshit
why should they?
i’ll fucking change all that
cmon peter garretts in there already
we need more olde rockers in there
we could fill parliament with em
WE COULDNT DO A WORSE JOB THAN KIM BEAZLEY
even his name…kim beazley
jesus
how can a man be called kim?

oh my fiendss
look around ya
this world is so mixed up
b bon sorry to hear bout yer kid
what the hells that about
we can invade irakistan
but we cant look after our own kids afterschool
but if ya vote for sk
im gonna put an end to it
im gonna ask them hard questions
im gonna get all that violence off the telly too
maybe people could watch some nice stuff for a change
stuff that dont de sensitize em to crime
get murder off tv
get morgues off tv
get the copsnrobbers off tv
get the guns n violence off tv
gee theres other stuff in this world too
like nature n art n music n
all kinds of lovely things
we should all be as happy as kings

listen if kim beazley ever wins an election
i’ll run around bondi stark naked
with good on ya kimbo
tattooed on my ass
but i dont think its gonna happen
he aint gonna..
he cant…
he wont…
labor needs me
this country needs me
the world needs me
my first act will be to halve my own wages
i’ll go on livin’ in bondi
i’ll go on space rockin’ n bloggin’ too
politics i’ll sort out between my laps n chi gong
how hard can it bee?
theres a million advisers…aint there?
i’d whip the shiny bums into shape too!
i’d sort out the lot of em….
what are ya waiting for mah people
are ya voting for me yet?
if ya from somewhere other than orstrayliah
send in an absentee vote
fuck em
we need to cheat to make this happen
they dont play by the rules…
why should we?
soon i will be your beloved leader
and everything will be spacey
i wanna be elected!!!
the right hon. s j kilbey esquire
member for bohemia