they say everyones in showbiz…
if yer in the kilbey family
it could be true…
my dad as you know
was a wonderful boogie woogie pianist
(interestingly he always pronounced the g in
boogie woogie as a soft g like a j)
he entertained his mates all over europe
back in the forties
when he was away from his other job
killing the enemy…
you could whistle a song to my dad
or he could hear a new beatles song
and he could sit right down n play it
chords n bass n all
it always sounded a bit “daddish” to me
it wasnt quite right…
these days i realise dad had a couple of standard progressions
and hed bend any song you gave him to fit into them
like a backdrop hed previously prepared
dad loved his 7th chords n his flourishes
it was always the same couple of flourishes too
it lent all his renditions a slightly comical air
but it was very much him
instantly recognizable after a few bars
its an accomplishment in itself, fiendss
to stamp your own sound on an instrument
have ya ever sat down n banged around on a piano?
can you imagine how much time n love
one has to invest to have yer own style n sound
that people can pick instantly?
the day i met tom verlaine in 1988
he walked in my room
picked up an acoustic guitar
played 2 notes
n i could hear it was him immediately
his relationship with the guitar
was totally unlike anybody else i’d ever seen
and i seen a few…
well in his own way my dad was kinda like that
my mother
on the other hand
has just written a book…
yes thats right
and it aint no joke
and
it will be for sale soon too
so watch out!
no i aint read it…!
ive complained n complained
to olde juicy joycie but i aint been allowed to read it
could it be she wants it safely in print
before i spot the errors anachronisms n bloopers?
anyway guess what?
thats my chrismas present this year
the book
its called
the tale of the old iron pot
is this same oblique nod to marijuana?
(joyce :NO!)
who is the old iron pot? auntie lu-lu?
surely not you mother dear?
tho sometimes i thought you were made of iron…
my mum kinda kept me on a short leash
both literally n figuratively
i found out just recently
she used to take me out with reins on
a child harness
you dont see them too much these days
but imagine
my mum walking the infant steven
thru the supermarket
and im chomping at the bit
and straining at the leash…
it was the leasht i could do
down boy she says
im always leaning forward
trying to get away
trying to chat up all the girl babies
and “bop” all the boys
bopping was what i called hitting
another baby paul: mum, steven keeps bopping me!
i was a big little bastard n i liked to throw my weight around
so my mums just lived thru all that bombing
and she comes from a family of 8
who were workingmans working class
so she aint full of no hi-falutin’ dr spock
namby pamby pscychological bullshit
she yer olde fashioned mum
the true weilder of the power
if my mum said jump
i jumped
i did
partly cos i loved ‘er
partly cos i was afraid of ‘er
and partly cos it was the 1950s
and some assumptions had not yet been questioned
eg you did what yer mum n dad said!
despite being a precocious n cheeky rude sod
i always did what they said
my trespass was verbal
hardly ever physical
occaisionally my mum gave me a “flippin’ backhander”
but it was never undeserved
if my mother said go to bed
i went to fucking bed
not like the doodles
standing around arguing the toss
and all their delaying tactics
sometimes i feel like ive gotten a double whammy
i mean
when i grew up
ya did as ya were told
ok i thought back then
if thats the system
i’ll benefit when i get kids o’ my own
but hey
the system went n changed sometime
just when i was getting ready to have my turn
kids had to go n get emancipated
hey joycie
id like to see ya under todays conditions…
when evies having a meltdown in the soopa markit
or elli n minna are clobberin’ each other!
or auroras chucked everything she owns everywhere
and is now sobbing
cos youve gently “suggested” she might like to pick it up
or when baby bumpers crawling all over ya
in the middle of the night…
yeah so you can kinda see
how i got it at both ends
childhood and parenthood
nevermind all that
the book only goes up to the year my father died
so no cherch
my mother will brook no favouritism
so i am not apparently
a major player in this book
its not about me!
i just happen to be a son in it!
maybe best supporting role
i must say im looking forward to reading it
i hope it doesnt end up in court though joyce
i mean neither of us could afford lawyers for a start
and itd be pandemonium in the courtroom
if you start mispronouncing words and getting mixed up
and you may force me to call up surprise witnesses
like that spy (!??)….
(you know who i mean!)
so i better come off good or else
well well well
i have another day of work (WORK!) ahead of me
singing writing mixing
goofing off at the patisserie round the corner
(amazing veggie pie n soy chai tea)
so im gonna split this scene
take my bat n ball
n piss off
home!