posted on April 22, 2008 at 10:01 pm

im giving myself a seven
im giving myself a seven for my singing n joking n
its weird these tv shows
i am able (ironically) to converse in their lingos
but i’ll never be a believer
yet there i was in the green room
sipping my jaeger n getting nervous
led down behind a curtain
they guess my name
im out
the band starts to play my song
sing sing sing
cant hear voice as well as i want to
but you gotta play on
meet hostess whos (supposed) to be dizzy n mouthy
answer some questions…cant remember em now
laughy laughy laughy
then at the end
(my team won) (go the killer!) (go mangey panther!)
i do my “duet” with female guest
its ok we do it ok
suddenly its over!
that was it … assault on showbiz
everybody said i was good
my brother n daughters said good
i ended up at aftershowparty
eating a bowl of minestrone
talking to someone
who didnt realise i was joking
i was saying i wanted my own tv show
called renaissance man
that it would be me in a lonely library
outside a storm lashes the window with rain
a fire burns in the hearth
a golden retriever sits at my feet
a rolled up newspaper in its mouth
i swing round in my chair
dressed in a smoking jacket n cravat
i cradle a pipe in one hand
(sks special smoking blend)
i turn to the camera
i raise an eyebrow
and in my best british upper class accent
(and believe me…i do a jolly good one!)
i say
good eeevening
and welcome to “renaissance man”
the ninny still not realising their leg was being pulled was saying
fuck off now ya talking in an english accent!
oh dear…i really waste my time trying to amuse some people
what else will you talk about ? said the ninny
my world.. i say with a mock expansive gesture
oh yeah whatchya gonna tell my 14 year old then? they said
it wont be for 14 year olds i say…and sighing
such were my attempts at schmoozing..
i chatted briefly with em all
i believe my cheques in the mail
“smaller than you thought too” quips a camera guy
the band thought it was good as well
one of the best shows a bandmember says
hooray for mr showbiz
whooda thunk it
stevie kilbey that olde song n danceman
that quipping quoting singing laughing genie-arse
that avuncular skipping yoga-doing knucklehead
that vague n semi-vegan non-vapid rapid fire old trooper
anyway sit in hotelroom
with minna n john sleeping on in here
at least my kids saw me being a “star” for a minute
at midnight i get in lift
3 people in there
looking at me
they burst out laughing
great show!!!
can we get a picture with ya?
its started…the recognition
next the paparazzi…?
the botox?
the toupe?
the corsets?
bring it on!

30 Responses to “mr showbiz :twinkletoes and a giggle”

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