posted on May 20, 2006 at 9:39 pm

poor olde sk
his back still aint fixxed
i had acupuncture
i had chiropracter
i had physiotherapist
i had massage
no better
becoming despondent
not least
that i gotta get onna plane to europe
on wednesday
i cant sitting in one spot
for 5 minutes
let alone a 30 hour flight
in a tin can
squashed in between the fat lady and the fidgetty kids
or the nervous alcoholic and the crying babies
(insert pasenger from hell here)
i hate fucking flying
i loathe fucking flying
once i merely disliked it
but after the chchurs experience
on the plane when the engine exploded
im not so keen on the friendly skies
“we have suffered catastrophic engine damage”
came on the cap’ns voice
wouldnt very bad or terrible been enuff
did he have to say catastrophic
the guy next to me(mr d lane)
starting railing against his fate
“what am i doing on this fuckin’ plane…
i knew it was gonna crash”
mwp across the aisle leans over
well olde bean , been nice knowing you…
see you on the other side..
timmy p says
i dont mind us dying
but what about our kidsss?
the captain says
we gonna return to melbourne
we should be able to fly with one engine
an irishman behind me says
if that one blows we could be up here all day….
(no, that was a little levity, folks)
i started praying
i started chanting
hare krishna
hare krishna
please god
im commending my spirit into yer hands
the plane begins its turn around
fucking hell
it just hangs there limp in the sky
like it aint got the steam to do it
ok ok
finally we make it
but im so over flying now
ive flown a billion flights
sydney singapore london stockholm
new york la rome paris
i had more jet lag than
dutch pierres had hot dinners
im scared, ok?
i dont mind who knows it
im scared!
i hate the air on airpl;anes
i hate the food
i hate the gay aussie stewards
who wake yer up for a sausage ommelette
at 3 in the morning
or the captains who blast onto the
“relaxation” channell
to tell ya that baghdad is just to the right of the cabin
i hate the queues and the suspicion
i hate the searches
i hate the customs
its a miserable thing
and now my back has locked up
or my lock has backed up
so i aint no happy flyer, fiendss
im chicken hearted wreck
im a landlubbing scaredy cat
so pity me
on wednesday
yeah im looking forward to seeing budapest
and playing at dublin village
(answering yer question, lee!)
but i do not wanna fly
its gonna be purgatory
see what i go thru
for your sakes fiendss
it aint all dancing on clouds
i love ya

39 Responses to “my achey brakey back”

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