posted on April 29, 2007 at 4:46 pm

i love you guys
thanks for your warm n heartfelt encouragements
i appreciate yer kind words
n i feel like a fool (again)
and mr van go has some good points
about being happy to play to anyone at all
as a solo artist i am
put me anywhere
and i’ll play
but the church has overheads
we got car rentals
equipment rentals
weve got a small crew to pay
weve got flights n fuel n taxis n tax
weve got hotels n strings n repairs
etc etc etc
it dont run on pure love
unfortunately the logistics of this tour
mean it dont work when we only have small crowds
despite all the goodwill in the world
can ya see that?
it isnt only vanity that makes me crave a slightly larger crowd
i mean i dont wanna be at the enormo dome
but we need around a cuppla hundred just to make ends meet
or we can shrink down
jettison more things
we can all sleep in one hotel room
hell maybe let one of the guitarists go
only have 2 drums on stage
or ya can say
we lasted 27 years
we toured n we toured n we toured
we did it
no one lasts forever
maybe it really is time to not tour
and its all very well playing the “big” cities in uk
but who wanted us?
who was prepared to fork out our guarantee
that we need to not bring down financial ruin
the promoter in hamburg summed it up
“the old people dont come to gigs
the young ones want something new
i couldnt afford to put posters up
because it wouldve cost more than you wouldve made
theres no interest in radio or media
you got no record company anymore
i’d put you on again because i like you…”
we cant afford a manager
his cut is our meagre prophet margin
we need one of 4 things
1 a big new act aknowledging as as major influence
2 a big new movie or commercial featuring church song
hopefully not you know what
3 someone covering a song of ours and having a big hit
4 a complete revolution in mass consciousness
as for america
we do slightly better there
but only slightly
only just scraping thru there
hey we’re old
ian hunter said you gotta be a young man you can never grow old
im 5 fuckin 3
yeah yeah i look ok
we all do
but the kids aint interested in 50 year olds n i dont blame em
yet we dont make oldies music
we still have edge n grit n darkness
and most people my age aint interested in that
we are an anomaly
we fall thru the cracks
we are neither one thing or another
we have been made redundant by grunge n britpop n hip hop
n emo n whoever the hell else is up the hit parade tonite
yet we still remain aesthetically superior to these things
the press dont wanna write about us…why would they?
we aint huge like the eagles or depeachy mode
we aint legendary like nick cave
we aint loverly pop like crowded house
we aint populist n sweeping like u2
we’re just the church
our biggest n only hit 20 years ago
twenny years…?
are you kiddin me mister…?
and i wonder why we have fifty in hengelo
which by the way
is a lovely town
the venue was nice
the staff were helpful
and the 49 other people were v. nice
i still rate the dutch as the truly coolest people on earth
except for the occaisional dickweed
by the way
when we did play the hit
marty says that particular idiots dancing to it
made him wanna give up n go n get a real job
im lucky i missed that i guess
i dont resent hengelo
it was a fill in gig
between hamburg n brighton
i just reckon ive done my time on the frontline
i used to get real excited at the thought
of blasting some dark little dive
full of rocknroll
when i was 19…
but now…..
and i dont see the cities i go to
i see a venue n a hotel
i dont get to see many statues n museums
thats why my blogg aint full of culture…
i see the road
and somedays its lovely
a few fellas in a van
the wide open road
a cd pumping
a bit of a laugh or argument
i’d miss it
miss the camaraderie for sure
but a lot of it is just a numb bum n aching legs
wishing them fucking miles n kilometres away
being nervous at hurtling along in a fragile little body
being tired n lonely n mean n selfish n all the rest
having to be nice
(and i try lord i try)
losing things
breaking things
temper temper olde bean
all the anger n vanity is ill becoming an olde gent such as yerself
go on try n be all things to all people
go on n rock like the son of satan
then come off n be polite while you sign a cd
then be sympathetic when the promoter tells ya
how much dough he lost on ya
n the roadies complain that theyre not getting enuff
to do all the work (and theyre right!)
and yer running as hard as ya can
to stay in the same place
and i miss my fambley
so much
i just missed 3 weeks of the bumpers life…
but look
i aint complaining
i feel comfortable with ya
n im pooring out my heart
im crying on yer soldiers
you know me
i’ll be better tomorrow
and hey
im alive
n im (relatively) healthy
n i do get to play n travel
i aint whingeing to you fiendss
im just telling it how it is…
brighten was great
not amazing
but great
boydie says after
wow killer…the english just get it, dont they?
course they do…
a great audience
lifted my spirits
love reign o’er me
a day off
a swim in sea but too cold even (embarrassingly) for me
wait till that waters up around yer dick said boydie as he immersed in it
it felt like my family jewels were in the grip
of a powerful red hot vice
and i panicked
n got the fuck outta that dirty sea
(it is scummy…you dirty poms)
and the beach is rocks not sand
(fiendss…it aint like bondi)
brighton is full of mutton dressed as lamb
jaguars n prams n weird modern kids
who i dont understand at all
its sleazy expensive n slightly run down
my hotel is rated 4 star
but in most places it would struggle to get 2
everythings a bit worn out n busted
n shoddy
the desk clerk
some olde campy gent said
if ya dont like it
we provide complaint forms
they are on rolls in your bathrooms
ha ha ha!
outside my window the brown atlantic
across that ocean my darling fambley n missus in dela where?
the “balcony” is a tragic carpet of pigeon droppings n ciggie butts
a single bed….puh lease
no room to do yoga
i have to make do
but hey
im not a pig on the way to a slaughterhouse
its alright being me
i just had such high hopes…..
never mind olde rockah
ya got further than most
you did ok
maybe it is time for a revolution in mass consciousness
whats the time again?
sk brighton april 2007

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