posted on January 13, 2007 at 8:40 pm

what if everything……?
i mean…..
i been wrong so many times
about so many things…
in fact, i aint hardly ever been right….
and now
now its sunday again
the twillies gone 5 days now
yesterday the rest of us go to balmoral beach again
i swim my laps between the jetty walls
evie swears shes sees a sting-ray
(but ya never know with evie)
baby bumper not so keen on the slightly cold water
we have lunch on the grass
nk has schnapper n chips
i have veggy bugger n chips
doodles have chips n muffin (how nutritious!)
bumper has a bit of everything
its a warm overcast day
sks flavourite kinda day
a storm threatens but never arrives
a dark day that holds you like a lover
we have peaceful relaxing time
theres a cricket match going in the distance
i ask the doodles if they wanna know the rules
they watch the tedious carryon for a moment n say in unison
no thanks, dad
scarlet keeps runnin’ towards the match
n i have ‘orrible visions of her being brained by a cricket ball
(which are effing hard!)
so the doodles keep rushing off and tackling the baby
when she wanders too far
(evie a little too enthusiastically)
we have a nice ride back
over the bridge to bondi
we get home
do a bit of yoga
read mums book
(very entertaining)
we’re about to emmy-grate to OZ (as she puts it)
pretty brave leaving blighty for the unknown quantity of aust
and if theyd stayed in england……?
but they didnt
and here i am in the middle of a strangely cool summer
(delicious tho!)
lassanite last nite of play for a while
oh i’ll miss that crazy bunch of thesps n bohos
also must mention the bricklane workshop in bondi
at last some culcha in bondi
a real place where it feels like somethings happening
oh i hope they can keep it open
(zoning restrictions?)
andrew h is a true bohemian artist
living it painting it
trying to make it groovy for ya
lucien savron is my bohemian idol
a man who does it coz he loves it
and the money is the last thing on his mind
and his jobs never done
even in the audience i hear him laughing the loudest
sucking in his breath and clapping madly
all at stuff hes seen a million times
hes like a very proud father when the shows a success
(and on its own terms the thing is a mega success!)
theres a review promised in the smh even (wow)
oh and thanks to bonsa for their review
we may do the play some more
we may move around
i also must thank seb goldspink
for being a brilliant actor
and another guy whos main motivation
as far as i can tell
is the love of it
jerry i read yer blog and its hard to comment
i tried but i went into some weird limbo
but ah…you gotta be a bit more eloquent than that
and the tech crew matt n richard
and the musos gav n svet who maybe deported back to bulgaria(?)
bulgaria? he says…theres nothing there…
well maybe the zoo story will ride again
its another ticket in the lottery for me
along with everything else i do
i mean
i just need some bigshot to discover me
take me onboard
remunerate me handsomely with an annual package + bonuses
i can still be bohemian n rich
believe me
i know i can do it
i dont mind being poor on my own
but when you gotta big fambley its very frustrating
i mean me in a caravan by the sea on my own….
well i could enjoy that
but me n doodles n twillies n bumper in caravan
would be rather…er…arduous, i’d imagine…
oh god sometimes im so sick of myself
being locked in this skull with all my familiar tricks
i maybe rehursing with the cretch today…or not
some new argy bargy looms…so im uncertain
i gotta finish my book n its cover v.soon
essays on rock….mmm brilliant title, olde noggin
theres so much bullshit n yibber yabber in the book
that i thought the title could at least be simple n “straight”forward
ok {{“.”]} …you better let me know some name i can put ya under
for the pretenders in melb. ok……?
doesnt haf to be yer real name or nuthing….
everything remains up in the air
a feeling of incompletion
a worry i cant focus on
something in the periphery
trying to hurt me
trying to get at me
never just easy
always something
something missing
something you want
where does it end
what can i do
is it up to me
this is all illusion
remember that n beware
if you take it for the real thing
(and i do constantly)
youll get burned
you get addicted
youll get dependent n co-dependent
youll try to get things you shouldnt have
and theres a good reason that you shouldnt
(kilbey takes a gulp of ricemilk
who is this sermon aimed at? one wonders)
i just thought by the time i got to fifty fuckin’ 2
i’d be a bit more….uh…together
still the stupid me i always seem to be
despite everything
all the accolades or whatever
why aint i comfortable in this skin?

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