did glynnis johns just walk out on me?

hadda a cold cold swim in the sea
winter has returned in spades
bondi looking empty n deserted n down on its luck
hadda a half hour massage
sciatica says massage lady
are they a spin off from megadeth?
i ask my mouth full of towel
im face down
shes working on my back
outside the door i can hear the pacific ocean pounding
and rain hammering the pool
she finds knots and she leans on em
they try n squirm away but shes on their case
just in the small of my back some nerves misfiring
shes uncompromising
trying to break up the knots….
afterwards
i listened to for your pleasure by roxy music
as i walked thru the rain
a lotta impromptu type material in there
sorta have a blow n stick some words on it
it really struck me today
bogus man
the last track
every dream home
very laissez-faire music
but i never saw it as a kid buying the stuff
i never saw the way people wrote things
they seemed to have fallen out of the air to me
now i can hear it they way it happened
a one note jam n an impro vocal
bang! theres 10 minutes gone on side 2
people’ll interpret it
give ya the benefit of the doubt
cmon yer bryan ferry n its 1973…!
we’re all caught up in this thing
its rushing headlong
intelligent glamourous stars have broken the hegemony
of the prog n heavy behemoths
and little stevie kilbey turned 19
but he still aint written a decent song yet
he just wallows around in 10th rate versions
he cant figure out how they do it yet
the double tracking and the reverberation
the way it all has to fit together
i didnt know you could have a one note jam
throw some words on top n youd have “bogus man”
because ……
n then
i figured it out
i also figured out intentionality
i figured out ambiguity
i figured out harmony n melody
i figured out recording n mixing n arranging
i figured out how to collaborate
i figured out how to do it all on my own
my own self perpetuating well of song
that will never
can never dry up
my own relationship with my own muse
before all that
i was outside looking in
i had my nose pressed up against the window pane
i bought roxy music albums
i thought they were great
i couldnt see i could ever do it myself
1976 -1979 was my hermit era
in a spare room
i took the process apart on my 4 track
in a vacuum
no friends or supporters
no one to listen but my brothers
in a backwater of this world
employed but not working
at night i come home to townhouse in rivett
in the spare bedroom on freezing cold nights
or boiling hot afternoons
chipping away at the puzzle
like a painter working on perspective
i was buying and devouring large quantities of music
i was driven
i was obsessed with it
i imagined what it was like
to make a great record which people would love
yet no one appeared and opened any doors
the people who did hear what i was doing
were puzzled unimpressed n disinterested
i entered contests but had my cassettes returned
every record company in england rejected me
sent me back my stuff
but i loved it too much to stop
i believed in myself so unshakeably
i knew i wasnt the very best
i knew i wasnt the most original
i knew i wasnt the most talented
or any of that
but the sheer awfulness of most of the stuff
being made outside of the greats…..
no one seemed to do what i wanted to do
i loved loadsa music but i never felt it was superior
to what i could do……
deep down
what i wanted
and never could have achieved
was a fusion of all the very best best stuff in rock
as i saw it
enos new discoveries
bowies coolness n voices
dylans intelligence n hipness
beatle boys music
stones image n lifestyle
bolan otherwordliness n childlike naivety
so you see there was a lofty ambi ambi ambition
for a start
if you ever hear those various bootleg records of mine
like preformation n early demos(imaginitive title)
(and they werent demos neither.)..
anyway if you hear on those collections of early songs
i was trying to hit the eno button a lot harder
but eventually market forces led to it being all channeled
into the church
but i was as much an electro rocker as a popsmith
i was doing long ambient bits n noisey things
and everything
it was strange to one day wake up
n realise i suddenly was representing all things sixties
what about kraftwerk n la dusseldorf
what about lou reed n ultravox
ah everything got pushed thru the nozzle
i noticed some people were musicians not stars
i noticed some stars were not musicians
i noticed myself not much of a star or musician
but i loved it
and my love had unlocked some pieces for me
my diligence had pierced musics armour
and my intelligence had wormed its way in
and it started to get rapidly easier for me
i call myself a genius sometimes on here
half mocking half serious
but its not musical genius
not as you would know it
but a genius for recognition
in a mess of sound
i will recognize
in a mess of words
i will recognize
i can assess n decide rapidly
i can detect potential a mile off
i put my processes to work
i had the ability to make great songs appear
apparently out of the blue
but it was the processes
my modi operandi
they were bound to write something
that someone
would like sooner or later
or what…..?
i am the time being
these are my journals…..

io io ao