posted on December 4, 2006 at 8:49 pm

good morning well wishers
how now brown cow?
youll be pleased to know
the falcon is now a smooth sleek silent panther
a blue grey blur
king midas did me nicely
fixed my muffla
my a.c. problem
flush my transmission
oiled my greased nipples
n changed my mind
im sailing down the street now
toddy rundgren pumping
“i was born to synthesize, energise n catalyze”
yes toddy, me too..
i got me a big ass olde car now
(actually it is a little hard to park…)
cruising down this shuddering highway
(actually olde south head road)
i got a silver machine!!
watch out you hoity toity olde posh bags in yer bmw suvs
the killer is comin’ on thru nohow!
enough of that petrolhead nonsense
el mo 2 getting near finished
a few surprises…
i cant tell ya natch…or they wont be surprises
but ya gonna do a dubble-take on some of this
thats for sure
and i guarantee it
im supposed to finish 3 portraits of the band as well
where will i find all this time
they say bring painting into studio
you can paint n mix at same time
and i could juggle too
or keep plates spinning
with one lobe tied behind my back
n a blindfold on
thats the trubble
give em everything
they expect everything
so much work for the lazy old being to do
yesterday i get home late
do yoga on yonder balcony
mosquitoes attack attack attack
suck my blood
(i am a red blooded male!)
nasty nasty little biters
had to stop during the tree pose
those female mosquitoes all over my lovely calves
and i dont want em ruined with nasty bites
i want them to remain a pristine wilderness
of suntan n muscle
cmon they are beautiful …..
am i allowed to say this?
i mean the rest of me is…..alright…
but my calves….oh my calves
and my doom never to be able to see em properly
always have to bend n twist n reflect
not the biggest calves youll ever see
just the secksiest….easily
in fact if you see a better set of calves than mine
drop me an email
and send me dubble yer money back as a deposit
if any one else has better leggies
i’ll keep the money….ok?
my calves are actually negotiating with sir dennis hand-jobbe
from xyz records about doing a solo album
course its gonna be instrumental
(calves cant sing, silly)
i kneed you
spank my ankles
toeing the line
vanilla thigh
n groin injury
oh ho ho ho
(dont you wish this would stop?)
we already got a foot in the door here
and my calves are appearing in some new shorts
n films soon
hop in to yer record store
n demand the killers calves
before this whole joke is milked dry
(disgruntled subscriber in east cheam says
i thought he was telling us about fucking hayday today
and then we get this loada bollocks bout his calves!)
allow me my levity, fiendss
im working so hard im going bloody balmy
but thats how you like us olde genii
slightly nutty
its one of the perks of the job
be serious for twenny years
then become a total looney..
eccentricity they call it
oh olde steve…hes a bit…eccentric
ye see….im not just a crazy olde bastard
im a venerable eccentric gentlemen
a V.E.G.
now us V.E.G.s are getting kinda rare
now pablo picassos gone..
its really only bobby dylan, lenny cohen n me left
(not necessarily in that order)
im like a national treasure
but no ones treasuring me much
im like a vintage car
driving myself slowly mad
im like an old master
with no peace
although it breaks my heart to leave ya
fiendss i mist bid you a fond adieu
see ya tomorra
24 hours for you
an eternity for me
left n right calf
x x

122 Responses to “oh my sacred calves….”

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