i knew itd turn up sooner or fucking later
that stupid video for un mo on you tube
watch it and weep my fiendss
it was 1980
i came up with un mo
the littlebigshot who “discovered” us
decided we shood do a video
oh great i think
i got some ideas
oh no
oh horror of horrors
the idiot hires an advertising idiot
called french
a right little prick
a supercilious little ponce
a chubby poofy makeup wearing wally
who used to get in “scuffles” in niteclubs
maybe he was great for hairspray commercials
but this turkey ruined mah fucking song bigtime
what a silly little bastard
he said we would be like colours wandering round in a blurry void
i would be number one in grey
i’d meet up with pk dressed in lincoln green
then mwp dressed in pale blue baggy clothes(huh!!!)
then nick nigel murray ward dressed in black
yeah frenchie said
it was the story of a band getting together
picking people up one by one
did he fucking listen to anything i said?
after all it was my song
my first video
etc
nope
this cecil b d imbecile
marched us round kings cross in middle of day
in brutal aussie summer
we all savagely sunburnt within one hour
a man with a very hairy back pushed us around
literally shoving us into the scenes we were reluctant to be in
the whole crew treated us with scorn n derision
including an idiot who said “travelling”
when asked to do something….
then we went into studio next day
i screamed n cursed when they stuck make up on my sunburnt face
in fact i gotta doctors certificate
to say i couldnt play gig next night on account my red burnt face
then frenchie
proceeded to shoot his masterpiece
including abba like shots
and dry ice
and queen like harmony singing etc
the video is a fucking travesty
watch it to see what i was up against
he managed to make us look ugly
when we were in fact very glamourous at that time
when i saw this video
i went bananas
i wanted to kill the ignorant snobby self satisfied little prick
you shouldnt judge a book by its cover
but in this case
what ya saw was what ya got
a huge empty talentless fraud
i threatened everyone involved
i would walk away from the band n record co etc
if this abortion ever got aired
i was absolutely livid
it contained every 80s cliche n then some
he was nipping my career in its bud
if people ever saw this tripe….
i honestly threw my stupid weight around enough
screaming n pleading for em to destroy it
emi: but we spent blah blah thousand on it…
me: (screaming) never never never let this be seen
DO YOU UNDERSTAND????
in the end everyone agreed
after all rubbish is rubbish
and this was plainly rubbish of a very low calibre
so i succeeded in having it squashed n quashed
and that woulda been the end of it
cos shortly after we kicked murray-ward out
got ploogy in
and did a great vid for un mo
but it was too late
our first big hit had no vid
cos by the time the new one was ready
un mo was droppin’ outta ye olde charties
but
but
one stupid thick plank at emi
(no shortage of these)
thought hed do us a favour
and leaked it onto a few shows
that he thought the killer’d never find out about
periodically thru the eighties
youd hear the explosions in rozelle
when i found out that it was out there
i tried to round em all up
i even went into emi
forced open a cupboard in fronta a horrified secretary
and jumped up n down on some i found there(she had denied it!)
and deleriously ripped up a buncha stills from the shoot
but it survived
finally in about 1988
the first vid jukeboxes were appearing
one had un mo on it
we paid our money and…
OH FUCKING NO NO NO
I DONT BELIEVE IT!
ITS THE FORBIDDEN VERSION…….!
i chucked my last and greatest william over it…
then
fuck it!
i’d done what i could
to purge the world of frenchs monstrosity
now i see the things on you tube
go ahead
watch it!
truly grokk what a bloke like me
was up against:
clueless useless ad execs ruining my songs
knuckleheads in record cos
lying secretaries
nick nigel murray ward
men with hairy fucking backs pushing me round
and
THE EIGHTIES
a decade of pure swill!