i’d like to admit to someone i dont know what im doing
i’d like to say that i feel lost
that i’m making it up as i go along
i dont like driving in this fog
i’m not a proper vegan
i’m not a proper singer or painter
i’m not a proper writer or father
i’m not a proper englishman or aussie
i’m just some sorta impostor
(im not a proper impostor)
over n underwhelmed
frustrated with maya
holding on by the thin skin of my tooth
hoping for the best
but really
expecting the worst
broken or burst
i cant get anything to happen
my spells my charms my thaumaturgic works
all but nothing
i seem to want something i cant get
i seem to get something i cant want
i
i
i
i am self obsessed
as you would be obsessed with a tiny agony
i think about myself
as you would think about ruins
i write because i can
because a never ending stream of words will fill my mind
like leaves swirling down from shaken winter trees
like coins thrown from a ship sinking into the lightless depths
like whispers in a war memorial
sibilant and harsh
like the dust from my pastels
colourful pretty temporary patterns
swept up in a minute and gone
swept up in the minute that lasted and lasted
creative yet cretaceous
i throw words around like nobodys business
and it thus remains
nobodys business
im only early cos theres no where else to go
dont do me the disservice of pity
we are imperfect
yet we strive for a perfection implied by faster masters than us
striving in all directions
meagre resources (read re-sources)
hey it feels good to say all of this
hey i can do anything here
hey i can say that one and one equals i dunno
i can say deface my photograph
i can say that im not sure
that i’m even sure what sure means
like a sure fire thing
or a fire under the sea
the blam blamming waves that destroyed the metal fence
am i the time being or a clever counter fit
get paid in confederate dollars n fools gold
an octo-spider
scuttling through space spinning my yarn
what is this?
no cheer ups required
i loathe them
abracadabra
there
im reset…
next!