my back is cold
the wind comes in off the sea
the birds tweet tweet tweet
whatever theyre saying
everyone asleep
everyone in the world
everyone finds sleep eventually
the heroes and the villains
the leading lady and the best boy
the guys playing the roman soldiers
all having a cigarette in their togas
a disciple speaks furtively into a mobile phone
i am down in the garden set
i sit with my friends talking
i notice iscariot is missing
all things as they must be
we sit under the stars
a small chemical fire burns
we huddle round but it gives off no heat
the woman playing my mother mary forgets a line
and we do it over n over till its right
the romans arrive
banging at the gate
calling out my name
they burst in upon us
iscariot giggles as he points me out
theres your man!
the romans seize me
no peter no!
peter seizes a romans sword from its scabbard
he weilds it so gracefully in the moonlight
and he brings it down on its owners head
glancing off but taking the poor mans ear
i stoop down and pick it up
how strange it seems in my hand
almost transparent
i touch it to the romans head
and it reattaches
(we’ll fix it in post)
the damn ear just reattaches
the startled man tugs on it
i admonish peter
dont you ever listen?
as one soldier binds my hands
another pays iscariot
27 28 29….30….ok?
iscariot snatches the money away
the director : cut!
we try again
could it have been any other way
even now i’m not so sure
i mouth the words about the bitter cup
pilate appears
a good pilate
a handsome pilate
pilates made a loada movies before this
pilate has his own plane
pilate has clean hands
the pharisees with their false beards n hooked noses
youre like a fancy grave with its rotten body …i say to them
the roman soldiers
like cockney sergeant majors from world war two
they flog me without any rancour
nuffin’ personal guv’nor
whispers the centurian
his breath smells vaguely of whisky
i am before pilate again
he begs me to do something anything to save myself
the pharisees entreat him to have me killed
they are the embodiment of wickedness
they point and hiss and boil in their malice
the roman soldiers stand there
theyve seen it all before
in gaul and macedonia n wherever this goddamn empire stretches
the empires got ya by the balls says one soldier
and youll wish that you never appeared says another
pilate decides to let the crowd decide
decide deicide
pilate will be retiring soon
his nice place in tuscany you know
funny both the actor n pilate have little places in tuscany
pilate doesnt want to get it wrong
he seems to like me
he keeps shrugging n rubbing his clean clean hands
they march me up to the market place
the crowd go crazy when they see me
wow all these extras dressed in period
old ladies done up as some judaen granny
arabic looking types in cloaks n capes n strange hats
they bellow for my blood
why i wonder?
who has whipped them up against me so?
pilate looks uncomfortable
you mean youd rather crucify this guy….this guy here…??!
he says pointing to me
he smiles so sadly
as they drag me away
people reach out and slap n punch me as im led past
hey take it easy i say to one over enthusiastic extra
hope you enjoy your easter says a kid trying to kick me
we break for lunch
the crown of thorns is too hard to get off
so they leave it on
i have lost my appetite
too soon it ends
and i’m struggling down the way of agony
dragging my balsa wood cross
which is still heavy
some teenage extra spits in my face
leave it! cautions the director
joseph of arithmetic or wherever appears
his kindly face
his empathetic eyes
he shoulders my burden
he takes up my cross and struggles
while the crowd bray n jeer n hurt us
i see my mother
i see mary the magdalene looking so pretty for the 1st century
with her make up n lipstick and her carefully applied tears
i see the disciples
peter big n oxlike
matthew pale and thin
thomas blustery and barrel chested
james slim and effeminate
john honest and handsome
we reach golgotha
the place of the skulls
all done up like a gothic horror set
the skulls grin and grin
sorry about this sunshine
whispers that cockney roman sergeant
with his whisky breath
and he gives me a wink n a small smile
bang bang bang
i sag down as i feel the nails go through my hands
i grimace trying to bear the terrible pain as they nail my feet
some technical problem
i hang from my cross
while someone has an argument with someone else in a trailer
they come back out
and we continue
the robber n the thief are already “up”
we’ll have lunch in paradise together today i say
the soldiers gamble for my clothes
i hang there
the sky turns black even tho its 3 in the afternoon
i get given vinegar instead of wine
i get a spear in my side
and i slump
everything goes dark n silent
thats a wrap! says someone
and the lights come back on
jesus! someone says
and everyone laughs