posted on August 2, 2008 at 9:43 pm

have been feeling wildly despondent i must confess
despite the most extraordinary subscriptions from lovely reeders
still need to get through august somehow
in september sometime some money will come
its not only all about money however
tho’ uncertainty w/ no dollars is a hard dish to swallow
ive been broke on my own. manytimes..i didnt mind
but broke + fambley is a bad combo
i am seeing how the other half lives i guess
tho i always try to bear in mind
that compared to 95% of ye olde worlde
the kilbee fambley is livin’ it large..
…clean drinking water and a roof etc
yeah september’ll save our neck again i guess
august and everything after…. i keep saying
funny i dislike that band but i like that title
scarlet kilbey is a full on fruity fruit cake
you have to see this one in action to believe it
whingey whiney wally
a real childstar with her beethoven hair
her hair is an aura of golden ringletted tangled curls
look im a grim olde geezer
i aint that interested in little girlies hairdos
but scarlet kilbey with her hair done up like a grreek goddess
and a clean face
she has the authority of some great opera singer
sometimes i put something schmaltzy on the ibox
up she jumps into my arms crooning in my ear her la la la
always perfectly in pitch
sing a line to a song to scarlet
there she goes……
and she picks up exactly in the same key
there she goes again
evie has a lovely husky voice too
she may be singing a emc track one day soon
but scarlet the woofle is la bombastica
god her pale blue eyes are like terry stamps
she stares right into yer soul sometimes
she is argumentative
she cant abide anybody hugging
because she owns everybody
and thus
her evie cant hug her daddy
and her mummy cant hug her aurora etc etc
things have to be just right or….
no thats it! she cant tolerate any mockery or hesitation
take her seriously or she may never work with you again
ooh she’d be a good standover man too
she gets up real close and she menaces
she bullies her mother all over the place
shes vocal and physical
she hurls things about
bloody hell
who was she in her last life i wonder…
the queen of bloody sheba?
tibor my $1000 $falcon wagon needed his brakes done
we were thru to the discs i know it
i had to make the rotten decision of getting em fixed now!
instead of waiting till sept
so i go up to my usual place
which is a big franchised group of mechanical repair boys
they good guys
they always fix it properly
but they just always hit you with too high a bill
in my head i said i cant pay anymore than five hunji
yet when i walked in
the guy had me figured for a seven hunji kinda guy
im sure if a druid walks in a suit n a beemer
the guy would figure him for a nine hunji kinda guy
and i’m sure if some real olde geezer hobbled in
this guy would probably hit him the real price
the conversation was something like this
i want me brakes done
how much?
well ah..
last time it was about 400
it was? looks it up on computer.(disappointed)…oh yeah
well uh….
probably gonna have ta do yer wheel bearings too
yeah you know when they get that brown powdery stuff on em?
oh…oh no…yes i know what you mean..(i hopelessly lie)
like theyre about a hundred bux a piece if you need em…
groan…oh yeah…i’m sure..but…
look i’ll have a look…if you need em i’ll do em, ok?
yeah ok…great…only if i need em
of course!
(i’m thinking of saying that olde thing
you know, show me the old parts when youre done
but i wouldnt know my own olde ball fucking bearings
from any olde bit of iron this geezer would show me)
have ya got ABS asks another overalled bloke there
whats ABS? i venture
the geezer on the computer catches his eye n then mine
we all know i’m gonna be paying $700 now
he rings up in the afternoon
mistah kilbee? its jim from lube king
your car is ready sir
how much?
he reels off a lot of half muttered things i can hardly hear
systemizing the…
complete overhaul of the..forward….socket…cable
bracket…replaced …. gasket….rocker…..oil leek
flushed the …….ashtray…repositioned….repaired..
rust…bucket….dunder mifflin muffler…suspension
inspection….torque..brand new…special bing bangs
servicing the…..whisper…
and then a long sucking sigh as he works it all out
and gives me a generous regulars rebate…say….
seven hundred and ten dollars sir
we all knew i’d be a seven hunji kinda guy
he just chucked the extra ten on so as not to seem impolite
or too presumptuous…
when i get there a nother bloke is manning the cash reg
i ruefully count out my exactly 710 bucks
geezer behind the reg says its 736 mate with blah blah n blah blah
they told me 710 on the phone i hear my smallest voice say
not expecting much
really? he says
he just jumps on the old computer
and changes the price of the bing bongs
from 76 bucks to 50 bucks
ha ha he laughs there you go
he prints out a new one
my invoice now reads 710 instead of 736
and a cynical voice inside me says
yes thats how easy it all is
and no mention of wheel bearings anywhere neither
fuck they just make it all up…!
like anything i guess
like donald trump is charging 27 k to have dinner with him
how did he arrive at that figure?
can you imagine..
charging thousands of bucks to eat din dins with you
why not get em to pay for anything else
a short walk in the park with trump: 55 k
talk to him while youre both having a whizz : 78.5 k
motioning to him while he drives off : 6 k per motion
having him sneer at you across a crowded conference room : 3 k
having him sneeze on you in an elevator : 300 bucks per droplet
watching him eat dinner through the glass while its snowing : 5 k
being evicted by him personally out of yer apt.: 54 k
being thoroughly fired and sexually harassed :43 k
being completely ignored : 24 k
figuring out his hairdo (see: money doesnt get you everything!) 5 k
ha ha ha
i should sell myself out
available for having dinner
starting at .01 k and you buy dinner
i must be dreamin’


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