a rebel without the caws
i feel angry and restless
i feel ineffectual and reduced
i feel i gotta learn my lesson
and i aint learnt my lesson
but i will learn my lesson
ricki went back to sf on sunday
me n evie took him to the aeropuerte
jesus i miss him already
he certainly put some pizazz into things
off to some glamourous gig in new york city
thats the life…..isnt it?
i am just wishin’ n hopin’ we all can play some more gigs
because i enjoyed myself
other things dont make me enjoy myself that much
and life is all about enjoyment, isnt it?
i’m quite popular with the guys twenty years younger than me
i seem to have a few…tho they’re no spring chickens themselves
blokes i see at the pool
they all seem to like me for some strange reason
in truth it is this
age horrifies them
a thirty 5 year olde geezer dont wanna be in his fifties
they see all these fifty odd geezers….no thanks
then you see me
although as old as any of them
my youthful naivety and natural dopiness
means i can always converse with the youngsters
(except my own teenage daughters, natch
who wish i’d grow up and get a real job)
(i would if i only could)
anyway these guys see me
and realise
you can carry on being a fool into your old age
or as long as you like
i intend to keep on doing this
and i dont care if anybody thinks otherwise
only a tiny percentage of people will be interested
(congratulate yourself)
listen to painkiller before you start whinging about my direction
i do what i have to do
you cant get a fucking vision of something beaudiful
and then turn around n turn yer back on it
i wanna have a go at everything
i’m sick of the past
its not in my nature to wanna play olde tricks
and the thought of it enervates me
i cant allude directly to the thing
but its coming up
and the thought of it pisses me off
because i need to strive not fuckin’ jive
but too bad for me, huh?
we all have our many little crosses to bear, dont we
and little bears to cross
and
i am being driven mad by my own genius-idiot mind
i have an unlimited supply of ideas
and a very limited way of actualizing them
get over it kilbey you restless olde fraud
go n fucking play unguarded moment why dontcha
scarlet kilbey gets up
and comes in my room muttering demanding something
i cant hear what shes saying
truth is, shes not saying anything
she doesnt know what she wants
but she wants something
and shes getting ready to cry and wake up everybody
so shes got me over a( ha ha! ) barrel
i run around trying to appease her
me with my musical innovations et al
running about trying to sort out a petulant wally
finally i hit on the idea of lining her toys up
on the edge of a guitar case
she goes for it and plays quietly
nattering to herself as her toys indulge in a bit of biffo
scarlet is quite bloody big now
quite curvaceous too for someone not quite 3
shes a right little ratbag too
just like her father
like ive been revisited on myself
just so i can see what i was like myself
only as a girl
eve n aurora seem positively angelic compared to la scarlet
who is a combination of queen of sheba and liz taylor and
some important olde opera singer all puffed up with herself
scarlet is capricious exacting demanding
and wont be fobbed off with just any old thing
if she asks for raspberry dont give her strawberry
if she wants this dont give her that
dont make fun of the silly way she talks
i want to sit on you wap, daddy
dont pretend to listen but not listen coz she knows
but
as if you wanna read about some precocious kid…right…?
so am i lucky or unlucky today….?
still waiting for some huge windfall
some university somewhere
gonna hire me or something
hell i know everything just ask me
i was splitting infinitives before i was spitting dummies
i was cooking up artistic frisson since way back when
i got credentials i got scars i got real authenticity
so come on
what tertiary establishment does not need someone like me
getting paid a fortune to contemplate my own knavel
and pissing off home early most week days
i’d write a thesis just like this blog
a load of old codswallop for a million word paper
on the millionth word i’d stop
et voila
dr s kilbey ph bloody d esquire
on a big wicket a top screw moolah and lots of it
what do i do all day
i muck about in my all laid on university studio
i make records of pink whales bleeping while
ricki maymis guitar feeds back in the key of b#
they go on n on for ages
while i write stupid poems about narnia and the seventh dimension
and churn out endless self portraits that look like a 3 year old did em
then i’ll turn up in the cafeteria stoned and insult all the pricks eating meat
i’ll stumble into the staff room and spill tiger balm everywhere
naturally i’ll drive a sunbeam alpine and drink retsina
i’ll wear andre breton songlasses and apollinaire sprats
i’ll huff n puff n blow yer horse down
i’ll be sure to land a good job somewhere now
hey i could teach english to foreign geniuses
look
this a noun
this is a verb
this is a brain on drugs
this is a party sipple
this is a …
my attention is interrupted
i hear a kookaburra laughing
i hear the rumble of the garbage trucks
i hear the groan of the busdrivers
i hear the weight of the morning
i hear the mechanisms in my readers minds
i hear the ghosts as i pass by the billabongs
i hear the body electric tho i no longer care to sing it
i hear here
i hear there
i hear my own cilia screaming in my ear drums
i hear you dont remember me no more baby
i hear they all went “straight”
i hear you was only jokin’
thats ok
we all need a laff
i will explode soon
if i cant relieve the pressure
who will soothe me n talk me down
not i said the sparrow
nor i said the wren
neither me said the world
this wills on fire
now
what was i saying…..?