hello i’m reg kilbey

i come round for a kiss n cuddle with yer wife

when youre not there

i didnt think youd mind seeing i was on the tv a bit

thats me in that ad for nestles wild raspberry bar

thats my voice in the jingle for daddy dingles special fruit tingles

thats my hand in the 13th frame

thats my life squashed between those 2 centuries

thats my little brittle memories up on yer screen, dean

you know who i am, lamb

me n my lady bint jump in the motor

we cruise swampy evening uncontrolled

past familiar dips the christmas lights

inside people drinking beer watching sport eating din dins

hey love find summink on the bloody radio for me will ya

she seeks and searches while static n fragments explode on my nicked speakers

cmon a pair of namagotchi speakers for 250 smackers….?

who can resist a deal like that…..i dont care where stuff comes from

sure enough david neil comes on the radio

i mean well of course

the night unfolds

we swing over to some friends place in the inner south

neck some good vino understand

charlie comes out and some bastard racks em up

humid night pal heat up that plate

my bit o fluff helps her self freely

i mean so do i too

eventually charlie disappears and i feel fucken restless

we pile into jonesys white audi panther with the cat scan seats from star-hide

i neck some stiff drink from jonesys hip flask

things rush by out there

the seaside is fucking pumping alright

we roll up under some no stopping never sign

fuck that ! jonesy kicks at sign like a stupid buck

i stagger off towards the black sea lit up in stabs of green n ice blue

i frown at the boys wandering thru the park

i leer at the girls all dressed up n drunk

i’m reg oh yeah some of em recognise me

ooh reg says some dolled up tottie with a liptick brain

yeah i grunt really suavely because i’m quite classy really

ooh reg i loved you with the wild raspberry bar she gushes

then her stupid husband breaks into our meaningful conversation

thats right reg the missus loves that ad …!

i immediately take a disliking to the man

its a shame his wife spent her money n life married to ‘im

when she coulda been with me for 5 minutes tonight

still i autograph her packet of virginia slims menthols

reg kilbey loves ya darlin’ i scrawl in tiny letters over the govt warning

xxx xxx

i walk away from em

i scowl n i growl in the dark

the sea all viscous n black like dirty oil in a crims motor

i dont care for the sea myself

you never catch old reg surfing the fucking billows

whats a fucking billow anyway

look you can take the boy outta london

but you cant take the london outta the boy

sydney australia big deal

i’m sharper than the lot of them

with my fucking sun tan n all

appearing on bloody telly too if you please

anyway seeing i know jonesys not at home

i nip round to say hello to his girlfriend

ooh reg she says going all funny as i stand at the door

ok listen this is where i came in ok

this is where the story begin

we back to the start ezzactly where we was before

reg k in universe 23 (a)

sophisticated as all harry

oh harry……

oh…….reg!