posted on July 6, 2016 at 10:00 pm




its raining tonight its winter its cold

wherever i am i’m always a long way from home

leaving arriving disappearing

trying to find redemption out there in the rain

its all added up to zero

the pointlessness of just about everything

the brutality of addiction

and what it does to people i care about

the crippling useless sonofabitch putting the boot in always

10 years in the wilderness for me

misery on misery all brought on by myself

i can hardly complain i fucked myself up good and there was no one to blame

fucking booze fucking drugs fucking any addiction

my family my friends my colleagues

watch me thrash around uselessly in a dirty little puddle

i coulda just climbed out

something kept me in there my addiction

i was powerless

i could not control it with all the willpower in the world

all the lies i told could never set me free

au fucking contraire they enmeshed and embroiled me deeper and deeper

it all went down the drain

you all already know

youve heard it all before

we all have our turn in this obstacle course of a universe

it seems like there isnt any purpose

but there must be surely some reason…right?

then when by some miraculous unknown power i was let off the hook

i was cured hooray!

i have to stand back and watch other people i care about

get back in the ring taking another swing at their nemesis

the addiction like a shadow living between spirit mind and body

man its got you all figured out yes baby you thats right..!

yeah all of you fools out there ingesting pernicious substances

i tell you heroin is a fucking bitch but i have discovered there are even worse things

crafty little voices whispering to you and boy they have one aim

and that is your total obliteration yeah i’m talking jail institution n death

you think you can hide it?

i thought i could hide it but man i cringe in embarrassment now

i fucked things up over and over and over

i was the worst of the worst

i admit that

by the grace of god and no other reason

if there is another reason someone tell me

because i was let off the hook one day just like that

it was over

i had no dough no property no instruments no nothing

i had 4 beautiful daughters thats all i had to my name

i woke up with a jolt from the idiocy i was involved in

i aint no saint and everyone knows that

but ive been free of that evil spirit now for 17 years

i beat the odds but i didnt do anything to deserve it

something seemed to decide i had had enough misery

listen…being an addict is no goth fairytale

not for me at any rate

it was lie after denial after being sick after being broke after being useless

a total drag to everyone who has to deal with ya

always miserable complaining blaming

coming up with the most pathetic farfetched imbecilic alibis

not having enough money to pay the bills

not having enough money to eat decent food

not having enough money to spend one cent on anything other than your precious

my addiction gave me a bloated sweaty appearance and i ruined my veins

when i have a blood test now its a total palaver trying to find a vein in my arm

they all moved elsewhere where i couldnt get at em

i hit arteries which is a nightmarish thing i cant even bear to think of it

and every other absolutely unbelievably sordid thing you can imagine

there i was in the big cities of the world having a fix in a toilet

hustling and bustling about trying to score and dealing with cutthroats and ratbags

there are no friends in the world of addiction

there are only other wretches going down the plughole with you

some faster some slower

some got some money some are by now broke

some are prostitutes and thieves and swindlers and dealers

some are still dentists and teachers and plumbers and parents

but brothers n sisters we are all going down that drain if we do not find a way to stop

hard liquor hard drugs thats what i’m talking about

its frightening what this stuff can do and how quickly

inside and out an addiction to these things will suck on you

like a flame sucking on wood

they will blow you up and they will leave you frazzled fried and brittle

they feed on your youth your vitality your soul

but you are powerless

i am powerless

i am powerless to stop anyone else as well

stop them going to loneliness and despair and nothingness

nothing will ever come of any of it

anyone reading this who feels themselves sliding into it


anyone who once was an addict and is now free


but curing it..?

ah well that is quite a mystery…

the enemy is indeed cunning

its ruthless too

its got you figured out

it knows your worst and darkest fears

and in the very act of whispering to you

i will protect you from your fears

it is in fact actualising them

bringing them out of the abstract realm

and crashing them into your life







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