posted on August 16, 2006 at 4:43 pm

today everything makes me sad
im staying in a hotel thats said to be haunted
a jilted bride threw herself of the roof
a long time ago
well its sure olde n spooky
some strange feelings in the night
troubled sleep
where are you?
in cincinnati
last night we played i.apolis
a lovely audience
we really tried too
venue a little too bign new n empty
we never really got there
all the way
once you have it all the way
there is no goin back
renees comment from yesterday made me sad
is it just my messiah complex
i feel like i could really make it all better for ya
if only……
i want to make it better
i want to heal it
i want to undo it all
i want it to make sense for us
your lives should be filled with joy
where does this sadness come from
how did these evils get into this world?
who sent them n why?
we see our mumsndads workin for the man
trapped in hopeless mundane mortgage misery
countries fighting over ideas
people blowing emselves up for god
only god knows what bullshit that is
an’ we’re lashed to our rituals n society
n up to our eyeballs in debt
workin n studyin’ n being a waiter
and friends are hard to find
and then familiarity breeds contempt
we get money
we blow money
n we go up to 13
n we slide to 22
n we get older n older
n samosanx kitty kat ,
i miss that man too
and we do providence everynite here in the u.s,.
and i try to let grantley come thru my own voice
and i sing his words like he would have liked it
and i feel the place where he was when they filled up his mind
and it makes for a good concert
but it makes me sad too
cos grant was always a little sad
wearing his heart on his sleeve n jokin’ around
and today
i go down to get quarters
so i can wash my motley collexion of t shirts n shorts
i call my wardrobe
n i meet up with this big black bald guy
who works here
and immediately we both feel it
we have known each other forever
doesnt matter that hes the fuckin handyman or bell man
here in cincinnati
yeah i bet hes hadda tuff life too
but hes so cheerful
and we chat about life
and he doesnt care that im some olde stoned hippy
with scruffy hair n white beard
how are things goin’ for ya now he asks
implying that we are picking up some previous conversation
tho we have never met before
and thru his natural senses
he could feel i had things on my mind
and we talked
and later he bumps into me in the lift
how long yall stayin in cincinnati he asks
as if hes about to invite me over his pad
ah we’re leavin tomorrow i croak outta mah sore throat
we both feel glum for the rest of the ride
see ya we both say as i get out
i feel everything too much
sometimes my nervous system cant stand it
every piece of broken glass
every weed n paper bag
is trying to tell its story to me
the clouds in the sky
the trees
every face i see
every person i meet
the audiences
the girls who make the subway veggie sandwiches
the cats behind the garbo bins
the sad tollway staff
the dealers n the buyers
the people who bring gifts
the coat hangers on
the long hotel corridors
wallpaper patterns
everything has significance for me
i have been overloaded with associations
since the moment i could think
they thought i was a fucking freak
but its just that my veneer wasnt thick enuff
and it doesnt keep the outside out that well
everything is crying if you can just hear it
n sometimes i can
all ya got to fight it is yoga n swimmin n music
or ya gonna get them blues
n samo-kitty
n {{=}}
n all you others
out there
we gotta put some joy into this world
or else its unbearable
and to the person who said in a comment that you
lost yer child
i guess that puts it all in perspective for me
but i do feel it for ya
im feelin it rite now
n my glasses are misting up a little
tho i dont know ya
i would like to extend my deepest sympathy
and i wanna bring that child back
and i wanna bring grantley back
n my dad n jeff buckley
and fucking sort the middleeast out
put auroras tooth back in her head
remove the twillies nasty thing
get rid of my mums arthritis
and make everything right
the way we feel it should be
but it never fucking is
and i guess my messiah complex has really run amuck
and ya think
imagine this cat jesus
if he really existed
or the buddha
to be able to make it alright again
so everyone was happy
and no one was excluded
and everyone was fulfilled n content
and there was someone for everyone
i believe..
something inside tells me
we are right to long for this place
where everything is as it should be
and this is a mean olde sad world

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