time, gentlemen…

what is this stuff
what is this thing called time
where did all that time go
why it was only yesterday that……

another morning dawns
brings me closer to the things i want
and
the things i dread
the white days
and the black nights
gnawing away at my time
the fates measuring out my thread
the slender thread that holds me here
the silver cord holding my body to my soul
my soul sits in the seat of the soul
somewhere in my head
in some gland
some tiny gland in my brain
where it interfaces with the mind n body
in its drivers seat
where it runs the show
but my mind forgets so easily
it hates to think its just
hardware and software
being used by an immortal spirit
it thinks it is a law unto itself
it thinks therefore it is (it thinks)
the mind always turbulent
trying to prove this n that
measuring, planning, directing
all in time
my soul sits outside of time
whilst temporarily in time
the mind deafens itself with its carryon
you cant ask the mind to switch itself off
you cant ask the mind for a little peace n quiet
ever since we were born
people saying
youre this
youre that
youre like her
youre not like him
youre steven kilbey
you can do this
you cant do that
time all mixed up in everything
confusing the issue
how do you stop time
how to be in this very moment
now
ah…
its already gone, fiendss
its already gone
opium slows down that time for ya
but you gonna have to pay some other time
and if you keep putting off that payment
the interest is gonna cripple ya
someone said the drugs dont work
i disagree
but one problem
if you use opium to run away from time
everything you were running from
is gonna come back to getcha a hundred, a thousandfold
all those lovely dopedreams
paid for in torturing insomnia
all that lovely detachment
paid for in the worst horrors you can contain
alcohol…..
well alcohol dont do it for me
it does for some..
gets em out of time
but its the same deal
its gonna get you eventually
the merry sloshed uninhibited party animal
becomes
the hungover headpounding embarrassed wreck
“where am i?….what did i do?”
chemicals n booze
aggravating the hurt
for a little bit of tiny relief
a days freedom for a week in jail
a kiss for a thrashing
a flower for a forest of thorns
we all involved in these bargains
you marry someone
you happy for 40 years
but one day theyre gone
bang!
jus’ like that
gone into a place where theres no time
a timeless space
a spaceless place
i dont know
a pause
a hiatus
somewhere you can just be
the people left behind wail
and gnash their teeth
mourn n carry on
where did all our time go
not yet
too soon, too soon
give us more time
another day
another hour
anything
its used up
come in mr kilbey
your time is up…
time with its weedy fingers in the cracks
pulling everything put together apart
all things must pass
cities, empires, human beings
ars longa, vita brevis
nothing here is permanent
we thrash around
we want some permanence
we want some guarantee
everything receding into emptiness
pain, bewilderment…
is this our lot
is there any point to it
is it all just written in the sand?
how the hell would i know fiendss
im just an olde rocker stumbling around
in the beginning of the 21st century
losing people
crying out against the senselessness of it all
writing a blog for those who wanna read
for the believers
for the disbelievers
hello mr garrat
mr john garrett
or jean garrotte
my oh my
you aint gonna be fooled
you rascally olde nihilist
i like you john
actually
i see a lot of myself in ya
i dont wanna be fooled by a load of new age toffee
and spiritual baloney
i aint gonna be taken in by gods n goddesses
and all the rest of that crystalhealing dolphins and
rebirthing pilates soy latte cosmic bullshit
yes john
youve seen thru the whole she bang
thats a comfort too..
“well at least i wasnt taken in….”
yet …
then what..
ok everything got here by accident
the clouds is the clouds
the trees is the trees
there aint no spirits
there aint no god
i aint gonna be fooled
im gonna shut it all out
some people see a sunset
and see god
other people see a sunset
and see a ball of burning gases
we orbit around for some random reason
ok
some people see both
some neither
they dont care
life is too bad
or too good
or too fucking full on
to look at sunsets
i can dig all of it
ive held every position
i been a hard bitten cynic
i been a wide eyed believer
i been a hedonistic hotshot
who didnt give too damns about any of it

so whats the moral
sum it all up for us, kilbey
make yer point
give us the punchline
you bass playing philosophical olde ranter
and dear fiendss
let me say
i struggle with doubt n despondency
what the hell …
look at all the stupid things ive done…
listen to all the stupid things ive done…
in the end tho
in the final analysis here
im gonna opt for god
i cant look at my daughter scarlet
and believe there is not some incredible mind out there
planning
designing
caring
loving
i cant see a flaming red sunset
or a white moon appearing like a hole in the sky
i cant swim in the ocean
or walk thru a forest
without thinking
this didnae come here of its own accord
no more than ultc made itself
no more than starry night painted itself
no more than this computer i type away at
invented itself
fiendss there is more complexity
in a tiny bug
than all the computers in the world
there is more beauty in a single sunset
than all the art galleries in the world
we are creatures
what does that mean?
it implies we were created
by whom and why?
we cant know that yet
its a mystery
but im sorry
it doesnt look like it all just arrived here on its own
all these systems related, inter related
the systems in yer body
the solar system
the bee and the flower
the peaks and the troughs
the mountains and the sky
think hard and long
meditate on these things
stop to look around you
listen to your heart…wow what a cliche
aint that a song by heart?
ok get over that
listen to your heart
my heart is saying this
there is a god
he loves us more than anything
he cant explain everything right here and now
cos thats yer mission (captain)
to unravel it
to work it out for yerself
to observe and calculate
i read somewhere that the odds of life starting
on this planet and all this coming into being
are the same odds that a hurricane blowing thru
a junkyard
will assemble a boeing 707
you wanna go with those odds, john
im sure you gotta smart arse one liner for that too
its ok
we need skepticks
we dont wanna get fooled again
but dont close down your heart
to the possiblity
that there is reason
there is love
all will be revealed one day
when ya get to the last page in the book
they gonna give ya all the answers…
maybe, john
just maybe
i love you anyway
(i guess)
all of ya
its wednesday
do something nice for yerselves
its a brand new day
ah…..life!
sk