posted on April 21, 2006 at 9:46 pm

im sitting here drinking carmel pure grape juice
made in israel
oh whatta smooth drop
yer humble hero been drinkin grape juice
whenever he could find it for 30 odd years now
lloyds in australia do a wonderful grape juice
all the flavours all the grapes
sultana greenache muscatelle etc
you can feel the grape juice hit yer system
you can feel the body gobble it up
the immune system : i’ll have a bitta that
itll help against the streptococci in sector 5
the stomach : ah a lovely lining
the tongue : such delicious sweetness
the throat : oooh soothing
the larynx : divine lubrication
the skin :oh nice, i can repair that little rough bit
the etc : blah blah blah
whatta waste they turn it into wine
all that lovely grape juice…..

some hilarious reviews of ultc
a bloke to wife as he holds cd unopened:
this is me at my happiest
then halfway thru:
lets go for a walk

that i feel shows the true nature of disappointment
so much more eloquently than a thousand nme reviewers
furtively scribbling armed with their thesaurii
lets go for a walk…
from now on that will be my phrase
when something is a little dodgy or bodgy
or wanky skanky loada hanky panky
i heard sebastian rockstarrs new album
how was it?
lets go for a walk
saw the new harrer potty movie

folks, as a diss its a winner
so the dude so happy
(at his happiest, no less)
he struggles to get the cellophane of the cd
(he is now approaching the peak of his joy)
he sticks ultc in player
(all down hill from here)
“i wassa downa inna city onna mirahkell streat”
(regret sets in)
the openin riff of unifried feeled blasts
(sadness a feeling of being tricked)
“i needa space kneadle baybee”
(disappointment hardens on his dreams)
“jussa lika the trype that they sell ya”
(exactly he thinks to himself)
“eeeezzzzy bay beee blah blah blah blah blah”
(lets go for a walk)
but harold thats by the hcruhc
theyre ya favorit band in da whirld
i said lets go for a walk doris
but harold you waited a year to get that cd
and it sounds just like all the others so why..?
doris i said lets go for a fucking walk!
but harold…

we need more badde reviews like this
less of the he cant sing and the lyrics dont make sense
more visceral physical stuff
when i heard the opening note of this record
so sickened by it was i
that i tore it from the player
and ground it to silver dust
against my kitchen floor
i have , however
loved all their previous work.
the music on this record
causes birth defects in lab rats

oh by the way
we gotta good review in the english sun
4 stars
saying we’re too goode for the h. polloi
oh our curse
of being too goode
too fast for you baybee
its a high n lonely destiny
being the worlds forgotten (olde) boy
being the best
but most uncredited
i mean we get reviews like
yeah the church are great heres another great
good band, work hard, f

well if ya thought the hcruhc were obleek
mimesis is finally finished
a double album of atmospheres
dark beautiful music
words from dreams
ebbing flowing receding washing
coming on again
stronger stranger
music so full of sound
hidden things
things fizzing and squirming
falling and shivering
distant contraltos wailing
pianos crashing thru icy surfaces
double bass deep in the earth
the stories like life
that dont lead anywhere
you think
all things in a circle
all opposites reconciled and drowned
in each other
black n white become pains grey
(thats a painting pun)
anyway mimesis art imitating life
its fucking brilliant
and if any smarmy little bastard
gives it a slightly badde review
i’ll be donning my bricklayer gear
and coming round yer house
and bricking yer fucking door up!
doris: oh ya got that mimesis cd at borders harold
harold:yes im most happy before i put it on
doris:oh do lets hear it dear
mimesis comes on
(a gorgeous distant drone w/lovely tinkly sounds
sk begins to intone “a long and deserved holiday..”
harold:lets go for a walk
doris:but steve kilbeys bricked up our fuckin’doors!
anyway fiendss
its saturday morning here
im gonna go out n have me some ye olde funne
visit the markets
score some tat
do my block
blow a bundle
bit by bit
thanks for your attendance

35 Responses to “selected grapes from the holy land”

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