my mind is so stuffed full of things to say

but i dunno

what do you want to hear?

what do you need to hear?

what should i and what should i not tell you?

how private is privacy…?

how pirate is piracy…?

how normal is normalcy …? (i wouldnt know)

my mind so full of so many things

so many good things

more good things than i deserve….?

even that is tricky and interpretable

a guy asked me the other day

whether i thought i deserved my “success and longevity”

deserved is an ambiguous word here

well one could argue both ways…couldnt one…..?

i didnt deserve it because i’m an idiot

and i did deserve it because i’m a savant (or something)

suddenly i’m not sure about anything

strangely enough its not such a bad place to be

strangely i met a guy at the icebergs

dr gary yeah and he says are you a performer i heard you are

i says yeah

he says yeah you should come n see me n i’ll sort you out

i say yeah sure

i mean i am a sceptical cynical bastard

ive seen it all ive heard it all

dr gary says look i’ll give you a free 30 mins see what you think

ok yeah sure i say

dr gary sends me some e-brochures on his thing

of course i dont really read it properly

i never make an appointment i just forget about it

but lo n behold dr gary rings me up one day n says come in

come in for yer 30 mins free then you decide

ok i guess thats fair enough even to miserable pessi-mystics like moi

so i go along to see him one sat’day arvo here in the instant suburbs

i dont even know what part of my “performance” is gonna be improved

but fuck i could use some help right across the board

i mean it couldnt hurt ,could it?

so to cut a long starry shorts

and to let you in on what dr g does..

he stretches you open

more open than you probably ever been

like a kind of elizabethan rack thingy

and as hes opening your body

hes kind of whispering chanting affirmations

and verily it seems when you are truly open

when your framework is stretched to its maximum

then your unconscious or subconscious or something

receives and accepts incoming info

before dr g gave me my treatment he said perform something for me

so in his office i performed the 1st verse of the disillusionist

with all my moves and gestures

we start my free half hour

of course after 30 mins i say go on do the 90 mins

after its all over

he says do that song again for me

i do

and lo and behold

its so much better looser freer cooler opener deeper

wow dr g thats really neat….you have somehow helped my performing…

but wait….

theres more

dr g was telling me some other stuff as he stretched me

you know like “dont carry the weight of others burdens ”

stuff like that

yeah that sounds kinda obvious

but when hes got you stretched right out on one side

beyond anything i have experienced in say , yoga or osteopathy

in an almost  distressing kinda pain

then your heart listens to the words being sung n said to ya

and the words dr gary asks you to sometimes repeat after him

and it is kinda actualized

i dunno how but it is

and i walked outta there suddenly detached from a lot of malarkey

some people have been laying some stupid trips on me

suddenly thanks to dr garys treatment it didnt seem to matter

i’m just not worrying so much about all that bullshit anymore

he has released it from my breast somehow

i am detached from all the guilt trips and the power trips

i am in some subtle but deep way changed

and thus some serious conflicts now loom in my life to be resolved

and i must not jump in boots n all

but i am not gonna be put upon by the put upon-ers

and somethings gonna give

but it must happen whatever it is

because some people were clouding my better judgement

with anger and scorn and impatience and guilt

most of all guilt

and most of that guilt was not mine nor ever was

a veil has been lifted and i’m seeing things more clearheadedly

no longer tyrant or serf

i am setting myself free

things will change

i am entirely self sufficient

i need nothing from no-one artistically or morally

i am just a bloke neither good nor bad

so

i question all my loyalties

i see many have been misplaced

i question all my trust

i see what i knew all along

some is terribly misplaced

yet i am not disillusioned or even determined

not angry or anything

i am detached from the incredible mumbo jumbo

from the doggerel and the dogma….

f’rinstance…

i read an article in the paper the other day

some right wing conservative rag with some ignorant woman raving

a real redneck ignorant discourse on the uselessness of vegetarianism

a real 1950s commonsense and picket fence baloney christian dribble

normally i would have fumed …you know me…but

i just shrugged: good…eat meat then you stupid bint and pay the price!

yeah you can justify anything with a bit of conservative common sense

anyhow i digress

i am changed i am changing i will change

my performances since the treatments began have definitely been more fiery

and the entanglement of other forces in my life i have slipped off

i am ready to call every mothers bluff

enough is enough n i had enough

i aint getting even

i’m just gonna slip off

no one has any power over me any more

it wont work now…. look i am free….

i can paint on my own

i can write on my own

i can make records on my own

and believe me the next record i make on my own

well it will be all killer and no (hardly any)  philler

i aint the greatest guitarist or keyboardist playing live

but gimme a studio and i can work wonders

and gee i was recording myself and mixing myself

while some of my peers were still in the garage

figuring out how to play E

i got it covered

this is my specialty constructing songs

i can recreate a hundred different styles

yeah i got an encyclopaedic knowledge of musical tricks

i understand rock music and its mechanisms

this is my forte

i know the throb of bass

the patina and colour of guitar

the possibility of the keyboards

the gravitas of the piano

the prickle and crash of the percussion

what my voice can and cant do

i know how to add and subtract and layer and give sheen

i know my music and  i know how it should sound

maybe better than anyone

i know what i want and its unique

and its good too

rich and strange music that i make

it will evoke past and future

it will soothe and inflame

it will convey my reveries directly to your heart

if you want them of course…

i am quite pleased with the reaction to SKP

i am determined to eliminate as many middlemen as i can

none of them ever care the way i do

my ten year battle with heroin laid me low

i lost everything i had….. everything

and i was humbled

strangely i do not regret it

maybe because i never deserved it all to start with

someone once said i was just an idiot in a room with a tape recorder

to describe my early success on the charts in australia

oh boy yes it was so true

i was an idiot in a room with a tape recorder

not a true musician but a geeza fiddling about

seeming like he knew something and fluking a few songs

but i was a savant in a room with a tape recorder as well

never focus on one without thinking of the other please

they are equal in me

a real fucking idiot but a real fucking savant

i perceive the deep stuff

i see the implications i see the possibilities

i hear complex eternity in the simplest second

i have words pouring into my head pictures melodies

a direct feed from the collective human thingy

i can hold forth on almost any subject you like nonstop for 45 mins

try me… hire me for your next do

i just start up and i go and it all just happens

so i am at last feeling satisfied with myself

i have had a few defeats but i will prevail

it is my nature to do so

i will endure it and i will endure

all the anger and guilt in the world just rolls off my back

i know who is loyal

i know who is disloyal

i am at the service of my few true friends

all the rest i will avoid

i am determined to go out experimenting with what i can do

i did the opera house with an orchestra sold out  it was huge

in a few weeks im doing an italian restaurant to a tiny audience

can i bring as much integrity to it as i did to the o.h…..?

i am composing some music for a wonderful new australian film

i am appearing in melbourne as part of the writers festival

i have pieces i have written coming out soon in various forms

i am back in melbourne in march for “van park” the musical from last year

i am working on so many things

i have so much to do

ps 3rd good thing about dr garys treatment

it actually sorted out some muscular argy bargy happ’nin’ round my neck

so thats performance and attitude and bad back sorted out

not bad i’d say

my scepticism gone i am a believer in whatever hes doing to me

i wish i could afford to send some other people there

ironically the ones who need it the most would never probably go

a metaphor for life perhaps….

i forgot to mention this the other day

the garageband tracks i did last year will be being made available on SKP v. soon

they will be yours to have about and to hold in

life is strange my friends oh yes in spades

believe it

i recommit to my benefactors and believers

KLK, holly, kip, sam, martin k, jeffrey c, david r, sue c, john t……..

and my subscribers and readers

this next lot of stuff i dedicate to the dedicated as always and always it will be

maybe i aint a real renaissance man but i can do a good impression

i am the time being

and you will love what i come up with next

i absolutely guarantee it!

(or i’ll come round yer fucking house

and cook ya a nut cutlet….!)