posted on April 22, 2006 at 9:09 pm

sometimes when im doing yoga
or sometimes when i smell a perfume
go by in the crowd
sometimes when i hear a song
or onstage
or driving a car
i am whisked off
into the past
when i was not me
i wassa buncha other characters
but i experience it all again
as this wiser older sadder me
teenage years hot canberran summer nights
riding in my car with fernando
he played “rhythm” guitar
(but probably couldnt spell it)
he went to the catholic school
we smoked galaxy cigarettes
they were sawn off but they were the cheapest
fernando n others would go into
canberras only music shop
fernando would distract the owner
who was a real grumpy olde codger
unaware of the magical electric guitars
he had hanging up in his shoppe
and while he was asking mr t
some real stupid question
we would bury our heads
pen n paper in hand
to pilfer the chords out of his meagre catalog
of music books
fernando (excitedly)my brother got the chords
for rock round the clock!!!
me(disappointedly) oh wow….
but what about the rolling stones…?
fernando:no the olde manne caught em at it…
chased em all out of his shop..ha ha ha!
we’d all plug into my one amp
god no wonder my ears are so ruined..
ive been listening to other dudes
blast me since way back when
different guys would show up
on different weekends
one day a guy turned up with a lectric 12 string
a burns i believe
i swapped him for my bass for a few weeks
but in those days without a tuner
it was so hard to get it in tune
and it had a whammy bar(!?)
some times we jammed down in watson or dickson
at this guy mark tolleys who had a drumkit
he was a great lookin drummer blond prince val cut
flannel shirt levis n thongs
he predated curt kaboom by about 20 years
he also had an older sister who went out
with the bass player in one of canbras biggest bands
so this was all quite exciting and authentic stuff
to me
tho im sure our music was woeful
(3 17 year olds bashin thru rock round the fucking clock
for a whole sunday arvo is not my idea of fun
and i was a part of the racket)
someone stuck their head in the door and says
whos winning?
sometimes thered be 3 or 4 guitarists
n me
all in my one amp
all playing the same dreary thing
over n over
how i longed for some like minded compadres
who hated 12 bar blues and foghat and savoy brown
and wanted to do something a bit different
but these guys looked at music
the way they looked at footy
it was for men
by men
and should be mennish at all times
sensitvity or originality were frowned upon
back in those garage days
after a while i answered an ad in the paper
to join a 50-50 band
that played gigs and got paid(!!)
boy what a unimaginative bunch of ordinary turkeys
they hired me but i dont know why
they decreed that we should all wore these lilac
safari suits with crimson velvet bow ties
i was already writing songs but you think
these wallies coulda appreciated me back there n then
did they realise they hadda 18 year olde bouy genius?
like fuck they did
i was a thorn in their side
these guys were only like 21 22 themselves
but they seemed like grand dads to me
mind you
we made loadsa money for those days
yep i was sometimes making 150 bucks a week
believe me that was a lot in 1972
i hadda a car some equipment the lot
i remember one night asking the diminutive scottish
drummer called dave why he was so angry
you….you make me so fuckin angrrry
he hissed back over his drum kit
the singer was called ron
and he hadda nice voice actually
my mum n dad didnt mind when this group
borrowed the garage on satday arvo
ooh steven hes got such a nice voice son
joycie would say
he can arf bloody sing said my dad
but these guys hated me
why? you ask, good reader
not fully realising the nuisance
the 19 year olde sk could be
to “grown ups”
but boy
before they kicked my mischeivous ass
outta their tinpot groop
we played a lotta gigs
gigs in tiny little towns like gunning
captains flat (a ghost town, fiendss)
narooma on the coast
we played at weddings
christmas parties
wests footy club on sunday nite
where our piece de resistance
was ghost riders in the sky
yippee yi aaaeeee
yippee yi ooo ooo
the crazed rugby players and their sloshed mates
galloping round the room
whooping and braying
you can imagine how i was enjoying that, fiendss
sometimes wed back female impersonaters
hotly debating if theyd had the snip or not
sometimes ron the hilarious jack the lad that he was
would slip in “rude” lyrics
like in black magic woman instead of
might pick up your magic stick
hed sing
might pick up my greasy prick
that kinda thing
still it hurt when i sensed they were plotting
against me
and i finally i was axed in the carpark
one freezing fucking night
while i loaded up my amp
we been rehearsing with another bass player
ron told me
trying to put it in more euphemistic terms
why? i asked puzzled, not understanding
he just kept looking at me and smiling
gradually the horrible truth sank in
id blown it
id pissed these idiots off enuff
and now i was out
no more mauve safari suit
no more gigs 5 nights a week
no more 50 bucks a gig
the fat lady had sung for me
it was the twilight of my 50-50 career
(50 percent oldies, 50 current)
i was washed up on the canberra caberet circuit
i retired back to the garage
to plot my revenge
my olde band got bigger n bigger on the circuit tho
everytime i heard their name blasted from a
community announcement
saga playing tonite at the polish club
i would think dark thoughts
my resolve would be supercharged
i will form a band
that will obliterate all those
who doubted my true genius
i will eclipse all of their careers
i will form the cchhru
and baybee
we will ROCK!!!
sunday 20something of april o6
bondi beach, nsw

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