posted on April 23, 2008 at 9:36 pm

renaissance man scoops every award!
(warning: this a fantasy, it may contain jokes!)
uh huh
thats right!
steve kilbeys amazing new talk show “renaissance man”
has won every major award in aust television
by harvey farbnuckle ent. reporter sydney morning heresy

steve kilbey was a happy man last night
as he walked away with five gold loogies
his fabulous new abc tv show renaissance man
winning every (in)conceivable prize at the 08 awards night
kilbey resplendent in a flannelette shirt and kmart trackpants
was cheered by his piers
as he peered out and peeked (and peaked ) (maybe piqued)
holding aloft his pangolin statuette
he pledged more bohemian antics for the next seasons blockbluster
tv mogul and tycoon sir roger swindlin’-hogg said:
kilbey is a breath of fresh air in an industry full of plastic lookalike fools
im tired of teethy game-hosts, over earnest female journos
and the boring non-entities like rover or over-the-hills
kilbey is the real thing
writes his own jokes
is as conversant on sumerian sexual customs or incan paper
as he is on pub rock or the footy
he sings he dances he can talk talk talk
hes debonair and everyman at once
a real wit
a real scholar
a real zany crazy baudelaire quoting juggernaut of a tv host…”
amazing special guests: dante, quetzalcoatl, dylan, sam sejavka
the wiggles(who performed excerpts from madame butterfly)
george w bush (who did a duet with kilbey on travel by thought)
tom cruise who told of his great love for remindlessness
and was joined by brad pitt n george clue-knee for an
emotional version of my birthday the moon festival
(with cruise on electric sitar, pitt on vocoder)
ed kuepper was a surprise guest too
chuckling his way through a medley of saints songs
and then joining kyle hand-shandyland
for an emotional tearfilled under the milky way (tonight)
during which both men declared their unswerving belief in kilbey
bring on those sixteenths sobbed the ecstatic brizzie ex-punk
while wollongongs own chubby ordinary yobbo made good kyle said
“kilbey must be convulsive…or not at all!”
the abcs ceo lord edward st. bill was delighted
calling kilbey “a tv phenonomen” and “a diamond geezer”
and promising more funds to be diverted to kilbeys vision
“quite frankly who gives a fuck about sport and news shows
when you got something as scintillating as “renaissance man” “
said the chief
“who cares who won the boring old rugby n election anyway?”
kilbey was celebrating at the g.e.microwave arena
“with a few thousand close friends”
and is reported to be ebullient about his win
“i can hock each of these babies for 500 bucks each” he said
holding a statuette up
as he pigged out on vegan cuisine and sloshed down berry v with jaeger
all 14 of his daughters were there
except petunia
who is studying african bagpipes at yale
kilbey had the final word
“yeah…but my feet and my nose are still FUCKING FREEZING!”

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