posted on July 6, 2008 at 3:09 am

lost for words
the day comes finds me thinskinned
vulnerable and feeling queazy
got no more appetite
got no idea

i frighten myself
read the paper
wish i was as sure of myself as the writers
proclaiming this and that
the right prods the left
the left prods the right
music: daniel johns is a genius! yeah…sure he is
just like kylie minotaur obe (for services to music…
future generations will benefit from her huge advances)
(i mean…what a fucking joke!)
politics : sleazy and tedious simultaneously
religion :the popes coming…doesnt he smoke dope…?
the world : getting warmer…getting warmer..getting hot
piers akerman the human toad blathers on
piggy kyle handshandilands is getting married …
gee sweetheart make sure you get a prenuptial on that
obama sin laden
harry pottermus
whizz the human tiddlywink
is this a fictional world or what…?
prince charles……what an ugly bastard
i’d make a much better king than him
imagine me with a nice big crown handing out
my 20 cent tin medals to uh..danni min-ogre
or uh…brian mc fudgeon ..or ah…the veronicas
imagine me digging my spurs into some horses side
as i club the last remaining fox in england to death
with my polo stick
imagine me in balmoral sitting on my throne wasted and crazy
pumping out prose poems like a royal rimbaud
and hey lemme tell ya that nk would be a much saucier queen
than olde park ‘er-bowels…even tho shes american
hey i can talk in that silly accent chas talks in too
but i bet he cant talk australian like me …
imagine me …i’d have someone beheaded
i’d invite say robbie willy-ams over
hey robbie…its ah king kilbey here..
ah im dishing out some fiefdoms…yeah…want one?
then when the little rascal gets to the castle
you get the beefeaters
(whom i now name the tempeh-eaters)
or the coldsplay guards to nab him
sorry robbie …this is actually an execution, olde bean…
and give ‘im the axe
imagine me the king of england opening bridge games
and invading india again
i’d change the flag to an aum sign on a weed leaf
i’d set the corgis free and have dingos as the palace pets
i’d give the drivers the night off
and hoon around london dropping wheelies
pumping painkiller in the rollers great sound system
and crashing into traffic lights
imagine me in my kilt…oh my legs are a hundred times sexier
imagine me with my sceptre ….i’m gonna get fender to build me one
imagine me with my vassals and tassels
with my medals for wars i never been in
with my big gay epaulettes like a general in the olde days
rear admiral of the fleet fleet
vice captain of the regal scam
lord of the sinkholes
chairman of the board to appoint a chairman
custodian of cowardly custard
arch duke of n.bondi
prince of blends
king of diamond geezers
imagine me in the house o’ lords
with my krishna tshirt and my kmart shorts and my blunnies
man i’d shake those boring old bastards up
are you kidding me…?
imagine me in westminster abbey road
rehearsing with the c
and the boys clowning around in some old armour
imagine me at christmas time appearing on yer screen
king killers krissy message
instead of face-ache charlie
you got my lovely visage
I dont have big ears or a big nose or a big bald patch
I got gold earrings and a lovely white beard
like a king from days of olde
people wouldnt wanna get rid of the monarchy-malarkey
if they had kings like me
you know handsome olde and stately
a yoga doing dope smoking king
a king of love and sexy nights with the queen listening to the bjm
a king who tripped and rocked
a king who looked like a king but lasted all knight
a king who could write poetry and paint pictures
a king as high and mighty as you like
or as common or garden as you wanted
king of australia and canada too…hmmm
i’d be on canadian money dressed in a paisley shirt
a dope leaf instead of a maple leaf i reckon
king of toronto and lord of ottawa…gee
i reckon if i was king of ingland america would come back
back into the fold
they only bailed because of mad king george
if i had been king we’d all still be joined up
imagine that you english lot
we’d still have bloody america
elvis woulda been a pom and spoke like shaun ryder
bruce springsteen would have written his songs about cardiff
muddy waters mighta been a white guy
whose real name was roger snodgrass who was an accountant
abe lincoln could have joined the smiths
ben franklin would have invented electricity in middlesex
(fucking middlesex…i ask you!!??)
its not to late
i still think
if i was made king
even at this late stage of the game
(overnight monarch…i can see it now)
i could still entice america back
at least most of the east coast
it might be harder getting hawaii
i’d just deal with em like the olde days then..
alaska….nah…you can keep that
and all the really cold bits of canada
and im putting an end to the parlay voo fronsay over in quebec
(which i’m renaming stevenland)
i’m putting coach murdock in charge up there
he can be my chamberlain
and he can biff any fruity courtiers
or any bishops with revolutions up their habits
im gonna put davem in charge of religion
the church of england
will now be the church of the church
archbishop st mullard arise humphreys will now kiss your mitre 10 times
in australia i’d get some women in charge
mainly to piss off all the chauvo-pigs in the biz
yeah maybe bring holly down
kick some sydney butt ohio-style
paul lightfoot will be gee gee of nz
with matty d minister for honey
i’d get polinski as prince of victoria
and make sure he executed at least 50 peasants a day
imposed unreasonable taxes
and took the virginity of all the fairest maidens
we need some old style kingmanship these days
no wonder the serfs up
no wonder the country folk are revolting
i could be king
the king and i
crown me quick i’m the regent being
king time
the royal mange and princely panther
the bass playing emperor over the seas
the jack of all trades
the knight of the oriental order of the dawn
the duke of hazard (lite)
the count yermoney
the marquis de muggles
the big bad royal daddy
someone get wise
put me on the fucking throne for godssakes
england finally needs me…as king
king steven the just (as good)
king steven the wise (guy)
king steven the hippy
oh ao ao ia iacocca
spread joyous tidings
a good king has come
hurrah hurrah
space rock for the poor
let water be free tonight
breathe all the air you like courtesy of the new lovely king
oh see him on the stamps
or back his falcon up some ramps to the amps
he can sing he can rule he aint no fool
go my people
spread the word
kilbey for king
kilbey for king
kilbey forking hell

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