*and then spat it back out….

bondi nsw australia 21 11 06

a hideous black n white monster
with green headings
today gorged itself on the beachside suburb of bondi
police n firemen say they were powerless
against the beasts adjectival phrases n hipster spellings
the blogge was believed to aided n abetted by a number
of commenters as it continued its rampage thru the streets
men in suits n middleclass old bits of mutton dressed up as lamb
were particularly at risk
the blogge seemingly deliberately targetting a bank manager
getting out of his bmw 4 wheel drive
who was sucked in, briefcase, financial times n all
and then regurgitated wearing a paisley kaftan
clutching a brian eno record and a copy of journey to the east
the former bank manager said
its great….could you burn me a copy of popul vuh?
only moments later
a hoity toity anorexic but with flabby bits rich wifey
was trowelling on her pancake and applying her cover-up
in her ensuite bathroom with rare narwhal fittings
when without knocking
the blogge burst in, swallowing her immediately
she was later seen at a hare krishna restaurant
serving the poor and proclaiming
the time being is my main man…
a teenage girl in a merc her (sugar) daddy had given her
sitting at the lights listening to craig obey versus the church
listening to the god awful doof doof doof and thinkin’
gee this is good
was suddenly sucked from her car by the blogge
and thrown up clutching a flexi single of unsubstantiated
and a dog eared copies of the female eunuch n das kapital
however
police here report
the strangest thing being
was a fifty 2 year old man in his blue grey falcon wagon
described as scruffy bohemian bricklayer type
holding acetates of hawkwind demos n manuscript
for shakespeares missing play
was vomited forth
as snappy cappytalist
auctioning off artworks for huge sums
trying to persuade folks to pay for his ramblings
and trying altogether to recast himself
as some kinda sagacious avuncular niceguy
(btw, the timebeing had ‘is hare cut last nite!!)
peddling his own brand of a cobbled together
hodge podge
of hedonistic hippy dribble
half digested chunks of eastern philosophy
and semi-automatic tripe
which he produced in a cannabis fog
as easily as most people yawn
and lo
he fucking prevailed
and the good sound of space rock was heard!
police describe the man they are looking for
as 5 feet eleven inches of cork-asian appearance
he had brown fine hair and a white beard
he also had buns o steel
he spoke with an anglo-austro accent
and prone to using words like vermillion
or
anathema
he had freckles
he wore rayban sunnies n blunnies
he wore black shorts and had tanned muscular calves
he wore a popul vuh for pope tshirt
and a hat which said vote vishnu
with him were his quintuplets
born from different mothers
their names were
calliope, frigga, autumn-rain, bubbles and lu-lu
all his daughters were girls
in one hand he clutched the green five sided leaf
in another a carob fruit n nut bar
in another hand was a chai soy latte with aloe vera chewy bits
yet another hand held a treatise on cosmic fire by todd rundgren
when questioned the man admitted he was the time being
a fugitive from mediocrity n maudlin gossipbags
hed been on the lamm but never the lamb!
hed meet n greet but no meat!
wheel me deal but dont break no legs
bake me a cake but dont break no eggs!
the man had evaded capture by a series of yoga poses
ie posing as a yogi (bare?)
he had assumed the dog position on priest equals oarer
yeah
its all gone silly again…!
so what sunshine?
whatcha gonna do about it?
wanna fight me?
wanna bet me?
wanna take on my heavy karma baybee?
my poverty is my riches
my oldness makes me so young
im such a he-man
but regularly in touch
with my (yuck!) feminine side
my homo-side
im spouting prose poetry
but i swear like a fucking trooper
and i rant on about the rotten politicians
ruining this holy earth
and then i contra-dicked myself
took the cash
(15 cents)
absconded with a burn of elmomento2
and a brown paper packet containing
the remnants of glennys hydgey
ha ha
youll never take me aloof he screamed
as he plummetted into well heeled obscurity
would you like to write like the time being?
send 15 cents to this address
the time being
livin it large towers
13 prosperity street
(next door to jet n benny fanning)
tinseltown, $9999
remember
each purchase
will get you
for a limited time being only
a special offer
a free non-sequitur
OR
an anatomically correct tb doll
(w/ real steel buns n cobalt balls)
look i can write anything i like
look!
bebrvbir rtiueh vtgverf o 754678&^%*O b
pure genius
pure dirt
naughty being naughty
read about me
reed about me
king midas has asses ears
and ears on his ass
i wish he’d tune my muffler n fender jazz
its chris masse
deck the eeks with bits of holly
look im quite mad you know
i mean its quite voyeuristic of ya
to witness the ravings of an insane man
ive gone like artaud or neeeszche
you know
how all us olde genii go fucking loopy in our senility
you used to love me cos i was pretty n fey
now you really love me cos im pretty frayed
all the ladies want a beard like mine
just ask em
ladies?
yes.
would you like a beerd-like myne?
yes!
ah, there you go!
doubting thomases the lot of ya!
why i can do whatever i like here
this blogge is mine
you hear me
MINE!
DONT TELL ME TO CHILL OUT!!!
I AM THE TIME BEING!!!
EXTERMINATE!!!
EXTERMINATE!!
SUBSCRIBE!!
SUBSCRIBE!!

oh my silly fiends
have yerselfs a nice little day
or a cosy little northern hemi-sfeer nite
yours
as never
nevets nhoj yeblik the 2nd n a half, eskquire