posted on June 11, 2008 at 8:50 pm

me n my dad sitting in the garage
we got this german shepherd dog
called duke the second
hes a really stupid bloody dog
he jumped over the fence
and has eaten some of mrs paytens chickens
and theyre very angry now, our neighbours
his ears wont stand up
which frustrates my dad
who keeps saying
he doesnt even bloody look anything like an alsation..
we discover he has “mastoiditis'” in his ears
so my dads trying to rub this cream in his sore ears
but the dog keeps turning round n biting him
me and dad are trying to sing the dog asleep
so we can rub this cream in
“go to sleep old dukey
close your peepy byes
go to sleep old dukey
go to sleepy-byes”
but the dog keeps growling and biting at us
his ears never did stand up
he pushed his luck with the chickens too
and he ended up somewhere else
where someone wanted a floppy eared stupid chickenkiller alsation

i was in love with shirley urban
pale gold hair in plaits
olive skin
pale blue eyes…linger on…
she never seemed to say much
she seemed to smile and giggle a lot
i think she might have been a czech
did she care for me?
i doubt it
i was so incredibly shy
i just watched from a distance
until we did the grand old duke of york one day
that was a dance where you held hands
and me n shirley held hands
and danced under the other kids hands
that song still gives me butterflies
but nothing ever eventuated
i blamed the clodhopper shoes my mother bought me
paddle shoes they were called
like big bloody boats they were
with this rubber bumper bar going round the outside
i knew i hated em
and then one day i noticed garry simpsons shoes
with chiseled square toes…oh they were beautiful
how could i ever get shirley urban with shoes like these???


into primary school
my teacher was mrs peacock
sexuality began to swirl into my world
there was a rumour that some kids had seen
mr doust “rooting” mrs peacock on a table
in a room thru a keyhole
i always felt strangely about her after that, i must say
i imagined her on a table being “rooted” all the time
i didnt know what “rooted” meant
but it sure sounded like something i needed to investigate
a boy in 6th grade gave us youngsters some tips one day
i remember his name was teddy aitken
and he had dyed his hair blond with lemon juice
to show he was a surfie
he told us your balls were called your cods
and your dick was called your tool or your mule (!?)
he said said a root was when you put your tool
against a girls “crack”
jesus….where did this all happen ? we youngsters chorused
in the bush usually…teddy said with authority
you take em out in the bush and you root em he said
well this sent my mind whirling
i hadnt connected this with babies yet
my mother had had russell my brother last year
but i didnt know there was any hanky panky involved
mum said god put babies in ladies tummies
and that seemed ok to me
then dad took me to a father n son night
where i finally figured it out…
you mean we all got here
because men were putting their tools on ladies cracks??
i decided to try out my racey new vocabulary on mrs peacock
my next composition was something like
i was riding my mule and fishing for cods
and i saw a crack and tripped over some roots
and i lost my big tool…etc
my parents were called up the school
and i got a stern talking to
hmmm…the groan-ups were hip to our lingo
that same year i came across my first copy of playboy
nothing in my life up to that moment
had prepared me for the sight of the centrefolded girl
her huge “nellies” as my dad called em
or her naked pink bottom running with suds
as she stood up in the bath revealing all
wow! i thought to myself
anxiety and something else growing in me now


we moved to shepparton victoria
i went to a new school for the first time
they played different football down here
and they laughed at my rugby style
we listened to beatle records all the time
russell with a plastic bowl on his head imitating a beatle do
both of us strumming badminton raquets
russell was quite a twinkle toes n took his beatling seriously
he bopped around all flush faced as if it were life or death
i fell in love with a girl called christine cameron
she sometimes had blue teeth from (i guess) drinking ink
i thought her blue teeth were the loveliest thing i had seen
we wrote with a pen n nib n ink from a well
i loved the smell of indian ink
which some us were allowed to use sometimes for art
after a rough start i became dux of the class
my first and only dux-hood (# 1 in class)
at the very end of 64 we moved to canberra

a lot happened in 65
i burned down a park
i met and fought nigel murray
later to become known as nick ward
i got accused of sending dirty letters to anna struss
which i didnt do
but the headmaster left me alone with her father
this austrian madman
who pulled me around by my ears
and grabbed my chin and yanked me about
the letter had said
“lets have a root n see how many babies we get”
and it was signed by me
the idiots who sent it had even signed it stephen kilby
but hey
it didnt stop the cops coming round our house
ha ha
its 1965 and these 2 coppers knock at our front door
very seriously investigating this obscene letter
my mum opens the door
the first thing they see is this nude my dad had painted
next thing
theres a playboy lying around
my mother said
we believe in giving our children a very broadminded upbringing
the cops were certain they had their man
even when the other kids
admitted to it
they reckoned they were “covering up” for me
have i told y’all that story before?
boy the anxiety was starting to rev up now

that was a lot just to get to 66
now i got rsi again
ok tomorrow
66 -70


31 Responses to “the raw-ing sixties”

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