how could it contain so many?
how could it hold so much?
i dont know who i am
i dont know where im going
i wish i could shake this tight knot of anxiety
i wish these shadows could be dispelled
so lost so lost so lost
broken and changed
now look at me
hurling myself over n over against the world
stupid world i want you if you want me
i still do even if you dont
only yesterday i was a boy
a cruel little boy maybe
i fall for the same olde tricks
repeating and looping
who is is haunting me?
whos filling my mind with these words?
who whispers those terrible things?
a cloak of vulnerability
magic shoes that wont move
things have warped in the sun
the holes in my arm have congealed
that lying mirror
that false reflection
skin falls away
time undulates
the stars remained fixed
the light here burns my eyes
night is within me
i carry the night as my shell
if day comes i’ll crawl back into night
i hate them both
the shadows and the fire
the darkness and the blazing light
im just arguing with myself
people, throw me money cos im mad
lying under this blanket of material
my spirit my soul
regarding things
like a bird in a cage
wanting his freedom
but knowing it will kill him
fly fly fly
this all must be a joke
i see things
i say things
i communicate my desire
a sexualized world of shapes and form
planes and angles
soft tumescences
a womans voices
all around in this night
leave me alone!
steven steven steven
leave me alone!
but i rise and i rise and i rise
no no
i hold on to anything now
but up i go
firing firing firing
blasting into the darkness
curves and dales
the same old same old
my punishment and my reward
my obsessive selves
burning my hands
slave to this geometric sleight of hand
who or what keeps trying to come
im drowning in pleasure
but its driving me insane
to go round and round
again
when even my insatiable slave is finished
and gone
when all the different voices are quiet
and the cooing and sighing and moaning is over
when a mockery of sleep falls over me
under a fabric of sweat
when the windows slide open of themselves
and the birds in trees outside leave
and when the music in my ears fades down
and the mercury sinks down in its tube
when fish leave the sea and struggle for the land
and my stomach is so empty
and my mind so full
just in time
just in time
and i know i was right
and that it wont belong
now