fiendss
im being very naughty
a naughty being
im s’posed to be doing my accounting
i gotta meeting w/ my accountant at 3
its about 20 to 12 now
why fucking hurry it?
theres always the tim(e) bandit method
lets say you got 2 weeks to do something
ah you can take it easy that 1st week
as the second week begins
ah
have today off
you still got 6 days
on the fifth day you think
tomorrow im really gonna start
on the 4th day you go
no tomorrow im really gonna start
after all, times tight now
on the 3rd day you think
why worry
its a 2 day job if i work really hard
on the 2nd day you think
if i leave it until tomorrow
i will have no option but to complete it
in a glorious 1 day burst
on the last day you look at it
and say christ!
i couldnt get it all done today
so why even start
you ask for another 2 week extension
and the process is ready to begin all over again
baybee thats called a rationale
its a device to follow wherever yer peccodillos leading ya
wherever
imagine if teenagers said wherever
instead of whatever
boy i used to love that word whatever
now its so over bloody done
whatever
the twillies
got all that lingo down pat
mixed in with swedish accent
boy a whatever can go a long way to getting my goat
(no harm was done to the goat in the making of this sentence)
whatever daddeeeee!
aurora calls em the fashion freeks
and says she preferred em
when they didnt get up at 12 and go to bed at 3 in the morning
despite arguing n critizing each other all day
at 3 in the morning
theyre curled up on sofa together
watching some very stupid tv show
and they have a rationale
although theyve never put it into words
i will attempt it now
we ARE cultured educated feministick emancipated swedish chicks
therefore we can indulge in all this gossip celeb paris brad bullshit
as a kind of anthropological excursion into a tasteless world
and we can indulge in it as much as we want cos we wont get hooked…
oh but its addictive nasty stuff theyre peddling, those goss tycoons
as nasty as crack in its own way
virulent festering bile n dribble
oh god it makes you feel so badde reading those mags
just one goss rag makes me want to tear off the top
of my head n change my brain filter
cos yon gossie has fuckin clogged mah delly cate brain
can you truly dig the harm this stuff is doing?
the twillies can wade thru a hundred dentist waiting rooms of goss rags
and still be hungry for more
is there a connexion between the goss rags
and the “foundation” so many young women wear
on top of perfect downy youthful skin
a layer of blechhh!
ooh thats looks nasty
look even if yer olde n wrinkled like me
you can trowel that fucking stuff on
and its still gonna EMPHASISE yer flaws!
if you young what you need it for
who sold ya that lousy idea?
throw that rubbish away baybee
you dont need all that junk on yer dial
and the perfume…..
oh it can make me feel so sick
in a lift or a train
some bint with an overpowering sickly sweet atmosphere
whos chucked on some godawful “scent”
whats wrong with the way you smell as you are?
if you bathe regularly like the time being
you should have a pleasant warm woody aroma like me
and that goes for the men too
forget that ‘orrible ‘orrible o.d. cologne
aftershave and underarm goop
brut…have ya ever whiffed that muck
i had some brut underarm spray on once
when i still used poisonous aluminium filled stuff like that
when i was 18
it turned all my white tshirts grey under the arms
imagine what it was doing to me
if i get a disease in my armpits im gonna sue brut
sue brut…good name for all gurl rock band
anyway
people throw that stuff away
its a con they sold ya
women with makeup n perfume scared me as a kid
n they still do
a big pair of sticky red lips comin towards ya
and a cloud of some suffocating pong
no thanks
stay away from me aunty maude
dont pick me up n dont hug me
its grotesque
im a man
im no fool
i tell ya most men dont like it
you should be relieved
cant we all join our sacred hands
and proclaim
we dont want make up
we dont want perfume
we dont want aftershave n aluminium underarm gloop
we dont want goss rags
hmmm
maybe thats a chorus for something off the nu album
ahh (being eating vegemite toast)
well now im starting to enter the bargaining phase of my accnting denial
its 12o6 and still no veggie sausages cooked
nk + her little protege are having a nap
and im here alone
wreaking havoc
haha! oh ho!
the time being called for his pipe
he called for his bowl (what was in his bowl, though?)
and he called for his fiddlers 3
he had 3 fucking fiddlers?
wow some affluent king, right?
and dont forget sue bruts new record
grey underarm fixed