well its like this

the world was made by god who then had a rest

a naughty angel became the devil to get our souls

god made a man and a girl and some animals who could talk

the naughty angel tricks the man altho its the girls fault really

god says to man “murder animals like this ” and “wear your hairdo like that”

god picks his favourites; a tribe in the middle east

he tells them to go around killing the other tribes and cutting off their foreskins (ouch)

what does god have against foreskins anyway?

meanwhile with all this the devil is unemployed

not much for him to do with all this going on really

god nukes some naughty cities and floods the whole world

a few good people escape but it all goes wrong again

incest false idols blasphemy genocide golden calves blah blah blah

and thats just the good guys

these are gods own faves out there living it up

murdering and pillaging

eventually god lets the faves get captured by some bad babylonian guy

to teach em a fucking lesson

are you following me?

god and devil play a game with Mr Job

of course this really happened

of course some omnipotent creator would play around with some miserable geezer

to see if geezer “believed” in him

oh sorry it was the naughty devil who did all the stuff not god

god just watched curious to see what mr job would do

then after all that god goes strangely silent

he stopped talking to us, didnt he?

this must all be true in its a book with scary illustrations

after a while a nice guy was born who had some good advice

which was be nice if you can

for his trouble he was nailed up to die painfully

after this we had the catholic church

who murdered oh millions and millions

sometimes they just cut off peoples noses

it was all for their own good you see

if you misinterpreted the trinity your nose should be cut off

meanwhile we herded and murdered all the animals

we killed each other too over land and their heathen gods

heathen gods with preposterous stories not like our proper god

oh we burnt the witches who were good friends with the naughty devil

and we went round the world giving our god to em

whether they wanted it or not

we gave em cannons and muskets and gin and VD

we gave em St Paul the apostle who knew a bit about killing himself

we saved their heathen hides from hell

we decided jesus died for our sins in a blood sacrifice

who exactly decided that tho i am not sure

it doesnt seem to quite make any sense

tho it certainly arouses a lot of furore from those who never thought it through

the naughty devil brought the sin

so god killed himself

to save us from hell

well thats logical i suppose

i’m glad we have not adhered to some old superstitious stuff

but if jesus died for our sins why did we have to burn all those witches?

why is an organisation that committed such atrocities still extant and offering no apology?

no apology either for the havoc and misery wreaked by idiot missionaries

finally the western world comes along

the spanish and portugese fuck south america

and the english fuck australia america and africa and india

and then england and germany fuck each other twice

and lots of people get killed

i mean lots and lots and lots

but at least freedom was saved

and now finally its 2014

we have a christian prime minister in australia

we are following christs example and buying some fighter jets

we are disregarding the bit about looking after the children and the old and all that

we are tough on drugs

we are tough on the not so great barrier reef

we are tough on the dole bludging lazy oiks sucking off the welfare system

we believe in a fair dinkum go

we believe in what australians believe in

and that is

a fair shake of the sauce bottle for battlers

and shouldering the pain for australia

because thats fair dinkum

jesus himself abhorred a deficit budget

he didnt like refugees without immigrant visas either

and he hated pot smokers …i read that on facebook