posted on June 7, 2007 at 7:44 am

today the twillies turn 16
and in one month
they come to live in australia for one year
your children never turn out how you expect
they always gonna have good and bad surprises for ya
i never coulda predicted elli n minna
they are enigmas to me
always well behaved
polite friendly well spoken
they bring me nothing but pride….
why do i fear a darkness n a sadness
in each of them?
i just want them to be happy
but they are so finely tuned
being identical twins
its a new weird set of problems you never anticipated
for everyone that is
theres somebody else who looks just like you
but doesnt think like you
oh no no no
someone who was there with you in that most private place
the womb
as you 1st took shape
she was there
competing for food
cramping your cramped space
waking you up
kicking you with her new legs
feeling you move and sleep
the twillies came out a bit too soon
minna in particularly was a little underdone
well ok
its hard to believe now
seeing em in malmo
swanning around
i remember once
when they were about 6
me n elli n minna in a stockholm tube station
theres a poster on the wall for snow boarding
minna says oh daddy cant we do that?
i say well you gotta be a grown up to do that…
minna says cant you tell them we’re dwarves?
elli n minna used to like to play the “rough” game
this was basically chucking them at a sofa
that eventually collapsed from too much of that
elli n minna who liked a big bowl of guacomole for dinner
or baked beans on toast and semolina pudding
minna always wanted to walk to school
elli always wanted to take the tube
so we stand there everymorning
having same olde argy bargy
im not walking!
im not going in the tube!
the olde being caught between two diminutive swedish spitfires
and when they fought
they hit hard and without mercy
or kicked each other in the privates
or something like that
i remember once minna writhing about
like she was swimming on the floor
but all this only to each other
like being bound to your opposite
elli used to come with me more than minna
elli flew with me to spain once when i did a solo gig there
on ibiza
she was such good good company
a real companion
but in the end shes grown up very much like me
and strangely minna seems to spend more time with me now
i guess you could say shes more like her mother
anyway both the twills will be getting a bigger dose of me
when they live here
look they are not impressed that im “me”
no in fact maybe they over-compensate a little
theyre determined to be a little unimpressed
they are a bit aloof as it is…
what with their accents and all that…
while talking to sweden today
i also learned that carina
a friend
had died
talk about never had a chance
her father raped her from about 10 on
and his friends
at 13 she ran away n became a prostitute n junky
karin was given temporary guardianship of her
for a while in the early eighties
she was doing great
but the atrocities playing in her head were too much
she went thru a series of abusive brutes who beat her
she went in n out of jails n institutions
she was a dealer and she was hard n tough
when i got into the gear myself
ironically enough
when i lived in sweden
carina was a dealer to me
and i got to know her well
and she was not a person to fool with
she’d deck a man or a woman if she had to
and if you didnt have no money
she wasnt interested in yr sob story
i got to be kinda friends
with her boyfriend janne
who was also a dealer
and in their own way
they really loved each other
i went to a birthday party she threw for him
and all the people there
were junkies n whores n thieves n hard livin’ working class types
still the eight year olde canberra boy in me
looking out going
im in a restaurant on the outskirts of stockholm
its snowing outside
and all these weird sad twisted people
(hey me included!)
these people who didnt ever really have much chance
the abused
the ugly
the easily led
the foolish
the stupid
the painfully shy
the sick from birth n in constant agony
the criminal element
yeah i hung out with these types occaisionally
i drank pear cider n stuck snus in my mouth
(snus is a swedish oral tobacco snuff thing)
i talked my bad swedish
and i was justa sad olde washed up bloke from somewhere to em
then although carina had strictly forbidden it
janne gave me some dope cos i was broke n sick
and if anyone out there thinks sweden is some perfect paradise
i have penetrated this illusion
and come thru to a dark dark side
and i have seen it close up
and its compounded by the dark n cold
and the attitude of the govt n straights
carina died
of a heart infection brought on by a dirty hit
and it woulda been a terrible way to go
after a life of torment n sadness
of being locked up
and beaten up
no one can touch her now
i know she has found at least some peace
41 years old she was

happy birthday twillies
see ya later carina

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