last night i drank ayahuasca for the 1st time
(google it!)
please dont bother with your anti-drug baloney
this is not a recreational drug
this is not lsd
this is not mushrooms
this is not ketamine or laughing gas
nor pot or hash
or even ibogaine
this is something above and below all of these
and more
i drove with a friend
who has drunken mother vine a few times before
a peaceful house
far away from the city
near the sea
surrounded by the bush
beautiful vegetation
oh how i have been loving my trees and flowers
and leaves and shrubs and fronds and …
after virtually ignoring it most of my life
i am beginning to attune to this spirit
it was already happening before
yoga blah blah blah
steering me in the right direction
there is something i have hated in me
unknown
shadow
darkness
secret
horror
fear
nausea
pain
ache
sorrow
grief
out out out you vile fucking spot!
oh boy you dont evict the very fabric of yerself like that
just cos ya wanna…
otherwise life’d be a breeze
but ya cant let it go
even if you knew what it was
and you dont….
i knew instinctively the vine would help me
and it did
not in glorious visions
or realiasation
but i vomited for about 6 hours
out mercury
out cadmium
out fertilizer
out ddt
out weedkiller
out electro-poison
out evil thoughts
out thwarted ambition
out this and that
out worms and parasites
all the while baby im tripping
a horror
just quite bearable
shot through with encouragements from the vine
that they said loved me
i said lady, mother vine be gentle to me
she said oh my childe i am i am
i purged i purged i purged
everybody did to some extent
me more than most
but i have more baggage than most i guess
mine will be the higher point
if i can ever stand to get there
it was like a heroin withdrawal
cold sweat, the horrors
the freezing freezing coldness
i was under 4 quilts and i was still fucking freezing
my feet like cold wet blocks of ice
i’d stepped in water and my wooly socks were wet
the people facilitating this event talked to me
gentle encouraging things
all the people there
were bona fide seekers
all with different levels of experience
the guy called the magician
was a crazy mad professor type
who arrived rubbing his hands with glee
and wearing a kind of obstetricians light on his forehead
in the darkness we pounded up the fresh vine
a south american strain grown in a secret aust location
that this magician had travelled by plane n car a long way
to obtain
he had also obtained acacia which was now dmt crystals
in the amazon the vine is served with the local dmt equivalent
i was too nauseous to try n get this down so i declined
the dmt
thus cutting out a large visual component
i didnt mind the taste
but everybody else seemed to hate it
the magician most of all
someone said the vine likes you steve
and the magician seemed to chuckle softly
sometimes he was to pass by me in the night
and whisper
why dont you let it all go?
or did i imagine that?

part 2 tomorrow