posted on March 21, 2007 at 7:33 pm

i am the blogge king
i can do anything
warm humid morning here in n bondi
birds twitter n tweat outside
as it dawns
everyone still sleeping
still dreaming
reluctant to rise
sydney tries to squeeze another 10 minutes outta the night
dreaming their big time dreams
today i am filled with no rancour
i feel even
let em do whatever they will
this is all an obstacle course
you cant sort it out
you jusy gotta get thru
its 2007 and weve got ipods
that can hold 5 million songs
and weve the iraqi “war” dragging on n on
why is australia in there?
is there an australian reading my blogge today
who can tell me why our soldiers in baghdaddy
are protecting these shores?
ha ha
you just gotta tell a big enough lie
i cannot believe the standard of the politicians these days
the druid here
the “premier” (u.s. = governor)
of nsw
was on telly the other night
his speech
his oratory skills
his manner
were like an awkward 8 year old
reading his composition to the D class
for fucksake
is that the best we got?
this bumbling mumbling stumbling oaf
is the premier of australias most important state?
(mainly because it contains tim powles and i)
the man has all the charisma of cold garlic bread
whatever this guy does
i know i could do it a million times better
and i can pronounce long words
write my own speeches
come up with new unusual attacks on the opponents
be so photogenic that all the olde dears’ll gimme their vote
i wont toe that party line
i’ll give all that money earmarked for boring stuff
(eg roads dams etc)
and funnel it into the sk foundation
a non-prophet tax-free scheme
to promote olde renaissance space rockers
i mean wouldnt you rather have me living it large
than another fucking road somewhere in the country
sod it
spend the money fixing bondi up
turn the parking meters into poker machines
5 bucks for a 10 minute stay
or you could win 100 bucks in 2 dollar coins
have some surrealist meters
so you stick youre money in and they say things like
bugger off and park somewhere else, you yuppie
we live in the void of metamorpheses
what is the sound of one wheel parking
i dunno
get rid of all those nasty parking inspectahs
replace em with clowns
let people park where they want
1st in, 1st served
spend those traitorous bastards salaries
on pavement artists
gimme some time to think em all up
give people some situationist surprises in their lives
close down all the butchers shops
turn them into temples for arcane gods
put some funny signs on the beach
ooh i wouldnt swim today, youll probably drown
beware! sharks prefer irish tourists!
dont feed the killer whales
if stung by jellyfish, kiss arse goodbye
and you know translate them into some useful languages
like latin
or sumerian
or icelandic
with accompanying diagrams
eg a great white swallowing paddy backpacker n winking
an idea i thought of when i was a wee kid
could now be instigated
on a certain day of the week
all women must walk around naked
no hiding at home there
just act normally
except that youll be totally starkers
i think a few “children should be seen n not heard” days too
and the occaisional “not seen or heard “day as well
now check out this dudes name
morris iemma
i mean iemmas kinda ok in a weird fucking way
but morris?
a premier should be called something…
something masculine yet sensitive
something classic but not olde
a fine masculine name
with an inferior feminine equivalent
a loyal royal name
its coming to me…
itsa coincidence
but whaddya think of …
you can call him steve for short if you wanna be familiar
or even stevo if you play footy together
or even stevie boy if you got him some good news
or you can call him steven
if youre his mother brother or wife
so just with this one change
steve iemma
oh i kinda dig that
stevo iemma …wow nearly all the vowels, you owls
i got so many suggestions its a burden to me
but i get infuriated that we just couldnt have
just a generally more “with-it” geezer
for such a groovy, merciless, suntanned, wicked ,”with-it”place
as nsw
i know you laugh
but i ask you
could i do a worse job?

we got inflation deflation stagnation across this nation
we got a higher and a lower blah blah blahs than anywhere else
we should invade the good bits of qld and vic
(dont fuckin worry melbourne then! ha ha!)
we should annex the rest of aust(whatever that means)
we should sink new zealand
get rid of all those hammy actors n tribute bands
eg not armageddon but close
we should tow tasmania into shore once n for all
after all they gave us an encore at the wino-ree gig..
it can join up with melbourne
as a place to send convicts gooseballs n ex-premiers
we should disarm the army
un-knave the navy
the disappeared into thin airforce
make suits a misdemeanour
fine those smarmy bastards dressing up to impress people
a huge tax on all lexi, beemers, mercs, jaggys,
except my own lamborgini station wagon
with retro rockets
in nsw you got 2 choices
ones a total dullard
the other is the nastiest sneakiest ratbag ever
a real sniggering mudslinging effeminate snobby turkey
hes got a phd in muckraking
and his smirking visage is truly gruesome
great choice
a choice between nothin n nothin
is this demockracy?

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