time was catching up with me
it always had been
my dream world had ruptured
and the bitch i called baby had come flowing in
the gigs and exhibitions had dropped right off
a rainy afternoon it had always been
i wait for her down by the docks
i’m pretty nervous these days
i see things
i overhear conversations from a great distance
now i’m really broke
and broken too
my flat is a mess
i aint paid the rent
nobody home
but babys home
what does she do but sleep all day
at night she goes out somewhere i suppose
she comes in late
early in the morning
like a lost lamb
she drifts within
baby where have you been i ask
nowhere daddy she says as she floats thru the rooms
this is breaking my heart i say
what exactly is it thats breaking that heart of yours she asks
all this i gesture the room the piano the empty bottles
the dead flowers
the dishes
the cds lying around
nevermind all that she says kissing and soothing me down
i love you she says with her fingers crossed and her eyes vacant
i touch her in different places
oh daddy you are weird she murmurs
who did you say was weird? i suddenly snap
you baby you you are weird…she says
no dont ever call me that i say getting cross
look in the mirror you fool she saying
no this is fucking bullshit i say
then look in the mirror big daddy…see how weird you are
i stumble to the mirror in the bathroom
babys had a bubble bath
the room smells so sweet and warm
baby lies in the bath reading magazines eating chocolates
she lies in the bath drinking champagne n smoking hash oil
now i look in the mirror
black mirror ugly mirror
oh god i am weird
yes yes its me baby i’m babbling
i’m in here in the mirror
i can see it all so clearly now
baby in the bath wriggles about
weird and strange
i remember now
the genesis of weird
how he came to be
out of nearly nothing
like all of us he said
weird as in sick
weird as in weirded out
as in mixed up in everything
fingers in all those pies
a foot in the grave
a nose for trouble
a head full of bad ideas
ooh he liked to hurt em
hurt em good and leave em in the cold
he hit and ran
is that weird that its only really me
have i done it all to myself
i begin to laugh with relief
baby in the bath laughs too and giggles coquettishly
baby nude as usual and dangerously sloshed
why you laughing daddy she asks
because because i laugh
i am weird i am weird indeed
look at your pupils like saucers she said
all the better to see you in the dark someone says
look at your beard all white she said
and only yesterday …….i said
only yesterday you were young she said
i looked in the mirror
i was so changed
i hardly new myself
youth had been so brief
a day or 2 maybe
then this
how long will i be old i cried out
and baby laughed as she lied in the bath
ha ha ha she laughed and splashed about
no no no
i said
the face in the mirror mouthed the words
weird coming through me
weird appeared
mr weird himself
at the back of all mirrors
behind every wall
inside all those coffins
in bed with your wife
dealing from the bottom of the pack
baby just lay there
weird was smiling at her
you two know each other
i hear myself saying
yes you could say that weird said lewdly
i felt suddenly breathless
baby and …..this
i take good care of my girls he said
weird and his entourage
busy old mr weird
the arranger
the fixer
the detailer
the receiver
i remember he had said come and see me…whatever you need
thats where i met my baby
wasnt it?
then one day i knocked on the door of this niteclub
in the where-house districts
down by the terminus at the end of earle street
a skinny guy opened the door
what you want? he barked at me
mr weird….i said
his face turned black
mr weirds dead, mate
dont ever ask for him again!
the skinny guy pushed me away
and closed the door
i was left hanging out and freezing in the cold
no where to turn to
no one to go
i was in the criminal milieu now
besides inside myself i was confused
i only ever used my shooter on myself
and my only crime was my gross stupidity
yeah i killed off some characters….in a book
but mr weird only had 3 endings
jails
institutions
or
death
i didnt wanna see baby go down or get fried
i didnt want to see her tried and framed
i stood up quickly and banged my headline
my agent had warned me
youre fucking finished he said
i’m pulling the plug said his partner
weird was there too laughing
your day is over he said
when i couldnt pay off babys pearls and wine
when i couldnt come up with the deposit for her
when i was old and busted up
she left right away
left right
left right
left right
halt
a limo pulls up
a hand opens a door
i see it all from my window
baby jumps in
a man in a uniform collects her suitcases
a man with no face
a man with no life
i just stand there
i remember all this
as mr weird stands in my bathroom
baby gets out the bath
he hands her a towel
and nuzzles her throat
what you gonna do he laughs
its then i realize how much i love her
as shes falling into those arms again
oh god ive been a blind fool
i’m muttering something
i feeling in my pockets for something
i dunno what tho
someone hands me a gun
a gun?
me?
a gun a gun a gun
go on use it they say
go on shoot they all say
this is a toy i say incredulously
its real baby says baby
fire
fire
fire
the shots ricochet round n round
bang
bang
bang
i blast away at the night
i blast away at the sky and stars
i blast away at the past
i blast away at my self
the cops show up
throw down your baby and come out says the megaphone
i never hurt no one i scream out
much laughter outside
baby hands me a phone
whats that for i ask
you entitled to one more call she says
call an undertaker someone suggests
more laughter
baby looks sad
mr weird looks tired
his eyes are blank and unsmiling
you got me he says at long last
you got me good
someone claps and laughs but is soon silent
music fades up in the background
beautiful mancini strings playing the saddest song of all
the cops break down the open door
the cavalry arrive
and the romans at the foot of the cross
realise that theyve crucified the wrong guy
why is life so fucking sad baby i ask out
as i’m taken away
as i’m led below
as hades signs my incoming documents
and wearily pluto stamps my passport
as i lie in my bed eating my heart out
as i agonize through physio with my crushed limbs
as a quiet night falls down
and i get a new face in a new town
where no one knows me
and i try to forget baby
and i try to just get on with it
and go “straight”