its one of those white days

suddenly a sweet aching deep sadness sweeps down around us

so many of these white days

walking round a sandbar lagoon with karin in 1986

up near my mothers old place

an endless white day we felt lonely together then

the rocks the gulls the absence of wind or temperature

eventually a fine mist filled the air

i talked my head off about nothing as usual

she said very little at all

there was no one else for miles

i was still quite young then accelerating towards now

the years disappear….well what else could they fucking do….?

a black cat crossed my broken mirror

yeah as i begin to pick up speed

you see i wanna have my life and live it too

at the back of my mothers old house at smiths lake

you walked down a hill said to be crawling with snakes

until you came to a little creek at the bottom

and a log to cross the creek to a sandy little lagoon beach

or a small lake fed by the tide that broke through and filled it up

and so you walked round the side of the lake

until you came to a caravan park quite empty most the year

and beyond that some abandoned equipment n empty workers cabins

then you go through a small car park into dense cool jungle

the brown roots writhe about

the sharp branches scratch your legs

suddenly youre through and youre on a windswept dune

and the green pacific ocean hammers an endless white beach

white like today is white

warm white still

the music is a distant saw or hammer and the drone of traffic

sadness grief  helplessness hopelessness

worst of all emptiness

an empty day in an empty life

it aint no bed of roses

it aint all dancing on clouds

its just a white day and then its quite quiet

you sit at the table

out one window its white

out another the white has melted in to yellow and grey shapes

i shake like an earthquake

stop must be a sugar drop

keep thinking about margot smith

i bet shes enjoying it

if anyone can margot can

leaving this white day far behind

i bet shes enjoying it

you imagine her now free spirit soaring

you see her in some happy place

and we’re young and its summer and its a white day

margot walking down the street in surry hills after recording a vocal

1991 and its fading into white

on soft nights you ride a white horse in complex dreams

starboard under green leaves it motionless

the white day of this one life

a sadness you should have healed

a brief roman candle

hotels loom and disappear

unending check-in in miami or helsinki or bologna

on a white day aslan created narnia

and he sang it all into being

but always some evil has entered the world

and the white days become cold

and winter waiting for you at the end of the line

and magic fades from the earth

on white still days at airports where you cry and cry

on white still days at appointments in the city

on white still days watching someone getting married by the harbour

on white still days with your twins in rockpools and motels

on white still days with your brothers n father in batehaven

dad buy us some chips dad buy us some fizzy drinks

dad his ice cream is bigger than mine

dad can i have a comic as well

dad can i have a yo yo

white still day

still white

still still

a grey dirty smear towards the north

i start to fear all possible futures

i start to cling to the present but god its so slippery

white still day still slipping by 3 oclock 4 oclock 5 oclock

i cant hold on the day falls headlong into afternoon and evening

it gets darker quicker

i’m lost in there somewhere

unable to explain myself or my deeds

waking up groggy missing my plane

my money i used up just writing this line

still white day

white it all out

whiter than the whitest white