i called out to the mrs
i said duckling i guarantee this is the worst thing you ever saw
what do you mean says the mrs
i mean the worst rocknroll thing imaginable
the mrs chuckles
its a tall order
we both think of all the shockingly AWFUL things we ever saw
i think of all the hair n metal bands
i think of all the schmaltzy boy band tripe
i think of all the “sexy” girl band tripe
all the tedious macho rap
still this is the grande cahuna of awful
not awesome but awful
my wife thinks of air supply….yes theyre pretty awful
but not as awful as this..
she says poison
but thats not as awful as this.

anyway i have to say
i assure you this is the worst
the most awkward silly thing
look i know a silly thing
ive been in plenty of em
you can see em on youtube i’m sure
tacky hopeless tuneless rubbish featuring moi
still this is beyond my many glaring faux pas
now look
i have no axe to grind with this artist
i have felt neutral
never begrudged their huge success
i dont understand heavy metal or whatever it is
i of course sound reactionary when i say its all been done before
and much better
modern heavy metal bands or whatever it is
go through the motions that sabbath, purple n zep et al invented
therefore they can never compete with the originals
because the originals were…errr…original
n theyre not
the modern ones got all the accoutrements
why not
rock is theatre
why expect authenticity?
so there you go
i stumbled across this on tv in perth a few weeks back
i was watching with mr ricky
we both immediately agreed this was the absolute nadir
the most out of tune
inappropriate
buttock clenchingly embarrassing thing ever in rock
by a big band anyway
i will be delighted if my readers can point me in the direction
of something else as bad
i do not say everything else this artist has done is awful
i saw him on telly one night on the quiz show
and he was pretty ok i thought within this genre i guess
so i was surprised to see this
check it out on youtube
wolfmother doing wuthering heights by kate bush
it doesnt matter that i am a huge kate bush fan
or that i recently had the audacity to cover hounds of love
with my olde n gruesome band the crunch
nope
i’ll let you be the judge
i felt like i was at someones birthday party
and suddenly the host had talked his son into playing a number
a curly haired young aussie geezer
sandwiched between 2 bearded blokes
who strum away miserably on their guitars
murdering the songs subtlety
and looking downcast
presumably in embarrassment
looking like they wish the fuck they were somewhere else
or at least that they coulda talked him outta doing it
and there is mr wolfmother himself
earnestly singing these words” its me i’m kathy”
in some key known only to himself
warbling straining struggling
oh gosh
i guess i go on about containing contradictions and
reconciling opposites
so is that what he’s doing?
go check it out on youtube
theres a few to pick from
lemme know if you think this is the worst moment in rock
or if not
what is?