blog

posted on March 25, 2017 at 12:54 am
look downward angel

look downward angel

all those magic books making me longing for something quite marvellous

all the times in the caravan by the black lake with the blue cranes

all those tiny red sweets your lovely sister sucked on

all those planes at night in the sydney sky

yeah i am coming home laughing up the drive

the drizzling warm wind turning my umbrella mind into a wand

wandering aimlessly i come to the seapool and dove in

in the middle of the night i was alone in the water except for the rain

as i swam around weightlessly my breath escaped in silver wriggling bursts

thirsty for your fathoms down father i sank in disappearing circles

underwater the clouds held me down by my toes

my unstitched shadow was violently thrown against the sand

drowning in bed where absence has unmade it

up and above it all my angel protects and guides me like a weapon

in all spheres we are each represented by another spirit

in water air fire and earth am i put together

in gold love hate and evil pulled apart

in the loneliness of a crowded hotel the noise killed my ear

in the embrace of a memory the drink had dulled my mind

in the hand you offered a strong suit a firm shake

the new car slipped through the rain like Vsnu’s disc

i forgot to mention how warm i was feeling now safely falling home

a streetwalker a roadworker an old timer a 2 timer

tell her you do yoga says a voice in another room

you already said it grumbled the horizon which was dividing the elements

in the reflection in the mirror on the table in the corner

in the room inside the house in the quietest night imaginable

in the silence that comes into the night leaked from another world

in the things in themselves without their shells and their shields

like a sword apprehension cuts through the sway

under the green sea light i dont look like anything

under the nets and the buoys and the place where they tie the sea up

under the canopy of the surface of the very sea itself

i look like anybody else just slipping into inkiness

just a white flash of flesh in the eel filled murk

in the loneliness of a gethsemene sold for silver

in the horror of golgotha place of skulls

an echo of the groaning slaves seem to come from the sea caves

i escape with a rap on the knuckles but reality still buckles

i dream up the man i am but i slam into concrete discretion

still i’m laughing and singing and beginning that long walk to you

the tide is like the seas hide or the seas side

where land ends i should have pretended to sleep

instead some mimic in me mocks the coincidences and the stimuli

the connections between the nodes motherlode of overload

i jammed up a storm in a chinashop i couldnt stop the bull

my hands shook as i played but it was not the music it was reading your book

lofty words in a stack on the floor

i am complete i am completely complete said a voice in another room

you are the dawn mentioned paul eluard to his companion

we are there announced the voice that comes through sometimes

when youre collecting for rushes by the side of the sea

when your friend says suddenly stand beside me

when your mind has been fucked by this and by that

still i’m laughing and singing and floating in this flat

as the blue night turns to musk

i trust in slumber my reverie will be of all of thee

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

posted on March 23, 2017 at 9:15 pm
dead mans dream

dead mans dream

when i was a young man death seemed like an obscenity to me

but now i am old and growing weary it seems like a friend waiting down the end of the track

maybe holding out some sweet oblivion

a well deserved rest from all this strife and quarrel

all this desire and struggle

a chance to meet my people who gone on before

to prepare me a room in its great mansions

like an arrow i will fly into that bardo

like a bolt my shining imperishable soul will leap forth from this dreary casing

like a javelin lancing the sky i will shoot away from this plane

veil of tears wrenched away

O let there be reunion in the glow of krsnaloka

O let me go there to paradise to nirvana to heaven

body of light

hands of the stars

eyes piercing maya

perceiving for the first time how fucking magnificent it all is

as a thinking man knowing energy never disappears it only changes form

as a knowing man thinking all of us kings will return

yes i believe some jesus will be meeting me there

some incorporeal angel with soothing fingers of forgetfulness

some valkyrie lifting me out of my battle unto valhalla

some electric female spirit charging me double

yeah forefathers and dead friends

yeah weep no more O my brother why these tears..?

i am returned to you

reintegration of loveliness now i am no more

a whispering wind over the dunes and dark rippling sea

a song you half remembered from so long ago before yourself

baby light bringer

song of the morning star

the lingering fading smell of distant perfume in the soft rain

man i love you all

woman i love you all

lets all get together people in the house of the lord

we will walk through the gentle vales and marvel at the swans

the sound of the flute deep in the jungle

krsna and radha together again love

mum and dad and girls and boys and all the dogs and all the cats

what more could you ever want

after life will be more life love

 

this blog for AC

 

 

 

 

 

posted on March 20, 2017 at 10:25 pm
abide with me

abide with me

yeah yeah yeah i know i was being stupid

but i took some codeine

then i went out and had a drink and a smoke

i was at some friends place outside

i was gonna make a phone call to somebody maybe my mother

next i thing i know a bunch of concerned people are hunched over me

you were out says frances who is a good friend as shes like cradling my head

im sweating and my head is throbbing

i beg for no ambulance and i sit down for awhile and then i go home

frances incredibly kindly slept on my couch so that she could keep an eye on me

ok thats enough of that

yes im going to the doctor tomorrow so whattya think shuttup with the advice and listen

because the place i went to wherever i went where i went

ah yes it was the purest bliss

an incredibly beautiful person she was talking to me there

we were talking oh for hours in what must have been only a minute or so of unconsciousness

a beautiful place maybe i was talking to an uh angel or sumpthin’

there was no pain there was only light and there was only love

man i aint saying that was necessarily heaven

i wasnt dead i was just knocked out loaded as bob says

but man oh that place and oh that angelic presence

wow is that really what a knock on the head can do?

remember back in 08 when i got dehydrated and collapsed

well that place was hellish a dark roaring abyss

this was the opposite my friends

i cant describe how shocked i was to wake up

and find out i was just some old geeza whos collapsed in a garden in bondi

it seemed like that was the dream a painful aching sweaty complicated dream of bother and dismay

the other place was serene it was sacred it was my hearts desire and i met some presence there

it was a stupid thing but the vision remains of palpable peace and harmony of some other plane

i went there and stayed for hours even as i said it was a only a minute

it changed something in me

something im not sure what yet

i know ive hurt myself a bit with my body and my head

yet i still did 20 laps at the pool today

im seeing the quack tomorrow so cool out ok?

concentrate on the vision i perceived there

verily i tell you my cats

it was the bees knees

posted on March 15, 2017 at 11:06 am

my dear readers and friends

you are all bored stupid by now with hearing about musicians and songwriters are earning virtually zilch these days

well here i am and i am in the same boat with no tours coming up and nothing coming in so to speak of and 3 kids to support

so i put this to you

A) you can still buy every solo album i ever made and then some for a hundred bucks

stevekilbey.bandcamp.com

B) for 50 bucks you can commission me to write a blog about absolutely anything you can think of

C ) for 50 bucks i will do you a postcard sized original painting on high quality art paper which will be signed numbered and thanked by me

i am sorry it got to this and i would most be humbly grateful if any of ya can help out until something comes along

my paypal is stevekilbey@gmail.com

if you dont want any of that stuff you can still make any contribution and i will be eternally grateful

SK

 

posted on February 21, 2017 at 11:20 pm

i and ii and i

a guy in china

tim earnshaw sent me his book

a brilliant rumination on who I actually is

and what is time

and all that kind of thing

the book is set in the present tense

its funny its sad its sobering

its philosophical  and eventually touches on the buddha himself

asking the questions

what is all this stuff?

who am i?

what is the true nature of the past and the future?

earnshaw is the observer the observed and the observation

we spend an endless second with him in a continuous moment

on a train of thought

as he brilliantly dissects time with his razor of reason

he searches for the me yet fails to locate it

everything is perspective and we are all deluded

its true

buddha would have called it maya

but time is not what we think

in fact it is nothing

only willed into existence by humans

as the joke goes:

as a way to stop everything from happening at once

the book is a paradox

its nihilistically hopeful

its not some dry old bit of academic jargon either

its eminently readable and entertaining

many wont get it though

but it was certainly right up my alley i tell you

very  grateful he sent it to me

easily one of the very best books ive ever read

his use of language is impeccable

he points out lots of tiny details youve probably never noticed

he connects up numbers and words and ideas you thought had no connection

all the time he addresses you the reader

you can hear the voice in his mind as it dictates this book to him right now

much beyond that i cannot describe this marvellous volume

a real treat that you’ll enjoy as well as making you think

9 and a half stars out of ten for this baby

 

http://rebuddharedux.blogspot.com.au

 

posted on February 13, 2017 at 4:57 pm
a new spin

a new spin

martin and i have our fifth album ready soon

man its been a long time we been partners in this

martin provides all the music

i provide the singing and the words

there was our first lovely album quite minimal in places

the second album melodic and poppy

the third album suddenly we hit a real peak

the fourth album growing and changing

now we have album number 5

glow and fade

and lo we are now some weird prog rock duo

with lots and lots of floydian references

the slide echo guitar

the percolating synthesisers

the sheer length of track two and its transformations

the songs are about wide eyed naivete and crushing cynicism

the void the crowd

nature of time

time of nature

the struggle and the defeat

love in all its old disguises

the illusion the disenchantment

the mistakes

it really is quite a journey and the moods are departures from before

i think this a special record and those who may dig it will certainly dig it

yeah

amen

 

 

posted on January 26, 2017 at 10:33 pm
watt ever

watt ever

compound fractured now

the beginning and the end of us

a short spell and we are all off

i hallucinate the humdrum

superimposing it on a magnificent reality

beyond all this illusion and all this maya

glory is unfolding like the darkest vanilla

like a shot curving through the air springs forth spirit

spirit free of mind

mind free of body

body free of death

death free of life

another ten minutes disappears into the gloom like a messenger

my thoughts wander like stupid animals and are run over on the highway of synapse

whether i am an idiot or a poet

whether i am good or bad

whether i am right or wrong

thoughts bubbling up from a babbling fountain of inanity

this and that

so and so

such and such

mind out of control

stop mind stop! i would say

but it would only be mind saying it to itself

mind thrashing wailing kicking trying to escape

mind full of memories

the fading ones

and the ones you wish you could forget

mind full of women and graveyards and weather and facts

mind full of music and books and rivers and morning

and children and friends and bastards youd like to strangle

mind full of paint and film and past lives that can barely be apprehended

guitars and cars and arrivals and transitive meander

the dumb pull of the hand

the blind touch of the tongue

the fiery chakra at the base of the spine

the saint in me watches on sadly

the dreamer awake with fingers full of dream

down another level and everything is heavier

up another level and we just float away

whatever it is i am trying to say

suddenly… it doesnt matter anymore

 

 

 

 

 

 

posted on January 24, 2017 at 11:37 am
hand some man a shoulder

hands off  man a shoulder

it has been a tough year

one of my towers needs a complete refurbish

and rapid eye strain from ogling all my dough

all that kudos and praise it brings me entropy

yes the displeasure is all my mine

i am here this evening for the usual anterior motives

renumeration and/or revenge

voice in another room: a great title for a book or a song…or a painting..or something…

argy bargy hustle bustle hurly burly

a day in a city faraway

the slaves in my vineyards under the sun

at night the white delight of the sleep of the rich and the right

oh yeah my oar is stuck in the med sea you must see i’m no salesman

oh yeah i can see it from here when the damn waters are clear

suddenly i’m in rhyme

maybe you knew that all the frickin’ time

anyway now i must away

midnight is down and about

i’m feeling inauspicious and inappropriate

yes i believe in ghosts and they attracted to me

yes the constant whispering the sound of tiny songs somewhere else

those sad soft fingers all over my face

listening to me breathe

the glass all fogged up

like a skull full of outside

o heart full of unison

diamond faceted face of your clock

just 20 minutes to fall into my burnt caramel dream

 

 

 

posted on January 18, 2017 at 11:03 pm
is that me for a moment

is that me for a moment

blasting bastard of a day

sickly hot searing sun

in my mind where i toil everything has been going off

god protect me from all attack decay sustain and release

in my mind where the pictures roll on tho i may no longer choose to speak them

in the mind of madness in the delusional fields where i slave away

in the worlds where i will miss everything

only i will miss you more

if i could orbit and swing back

before corroded memory sleeping seeped into my reveries

an enemy within ah but how to fight it..?

my food is sunburnt

my touch evaporates away

the illumination was not expected

enraptured by my torpor the seconds coalesce solid

anxiety my constant and incessant companion whispers

whispers what though..? asks a voice in another room

it whispers in a tormented language of a hiss and a whistle

it bristles around my ears at a rakish angle

like a halo of sibilance drowning out your words

its dull dazzle blotting out everything in tiny geometric stars

at night i fight on in my dreams where you appear

dressed in my burst fears and maybe yes the straps

perhaps the dread i feel heels me and hemmed in by my skull the thought compounds

the consuming bonfire of looming future stretches out its fingerling flames to burn present

the elapsing collapsing time tick tock tick baby

i know it full well i cant tell if thats the clock in another room

or the rattling charms of a snake eye dice that stares up with black eyes

the yawning void opens up sucking us in to its straw

like vapours we are smoked and then blown away

like nodding off at the wheel of a fastest car

or hurtling through a million geezers or bitches

my ears talk my mouth tastes my tongue hears

futile tears from the hanging man

hung by the hangman in a dangle

those angles and those lines

by the sea the pines only remain from the past

when a cool wind finally arrives

i shiver in my freckle skin inside some man i dont understand

i quiver before your arrows that enter my ventricles nerve

a swerve then i serve myself the desert you left in the kerb

the blurb bubbled forth it ripped ahead off

the murk i shirk has worked away at on me

the dark weave even steven cannot be leavin’ alone

a glance at my phone

and i wonder why you never comin’ home..?

 

 

posted on December 13, 2016 at 9:39 pm
same old same old

same old same old

black cats in the night dont see me

this invisibility keeps me liquid

quaking emperor your scene is over

the warmest days of october

the thousands i saw in the mirror

i shalala down the street of streets on a festive night

the doors are flung open and interiors emit a greenish light

the songs are sung again and young again alright

the chains my brilliant brain stupidly forged from pain

the ropes were hopes billowed on bluest skies a reprisal

oh vibrating night quite inevitable really you should come around

the ground rush up to greet thee as you meet me with your sound

in earlier lives in outrageous close i had my little dance upon the toes

one lent morning i was bent bourn and horned upon yonder lawn

the swagger equivalent to the dagger i stagger to wield in the war fields

under the stern thrum of the drums we marched parched by a mirage

my companions and i plied with powder and keg we beg for more from the floor

embracing your 3 faces with a taste of some unguent gum some imposter bossed me around

i enliven my strings the very things upon which

i siren my shots and my slings abound

a tremulous caramel kiss is it

for me to visit an artificial bliss not much different from this

words rushing me crushing me crashing me into my own walls

it takes balls to admit the water in your throat

soon you will no doubt be floating on air

my desolate trespass upon magical realm at the helm of my disaster

faster and faster we spun the funny void of andromeda one

i’m down the back in the black inky seaside shack

by the glorious ocean where the merman bathe bravely on the reef

toothless fish in the lagoon soon a fine raining mist persisting and sprinkles

i am then among the winkles in the shrinking light

in the bright moon ray or hidden from sight

i bend to the pool whirling and churning and turning with life

i send out my thoughts the things our sweet victories have taught us

i caught us a beam whose silver will seem to solve everything

and dissolve you to white