The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

nicely ambidextrous

it starts with the flight

that interminable darkness with all the movies on the back of the seats

the smell of the aircraft food and walking around in the darkness

im already tired after we’ve flown the first inch but I cling on

crying my eyes out at stupid films I wouldn’t normally give the time of day

my back in shoulders ache wanting to stretch out my legs

blah blah we arrive in Hong Kong and negotiating all that

how do I know which frickin train to get on n off on

then the flight from Hong Kong to london

it lasts forever and another few minutes more than that

but the month the year the years are flying by fast as fast can be

one moment I was a kid waiting outside the school for my mother to get me

next minute im on a fucking plane

its god knows what time

I guess im over Mongolia or something

im so old im so tired im so weary

im crammed into my seat in the middle row

no aisle no nothing

the food is ok but I gotta sit there looking at all the other food thats coming too

finally I arrive in England

and a guy picks me up at airport

and drives me out to Amandas in the south west of England

it takes a couple of hours

im ecstatic to be off the plane

and we talk about Boris and Brexit and ww2

as we zoom thru the soft grey drizzle of 2nd of September

when I get to Amandas I seem to get jet lag for about a week

and I just sleep on and on and on

I wake up occasionally to stumble round the village and in the woods

its early autumn

we stop and eat blackberries but not all of em are that sweet

sometimes we rehearse the songs and run thru our paces

but mostly I seem to sleep

I miss my sea pool in Sydney and its rejuvenating qualities

after about 2 weeks Trevor turns up in the van

one sunny morning and we are off n running

down the M( insert number here )

the blur begins

the British motor services with all the cafes and little casinos

and every moto-place in Britain has a special on kids wetsuits

the endless coffees and almond chai lattes

the endless veggie burgers

the endless GPS telling ya where to go

Trevor has to miss a few gigs and I have to drive myself

if theres a way of making a wrong turn then I will do that

I get real unlucky in Edinburgh where the traffic is a bitch

round n round n round

till Ali jumps in the van and shows me where to make the illegal u-turn to get to gig

its murder out there folks

we already did this in the western states of the US but the cities there are easier to navigate

Edinburghs traffic is like a buddhist koan to be penetrated

I try not to lose the plot

its a herculean task all of it

carrying in the stuff

setting it all up

the long soundchecks trying to figure out how to make it sound ok

everyplace different every crew is different

every hotel is different

where do you park?

wheres the key?

wheres my reservation?

the music goes by in a dream

the time on stage which is time in a dream

the strumming guitar

the rippling and pounding piano

the old voice still sometimes surprisingly strong

I mean where is it all coming from?

some nights we hit some lovely things

the audiences were warm and kind

afterwards ya sign stuff then trudge all the gear out and drive away

more GPS malarky maybe or smooth sailing

we talk about the gig

yeah it was good

one morning you wake up n its today

Amanda flew off to Washington DC to play with the P Furs

im here at Heathrow in a day room or something

my flight is still a long ways off

being slightly on the spectrum I guess as you’d say

I suddenly miss being part of something and having a mission

and I feel becalmed in a room at the airport Ibis hotel

all that sound and fury of the tour

did it signify anything ..?

the people and the places and the wild blackberries

now I sit type type type

a truly gloomy room I will leave soon and go to the airport

my flight aint for hours but what can ya do?

adios amigos

see you soon hah!!

still me

you may or may have not noticed that im doing a little uk tour

I will be appearing on the 12 string and vocals

accompanied by my friend Amanda Kramer

who is as you can imagine a very good pianist

most of you know the piano is my favourite instrument

we like the way the piano and 12 string sound together

and sometimes but not always we have produced heavenly overtones

we play the songs we like to play

well you can well imagine and its silly to spell it out

its September and its England

I guess there is some melancholy inherent there

at the end of the day

a song for our supper sir

can I get it without the goat cheese..?

well I think they’re unclean animals…

then I remember

im still me I say to all the ugly mirrors on the congested m5

nonetheless despite all that we will be good

the hammers will fall the resonating strings

we tell the stories of some different men

wow what a tortuous path that has been

a voice in another room : oh man you joking me what a doddle

no one can agree least of all me

I find myself here a bunch of songs

hey somewhere I learned to sing I did a deal

you know I always play F maj 7th

words swirl out of the air and form in my throat

I don’t remember it it has to unfurl

the last bit leads to the next bit

oh for a long time ive been a sorta minstrel

yeah we charmed kings outta prisons

and we blew the blues in piss-ups in breweries

its one thing to do this with a big old loud band

I wake up and im standing alone

but theres a piano playing I guess

im singing im walking around oh im living these songs now

I can’t tell the difference

we play em in LA

we play em in Portland

we play em in Sydney where the larks sobbed overhead at such sweet sounds

I lost my temper in Antarctica and I hurled my blonde guild into the churning sea

becalmed in the tropics we began again on uke and xylophone

the sailors begged us to play on

maybe I dreamed this part up

in the cabin with yellow light

words were filling my head full of song

then I was just a kid

I didn’t want to have to write songs all the time

it seriously got in the way of stuff

its like this black steinway upright its full of music

its like a guitar case  from another time that you thought you lost

its like the fog you plunge into sometimes

you walk along in England

Amanda says hey they will have vegan burgers here

my accent makes people laugh ha ha

but I like that I like to make em smile

yes thats how I talk its all mixed up I suppose

yes please can you leave off the cucumber and mustard

later on I play my guitar its a real beauty

I always had a 12 string guitar you know

on all my earliest demos and for baby grand I had my 12 string

there was no six string acoustic there was only 12

I always play 12 I just realised that

im sitting here outside bath

typing at my laptop in the kitchen

an explanation or forthcoming preview for my uk tour

the sun shines in briefly

its introspection of the worst sort

I smoke hash gloomily deeply plumbing all my lives

I emerge from the reverie still thumping at the keys with my one finger

yeah we jump in a van with our instruments

we turn up and play songs

we drive off to somewhere else

somewhere there is a sweet spot

the words the notes the sounds align

thats it

what is it?

I dunno but thats it

thats what I do and its brief sometimes

its hard to catch

maybe it doesn’t exist

voice in another room : you gotta be listening for it

yeah nobody knows what music is or what songs mean

if they tell ya that then you know its a lie

im just a humble song stitcher you never heard of me

I never existed except for a moment

I was too tired to say goodbye

the final notes are still hanging in the air

its all a dream from here on in

the bongos and the tambourines were fading

we were bumping in the gear up the stairs and it was cold

I was shaking hands with a fan as the snow started to swirl

be careful he says into eternity

dad appears and says well I like the piano

she can really play can’t she…he says

mum: I wish you’d kept up your piano lessons son

dad : its a proper instrument not like a guitar

im having an English dream

the accomodation is a cold cave and its run by a guy

who has hitched 2 giant turtles to a sled and now it pulls him around his island

he charges the tourists for a ride

but im staying here for free on the cold floor because he likes my song

voice in another room : no one knows what music is

I turn left at York and I decelerate as we ease into Brahms

my guitar strap has mosaics that tell the future and I stare into them

its frightening to realise all the latent songs in my guitar

it fucking dwarfs and wearies me

Trev :Steve theres a Starbucks in 15 miles just outside Luton

a smattering of applause

I think about neil young as I crunch alongside a silent canal

the leaves are curling up and I forgot the words to some songs I just wrote

damn that

the mic is not working

im still back at the garage with my malteasers and my Union Jack mug

my guitar is over the misty coast of Albany hovering in tuneful stasis

damp mornings come and go

the piano sounds like a zephyr sweeping through the reeds

it ripples across the landscape and is gone

you stand in its wake at the crossroads where some 2 bit devil is doing some deals

hes got an umbrella and hes smoking a benson and hedges

onstage is a dream it became indescribable

it rolls out

there it goes

I stand back

the long black road

you count to 10 then you open the door

on the other side is now

now now now

you better pick yourself up

dust yourself down

and figure it out all over again

hello him

deities for dummies

Greek Pantheon

*Zeus the big boss

god of thunder and dalliances with mortal women in disguise

like a lotta powerful alpha male types Zeus is often henpecked by his jealous wife

and is pulled around by his daughter

hes kinda analogous to the christian god Jehovah

he gets really upset about stuff he shoulda seen coming

given his omnipotence and all

hes kinda middle-aged but hes still totally the kingpin

but gets angry and confused by all the idiots he has to work with

hes a bit proud and does not like to be slighted

*his missus is of course Hera who is goddess of marriage among other things

which must be frustrating as Zeus is chasing a lot of crumpet around

she’s a nasty vengeful type if you happen to fuck her over or slight her in some way

she’s not afraid to pester her husband about stuff sometimes nepotistic stuff at that too

she got the memory of an elephant and will never forget a grudge

and she got the connections to bring any enemy down good

*Poseidon is another angry bastard

god of the sea and of horses

I think basically he wants Zeus’ gig and is fed up with the sea

another vengeful type hes got lots of nasty ways of killing people up his sleeve

and sometimes he likes to just mess about with your head

when he could just kill ya pow!

hes middle-aged too and and got some wild sons like the cyclops

he can change his mind pretty easily too

sometimes it seems he wants everyone to lose…

*hades

god of the underworld and the dead

an old miserable rich devil

he fucking hates his job but  hes comfortably numb

don’t ask him for a favour

everything has a string attached with this guy

he kidnapped a young starlet goddess called Persephone

but he lets her visit her mother whom is the Earth itself  Demeter

who later started a healthy brand of bread

Hades is his name and Hades is his neighbourhood

he doesn’t say much

* Apollo wow forever a golden youth

god of archery and medicine and music

doesn’t mind  raining his arrows down on the clowns who offend him

if you desecrate his temple or mess with his priestesses

man you gonna feel a plague-tipped bolt right in your backside  as you flee screaming

running from the far sighted archer

still… having invented music and medicine hes allowed the odd angry massacre you would think

his twin sister is

*Artemis

she’s a virgin and she likes hunting animals

she pretty much keeps her head down

and would rather take down a stag with her bow than get involved with all the bull that goes on up at Mt Olympus

where most of the other gods hang out or talk about what the mortals are doing these days

*Aphrodite of course everyone knows she’s the goddess of love love love

she’s a fucking honey and you know it

come on there is no woman like Aphrodite and she is sexy as all hell

she’s a bit of a dumb blonde tho and easily led astray as well as leading others astray

she’s good to have on your side if you wanna date the most beautiful women in the ancient world

( oh man can you imagine them..?)

but not much chop in a battle and not much good at coming up with ideas

her boyfriend is

Ares god of war

a bit of a cowardly custard he causes wars but doesn’t dig fighting much himself

hes a cold hearted SOB but he knows a cracker when he sees one whom is his squeeze Aphrodite

*Hermes

hes the messenger and he is one fucking mercurial cat

he darts through space and time with his winged sandals

which are probably aerodynamically impossible

he is pretty random too

he likes magicians and travellers

hes a bit of joker and is always a grinning beautiful teenager

auspicious if ya got him on yer side

*Athena

goddess of wisdom and stuff like that

although she’s always working her own agenda with her little favourites

and using logic to befuddle her daddy Zeus who can never say no to her

just like all fathers with their daughters…

she sprang right out of his head one day

she is literally a chip off the old block

she’s pretty clever and rational mostly

she thinks Aphrodite is a bimbo and a joke

but Athena is a bit judgemental like that

if she was a politician she’d be a conservative

Norse Pantheon:the Aesir

Odin was the Scandi equivalent of Zeus

but there the comparison ends

Odin does not chase women or fuck about with humans much

hes kinda middle aged tho verging on old but still as powerful as all get out

but hes kinda weary too and fatalistic

he gave one of his eyes for wisdom

and hes a sober grim wise heavy old geezer like Gandalf the Grey or something

hes the all-father and unlike Zeus he has a few nemeses

the frost giants Fenris the wolf the Midgard serpent etc

he knows they’re all gonna wipe each other out at Ragnarok

where everyone will die… good and bad alike

Thor is Odins son and hes a wild brawling old fashioned hero

he didn’t get Odins intelligence but hes a really strong and tough character

he doesn’t have too much to do with humans and not much point in worshipping these guys

in fact they don’t really care if you worship em or not

Thor goes around fighting with the giants and other crazy zany adventures

hes nothing like the guy they got in the current movies

nor is Loki

who is not god of anything but is a total tricky bugger

a bit of a situationist

hes the spanner in the works

and he loves to fuck things up a true Discordian

he loves to take things too far

but he pisses off Thor and does some really evil stuff eventually

which ends up with him suffering an everlasting punishment

with no parole in sight

that im afraid is the extent of it for the Aesir

because all the rest are pretty lifeless and boring

and all the real action is around the good the bad and the ugly

ie O, T and L

Hindu Pantheon

*Vishnu is the main man of the Hindu gods

he expands himself into all the other gods

and he experiences himself and the world as avatars

An avatar is not your picture on social media

an avatar is an extension or incarnation of Vishnu

Like Krishna or Rama

these avatars usually don’t know that they are Vishnu

they appear as half human demi gods to relish material and spiritual existence

they have wives and lots of wives if they want

they do heroic deeds and fight crime and irreligion and nescience

they are handsome rich strong charismatic youthful rockstar gods

like Indian Apollos or Hercules

Krishna in some way is christlike

with a manifesto and with a lotta good advice or as one would say life hacks

he can do whatever he likes hey hes the godhead

unlike the Norse gods the Hindu gods have no real enemies

except the demons who don’t ever stand a chance of mutiny

*Shiva hes the destroyer to Vishnus preserver

but him and Vishnu arent fighting about it

Shiva steps in to wind things up when the fat lady sings at the end of all time

before it call gets rolled out again

Vishnu has created Maya which is illusion

and everyones tangled up in it

Shiva has a son

Ganesha the elephant god

hes a wise jolly reasonable god and quite approachable

he sure likes sweetened milk drinks which explains his weight

he will remove obstacles too so worship him if ya got any

*Kali is one scary mother

good if she’s on yer side but quite a psycho if she’s lost it

she’s got a necklace of skulls and decapitated heads and she’s dancing around

steer clear of her if yer fainthearted

you’re after Aphrodite not her…

Judaeo Christian Pantheon

*Jahweh/Jehovah

by Jove hes a cranky pants god

hes a bit like Poseidon

a nasty customer to tangle with

and very sensitive to criticism

and kinda fickle

he has his favourites and he likes to play around with his human beings

testing em and that kinda thing

(I mean why would you bother..?)

he loses his temper with his creations and nukes cities and drowns worlds

he sends wild bears to tear up rude youths

and lets his fave people run riot in the biblical times

it always seems to go wrong

unlike Zeus and Vishnu but like Odin

Jehovah has an adversary called Lucifer

good loving’ gone bad Lucifer has recruited half the angels

and they got kicked outta heaven

and now they wanna collect human souls

so Jehovah wants human souls and so does Lucifer

but just why that is ive never really figured out

In the end Jehovah will presumably crush Lucifer

but why doesn’t he do us all a favour and just do it now

sometimes they even hang out together to discuss how the game is going

and Lucifer can even goad J. into doing cruel and unusual things to his fave guys

*Jesus Christ is very much like an avatar of Jehovah

in as much as he comes to earth to experience human life and teach the locals

and like Krishna he is not sure exactly who he is

but unlike Krishna who is like a smaller version of Vishnu

Jesus is a much nicer cat than his father

hes a pretty reasonable cooled out man with a new approach

in fact much of what he says is the opposite of what J has said

and he very much was urging to give peace a chance

he only lost his temper a few times and there was not a lot of damage done either

hes got a good way of explaining things

and the way he says stuff goes down well the the ordinary folks

it makes sense

*hes a bit like Buddha

Only Buddha isn’t a god hes just an enlightened guy

who’s jumped off the wheel of endless karma

he goes into nirvana in the end

I dunno what thats like but I wouldn’t mind finding out

the end

SKUKTOURposter

uk tour with Amanda . see ya there

there they are

dad took us to see the film

only there was no real film

oh yes there was a screen

there was a screen with a sort of blurry moving painting

there was a story

but it wasn’t much of a story either

there was no story to be told

but dad said sssh its everyones story

its not my bloody story you whispered under your sweet breath

but then you realised yes it was your story

the story of you and every you ever

a meaningless dreamy miasma of your deepest souled lives

this then was us and everybody there even those not watching the screen

we realise we are not part of this as the audience

the film has jumped out of the screen and included us

thats made me feel strange dad… I said

sssh..! said dad can’t you two be quiet..?

we watch on as the dismal crackly film thing starts up

it  is a sour English summer afternoon

only its not England

its somebody idea of England who’s never been there

a stupid made up England

with too much strange vegetation and recorded bird song

and the grey bitter sky for that summer afternoon

as the old professor and black cat trudge along

a lane hemmed in with old bricks bursting with bloom

old weary man his prime long ago carrying his suitcase

seen so much better days in a dreamlike past that never really happened

what did it all mean now..? as he trod the silent road to his next show

the black cat walked along at his side the size of a small panther

she was as tired as her old master too

and she half heartedly chased small woodland creatures away

what is it girl ? the professor would mutter

as they headed deeper into an unwelcoming afternoon

as they walked in a place that had no time

we had no more time now

oh I began to see

its good… dad said to us in a whisper

sssh… said someone behind us

I hope the cat can talk… you said to dad then

maybe she I can I don’t know of course not… said dad

sssh!… said someone in front of us

the old professor

professor of what..? I wondered

professor of something though anyway… the whole audience thought

yes he’s got the old black dusty suit and a crumpled hat

hey you..! I said… give me some of those chocolates..

give him some of the chocolates… dad hissed at you and I smiled

and then

please just watch the bloody film… he implored us

sssssh! said some behind us

oh shuttup.. said dad over his shoulder

meanwhile the old professor and his rather large cat trudged on towards wherever they were going

sometimes it seemed they were on some old train

or riding along on a horse drawn cart

but I rubbed my eyes…

hey wake up! dad said… you’re falling asleep

it didn’t seem to matter if you were awake or asleep for this film anyway

in my day dream I was the old professor and I had been walking along forever

sometimes I grumbled to the cat about things

that last bloody hotel, kitten

they doubled charged us for my tomato soup

I searched through my pockets for money

they were full of strange bits and pieces

little machines and diagrams and yes there was some money

but what a strange faded currency it was

the coins nearly worn smooth

the notes all wrinkled and ripped

who was that sad king staring out in shade of palest grey..?

well how about that..?

one minute im just a boy watching a film

next minute im the old professor walking along with the black cat

as I grumble the cat sits and listens and with her body she indicates agreement or disagreement

when I tell her ive lost my bloody glasses too

she walks away dismissively until groping my forehead oh no ha ha

I had them on all the time

my head is bursting with stuff

all the meaningless blah blah blah of mathematics and literature

all those stupid paintings and symphonies and architectural blueprints

all those flying machines and gas lamps and mechanical squeezers

what did any of it avail him now..?

the black cat the afternoon the road the hedge the wall the puddles

the beginning of a light cold rain

the cat runs into a graveyard at the side of the road

oh no kitten no come out of there… says the old professor

as the cat jumps between the weeds and cracked angels

all the faded names on  the broken stones

the names of everyone watching the film

the camera dwells on all the names

how I envy the dead.. someone sighs

someone else says shhhh!

dad squeezed your hand

its only a film.. he said

they walk on down the road as the afternoon never changes

grumble grumble grumble

no they never fixed that hole up did they, kitten…?

and my goodness every time it rained well I got a letter from the library

it said that I never returned that book but I did

look I have the slip in my pocket don’t I …?

they just say anything and expect you to pay don’t they

they must think we were born yesterday.. he said

as he reached into his pockets looking for things

I was sure the film must be nearly over when they finally got to wherever it was they were going

when I thought about it later

I wasn’t sure if it was a stately little castle

or a rowdy inn full of beastly villains

or if it was a door in a tree

but there they were

here they are

no here we are

we sat down at a table and they brought us out some food

yes kitten yes I know you’re hungry too…as I popped a piece of cake into her mouth

the people in that place are weird and frightening dad…you whispered

yes well im sure they are supposed to be…dad whispered back

everyone in the place looked like some kind of animal

there were men who looked like goats and pigs

and disgusting spidery women

and  the  old lady that looked like a sheep plonked  down a mug of dark ale

the old professor lets the black cat lick at the foam

yes yes you were a thirsty little cat weren’t you kitten he mutters

the cat looks up from her lapping

and for a moment her foamy whiskers make the old professor laugh

a laugh which turns into an awful wheezing cough

a big rough looking man with a jutting jaw sits down opposite

I’m you’re fuckin’ ‘ospitality manager he grunts unsmilingly

what animal is he supposed to be…you whispered

a bull I think I said

dad butted in …oh really I thought he was a kind of a camel

we both giggled at this

yet at the moment he just looked like some awful old man

eat your cakes drink your beer and then lets ‘ave some fuckin’ music please squire

the old professor scowled at the man

I certainly hope your piano is in tune sir… the old professor said in his most aloof accent

my fuckin’ piano (he pronounced it piana) is so in tune you won’t fuckin’ believe it.. said the man

anyway we’ve ‘ad much more popular acts play here than you and none of’ ’em complained

oh yes..? I said and the old professor said it at the same time as me

and which acts are you referring to that are more popular than us..?

‘ere you got tickets on yourself ‘avent you..said the man

but last week we had Lucy Crow appearing with the Birches

at this remark the cat hissed

and the old professor said in indignation

but surely sir that act is a juggling act and therefore does not use the piano

I didn’t say they used it..the man said

I said they never complained

there seemed little to be argued about

the old professor was defeated

all this way to be talked to like that …he said to the cat

who blinked her eyes and shook her head in agreement

this crowded miserable inn

in an inn and in and in muttered the old professor

alright he says and where is the artists changing rooms

im afraid the artist changing rooms are under renovation

and therefore you can just go straight on from here…said the man

airs and bloody graces …exclaims the man shaking his big rough head

I give you five minutes and on you go..! the man said and got up and walked away

the old professor sat there glumly sipping at his ale

with his other hand he stroked the cats head

bloody idiots the lot of them,  kitten

I blame myself but they’re still all idiots

the black cat did not react but licked her paws and rubbed her face

I told the man who sold us our umbrella and he knew who I was

I mean who I am of course ha ha

his muttered rant is drowned in the din of the inn

but in my mind I can hear his voice go on and on

his list of grievances against the world at large

the price of butter

the shortness of breath

the long wait for summer and then rain

if only I could get properly warm

the damn nettles and the damn little stones in my shoe

and then

and then it was time to go on

a tiny little stage with an upright piano

and crimson worn out curtains

theres a table onstage with some gin and a vase of flowers

the cat sits behind the piano

we can’t see this clearly because of the film

but she can somehow play the piano

and she plays scales up and down and tries out little phrases

but it is the strangest music you have ever heard

I like it… I said

oh I don’t… you said

as the cat played the piano the old professor began to sing

and this was his song

oh snake in a ditch 

elusive and rich 

the loveliest venom which causes the twitch

and the worm and the toad that goad you to fold

the silence of rats that gnawed in the cold 

(at this line the cat did a flourish and growled )

you feathery thing Im standing here singing for you 

the blackberries thorns and the bunions and corns 

the damp pulse of your heart 

the wiry start to your flight 

take me to where you hibernate 

because im oh so tired and its oh so late

lost in a fog on a dog of an afternoon 

(again the cat growled)

I dream of a stream with the life of a bream

close to the earth or deep in the ground

where all truth is to be found

the old professor left off singing and did a little dance

the cat played on with a kind of three four waltz

but the chords were never the ones you were expecting

and I felt breathless trying to keep up with whatever the music was supposed to be

but then you suddenly understood a few seconds later but it was too late

his dance was awkward and weird

he seemed out of sync with himself and the music

the audience cheered and roared and some seemed to turn into the animals they were

the old sheep lady walked around with her tray of beer

and she haggled with the drinkers in her bleating voice

when the song was over the audience exploded into applause

seems the idiots like us… the old professor muttered in the cats ear

she began the second song

oh but it went on for so long and before long I was hypnotised

the croaky voice of the old man

his words about eels and cranes and the rate at which red roses wilt

and the fields and the woods and the biggest city he’d ever seen

trees aflame in arctic nights

and falling stars that shot across your sleepy sky

the wonderful whirl of slumber

the bark of the oak the purr of the fir

the voice of the leaves that says your name in your dream

the song and film suddenly stop

the screen  is a black oblong accompanied by the soft whirr of the projector

after about 10 seconds the old professor and the cat appear

the colour is different somehow and they both look a little changed

the old professor strokes the cats head

you’ve been such a good girl… he mumbles as he falls asleep

such a good such a good girl

the cat sits on the bed for awhile

before we see her jump out of the open window onto the rooftops and away

the credits roll

a sad orchestra crackle out a theme

the lights come on

dad just sits there in his seat

oh boy I fell asleep.. he says

it was the morning and they were leaving.. dad said

what happened then..?

we looked at each other

and we turned and followed him out of the cinema

judgement

after the soy turkey is cut and the elderberry juice is put away

me and the twinnies frolicking on a sandbar out in the aqua sea

I have a vodka n orange juice with Adam in the green shade

people everywhere talk talk talk

so many people down at the beach

as the day goes long I fall into my dream

they all say hello to me tho most em aren’t sure who I am

voice in another room: who are you again..?

the water is effervescent and refreshing

eve and aurora are such lovely kids

the wind whistles in my dripping earrings

the sun burns down on pale English skin

ghosts of Christmas pass

if ever a man was drowning on dry land

my mind pulls me under

the universe in a drop of ocean water

life in a tiny second

hey man I met you at the state

some nice bloke with his kids

and you are..? I say

im no-one mate honestly 

I look out at the azurest coast

my hourglass daughters patiently tanning in the fading light

merry Christmas 

says the bloke and wanders away

so many stupid tattoos everywhere

the sand is soft and warm to my sensitive soles

the dream comes on then

I look around in wonder at it all

the sea the people the red Santa hats

its Christmas in my dreamy old dream

it takes on an anecdotal vignette quality

with everything set to ‘glow’

I musta seen a million Christmases by now

the swirling currents and the salty smell

always the girls lying in the sand and I’m talking to some geezer

the music plays on in my head

rings on in my ears

Christmas on Bondi beach

there is great variety

stunning Adonis youths from some euro winter strut arrogantly

lithe mermaids crash into pasty couch potatoes

the biblical looking guys kicking the balls

their female companions are all manicured n dyed queens of Sheba

I stop for awhile in the shade in a glade off the beach

where the twisted sea trees grow

what do I know

im dreaming it all up in my fevered night

the mosquitos whine

the cockroaches grind

the ants whispering in a procession across the floor

I banged me knee into something in the dark

the serpent in the tree says come hither to me

the leopard in my head says leave em for dead

sleep is elusive for a genius sometimes and for me too

I seep out of myself and rise up through the sky

down on earth my body walks around without a soul

the mind is control

I go into shop and I cop some  free sweets from a lolly jar

I meet my friend the rising star he knows who you are

hes on tv a few times a week

down on Neptune street we walk to his flat

he lives with some French chick and her cat

I stand out on that lovely deck and gaze at the cloudy night

its brilliance and stupidity inside of me having a fight

you can see my pool from here a green soft glimmer in the moon

soon midnight has come and gone and the ocean is still

we go to a Christmas party just up the road in Oberon street

its a big house with a lamplit garden with a crowd spilling out of the house

theres loads of famous people here the newsreader and the crims they never catch

theres the guys who plays drums with that big band that comes from overseas

theres that actress star of stage and screen she’s been on holiday in Viet Nam

I am gonna get an introduction i suppose after all she uses my song in one of her shows

some people drinking and jumping in the pool

no im at home in my bed and im sleeping

no now its New Years eve

Coogee is inundated with a million dodgy looking little types

carrying slabs of beer

while all around the signs flash ZERO ALCOHOL

the sea temp is cold

so a thousand tourists sit there not daring to go in

the fireworks tonite yawn

I only liked fireworks when I was lighting em and doing something stupid

but it’ll be same old rockets same old explosion

same old crowd going ooooh ahhhhh

same old claustrophobic being in the middle of a load drunken yobbos

bah fucking humbug again

come on midnight

let all the Hoi Polloi get home safely

until next year

your roving hero and reporter

more Bloggs in 19 4 sure

sjk

31 dec 2018

neg

when I woke up the air in the caravan was sacredly still

Kathy had slipped outta bed without waking me

it was slightly raining outside

I lay there listening thru my damaged ears

only making out the faintest pitter patter through the ringing on of 5000 gigs

I looked at the objects she had collected from the shoreline

I smiled as I realised the significance of each thing

and why she had chosen this shell from a plethora of shells

why she had picked up that little bit of smooth green glass

she had arranged the objects like a garden on the window sill

god it was still and quiet this morning

in the early morning rain everything was hushed

the sea crashing on the shore muted in the thick rainy air

I sat there eating a bowl of cornflakes with rice milk n Manuka honey

I was in my cut off jeans and t.rex t-shirt

the rain stopped

when I went outside she was sitting in her deck chair reading an old newspaper

ha ha she said i’m reading an interview with this actor

and he’s saying that he’s so happy with his new wife and he thinks this is the one

and it’ll surely last forever..

and..? I said

well they broke up a month after he said all this stuff…she smiled sadly

and tilted her head on one side questioningly before a soft sigh appeared and was gone

she shrugged her shoulders and sorta squinted at me

well..?

we both shook our heads

she was dressed in my white shirt that was old and very big on her

as some crickets started up somewhere in the bush

and a crow called cawing up in the air

next to the beach was a system of little rivulets that we would wander

a helicopter flew overhead momentarily shattering our idyll

the sky was warm and humid and overcast

dreamy dreamy days passing in a watercolour hazy place

the residue of memory other times other places

the sweet snow that falls upon us as you sleep

the startled egrets that suddenly lift

the shadow of remorse that dogs all people not just me n you

we sat on the banks of a stream

it was not possible to know where the sun was in that sky

the nimbus hung down like a cosmic blanket softening everything

the still water was dark occasionally disturbed by some fishes ripple

there were flowers blooming in colours out of a Childs paintbox

there were dragonflies and languid bees

I sat with my arm around her shoulders

her smell was warm and fragrant in the thousand hours of that morning

how you feeling..?

yeah she smiled and tilted her head

as we looked into each others eyes there was an ineffable subtext

her eyes asked my eyes questions

to which my eyes could not lie

she searched my mind for awhile

peering in as our gazes were locked in the thousand seconds of that minute

she rushed into my head and took down everything I had had arranged

a dopey fly landed on my arm and I flicked it away

her smile was a half smile but the eyes were still gazing

we sat on the bank and the soft rain began again

I don’t care she said

its nice isn’t it…I said

yeah its kinda erotic

ha ha

its kinda sensual then

whats the difference between sensual and sensational..?

its both…

ha…

the raindrops were so delicately crafted

they were tiny miniatures of raindrops

and they evaporated and left you kissed but strangely dry

the rain touched us Kathy but it left no trace

we felt no need too talk much it sounded much too loud

I was singing some song to myself

even in my mind I get the words wrong to my songs and everybody elses

it drives people mad but I coddle myself by saying its endearing

I want to dive into your ocean..

at that very moment I knew she completed it in her own mind

is it raining with you..?

we looked at each other

how did you do that..?

we walked away into a field of blackberries

the blackberries were delicious

but oh fuck I got pricked by their nasty thorns like a clumsy bear

the tiny rain fell on n on

the earth received it gratefully

the birds were singing in the close distance

if the world was indeed spinning there was no sense of it here

there was no ulterior motive behind anything

the creatures did their thing

the elements were beautiful exorbitant colours

the sky such a lovely mothering grey

the humans observed as humans were meant to observe

we observe each other

we observe ourselves

we observe our observations of the world

when we went back to the caravan she put  bandaids on my leg and fingers

oh my poor man you been in the wars she said from within her permanent dream

we drank a cup of tea and she read the newspaper again

I rolled a joint

the morning stretched out in my imagination

I didn’t ever want to go back to Sydney

it all seemed like another life

in the little caravan by the sea

all those machinations seemed improbable

she knew what I was thinking

and she nodded and smiled and went back to reading

it was only ten o’clock

it would never be yesterday

64 not out

here I am baby you know where to find me

im back in the USA yeah you gotta be across all that

im in a holiday inn in Long Beach how rocknroll is that?

im playing a rock festival in a few hours oh boy

so old still leading this childish life

hummin’ n a’strummin’ all over gods world

and I like it I like it I like it I like it

here we go o rockin’ all over the world

fuckin’ rock n roll baby hail hail hail

me and my bass yeah

im a dumb ass old rocker going deaf and laying down a riff

starfish the album in its ENTIRE fucking TY

Ploog n Marty long gone I say oh my n a boo hoo

but we got Tim n Haugy n Caino boy those cats sure know how to rock

they make it look easy

thirty years just slipped by in the twinkling of an eye

all that stuff disappeared into times maw

im still here baby rockin n rollin

not yet in ashes or in jail or in some lonely place

still quaffing the applause and drinking limelight juice

still twinkling around that old stagey stage ha ha listen to me

some pale ole Cassius clay spruiking his fading star into the ether

still fuck you’ll miss me when im fucking gone

when I’ve sung UTMW for the final gig n they lay me down in my cheap box

when my voice of ripped velvet is silent

when my nimble fingers are stiff and cold

ha ha ha

no more starfish then

‘less they get a replacement n fuckin carry on with it

good luck to em

and that idiot whoever ever it is replaceth me

good luck old son rock hard and remember to lunge

suffer the slings n arrows of outrageous fortune you ninny

cos being a rocker is the best gig in the world

bar nun

your humble handsome scribe Long Beach cali 30th sept 2018

stranded

no alcohol beyond this joint

no curtain to blow

no zephyrs to stack

i chase to the cut

what the fuck is that

kero whack

i’m had a drink

i’m a million feet tall

i’m all over town down at town hall

faster than speed faster than bridges

faster than vista faster than slower

my giddy mind of a whorl

i’m a little girl with a grudge

i’m lower case no punk dew australasian

you don’t know what i don’t know

love in gestation above a stationary moon

the womans voice outside the skin of the night

she calling Steef

Steef are you in there tonight

Steef can I have some water

this sea is too salty to drink I think I oughta go

minerva please stay i’m talking to stone here

she say i’d rather play my song on my own here

I stick on music I tear off some art

I run over a number when 12 oclock start

I feel everything too right down to the darkening

deeper than dna the visitors harkening

my dreaming

steef steef wake up i’m leafing

the starz are freezing steef

yes space is for keeping

yet here you are sleeping

we can see ourselves out

its such a long way home but we get there so quick steef

we get there like magic

we get there by stealth

steef we just disappear here and turn up somewhere else

steef I love you and

look we took something

but we gave something too

you’ll find out one day

thats the least we could do

roundup

after the fire had died down and the ashes cease to glow

Sandbar beach is black against a black sea

the horizon cannot be seen there is no moon in the sky

the shells all jostling in the glassy tide

the trees gently wave along the tiny path

I step behind you blindly in the inky air

in the warm night

the silken thread of a dream

your ghostly back in a one piece navy bathing suit

your spine illuminated from some vague internal luminescence

your chakras zinging

the blood moving around inside you red and blue

you unzip the jungle we arrive at your caravan

you never lock the door

you say there is never anyone here

inside you sit at the table

I sprawl on the bed

the trees gently scratch the roof

its so warm so quiet except for the sound of the sea

you drink from a green bottle of cider

its all so quintessentially Australian its almost unbearable

Kathy, you and I, here in this Australia…

this new Australia

you make a cup of tea on the little stove

the billy whistles

liquorice root and honey

two mugs and some ginger biscuits

you sit down on the bed and give me my cup

we sit there in the silence

a comet rushes overhead making no sound

a creature stirs in the bush some nocturnal marsupial climbing a tree

the blood worms corkscrew in the sand

the trees to the tips of their leaves are all conscious

your face so like my own face

your fading tired face Kathy oh how I love it

the years  have adorned it with lovely lines

and the colour in your eyes has lightened to a soulful pale

you lie behind me kissing my neck

you call this ‘the soothes’

do you want ‘the soothes’ ..?  you’d say

my poor man oh boy he’s had a long day…you’d say…

my poor boy oh man…

you lie behind me whispering things I can’t really hear

the way you’d whisper to a cat or a baby or the way you’d whisper a prayer

the way you’d whisper the names of the devil

or the way you used to whisper the answers during a test in class

the way you’d whisper I love you the first time

the way you’d whisper goodbye the last time

the way our parents whispered when they didn’t want us to hear

Steven are you still awake..?

you were whispering

Kathy i’m here i’m still listening… I say

you talk about the fire on the beach

how those flames roared in the wind..!

how the fire devoured the driftwood and roared for more

armies were marching in the fire on the beach..!

a dog barked miles away in the camping ground

and the wind carried its faint echo to our ears

miles out at sea black whales were moving south seeking cold water

is it too warm for a blanket?

you slipped off your swimsuit and

youre holding me still faintly damp n cool

I’m still fucking tripping..! you said as you wriggled around

me too..! I say and I shudder a little

I’m worn out and I want to go to sleep

we ate and we swam and we fucked on the beach in the black night

we found the wood and we lit the fire

we smoked and we drank and we laughed and we cried

we frightened each other and we begged the other to stop

I kissed her in the darkness and there was nothing to see

her mouth was a portal to some place warm where I felt safe

we sat crosslegged in our bathers as the fire raged in the Australian night

there was no one for miles

the salt had dried on our skins

I could not remember my name

my heart glowed within my chest

where we touched there was an electric blue line

you giggled gleefully like a naughty child as the flames danced and disappeared

and then reappeared from the blackness with a rip

as the fire sank low you lay across my lap and dug your brown fingers into the white sand

there was a splash in the lagoon

a white thin bird arose from its nest with a mournful cry

and we could hear its wings beating in the wild night

out to sea there…a boat..!

no its gone again…

I carry your towel

oh well you are just too kind…you say

yeah sure ha ha

we both laugh

not gonna chuck in the fucking towel just yet…

more ha ha-ing

frogs and insects all start up somewhere out there

the night is alive

our love is deep

the world is enormous yet contained for all of that

darling

you say

one day tell me what happened with those tiny white scars on your back…

yes

I say

quite dreamily

one day

I will