The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

just before ricky left
we was talkin’ one day about the great lies of rocknroll
you know
you must have heard em
eg
your cheques in the mail etc
one of the greatest lies of rock is
we got plenty of phone calls
that is
you turn up and you aint sold no tickets
but someone tries to cheer you up
by saying
“we got plenty of phone calls”
me n ricky agreed
this was one of the greatest n most prevalent lies
a lie i had heard so many many times
yet i had failed to realise it actually
although i always knew in my heart of hearts what it really meant
me n ricky had a good laugh
yeah i’d be on the lookout for that one again
anyway
last night,….
well a guy emailed me a few weeks ago
would i like to play this hotel
i was offered a certain very small amount of money
which i presumed i’d get no matter what
again
i knew in my heart of hearts not to do this gig
but i fucking did…didnt i..?
could it have been worse…?
a wet tuesday
no real advertising
tho would it have made much difference..?
so i turn up
the promoters out the front
looking for punters
(a bad sign)
theres no one there
maybe 20 to 30 he says
but
“we got plenty of phone calls”
inside a kinda big venue
that coulda held 5 hundred people
with a bout 15 people
(who i am grateful for i guess)
i played miserably
i couldnt get my eyes open to focus on
all that empty space
i ran through my set in a blur
wishing it was over
could find nothing interesting funny or pithy to say
i was useless
so now even the 15 there
will never come again
after my pathetic n sad set
(“sometimes when this place gets kinda empty”
ha ha ha)
am informed
that there is no money to pay me
which is understandable enuff
i dont blame anyone
i slink off home
beaten n depressed
all that for nothing!
couldnt sleep all night
now i really feel old n washed up
i really do
and i prob’ly have another hiding
coming up on this saturday night in manly
a real glutton fer punishment

ps its the doodles ninth birthday today
happy birthday eve n aurora

sk

time was catching up with me
it always had been
my dream world had ruptured
and the bitch i called baby had come flowing in
the gigs and exhibitions had dropped right off
a rainy afternoon it had always been
i wait for her down by the docks
i’m pretty nervous these days
i see things
i overhear conversations from a great distance
now i’m really broke
and broken too
my flat is a mess
i aint paid the rent
nobody home
but babys home
what does she do but sleep all day
at night she goes out somewhere i suppose
she comes in late
early in the morning
like a lost lamb
she drifts within
baby where have you been i ask
nowhere daddy she says as she floats thru the rooms
this is breaking my heart i say
what exactly is it thats breaking that heart of yours she asks
all this i gesture the room the piano the empty bottles
the dead flowers
the dishes
the cds lying around
nevermind all that she says kissing and soothing me down
i love you she says with her fingers crossed and her eyes vacant
i touch her in different places
oh daddy you are weird she murmurs
who did you say was weird? i suddenly snap
you baby you you are weird…she says
no dont ever call me that i say getting cross
look in the mirror you fool she saying
no this is fucking bullshit i say
then look in the mirror big daddy…see how weird you are
i stumble to the mirror in the bathroom
babys had a bubble bath
the room smells so sweet and warm
baby lies in the bath reading magazines eating chocolates
she lies in the bath drinking champagne n smoking hash oil
now i look in the mirror
black mirror ugly mirror
oh god i am weird
yes yes its me baby i’m babbling
i’m in here in the mirror
i can see it all so clearly now
baby in the bath wriggles about
weird and strange
i remember now
the genesis of weird
how he came to be
out of nearly nothing
like all of us he said
weird as in sick
weird as in weirded out
as in mixed up in everything
fingers in all those pies
a foot in the grave
a nose for trouble
a head full of bad ideas
ooh he liked to hurt em
hurt em good and leave em in the cold
he hit and ran
is that weird that its only really me
have i done it all to myself
i begin to laugh with relief
baby in the bath laughs too and giggles coquettishly
baby nude as usual and dangerously sloshed
why you laughing daddy she asks
because because i laugh
i am weird i am weird indeed
look at your pupils like saucers she said
all the better to see you in the dark someone says
look at your beard all white she said
and only yesterday …….i said
only yesterday you were young she said
i looked in the mirror
i was so changed
i hardly new myself
youth had been so brief
a day or 2 maybe
then this
how long will i be old i cried out
and baby laughed as she lied in the bath
ha ha ha she laughed and splashed about
no no no
i said
the face in the mirror mouthed the words
weird coming through me
weird appeared
mr weird himself
at the back of all mirrors
behind every wall
inside all those coffins
in bed with your wife
dealing from the bottom of the pack
baby just lay there
weird was smiling at her
you two know each other
i hear myself saying
yes you could say that weird said lewdly
i felt suddenly breathless
baby and …..this
i take good care of my girls he said
weird and his entourage
busy old mr weird
the arranger
the fixer
the detailer
the receiver
i remember he had said come and see me…whatever you need
thats where i met my baby
wasnt it?
then one day i knocked on the door of this niteclub
in the where-house districts
down by the terminus at the end of earle street
a skinny guy opened the door
what you want? he barked at me
mr weird….i said
his face turned black
mr weirds dead, mate
dont ever ask for him again!
the skinny guy pushed me away
and closed the door
i was left hanging out and freezing in the cold
no where to turn to
no one to go
i was in the criminal milieu now
besides inside myself i was confused
i only ever used my shooter on myself
and my only crime was my gross stupidity
yeah i killed off some characters….in a book
but mr weird only had 3 endings
jails
institutions
or
death
i didnt wanna see baby go down or get fried
i didnt want to see her tried and framed
i stood up quickly and banged my headline
my agent had warned me
youre fucking finished he said
i’m pulling the plug said his partner
weird was there too laughing
your day is over he said
when i couldnt pay off babys pearls and wine
when i couldnt come up with the deposit for her
when i was old and busted up
she left right away
left right
left right
left right
halt
a limo pulls up
a hand opens a door
i see it all from my window
baby jumps in
a man in a uniform collects her suitcases
a man with no face
a man with no life
i just stand there
i remember all this
as mr weird stands in my bathroom
baby gets out the bath
he hands her a towel
and nuzzles her throat
what you gonna do he laughs
its then i realize how much i love her
as shes falling into those arms again
oh god ive been a blind fool
i’m muttering something
i feeling in my pockets for something
i dunno what tho
someone hands me a gun
a gun?
me?
a gun a gun a gun
go on use it they say
go on shoot they all say
this is a toy i say incredulously
its real baby says baby
fire
fire
fire
the shots ricochet round n round
bang
bang
bang
i blast away at the night
i blast away at the sky and stars
i blast away at the past
i blast away at my self
the cops show up
throw down your baby and come out says the megaphone
i never hurt no one i scream out
much laughter outside
baby hands me a phone
whats that for i ask
you entitled to one more call she says
call an undertaker someone suggests
more laughter
baby looks sad
mr weird looks tired
his eyes are blank and unsmiling
you got me he says at long last
you got me good
someone claps and laughs but is soon silent
music fades up in the background
beautiful mancini strings playing the saddest song of all
the cops break down the open door
the cavalry arrive
and the romans at the foot of the cross
realise that theyve crucified the wrong guy
why is life so fucking sad baby i ask out
as i’m taken away
as i’m led below
as hades signs my incoming documents
and wearily pluto stamps my passport
as i lie in my bed eating my heart out
as i agonize through physio with my crushed limbs
as a quiet night falls down
and i get a new face in a new town
where no one knows me
and i try to forget baby
and i try to just get on with it
and go “straight”

inner city bar
mr w sits in the back room
you play poker he asks
he grabs your lips and squeezes them together
he brushes your arm with his bad hand
opens a coke
in the silent room you can hear it fizzing
baby sits by his side
i’d hate to ever hurt you she said
a cat screams outside in an alley
cars pull up n drive off
cockroaches sprint from one greasy corner to the next
rats sleep in the walls
the first card falls
the queen of hearts
that must be baby
sweet baby face
little babycino
your brain scrambles madly
queen of hearts
the red cells
the blue cells
the tireless aorta ever beating
monarch of blood engorged dirty drum
squeezing that bloody ichor round your body
queen of heart-ache
baby smiles distantly
the second card falls
jack of diamonds
is that me
diamonds are forever baby said
baby gave me 2 white diamond shaped pills
diamonds are a girls best friend she said
i had swallowed them doubtfully
they stuck in my chest and their bitter taste scorched my throat
the jack of all trades…wasnt that just like me
a real jack ass someone else said behind a desk
the third card fell
of course
the fucking joker!
it was mr w’s card
everyone there laughed
i relax my grip on my chair
my armpits are gushing ice cold sweat
my stomach feels empty and sick
my feet are frozen
my teeth chatter faintly
keep still ! hisses a cruel voice
maybe we should take a ride baby said
she had been lying on her stomach
looking back at me and all her past
the motel had a little balcony
someone had filmed us as she stood at the edge
i was kneeling down behind
baby was smoking and sighing with pleasure
it had only been hours ago
maybe the clock had stopped
baby had slipped off her pants
she was just laying there
do whatever you like …someone said
…but be careful… whispered a tremulous voice at my ear
a bright light was shining in my eye
any reaction said cop # 1
this ones dead said cop#2
i wanted to scream out i couldnt move
a crowd of people gathered round
cmon folks, move along said a voice
it was mr weirds soft chuckle as he said it
i felt hands on me
baby was sitting on my knee kissing him
oh boy i said and they all had a good laugh
you dont look so good said one of babys friends
i was perspiring and feverish
i was moving against baby persistently
lets have a look at you said mr weird
i was on the passengers side
baby was in the back lying on her stomach again
the radio emitted a newsflash
a floodwarning
the rain at that very moment fell
nobodys driving whispered that same voice at my ear
cop#1 was digging a grave
cop#2 was smoking a rum-dipped cigar when the rain began
hey gimme a fucking hand here says #1
they lower mr weird down
down down down
it was a long way down
in total blackness he was sleeping
down by the river in a little grove of trees
no baby baby said
you were having a bad dream
shes straddling my chest and looking down
i’m trying to climb out of the earth
you was wrong about that one says cop#1
baby wake up says baby
i feel her hands miles away pulling me out
dont pull me out baby not yet says that whispery voice
mr weird takes out a five gram bag of white powder
put this on him he says to someone off camera
cop #2 tastes the powder
well whaddya know he says
baby cuts out a line on a mirror
she rolls up a note
i lay down my hand
the cop wipes the dirt of his spades
the diamonds work inside me
rubbing together incessantly
mr weird tours the clubs
and theres baby with my broken hearts
baby wriggling on her stomach like a little white serpent
baby my lovely constrictor
baby who can swallow you down
whats he got? someone asks
king high nothing….someone suggests
are you bluffing ?says baby over her shoulder
he aint bluffing….are you says mr weird-o
his breath is like vanilla cookies
his eyes never focus on anything
he talks at me not to me
if you gonna do it just do it baby said
yeah do it! said some bored voice
let me adjust these lights said cop #1
we want people to know whos behind all this
i stand in a line-up
which of these men is responsible for this ?says cop#2
baby walks up n down the line
she kisses all the guys in the line up in front of me
then when she gets in front of me she says
thats him!
the cops chuckle
i knew it! says #2
mr weird throws in his hand
beats me he says
you mean i’m free to go… ? i ask
no one answers
the phone rings
its babys voice
just go… it says
over and over

pre-crash
grey hours
cant come
struggle
thrash
baby says
oh baby …..
thunder sounds somewhere
the palms moving
the strangers cars
i touch her dress
please be easy with me she said
i whispered sure
sure sure sure
but that feeling was building up
the pressure
the motivator
the prime mover
obsession whips you on
the warm sultry night made for…this
i cant decide in my heart what to do
i gently lay my fingers on her bruised neck
breathe in that smell
warm smell of life
warm safe feeling
the lights change
i decide to accelerate before i realise
my feet push down
my hands grope the wheel in the darkness
i feel her hands go down down
touching me
touching me like i was some kind of monster
with some kinda naive horror of men
the window is veiled in a haze
i cant really see where i’m going
where shall i drop you ?someone laughs back there
i touch a button
and deep in the engine
a sensor convulses and responds
the liquid gushes up in jets
the wipers go into action
i see where we are now she says
as i slide along in the slipstream of speeding van
all the little processes
that keep us where we are…where we going
the fluids circulate
the diaphragms contract and expand
the momentum is beginning
we roll along furiously
explosions but controlled
the complexity of all the systems
guided by satellite
guided by the stars
guided by instinct and intuition
baby changes up automatically
my new baby
my old baby
my noisy baby
crying all night long
as we rush past the used car joints
and the green lights of the flesh districts
i slow down a little
she rolls down the window
see anything you like…?
the radio comes on
some bullshit jungle thing
i slide down into her seats
i touch the chestnut dash
i glance down at the console
where various dials calculate latitude and altitude
i push in my disc
the radio cuts off
a metallic insistent tick tick tick starts up
i am i am i am
yeah its me aint it baby
i never heard of you before tonight
says my little liar
and you know
she gets me so angry
and so worked up
dont be angry daddy
pleads that silly sooky girl
but shes being so cynical and hard bitten
shes not afraid of me
shes goading me
shes using me
shes riding me into the dust
then she’ll just walk away
while i’m crashed and moaning in some motel room 205
when i cant find my keys or my money
i hear the shower going
i burst into the bathroom
and theres baby all clean and pink and white
oh maybe i can forgive her her trespasses
maybe goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life
maybe its ok to do this kind of thing sometimes
maybe god will look the other way
oh honey you seem like a stranger
i watch baby child in the mirror
with one eye on the power
one eye on the light
she pushes herself into my hands
take this and this and this
sometimes the only way to negate this man beast
is to drown in woman
woman woman woman
i am a man destined to love woman
come with me out of our bodies she says
oh daddy wont you come
dont call me daddy you little fool…!
she slaps my fucking face
you little….
yeah fuck you daddy she says
the moon roof opens sucking in night air
oh i know where we going now little daddy
we glide in unison down neptune parade
we swoop across the sleeping city
sweeping up the ghostly spirits
phantom armies marching in the dawn
children taken from their homes
the old drunks lying in glamourous gutters
me n baby dont see or hear
time for your next installment
the phone rings and dies away
baby answers
its her boyfriend mr weird
dont tell him bout me i’m signalling
yeah you know steven shes saying to him
i groan and we swerve suddenly into the wrong exit
that was bloody stupid i screaming at her
yeah
shes so defiant
standing there in the shower
talking to some idiot in her head
wash my back n make yourself useful she says
and her back is broad strong and white
her wet blonde hair falls on her shoulders
dont kiss me wash me she says
as i kangaroo away past the speeed camera
please reduce speed says the sign
but my foot is heavy on the (w)horsepower
you may be filmed using this machine
laughs mr weirds stranger baby
dont put me on the net i growl
oh no i wouldnt do that laughs someone in the room
i wake up and my clothes are all gone
dressed in a towel full of biting tarantulas
people lying around
smoking and murmuring pleasantly
fuck this ! i shout at them
and i find my trousers parked next to my car
jump in baby says my driver
she hits the radio
listen its our song
she says
what about mr weird i ask
oh who…oh ha ha ha
i hadnt thought about him for seconds
look i dont want it all over again…ok?
what baby what?
dont call me baby
and dont call me daddy
ok baby daddy she sneers
you got a nerve being smart to me i say
especially when i’m driving
no daddy i’m driving she says
triumphantly holding up my keys and my wheel
mr weird leans forward from the back seat
yeah uh huh he laughs
i been here all along

the internet is a naked woman with a tigers head on fire
standing in a clearing in the jungle
she rubs her tummy waiting for you to arrive
amazon jungle
lemurian jungle
indian jungle
you are a vine
you are a creeper
you are a poisonous flower swallowing wasps
the parrots scream in the canopy
and wise old snake writhes in the lair
dreaming of a hundred american women
who are all saying
oh yeah baby gimme everything you got!
the internet is a random re distributor
filling your screen with @ @ @ @ @ @s
and stories in spanish about the insatiable cruelty of hombres
and some little chica all alone in the jingling desert winds
and somebody posted it already
and i gotta burn
and i gotta burn off my friend jimmy fire
and the stuff in the pipe bubbled
and marilyn inhales deep
and bobby and john have both had her
and some brutal ape is knocking at her back door
while insignificantly we smuggle albert einstein into the future
and the inevitable black cars cruise up the street
and pick us up
and fly us away to some virtual switzerland
and i wonder then
can william tell…..?
and i sit here punching away on these symbols
some how some one some where
interprets all this and its catalogued according to its nature
then i getta burn in berne
the internet soothes me
coddles me with its curdled milk
and whacks me round the headside with its slow connection
in this very room right now
everything battles it out with everything
at the very end of time
before the last second is spent and done
diamonds rub against diamonds
tungsten fingered machine gives you a good seeing to
saucy milfs predict the weather in houston
and correct your b-grade spelling
i google myself uh oh uh oh
oh that feels good
ooh fucking google me childe
see my pages flow out n out n out
everytime someone mentions me
i grow another twenty pages
i wax massive on hearsay
yeah i love all this war and mayhem on here
korea or crimea or whatever war you like
hannibal crosses the alps and blows all the etherports
i got hannibals recipe for poached pears
i got hannibal visiting o.j. in jail
i got hannibals tips for the big game saturday
i got hannibal pushing kurt under a train
i got hannibal explaining the fat bass sounds on painkiller
i got hannibal on face book talkin’ bout child sacrifice
i got hannibals virtual tour of italy by elephant
i got hannibal kissing kitten nativadads sweet ass
i got hannibals blogge written in tyrus yessaday
i got hannibals souvenir bag with the neat daggers
i got hannibal and kenny rodgers trading eyelift tips
i got hannibal jamming with sonic bloom n black azalia
i got hannibal barcas latest lyrics songs ideas pictures updates fan clubs
i got hannibal barcas only interview before sardinia
i got hannibal barca merch stories tips guides specials and FAQs
i go to delphi to connect to the internet
i ask the sybil
why no gmail from my little laptop trash
why no cheque from fucking atv…?
how long they gonna gamble my dough on the short term market?
i ask her
can you book me a cab for friday night
and can you tell me how many people read my diary
and send a message to michael
a message to michael
and gabriel to my left
and uriel to my right
and i do the hokey cokey
and swing it all about
and the cops bowl up to internet cafe
and shoot protesters in cyberspace
and opus deii log on in their secretive cloisters
and donald trump checks some figures in his tower
and karen black deletes a comment from her fan book
and julie meadows invites you to cmon down
and everybody typing
everybody reading
everybody posting
everybody up n downloading
hit my payboy
hit my payboy
payboy@payboy.$
try a free sample
here it is
kilbey kilbey blah blah blah
hey i still got the cherry pop in my system
i still got all the sweet green icing flowing down
hey i still got the vodka n berry v
i still got the T2 pills and the memory of lust
i still imagine but i prefer imagine.com.aw
i bought my new teeth on the internet
i found my eyes
and remembered i’d left my id behind my ego
listen to that orchestra
i played all them instruments …virtually
yeah i smash up trombones and thigh bones
and saxophones and iphones
and i bounce a million fiddles into one intro
and i combine no-cal drones with so-cal blippies
and i summon up the white noise of a million madza car radios
and i tune in the bitter lemons
and i tune in iron pig
and i tune in the fairyland teenyboppers
and i tune in the limit five
and i tune in carlos and the playboys
and i tune in baby grande
and theres stevie in his dog collar n singlet
all skinny and stupid thrashing away in some queanbeyan garage
and he sing
you like a stab in the dark dont stab me in the back
and he sing
i call you zephyr cos you blow
and he sing
howcome you never do the jetfin rock
and he sing
hey synthetic equivalent
and he sing
the world below him trembled and cried out in its awe
the rivers turned to silver the silver turned to war
and he sing
some inchanted evening
you will strange a meter
and bring on the dancing internets
and internet fields forever
and
sergeant peppers internet club band
and withinyouwithoutyou.com
and the internet is a naked woman
with a tigers head on fire
but scarlet says
its a white kitty kat

isnt it nice to meet me?
here i am every day
oh you can be sure
on duty
being a renaissance man for ya
cos there is hardly any others
funded by my own dear readers contributions
and fueled by a wild combination
of legal and illegal subs
as well as yoga in my toga
chi chi gong
and schwimming
well
here i am
with spades on n in bells
independent
i write without fear or favour
i’m a bit of everything
but not too much nothing
ive got an iq like your phone number
and ive dabbled in simply everything
i’m good friends with prince philip who loves a smoke
bobo phewson n michael stripe often come body surfing with me
and our nicole usually meets me tuesdays in newtown
where we trawl through that huge second hand book shop
looking for old magicians grimoires
or dirty postcards from the twenties
nics favourite is that one with the newly weds n the elephant..
oh ha ha
ive played rugby for australia and england
and im the currant middle wait title holder for boxing day
i am a sports fisherman too
having landed the midgard sea serpent once with wrecks unt
ive got several auto biographies out
and gotta black belt in ju-chimnee
i speak all 19 major dialects of new south welsh
and i can communicate with yobs brats grommets derros n widgies
i am fully equipped to perform the marriage malarkey
or i can sign your cee dee
i studied drama at the school of hardt knox
and i majored in some important things
all my records go platinum usually i guess someone hoped
and my songs have been sung
in black silent forests
and at the bottom of turbulent seas
my words can be found in a dictionary
and my music never involves anything sadistic
some people think i’m really cruel
but i had them severely beaten
i am often to be found on telly
usually outside a blue ribbon red carpet gala(h) event
where i critique bimbos stupid clothes in a poufy voice
oh my my i’m quite a
(makes a motion like a cat scratching)
and i cant abide some anorexic little tart in last years tat
at the moment i’m just loving those little faux maternity dresses
that make everyone in them look like a complete imbecile
especially combined with really high heels
that make you walk like a baby giraffe with a knee injury
and beaucoups de makeup n botox for the” frightening” look
for men
i recommend paisley shirts
very very tight black jeans
cuban heeled black swayed beetle boots
and a mulletty do with big fringe and earrings
this looks especially great on a 45 year old geezer
who likes his beer n steaky, thinning on top and never exercises
and should be worn at all times
especially scorching hot days in queensland or arizona
and to job interviews and when you go over
to weed your wifes mothers garden on a sunday morning
lots of kohl round those rheumy eyes now
and say things like
“wheres the glamour?” to passing strangers
for the older gent
feeling too restricted in this mode
please try
shorts and a tradesmens shirt with iron on patches
for example ive got one that says
mephistopheles as my name tag
and stuff like that
you wont score high in the fashion steaks
but you’ll be surprised how often you get asked to have a look
at someones guttering
i also recommend cravats with footy jerseys
gaiters and sporins with speedos
and guys
try to look smart please
ladies love a man in a law suit or warders uniform
artists….wash all the puce dollops off yer smock
and footy players no green stains round the knees please
butchers…that blood under yer fingynails is a bit of a turnoff
and yes
dont we all love the smell of “olde money “
now available in avarice lime
ow i just banged my bloody bad knee and it hurt!
i have no credit card or mobile phone
because im telepathic anyway
and my readers swamp me in money
because they know a good thing
and they aint seen it here…oh ha hardy ha ha
no seriously folks
it has been proven in univensity testings
that the greater level of luxury sustained by a time being
the better and more nutritious the blog
try it yourself and see
donate today and watch tomorrows blog soar into the stratocastersphere
for each hundred bucks i’ll match yer with a really good word
words like
filament
and more
so cherish me
nurture me
water me with your kind donations
like a fiendish hydroponic monstrosity
getting squirted with gro-fast
like a kraken awakin’ and eating up yer virgins
or a galactus sucking up planets
your humble brilliant genius needs to feed and feed and feed
my brood of monsters devours music and poetry and art
i stumble to the sea in shabby swimmers and seagulls snigger
cmon
i dont think gene simmons is writing this calibre blog
i dont think fred dursts blog is quite so familiar with the woofle
i dont think bobo or the hedge are really very funny guys
i dont think robbie williams can spell anathema
and i dont think mal turnbull will admit it
when he’s trying to give up smokin’ dope
lets face facts
youre addicted to ttb
its a sweet fix my cats
but it dont come fer nothin’ anymore
ignore this if you already fucking subbed up
or you like me are feeling the pinchers
cough up you silent rich euro swine
or you yankees who wisely switched yer dollars for rupees
pay up you chinese nouveau rich
i’ll accept yens kopecs sesterci, clams, roubles,lire,
or any coin with king dick the lionheart on it
pay me via payboy
or send me a hunk o fucking gold
anyway
yeah
uh huh
aw…….

at night i use flying ointment
and leave my tree
thousands of us take to the air
flying over ghent or barcelona
soaring like a weightless thing
coming down in the parks and gardens of the imperators
skimming over the fountains damp aura
and rushing through the flowerheads
easing the dull ache of longing
the friction of the stems
feeding on strawberries and juicy little grapes
drifting through windows in palaces
drinking the leftover wine
tumbling through wee small hours
wrapped up in midnight blue
losing myself in books
or swept up in the music of memory
flung high by some symphony of yesteryear
high in the empty splendid rooms
candlelit and shadows run here and there
i thirst for delicious love
oh love love love
where can love be hiding tonight
when suddenly a hundred mirrors revolve
and dark love is revealed
love gone bad
spoilt love
too much love
love that hurts and hurts
no love
no love at all
no love at all that love
wicked love and stupid love
and brutal love with who doesnt know when to stop
and wayward love with the preening fawn
and sorry love with the excuses
and busy love with absolutely no time for you
and dead love already going off
and the love that shall have no name
and the love that takes every name in vain
and the love that makes you forget
and the love that makes you wish you never remembered
big love
hard on love
stiff love
cheap n nasty love that makes you sick
forbidden love with the veils
bought love that says anything you like
carnal love with the fishnets and hooks
temporary love with a silly smile
funny love but no ones laughing
unloved love that no one wants
love all used up and squeezed out
but where
but when
but who is ..
no sweet love
no lovely love
no ameliorating love
no love to mitigate my crimes of passion
no love to guide me through this tonight
no love to speak of…
bah!
i leave the banquet hall of great souls then
my wings beat faster than anger
my eyes see swifter than sky
my hands hold harder than a river
my heart beats stronger than gold
my spells summon the midges of summer
or keep out the winter sprites
i see myself in the dust that sparkles once
and doors that open inwards
and fat rumours spread like butter on tomorrow
whirl around the old masters house
upstairs downstairs
all along the rails
call me uncertain
call me even when you have no voice
when youre lost in the living room with dead love
when something horrible reaches up n squeezes the breath out of you
when you discover the great loneliness at the heart of society
when the best wine makes you puke
when you listen to cocaine
or sniff music
when you fall asleep still aroused
and touch yourself all night
your hands moving like bizzy little snakes
when you lie on your stomach
grunting and groaning
as some mad storm straddles your back
and pounds down along your spine
and flames lick around your harbours
and your little boat catches fire…aw, what a shame…
and waves rear up in your bed
and you sink sink sink
there is no rest
in this life
in a next life
in all other lives
ones you may not even lead
as if you lead a life like you lead a dog
as if trouble dogs you
and follows you to school
where the children laugh and play
to see a beast break that gilt-edged rule
call me if you need me
when your falling through another empty evening
wingless like a crab
or your feline senses desert you
and the birds twitter on the line
and you cant even count to zero
and you cant even be odd
then
look in the drapes in the folds of the earth
in the sunset modulation of light
in the red and pinks and oranges of dusk
in orchards on the skins of soft peaches
and diving down fleshpots rude jetty
and the catalyst for chemical exchanges
and the formulation of diverse plans
and more white lies about your black deeds
and appearing in court naked as a jailbird
when you think about the jungle that swallows cities
and you think how nature will always prevail
and you think about the lilac clouds from the 14th of february
and you think youve exhausted the mine
but youve only just hit the seam
and you arrive home unexpected and find nothings wrong
and the doctor says what are you doing for christmas
and its so hot as you run down the lane between the houses
and you got a gift that goes on living
and the quick brown docs jump over the lazy fog
think of me when you expire on times avenue
think of me as you broadcast your last good night
think of me in 1973 at my girlfriends listening to raphael
think of me in some cottage in brittany eating my words
think of me on tour with my fender guitar
think of me being executed and grin n say “thats life”
think of world war one and all those great fashions
think of manfred von richtofen and his blue max
think of edward the 5th and a half
who gave it all up in mrs simpson
think of titian aboard the titanic
arriving safely in toronto
after sailing in the himalayan lagoons
think of a white elephant or a jumble sale
think of little steven in the monaro mall
his daddy gave him 5.95 to buy abraxas
think of all that school girl flesh now old like me
think of the kids already gone to the great lyneham high in the sky
think of how the christmas holidays went on n on
identical days of heat and boredom
so you crucified bugs and fired your arrows at birds
think of adolescences big waiting room
where boys jerk off to bitches
and girls jerk off to stallions
where you trade childhoods dreams
for a slap round the head
and a prick in yer hand
and like grey hounds and whippets they set you free
and you come out of the box baying for some bunnies blood
and you chase and you surround
and you tear and tear and tear
and think of the smell of model glue and humbrol paint
made in hull england
and you locate and cement
and you apply the decals
and you choose your options
and you say fuck all this
bring on the dope
bring on the paint strippers
bring on the 22nd century
bring on the pots of unbound pigment
bring on the snow white finns
and the jet black ethiopians
bring on the intellectual ratbags
and the cretinous media
bring on the slobbering execs and vacuous wranglers
bring on the gay dads and the kids with 3 mothers
bring on the scorching mornings of white hot summer
bring on the dead air conditioners and empty ice trays
give me my life back
make me rich
make me a star
make me a break
bake me a cake
take away this ache
get me a halo
shoot me a message
gimme a fix
gimme a panacea
wheres my soy nepenthe
wheres my gram from mickey finns private stash
wheres my morphine cocktail with dylan thomas
wheres my dilaudid n martini with dino martino
wheres my cognac with frank n sammy
wheres my harpoon n my stingray
wheres my baby grande and my precious little
wheres my little wag with his tiny joke
wheres my pests and plagues and famines and wars
wheres my sequence with scott n ricki n polinski
wheres my hollow cast
wheres my mutineers
wheres my ears n eyes
nowhere
thats where
i fold out my invisible pinions
i take more of the ointment
and you wont see my ass for dust

tiny tiny tiny details
huge empty spaces
fill em with songs
fill em with art
fill em with the best drop of humanity
picture yourself on a boat on a river
and the water swirls with meaning in fluorescent greens
and the birds are all whistling a song by spiritualized baby
and the birds are all tweeting just for you
the jungles of south america are calling me home honeyed one
the panthers i see in my head i cant paint
baby i can almost taste the bitter vine
that bubbling slimey cup of the universe
that strange power
wanna lift off through the starry canopy
wanna penetrate the firmament with my burning spear
i wanna walk with jesus through the streets of santiago
i wanna tame the monsters that live in equadors blue lakes
deep in the jungle she may be
i wanna be
you think i am yer ordinary 21st century man….?
oh no
dont tell me its true
i got these crazy memories
some one else is coming through me
like a mark fading up through the paint
like an instrument blowing in a cacophony
like a reading on psyche-o-meter
like birds feeding in a field
some random brute or shaman
lemuria whispers that voice i know
whoever takes over as i fall asleep
living out his sub-life in my dreams
all my triumphs and defeats
all my sleepless deep sleep
pitted against my self
facing my darkest fears
if my dream double is a murderer
then what does that maketh me ?
if jehovah dont like my veggie offering
i say hes a bloodthirsty old yob
and i aint burning no altar to a butcher
tell the people white trippy moses
says no hurty to other things
(unless they do intrude ‘pon yer house
then you may dong them)
take your paintbrush and go into that darkness
paint yourself into an amen corner
and then take all yer best greens
emerald green
light green
sap green
olive green
marine green
turquoise
viridian
cyprus green
cool grey
the jungle
the snakes
the smallest deadliest movement
eggs hatching in the rotting log
my people were magicians
my garden was full of magic plants
i talk to the trees
i talk to the flowers and the moss
i am a madman see me fly
i am in the jungle you painted
you are henri rousseau and i’m lying in your jungle
i am a naive painter and jaded rocker
i am world weary
my shoulders stoop from the weight
i am a sloth man
i eat and dream of lemuria
i turn into a screaming macaw
i drink down by the black swirl
i hunt in the blackness of sleep
i ravish your women in the astral planes over silver argentina
i am a wolfe and i howl
i am a jackal and i slink
i am a jaguar run out of registration
the jungle baby
space baby
the fucking stars in the sky
the romans
the hindus
the great rocknrollers
these are my oeuvres childe
drugs
the internal realms of madness
the inner world of nameless beasts
i am the dabbler
i am the meddler
i am the guy who said
why
let me try
i am the killer
the pain and lady killer
the time killer
the honey moon killer
the dream killer
he who murders in his deepest dreams
he who roams the deserts of deleria delerium
the nightwalker
the immaculate fool
the necessitator
the underlined n undersigned
who is coming through me
reveal yerself you swarthy olde lemurian stranger
yes look at me and weep
my black hair
my brown skin
my black eyes
my white teeth
i am i am i am
stop
its over

feeling kinda weird today
kinda shakey n energiless
mmm oh dear
gonna keep it short
after a short experiment with anons
have turned em off again due to one of original pests returning
accusing me of unbelievable malarkey
(which is now entering a seriously unacceptable phase)
no point in talking to a big useless ugly idiot so off go anons for long time
can only hope these poisonous morons will desist
sorry to lose the 99.9 of good anons
(the good anons…album out now!)
tonite im on at word in hand at friend in hand hotel glebe
8 30 ish
please do join me there
killer

whatever it was that i wanted to say
i well n truly forgotten
go for a drive to a strange part of town
i get lost in this huge city
the car takes me on n on
through unknown streets
past gardens and houses
i walking down this path
a green river on one side
kingfishers drying their wings in the trees
people go past…ordinary people
the houses emanate their stories to me
i stand in front of a house
the black windows stare back like empty eyes
i make my mind a blank
i stand there
an empty vessel
who am i?
i couldnt say
i am the repository of all the houses emanations
and my memory brings em all back
the long gone children
the cats buried in the garden
father and mother return from their somewhere
2 days before christmas a long time ago
see by the fashions and the hairstyles
yes this is old australia
but its like a place i saw in pittsburgh
all overgrown and shabby
the weeds have broken through
the cement is all cracked
little stones lie around all dishevelled
the river flows like peak hour traffic over its oozy bed
the path is rough on my bare feet
bees nibble at the clover
the house regards me
why does it try to keep its stories to itself?
ah says the house
its in its hoarse woody voice
that i hear in my ghostly heart
no no go away says the house
closing its doors and groaning its boards
you have never lived here appears in my mind
i empty my head as much as i can
i pour out all my own cherished memories
so i can fit this house
and this hot morning
and all the people and the cats
and its so close to christmas
christmas when it meant something someone whispers
i can hear the piano
theyre banging away on the piano
an old time song
a song from when even i was a child
they stand around drinking beer and shandies
and cups of tea
and the cats lie in the laundry to get cool
and the mother fusses round the kitchen
and the father sits smoking silently on the porch
a train shudders by nearby
rattling and vibrating into the hazy distance
and magpies and willy wagtails land on the garage roof
the choko vine breaks out into fleshy green leaves
and curls around the pipes and lattice work
and butterflies float across the summer like
a calendars pages
and a boy sits in his room
with his playboy magazine
transfixed by all that pink flesh
and by those inviting dark places
and it seems life is going on elsewhere
someplace else across the sea or in another time
where money flows and people drive sleek cars
and the women are all spilling out of their costumes
and they are free with their voluptuous kisses and souls
and the women on the page all speak to him
and through him to me
and through me to you
you there who are watching me watching him watching them
the women say things like
hiya bigboy couldya show a lady a goodtime?
or
hello handsome….why dont you come over here n get ta know me
and they move on the pages
and they wriggle and they wink and they cajole
and he sees their hollywood boudoirs
with the pink satin heart shaped cushions
and the t-bird parked in the drive
and the lady smokes kent menthols
and her name is sharon black
and she comes from bingle, iowa
he reads her measurements
wow 36 24 36 like a phone number to jesus
or something
in her room where its always evening
with all the latest stuff too
a portable record player
and air conditioning
and the tv is in colour sometimes
and the lady drops nembies
and owes her agent downtown 43 dollars
and her agent sits in his office
with his hard hustles n high blood pressure
extracting his cut
calling in some big favours
cos he’s digging in his desk
looking for some document
and bob mitchum said he’d call but he never did
and he ran into manny at canters
and he was having breakfast with judy g soon
and that very day
elvis flew into town
rolling down the runway
just like a real king
and he was instated in a hotel
where the manager bowed n scraped
and the bellboys said oh wow
and
golly gee will you sign this photograph
and the king says
sure
and he generously spends some time with em
as he waits for his white limousine to arrive
and the boys chatter on
but his mind is on the milkshake joint across the road
and i keep getting pulled n unravelled as i go on n on
i stand back and concentrate
my empty mind refills itself
a flood of thoughts comes rushing in
not my thoughts
i wonder who thought these thoughts
so long ago
the house is empty now
the weeds prevail
the letterbox is full of spiders
and childhood comes to an end
and then