hello i’m reg kilbey
i come round for a kiss n cuddle with yer wife
when youre not there
i didnt think youd mind seeing i was on the tv a bit
thats me in that ad for nestles wild raspberry bar
thats my voice in the jingle for daddy dingles special fruit tingles
thats my hand in the 13th frame
thats my life squashed between those 2 centuries
thats my little brittle memories up on yer screen, dean
you know who i am, lamb
me n my lady bint jump in the motor
we cruise swampy evening uncontrolled
past familiar dips the christmas lights
inside people drinking beer watching sport eating din dins
hey love find summink on the bloody radio for me will ya
she seeks and searches while static n fragments explode on my nicked speakers
cmon a pair of namagotchi speakers for 250 smackers….?
who can resist a deal like that…..i dont care where stuff comes from
sure enough david neil comes on the radio
i mean well of course
the night unfolds
we swing over to some friends place in the inner south
neck some good vino understand
charlie comes out and some bastard racks em up
humid night pal heat up that plate
my bit o fluff helps her self freely
i mean so do i too
eventually charlie disappears and i feel fucken restless
we pile into jonesys white audi panther with the cat scan seats from star-hide
i neck some stiff drink from jonesys hip flask
things rush by out there
the seaside is fucking pumping alright
we roll up under some no stopping never sign
fuck that ! jonesy kicks at sign like a stupid buck
i stagger off towards the black sea lit up in stabs of green n ice blue
i frown at the boys wandering thru the park
i leer at the girls all dressed up n drunk
i’m reg oh yeah some of em recognise me
ooh reg says some dolled up tottie with a liptick brain
yeah i grunt really suavely because i’m quite classy really
ooh reg i loved you with the wild raspberry bar she gushes
then her stupid husband breaks into our meaningful conversation
thats right reg the missus loves that ad …!
i immediately take a disliking to the man
its a shame his wife spent her money n life married to ‘im
when she coulda been with me for 5 minutes tonight
still i autograph her packet of virginia slims menthols
reg kilbey loves ya darlin’ i scrawl in tiny letters over the govt warning
xxx xxx
i walk away from em
i scowl n i growl in the dark
the sea all viscous n black like dirty oil in a crims motor
i dont care for the sea myself
you never catch old reg surfing the fucking billows
whats a fucking billow anyway
look you can take the boy outta london
but you cant take the london outta the boy
sydney australia big deal
i’m sharper than the lot of them
with my fucking sun tan n all
appearing on bloody telly too if you please
anyway seeing i know jonesys not at home
i nip round to say hello to his girlfriend
ooh reg she says going all funny as i stand at the door
ok listen this is where i came in ok
this is where the story begin
we back to the start ezzactly where we was before
reg k in universe 23 (a)
sophisticated as all harry
oh harry……
oh…….reg!