picking up an insistent distant beat
fuck who am i ?
i incarnate on this cold street
i manifest in some shady hotel
i sit in the lobby reading a newspaper
the dates are all wrong
the pictures are all blurry and vague
out into the empty streets i go
i stand outside a restaurant
hell which town is this
drug deals cops n robbers
i see all good people turn their heads each day so satisfied
im on my way
hey my show sold out i say to someones shadow
yeah which show was that ? asks a big black shape
i dont uh i uh i dont remember i say as i walk away
there is much laughter in the darkness around me
i stand in front of this restaurant
mexican food mission style
i go in only an old man working there
a wonderfully humble descendent of some incan king
what would you like sir he asks and smiles
i get lost in his smile
his accent is thick and my fucking ears are ringing
i’m sorry i stumble about
what would you like sir , some beans and rice ….
is there…..i begin to ask
no meat or lard in black beans sir he says
he look at me
i know who you are he say
i know exactly who you are even if you dont
the man laugh laugh
i know who you are he repeat
who am i i ask who am i then
oh senor you know who you are
oh senor you know me before oh yes
oh senor we go back a long way my friend
suddenly we are interrupted
a woman comes out of the kitchen
this is my daughter but he already know that… says the man
i think the daughter is young
but the closer she gets i see she is almost as old as me
he doesnt remember says the daughter smiling
no he doesnt remember says the man and serves up my dinner
the food is delicious
they close up the shop
they sit down around me
in some weird corner of some dirty northern city
in some obscure cafe
the man pours out some sangria
he lights a cigarette
he sits back looking at me
what is your name now? he asks
i cant fucking think of my name for the life of me
he dont remember that either smiles the daughter
he dont remember much……she concludes
she is youthful but old looking
the combination is quite confusing
what you looking at …? she smirks triumphantly
the man puffs on his cigarette and chuckles
hes looking at you maria
maria long dead glide through this tonite i say
the daughter smiles but shakes her head
the man nods ah yes maybe you do know who you used to be
who i used to be i ask
i’m sitting in their flat somewhere above the cafe
some freaky feeling in the air
i know you had the vine i know you seen the light says someone
i know you partook of that san pedro cactus that showeth man miracles
lemuria ? i say
the man laughs
the daughter pours herself another sangria
lemuria …. she says
now what have you come for….this….? asks the man
he pours a little mountain of white powder on the table
go on he says you love the stuff
the daughter says no this is what he likes
she lifts up her skirt
no… both! someone says and they all laugh
it is true i mustve known you somewhere once i say
yes they say
that is true
i stand up and leave
you know where we are the daughter says
just around the corner from any hotel says the man
the night is cold bitterly cold
a siren blasting the street
desperate transaction in alleyway
guy walking his poodle
crazy person filthy looking like a monster
i see the most hideous hag
and i see this once handsome lad
they stand whispering in the lamplight at the end of lonely street
i wonder which drug had brought them undone
and then i saw the vodka bottle flash from a pocket and poured into a cup
vodka had undone these wretches
they were like characters youd see at a medieval witch burning
cant find my way home
i hear some whispering going on around me
up to my coldwater room
full of clothes strewn everywhere
i sink on the sagging bed
i blow my nose
i rub my eyes
sleep comes like a merciful angel eventually
in the deepest warmest dreams i wander lonely as a frickin’ cloud
oh sleep always such a friend to me
have i ever been awake in my whole time here?
