The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

the author at work 2012

light soft rain again

people come and go

i know absolutely nothing

the rain falls thats all

in squalls from the sea

a mist moves towards me from the horizon

it envelopes the sea which becomes opaque

onslaught after onslaught

the valley below disappears in a blur of green grey and white

things become still

the rain falls yes but all else seems to pay attention

sadnesses fall down on me constantly

i now know i will probably never be free of them

my umbrella all bent out of shape

letting anything through

the years with their claws and clauses

the months with their meters ticking

life flies away at terrifying rates

life somewhere else

life in between

life beyond life

life in a day

life in one act

life in one moment

whatever it is you can’t bottle it

its elusive but its running out

life or time who can tell the difference

they evaporate at different rates sometimes

i wish for a new strength a miraculous power

i plot in a silent quiet room above it all

i plot in the rainy day and its silence around

but my thoughts wander and amble

and i can’t remember just where i have been

a disconnection is beginning to gradually occur

always something coming round the corner

expect instant delays

i am fading away on a numb field

its alright

its perfectly natural

things become still

and sleep

like your most wonderful lingering friend

who entices you with oblivion

but then delivers you instead to struggle and toil

deep within sleep you fight on n on

arguing thrashing regretting wrestling lost

in the eternity of my mortal mind

at night i jump through some monsters hoops

trapped in some astral flim flam

half me half somebody else

i devise such plays for myself

in the morning i awake my lines still on my lips

memory and morning merge

and all is only a troubling shadow

that randomly occurs to you in tiny snippets

surely haunting you the rest of your life

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reboot

glory to god on high

architect of universe world planner

lovely god lovely pet lovely garden

oh the day shows the way

dew and drop and shell and brook

the web shudders and vibrates touch sensitive

as all things come and go

as all things exist and fade

yet each is registered and has played a part

the flight of the crane

the path of the comet

the way of the lion that fears nothing

let me follow you oh god wherever you are wherever you go

to your sanctuary which is warm and dark like a shop in the old days

there you will turn back time

and i as a child enveloped in that smell of lollies

and i as a free spirit before all this stuff held me down

and i will follow you through groves of sunlit oaks

down to a pounding grey sea where we will defeat the enemy

and amidst crystal pools of golden fish meditating on serenity

i swoon at the mention of any of your secret names

i see your hand in the explosion of luxuriant bloom

i mark your number down and i call it often

sometimes you just don’t answer and i wonder why that is

but i leave a message and sometimes it seems to make sense

good things happen often and bad things only rarely

eventually tho’ we all must suffer

the necessity of this will be clear one day ( i’m sure )

i dunno

a mystery unravels before our eyes

paradoxes are reconciled

and dear lost friends will be reunited

may it be so for everyone!

may good things come and let all have respite

wouldn’t that be nice….?

zed shiva iao lingua dei

appearing near you soon

a god of your own understanding

children listen to me

there is god

not a god not the god but god

he is kind enough to appear to you as you may understand him

my god is a he

he has a ravishing female consort

a gorgeous hot mama of cosmic proportions

why the beauty of her ass would stop universes in rotation!

i tell you one kiss from her would enflame eternal bolt uprightness

her exquisite motion her pleasured movements upon us

she comes down from heaven like black cat

she arcs in wonder as you bridge her skies

for an eternity then you fall through her cloud

you drown in all that rain within

high in the highest sky nevertheless you drown

my god is a masculine genius creator

he spits out universes

he fucks only the finest goddess

he shows me films he has made of her in my reverie

that is why my mind is blown

that is why i care only for sex and drugs and rocknroll

within these ecstasies i have found god again and again

fuck you blasphemer ! is anybody bothered to say?

but my stupid hedonistic theistic narcissistic carryon is a hoot

and i’m glad the god of your own understanding got me for the part

i am hamming it up for you now

i am a complex and warped structure

my monstrous superiority complex

my hideous inferiority complex

my self absorption my self loathing

between them have pulled me into this previously unfilled place (oooh er)

a raving compassionate ratbag raggletag rishi frooti

touched by god and goddess

loving and hating them

denying them believing them

my language is masculine and feminine

the two opposites that create unity

why would my god not be a man who loves women?

my god who knocks off little planets like earth

why he needs to relax with some right on pleasure or what?

well my god goes to his consorts place

and shes like getting herself ready ..and you know what i mean

and my god is relishing this because he can

and my god though he loves his consort very much indeed

it would be a joke to conjecture this love that could stop time

yet still he is her master still he is even her lord

though he now will serve her most diligently and ardently

and in becoming her servant he can relish serving his beloved

for this is the sweetest task

and he relinquishes his control and his crown for this time

for though he created all things that are

he did not create her

for she is eternal and  is his equal

but in some matters he must dominate

and in other matters it is her who must decide

he tends towards anger

she ameliorates this with galactic caress

he tends towards pride

but he finds humility in the wonder of her prowess

as i move through time god has hewn me into shape

i stand before you now as a messenger of my god

my god says look what my messenger has created for you 

so you can see he speaks my truth

my god says i have an important message for you :

everythings ok !

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happy easter from the 2 SKs

time of forgiveness

time of love

time of calm

time of renewal

jesus christ was a beautiful cat

he preached tolerance

he preached giving people the benefit of the doubt

he preached even -handedness

he preached going the distance

this was revolutionary then

it still is now

open up your hearts

understand each other

treat each other how you want to be treated yourself

dont worry about the finer theological points

ignore the religious bullshit

just actualise all your love

love love and more love

thats all i can say

doesnt matter if you “believe in” jesus or not

still its an ideal

a way to try to lead your life

be gracious

be nice

go on

the other thing has never worked, will never work…

this then is all we have

love and peace and understanding

sk bondi 2012

hey guys

sorry i havent written anything for a while

feeling demoralised and sad

alcohol is taking a terrible toll on someone i care very much about

i cant seem to get much done

will try and get back on track

no comments asked for or necessary

thanks for yer patience etc

steven

this chiming man

old light on a new day

cold morning dark room

melbourne flattens out in all directions

the play is over

the sets come down

the scripts left somewhere behind almost carelessly

the actors and players have a small celebration

they talk and laugh out there

travel arrangements

settling of accounts

ticket baggage arrival departure

whats yer next role?

i dunno

where you goin’?

home

how’d ya feel?

tired

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