The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

yep
put the poddy on shuffle
the go bes come on second
cmon grant….its a robert track…you can do better than that
yessaday you came up with even as we speak n something
off in your bright ray
now we have that amazing singer
the australian woman from dead can dance
liza gerrard?
lisa gerrard?
she sings like a wailing sybil prophetess
in a language of her own
pure genius
this track offa italian compilation
an italian guy gave me
is just her n a string machine
im sure i written bout it before
astounding stuff…
now comes another one my ipod likes to throw up
the auteurs who are ok
the english press made a big fuss over them
i can remember (jealously) from the past
when silly things like that mattered to me
or whoever thought they were me
before i
the real me turned up
the house of love are next
who i dont mind
tho i understand the “similarities’ between
the church and these guys
but i think its circumstantial
and by priest = aura all similarity
with this innocous stuff was gone
i mean
i wanted more than these sometimes lukewarm numbers
cant see the name of the track from ‘ere
and it aint worth bovvering standing up for
next ah ha
sparklehorse
yes this is good
the king of nails
yes
remote control will come in handy for this
its good but its not making me listen to it so
goodbye goodstuff
bob dylan doing
when the night comes falling from the sky
i reckon when the knight comes falling from the sky is better
this song is hopeless
sang in a silly voice n all
bobby your best is the best
but your worst is the….pits
cos we know what it coulda been
ride like a daydream
like the byrds with more ambient guitar cushioning
love this ride
but hated it when you could actually hear the awkward stuff
they were singing
saw straitjacket fits blowem offstage in my opinion
in sydney in 1991
still its fresh n vibrant
like my brand of killers herbal toothpaste
coming to merch stalls near you
ride finishes n the next thing could be anything
i give up
silver apples
goodbye
those apples spoilt the whole bunch
david bowie
lovely song
what does this mean tho…?
taking it all the right way
keeping it in the back
and whole loada ridiculous
(i realise now)
soulisms like gimme gimme
sho nuff
get down
jonesy was discovering his inner funkyman
and we stood for this bollocks…?
ohh lawdy momma….!
transit by biosphere
dark heartbeat in virtual street
things gently clang in the mist
but something nasty is in there
amon duul 11 from wolf city
crazy krautrock hippy dribble
tablas sitars
things going sweeesh
mellow tron
still sounds like something id have liked to have done
good on ya amon!
then
se a cabo
what does that mean you spanish types?
santana from abraxas
nostalgia it reminds me of being 16
some exciting stuff here
1st latin rock fusion
my dad said
its just bloody rock music with some geezer playing bongos
ha ha dad
funny how those things stick with ya..
gee im enjoying this
my foots tapping
its infectious
and its suddenly over
in comes slowly
yellow6
who are simply the creme de la creme of instrumental music
recommend everything
sad euro hemi-themes
drifting in ether
music for rainy afternoons
and aching nights
do yerselves a favour
if melancholy beautiful music is yer thing
check out yellow6
the walker bros singing wheres the girl
is this guy the best male singer of all time or what?
tho i loathe his last album im sorry to say
ah in comes george harrison
beware of darkness from beware of abkco
a boot of georges demos
ya know i LOVE george dont ya
his modesty
his lovely voice
his good looks
his innovation
his lovely melodies
n words that were just right
fuck i miss ya george
you were a saint!
spiritualised
right up my alley
but dont wanna write about em
but theyre really good…
slowdive
demos
ah lovely stuff
you should be listening to this
glittery marshmellow liquidic little number
cant hear the words n its better that way im sure…
it explodes in a white lighty climax
and sinks back into its gentle self
amen shoo geezers
brett smiley
what the fuck is this bullshit?
lisping coquettish mincing with orchestral swirling
loadsa words coming at ya
its ….interesting
there comes a time in every spaceboys life
sings brett
all mars n guitars n stars n spaceface love
hot sex n chariot choogle droogie
a moonage wetdream
then…
oh i really like this
trojan blue by icehouse
the juxtaposition of a condom brand name
n the the perishing world of troy
youd like this one
the finest treasures of kings
all those precious things
they never tempted you
how could you bear to look on
as they burnt for you?
oh theyre good lyrics i reckon
and full points for any greek references…
enter
the verve
neon wilderness
boy he lost his judgement
trying to turn into neil diamond before our eyes
whod a thunk it
this still in good days i guess
aloha
then its dire straits
and some boogie woogie bollocks
yeah yeah
the sultanas of schwing mark 7
some straits i like
but this straits is strickly for the “straights”
i have time for one more of this foolhardy execise
so it will be oozing significance
for all of us
and it is
(drumroll)
grant mclennan
do you see the lights
i swear on the life of my children
that is the track which came up
unbelievable
and fact is stranger than fiction
howcome im not surprised?
and its got timbo playing drums
oh i gotta hang in for one more now
see if theres anymore to this
ok shuffle
give us
significance
david bowie
doing black country rock
in which he imitates marc bolan
complete with bolan bleat n guitar figure
there is significance here
im sure

its so bad for ya…..takeoff

killers accounting shop

the hellbound heart

the second greatest story ever told…my mothers book

too much snow bizness
******************************************************

*******************************************************
im am la killa
i take the female form because i have a womans sign
i like everyone else
picks up the secret language of the dead
oh let me take you to the islands of the dead
to the firehouse…
the ipod still playing grant or gobs more often than it should
if shuffle is really random
howcome it plays so much stuff of beatles anthology
like you gonna lose that girl 2wice in a cuppla hours
youre gonna lose that girl….indeed
well i used to like it
but its all over now
the silly little voices chiming in repeating n elaborating
“i’ll take her out n youll be the lonely one”
(youre not the only one) sing george n paul
ah its a bit uninspiring really
a little fucking twee for me
i’d rather listen to michael rother
from neu etc
who makes wunderbar electronique es musika de la krautroque
these wonderful teutonic rockers
paying no lips service to the(by now) tedious blues
they approached it in a different way
the result…?
mechanistic drumbeats
synthesizers fixed to the beat
burble and pump in time
something like strings so sad melody
mmm…sometimes i hear bits eno musta heard
specially in popul vuh
the treated pianos
these german guys were pioneeers
today its foggy or lo hanging system of ducks down
your wiggly weporter has been painting
thanks to conversation with painting advisory board
which reported sales up
and
well
keep on paintin’
so i finish off the one in the picture here
and start some others
6 oclock in arvo
turns into 10 30 at nighty mighty quickly
when you doing painting
i dont know what the hell im doing
but
as i told you before
someone inside me
seems to know
so i stay outta the way as much as i can
i listen to my ipod shuffle
as it plays its weird dispro amounts of gobees n donovan
(jesus he used to come up with some tripe!…but good stuff too!)
and the beatles doing an alternative version of maxwells silva hamma
(you can imagine how little i dig that..finger goes straight to the ff)
paint paint paint i go
time stops inside a dream
im outside somewhere
in here the collective human artist appraises distances
makes colour choices
makes flourishes and moves quickly about
the gouache goes on like cream
the pastel is actually possibly very toxic
the advisory board is organizing me some HEPA equipment
i dont know what HEPA stands for
bout it sounds like hepatitis right?
(it has nothing to do with that. ed.)
anyway im getting the filtration n removal machines
because that pastel dust is nasty stuff
and the olde beeing dont wanna dye for his art
so now the dust must be gone
i also trying havin’ a crack at sorting out my “accounting”
well
im shuffling my mountains of bits of paper about
so the govt can figger out how much to wallop me
thats the price of socialism and i gladly will pay it
no point being well off in the midst of poverty
not that im rolling in dough like a pastry kook
so i pay up if i have to
n take the benefits when i can
but ooh it hurts when you fork it out to ’em
and ya think ahhh less iraq and more arts grants boys
more attention to the wevver
and less of the olde ruinous war war wars
talking of wars
my mothers book is available from karmic hit
its around 25 bucks n in only EXTREMELY limited supplies
read how my mummy got thru the war
and then grew up n produced…..
(drum roll)
ME!
have written some songs
was gonna post on a blister on my toe
till i saws ryans toes n read his report
which went something like
each footstep shredded the flesh off the bone
while frostbite ripped back the watery sores etc etc
and accompanied by a picture
of 2 extremely ruined n fucked up toes
i mean
hes not gonna get a job as a foot model with toes like that
so my feeble little blister wont get a mention
(though paradoxically it just did)
boom boom
someone interested in the olde being playing where….?
you mean just me?
so lo
where?
that poor mans middle earthy place
where they still drive austin 1800s?
cmon ….
shhhh….
its only a merest hint of a rumour
so say nothing or youll spoil it
and a certain poetry festival
do they want the being to read froot machine all the way
and an invitation to special gig somewhere special
hmmm?
cant say anymore
and a chance to be on an extremely huge tv show
and play a buddhist ski instructor in “snow”
or a sponsorship by a well known energy drink company
involving millions of pounds
n the slogan
still rocking at 52
or the chance for me to play song in space
on the moon in 2032
when they open up the files on jfk
so itll only be olde dodderers getting enraged
at what they did
life goes on out here in reality
us surfing the edges of time
falling off one by one
as new riders climb on the wave
tonite dinner with d and j
boheemian newtownions in warehouse caper
maybe some pix
sk

dreampt about grant all night
he was always just off in the distance
i could see him but i couldnt reach him
we were managed by the same guy
(in the dream)
he was saying grants got this bad cold
and youre getting it too
i could see grant from my window…

grant n go betweens coming on shuffle
disproportionately
the other day i was thinking bout grant
and right here came on
followed by antenna
followed by about 5 other songs
i cant remember now
but each one arguably significant
sometimes when im alone
i see something moving out the corner of my eye
grant, if youre out there……
here i am
ready to talk
or is it just co incidence on coincidence
about 2 weeks after my father died
i was sitting there crying
when i got this warm peaceful feeling
and my dads voice said in my brain
its gonna be alright son
and i really felt his presence
course in all my “supernatural” dealings
i take wishful thinking into account
im never sure
if only it was
that we might meet with them on the other side
as they were in life
naive…?
i been the most cynical man you can meet
i been the most wide eyed fool
i been everywhere between
we’ll never know until its all over
maybe a short spell in some heaven or hell
maybe nothing
so nothing you wont even know its nothing
just like before we were born
a rather pleasant oblivion
i guess my ego dont wanna lay down its flag
fuck, its only doing its job
you might as well blame yer tongue for talking
killer rambles on in the misty morning light
i have found that….
that things seem to have a reason
sometimes a hidden reason
that may take a long time to unravel
maybe things work on greater time scales than human lifetimes
i know one thing
ive trodden these boards before
whatever skills i possess
i have weilded before n before
and that sweet chi gong
and that exhilarating yoga
and that ocean mother
they say remember killer remember
they layy whole memories on me complete
they say yes you are you
but once you were him n her
(actually should read once you were he n she)
killer youre so close
but close dont win the cigar
close but no sugar lamp read a bad review in 1983
vegetarian n vegan food
do you wanna run your machine on that old dirty fuel?
you see the proofs in the pudding
isnt it?
i have young men come up to me
all the time
and say
‘i can see your olde but you still look …ok
and uh..it gives me uh…hope
that when im youre age…
(though they dont believe they ever will be)
that im ah…well you know..’
at which point im saying
there there my boy
old age aint to be feared if you take the right steps..
“yeah” says young man
i say
dont smoke
dont drink (killa hypocrite)
dont eat meat
exercise
take up some esoteric eastern science/art
eg yoga meditation xi gong karate tantra devotion
whatever i dunno
and do it every day
and by this time theyve gone “sure…ok…”
but ….
you gotta have self discipline
oh and i do
to do things
not to resist things
but to do things
and i do n i do n i do
i gotta be active
and something else
yessaday i have a visit from perry
of pam n perry esq. purveyors of fine herbs
and perry sitting there
in the luxuriating global warming sunshine
of my kitchen
which youve now all seen
and perry says thru the aromatic smoke n motes of light
you see steve we’re both virgos
its a womans sign
we are men with a womans sign
my oh my
it never occurred to me before
this slightly feminine (i imagine) perspective
coupled with a mans ability to obsess
the obssession it needs to succeed
on any level
less yer lucky
and im kinda lucky but not real lucky
and i hang around with these females in my family
and i reckon i do better than most
i am the antithesis of the distant unavailable father
i like girls n i always have
but its hard to unscramble this from obviuos bio-mechanisms
ultra males n alpha males n brutes leave me fucking cold
so predictable with their stuff
n their trophy wives
call their wives “honey”
cant remember their names
enough of this bile
so im a virgo you see
a man with a womans sign
maybe the horoscope is all just phoney baloney
so
i says to perry
whos sitting there so confident in astrology
so i say
hoping to shed a little empirical scientific light
on the subject
are you saying that
when someone is born
all the planets in the sky
by gravity or cosmic rays or magnetism
or some other force or combination
affects our very flesh bone and attitudes with its subtle emanations
causing actual predilections and physical manifestations to occur
and perry smiles and says
exactly
and ive just explained it to myself
im a man with a womans sign
huh
go figger

yeah yeah
im spoiling ya again
and ya know it
i got up early
drove to this harbour beach
hadda swim did yoga etc
feel real good
you can see my beastly car in these pics
i just paid $1250 for a load of work
now its going like a dream
did a track last nite with jlk for martin kennedy record
the place here is still a mess
are you fiendss ever gonna be satisfied with just words again?
wish i’d taken yon camera to europe
oh well…
damn!

the best pool in the whirled

professor of dope n absinth…sunday night

the empty beach

batchelor life…but no kisses

there you go
as it happens
from your co respondent on the frontline
going the hard yards for ya
sk

nth bondi
sudden illumination
may 6
2007

maybe i run out of things to say
nobody could keep it up forever
grant gone for one year
the ghost in the next room hears me cough
always obseessed by death even when you were alive
if we knew when we were gonna die…..
if we knew what was out there waiting for us
nihilism says nothing out there killer
and in the predawn darkness
its easy to believe
unmasked in these early wee small hours
i rise from my bed like a pale blur on black
melancholy baby
shine on harvest moon river
that big black death patiently waiting for me
the stillness of the night
the coming of the light
shivering
just an olde guy in a kitchen
type type type
words still flowing
we’re gonna rise up singing
out there sydney
sin city
whats happened in you tonight
surf city
ecstasy n slo mo love
mayhem n carnage
people glued to a tv set
urchin and an enemy
alley cats n sophisticated idiots
blokes slurping down beer
they grow fatter n fatter
till they waddle about like penguins
almost disabled and red faced..
kids wake up early and play quietly in their room
today more people will die
more people will be born
maybe for you and me
just another day
we kinda gotten used to em
these days
coming out of the machine
brand new days forever n ever
go on
carry on
do it
start here
but what have we done to this world?
it was the only one we had
waters in flame
ice melting down
fires gone out
i wrote that 20 odd years ago
it all seems like it was 5 minutes ago
when scarlet was born
when i learnt to swim at shell harbour
when the first english boot hit the sand here
and the locals said
its the end of everything
when we discovered the moons quiet music
when we danced on goat feet in secret glades
and we worshipped zeus and astarte
and the stars really fell from the sky
and something out there
something very very very big
pulled us apart
one by one
and flung us to the farthest corners of the sky
the sky that had just appeared out of nowhere
and that poor lonely god
dreaming up some company for himself
separating into countless little flames
from his fire
come back n tell me about life
that great fire hisses
and we burn n burn n burn on
inexistinguishable they say
we have always been here
i need to heal n be healed
i want to go back
this life thing hurts
it feels so real
so real
i forget who i am
im nobody
just another glorious nobody
part of something enormously invisible
yet right under my nose
my spirit animates my flesh
when my spirit departs
or is negated
the flesh will return to the elements
we do hope the spirit prevails
some spirits take such a battering here
we can build a bridge between sweden n denmark
but we cant find peace
mans inbuilt design error
dont you see
you gotta re make yourself over
you cant just give in to everything
i do believe that is in our power
you dont have to be another pig at the trough
ah the pink clouds n paleness of eos as she arrives
i named my 3rd daughter aurora
it was the most beautiful name i could think of
the roman goddess of the dawn
and she is golden in hue and temperament
her twin is eve
her opposite
mother of mankind
the dark night outside eden
eve who is lithe n limber n rebellious
and the first dawn in eden
before eve arrived
adam must have laughed
to see that young sun rise
do i believe this stuff
it is not a literal truth
it is not a fact
not like the time being in his dawn
his southern hemisfear
global warming
its nearly winter but its pretty damn warm morning
well we trusted the villains like we always do
we sold our cow for a handfull of beans
and a industrialised monster sprang up
and someone thought up the 1st world war
and we all said lets go n get killed there
for king n country and the arch duke franz ferdinand
but we won oh we won
and now we……
well we musta got something out of it
and now
and now its sunday
a day of rest
the rest of the day
white sabbath

i “come to” after who knows how long
i am standing outside this gig in luxembourg with jan
jans been raving on n on about our music
but my system is unable to accept compliments
like a thirsty man trying to drink a mirage
i draw no succour from anyones praise
i cannot fill this black hole in me with this stuff
when i was a kid reading the nme n creem
i thought mmm thats what i need
some geezer saying i made a great record
but…?
its not arrogance
jan notices my eyes have wandered
im staring off into the distance
thinking about what?
i finish the joint and toss the butt still smokin’ in the gutter
i feel like clint eastward in front of this uptight but lovely person
jan laughs nervously
whats yer ph dee in again? i ask
i am an ashtro-physicist ……
wow!
no it not that much….
neither is being in the fuckin’ church….
but schteeve you are my fafourite band…EFFER!
ok then…im glad
i cant believe these academic types love us
if i was an astrophysicist or gynacologist
or economics guru
i doubt whether id bee blowing a joint
outside some dive with this olde scruff like kilbey is
anyway
i go inside
5 minutes says someone
good luck schteeve says jan and shakes my hand
thish has meant so much to me! jan says
i don my wrinkled salt encrusted still damp clothes
the rest of the band sip their drinks or fiddle about
none of us is nervous
a little bit of nervous is good
but we aint been nervous for ages
the intro music plays
cmon i say to others
obliviously having a conversation or something
cmon i say
the intros on
you go on they say
we’ll be out inna minute
eventually we go on
late as usual
the place is half empty
but
its also half full
i pick up my bass
and i start to sing
and something happens
the heavy bass of the soundcheck is now a feather in my hands
my body is filled with a restless rush of energy
im so relaxed
but im so alert
im a bit drunk n stoned too
but the rush of energy is cancelling them out
the words come falling out of my mouth
my fingers play n play
occaisionally i think
e
or f#
but mostly they just do it
i stand back n watch myself singing
and playing
the drums so loud
pounding
pounding like my blood
the screams of the guitar
the roiling churning physical sea of sound we create
an inexorable vortex
my earpiece slips out
i cant believe how loud it is
a solid wall of bristling electricity
forget jingle jangle pop music baby
this is a visceral spiritual sexual assault on you
i see jan up the front completely gone
eyes closed
swaying in some other time
sway jan sway
the audience are going bananas
im surprised n im not surprised
our music is like a razor blade at 120 decibels
every guitar note hangs around all night
the pressure builds up n up
when i play the low notes on the bass
i see people respond like they been kicked in the guts
or just seen their woman with another man
we take you through the moods
sad happy stunned triumphant desolate angry
all in one minute
and back again
i sing the words i designed to conquer you
i sing the words no one else but me would have written
god says steven i put you here to write these songs
now fucking write em!
i sing the words
and i see how some words affect some
and some words affect others
i sing n i whisper n i ham it up
im confident im shy
im so detached
im so tired n world weary
but im eager to please
and i say stupid things
and i say majestically grande things
that they didnt think i’d say
n i make em laugh with my egotism
n with my bashful unsureness
and i make it look easy easy easy
why anyone could do this
i strike ridiculous poses while i play
rock parodies of my beloved yoga poses
god says mix it up you crazy fool thats what its for
only my black jeans prevent me from perfectly executing
the leg part of a number of poses
i jump about
i skip n i thump my boot up n down
finally its all over
drenched in sweat
we slew the bastards
we slew em
encore
more of the same
at the end we go into free form freakout
the guitars wailing in anguish
the drums sound like a tornado
the bass throbs in the lower regions like
a sea monster
its all over
they love us
we love them
goodnight
ladeez anda gentsa
goodnight
wherever we are…
as i walk to dressing room
i become aware of being drenched in sweat
and my ears ringing like sirens
how drunk n blurry i am
we joke around after the gig
some small things are mentioned
praises n blame
suggestions are made
jokes are cracked
after about 15 minutes
jan is shown back into the dressing room
oh shteeve what can i say
didja like it then i say
oh shteeve when you played blah blah i cried
ok then cant ask for more than that
jan goes off a satisfied customer
i hang around n hang around
waiting n waiting till we’re ready to leave
eventually by now stoned n drunk on absinthe
i have sunken into a trance
its not that everythings so great in the trance
its not an ecstactic trance
but its this deeply numb n unfeeling trance
a quiet restful respite
from the hounding voices of my own mind
the questions have stopped
no ones trying to rationalise it all
no one trying to write a song or a blog
no one with recriminations n regrets
nope
just kilbey at the bottom of his mind pool
a warm black pool
oh you can imagine fiendss
i know you can
how delicious it is in the the deep black pool of my mind
so deep no one can ever reach me
im herded like a lamb to the car
someone asks me to sign some cds
i watch from the bottom of my pool
as kilbey scribbles something
kilbey so wants to let this man know he appreciates them
but realises that its easier to let it go in the end
they must know in their heart of hearts he does
kilbey smiles at them at any rate
his big yellow teeth n crows feet smile
that fair dinkum im a good bloke smile
he only just learnt not so long ago
its enuff
everyone goes home happy
the car journey is a lovely lovely blur
some music softly plays
a conversation
then the hotel
someone says
here steve
room 1313
on the 13th floor
theres the elevator on the left
the hotel desk clerk calls out in his funny accent
no sir the other left…..
i get into my room
wow
its got internet
wi fi
my little white lappy fires up
my ipod plays i dormienti by eno
i gotta great idea for a new blogge…..

sometimes i think
sometimes i sink
in some incredible race

karma: awake soul
put on your suit of flesh
this will be your new life
you will incarnate as steven john kilbey
the eldest son of les and joyce kilbey
you will be english and white and male
you will grow up in australia
you will have 2 brothers
you will have 5 daughters
soul : and my occupation
karma : a writer of words, a player of music
a singer of songs
now rush on ahead
taste this!
you are now 52 years old
playing music in the continent of europa
soul :when?
karma : now

i awake in a room
who am i?
what am i?
for a few moments my head has gone blanc
i have been hurled down here…
i know its hard for you to believe
the words hotel room come into my head
in english
but before i was thrown down here into this dream
i spoke another language
many other languages that i was a’ croonin’ in
making them ladies swoon and the gents go a loon
hotel room says the words
says the voice
this steve kilbey voice
which he talks to himself in
in english
he talks to himself in his own anglo-austra accent
he used to try to emphasise the anglo
but now he deliberately emphasizes the austra
hotel room says the/his voice
he sits up
he feels clobbered by the alcohol from the night before
he is not a drinker
but he has picked up the deleterious habit
of drinking strong alcohol before he performs
he finds it acts as a pleasant dis inhibitor
tonight hes playing in luxembourg
they gotta long drive ahead of us
i stumble down to breakfast
oh breakfast just closed says a girl in her thick accent
oh i say
gee im hungry cos ive hadda smoke and done yoga n xi gong
kilbey does these practices everymorning
the practices are spiritual mental n physical
they harmonize these three forces in man
they then align this unified field into the greater unified field
connect up to infiniti (reedy)
kilbey is far from connected
marginally perhaps if that
if only that
he has however begun to reap their diligent practices rewards
which combined with swimming in the sea everyday
have actually had some rejuvenating effects
if youve seen him judge for yourself
i keep thinking of a blogge im gonna write
as if it was about being my true self
looking out at all this with its alien eyes
the girl says
you can have some bread and jam if you like
oh yes please i say
oh bread n jam n a glass of tinny orange juice
kilbey sits in the now empty breafast salon
pictures of people who stayed here line the walls
smiling grinning pouting looking straight into the camera
faces of people from some distant show biz past
cabaret dancers and hammy beaus
dressed in the clothes of the day
faded and black and white
signed n autographed
to the excelsior hotel
from sam and dolphine klemmer
kilbey notices all these things
they crowd in on him
all these sad dead faces from yesterday
soon you, they all whisper
soon you
kilbey chews his bread and jam
hes put butter on it even tho he says hes a vegan
fuck it he says in his mind
as he spreads it on the crusty white bread
but deep inside it makes him feel real bad
after this pack his clothes in his grey suitcase
well
kilbey doesnt pack
he just throws it all in and out
fuck it he thinks to himself as he pushes down
on the unruly crowd of dirty washing thats trying to escape
back out
he lugs it down the corridor
catches a tiny continental lift
im mildly claustrophobic
did you know that
and some people make kilbey claustrophobic too
i stop to pay phone bill
i rang my wife last night
to give her the number here
so we could talk
a picture of kilbeys wife appears in his mind
delicate face n curly blonde hair
the face his three youngest kids have half of
ha ha ha
says mwp
one of the doodles looks exactly like you
and the other exactly like her
kilbey says baffled but which is which?
well evie is you and aurora is her…!
children
fatherhood
joy n sorrow
and the rest of it
kilbey pays the couple of euros bill
he jumps in the van
with some others n drives
another man sits next to kilbey
and gives directions from a map
music fills the cabin
the man occaisionally becomes angry
as kilbey loses focus and fails to turn left or right
left and right has always been bad for me kilbey thinks
perpetuating his confusion needlessly
we drive n drive n drive
kilbeys a safe driver considering
he doesnt get angry with the traffic
and rail at the uselessness of women drivers for example
he doesnt carryon pointless conversations under his breath
like
go on, do it buddy
oh fer fucks sake
what are you waiting for now you idiot
go on lady thats the only colour green they got
kilbeys basic machina drives the car
his reflexes are relatively sharp
he is not intoxicated in any way you may understand
but his mind is away
the man next to him talks n talks
kilbey nods n mms n shakes his head n sighs
but hes somewhere else in his head
reliving an olde bad situation
or thinking about lyrics
or thinking about his wife too
and his people back home
sometimes the goings on intrude
we arrive at petrol station
trevor fills the van up
i go inside n buy a red bull n a water n some crisps
back in the car
same thing x hours n hours
fun fun fun on the autobun
we arrive at place after argy bargy with mapquest
our highway just stopped dead
detour it said
a whole new highway going somewhere else
walk into gig
medium sized dark room
smells of smoke
the others are here
setting up the instruments
boom boom boom go the drums
time for him to play
he plucks the strings
boom boom boom
he puts no thought into playing
the fingers run around with minds of their own
he sings the words
the words are ingrained somewhere
they slide out effortlessly
he doesnt try very hard it seems
doesnt put a lot into it
he glides
its not like working of course
the driving
that was working
but this is easy
boom bang crash goes the soundcheck
tempers flare n subside
kilbeys earpieces are uncomfortable
they sit inside his ears blocking out the worst of the noise
his ears ring continuously in a condition called tinnitus
the sondcheck finishes
a dinner of tomato soup n french fries
strangely enough kilbey enjoys this meal with relish
he is no gourmet
he loves a veggie burger n chips more than almost anything
the musicians hang around till its time to go on
its too much hassle to check into hotel now
which is a far way away
ditto finding veggie restaurants
eventually its the path of least resistance
if they got tomato soup (least likely to contain chicken or beef stock)
and they got chips then im ok
maybe some chocolate soymilk
we got that too
n humous n pita
the dressing room is ok actually
with mirrors with lights round em n everything
kilbey dont enjoy looking at his face so much anymore
tho he admits its a good character face
a face for an arrogant king in shakespeare
the face of kind and groovy daddy
the face of a brutal aussie bricklayer
kilbeys eyes imply things
they imply things he has no idea of
and make promises
he never realised he was making
or breaking…
still he checks the mirror
hmmm in this mirror here you could marvel
at how well preserved the old rake actually is
but under this mirror here
under the morose flemish sky
kilbey is every inch his years
somehow this paradox can be worked to an advantage
kilbey wonders and wanders backstage
he slips out into a back alley with jan
jan lives here
you know i rilly gona think you will like a this shteeeve
says jan producing a joint of the ubiquitous widow
the widow thats been a’following me
oh schteeve why dont you play somethingk off preeesht equillz orra
we talk n talk
jans gotta ph d in something
oh beleeef me schteeve…it means nothingk
we smoke out the back of the club
the night is warm n aromatic
soon we will be hitting the stage

to be continued tomorrow
tomorrows episode: standing in the wings feeling kinda sick

sorry i wasnt all things to all people
i aint st francis of assisi
i aint a lovelywonderful manne neither
not according to anyone
did i ever say that i was..?
i fucking put on my best show in london
i put my heart n soul into it
my heart n soul
no exageration
im sorry bout the dudes chair
there were no chairs i could see
backstage we had 2 sofas
and then some other jealous anonymous little prick jumps in
n people character assassinating me n ricky
one of my dearest friends….
i was there to play music
i was there to deliver
and i delivered it
cos it took all of us a long time to get there
the band and the audience
it was fucking monday night
we drove up from brighton
we got lost in london
we argued with each other
we loaded in
our soundman was sick n couldnt make it
we had a guy who’d never done it before
we had all the usual problems with our antique gear
we finally soundchecked just as wed run outta time
n yet
n yet
we played a blinder
im sorry if some people are disillusioned with me
ya got 2 choices
realise this: im not jesus christ
or
lets say fare thee well
i write this blogg
as a mixed media work
part diary
part fact
part fiction
part poetry
part bullshit
i dont pretend to be nothin’ mister
im a peacenik
i abhor meat
i pity the poor saps who eat it
i am almost fifty three…im an olde boy
i am bitter nasty callous forgetful bastard sometimes
aint you?
and can ya admit it?
i make mistakes
i say n write things i regret
i do stupid things
sometimes things i intend as funny come out sad
and vice versa
im honest and you better believe it
no agenda except my own self aggrandizement
and saying obvious things like
the iraqi war n all wars are an abomination
guns are stupid things that are meant to kill
and lets face it
they very often do
i am anti western anglo saxon imperialistic bullshit
i think blair AND howard AND bush are worms
all bombs are terrorism
who would jesus bomb?
i am a load of badde things
dont you think i know that?
but the fucking suggestion that i was ignoring a sick guy
while i was swanning around is a joke that is in actuality
not worth defending
i dont control who comes back
i dont control where chairs go
im just an olde tired bass player
turning up
n doing it as i know best
and trying
trying so hard
im sorry youve gone and painted this picture of me
you rained on my parade now
just like ive presumably rained on yours
thanks
theres always gotta be a catch…
overcoming all odds
we played a good one in london
and next day i have to see this…
oh well
i am home at last
uneventful flights
watch stranger than fiction
which COULDA been good
but was actually half baked n under realised
muse?
yes nevets i was unsatisfied with this film
im afraid could only give it 2 n a half *s
oh dear well im gonna give it a 3***
because …oh i dunno..it was ok
and then the illusionist
which i started watching too late
only about 25 mins
n we landed in syddley
i was hopin for a holding pattern…muse?
well nevets its got all the ingredients you like hasnt it
and that filter thing they do with the computers nowadays
but quite frankly the romantic angle was a little unlikely
so i can only give it so far 3n half ***s
oh well i disagree im given it 4****s …so far
but i can see it could get errr ..schmaltzy
anyway
here i am back home
in a silent empty house
for 2 weeks
europe over
america?
a few big ifs?
dont count on it
thats what i’d say
tomorrow
im gonna give ya my impressions of the tour
my de briefing if you want it
you know
at anytime
if you dont like the stuff i write
you can stop reading
its ok
hell
i wont feel a thing
i wont even know
im just reminding you thats all

stevie bouy northern bondi wilderness
just back from the cliffs n the sea n the golf course n poo stack
where the frangipanies have disappeared
and the world looks more sombre
where i know the guys who work in the local shop
and those nice but noisy greek kidss under neath me
and my big white i box pumping out a weird shuffle
and my great friend glenny boy who sorted me out
the moment i got home and fed the fish for the doodle heads
and the most people here
they dont know i write a blogge that has had well over a half a million hits
or that i sold over a million records
nor that that i been narcomaniac n spent a night in jail once
they dont know im one of the best lyricists in my field in the world
it doesnt matter if i dont sell any records
you know its true
and ive flown for days n days n days
n stayed in more hotels
than all of ya reading this put together have
ive seen more of america than most americans
i was plugged into an amp n pumping out
my own mellifluous bass riffs
before a lotta ya were born
i aint so pretty anymore neeva
im looking my age, boyo
you tell me who dont when theyre this olde
but i can fucking jump about n sing my head off
for two hours while lugging that great big heavy
but ohh so beautiful straddle-various of a bass
my bass my familiar my other wife
oh when we start to lock in…..
i hadda life you cant imagine
unless you done this no one can
im not boasting
im not complaining
ive stayed in the best places
and ive stooped to the lowest
you want some truth
or some bullshit
i got both
you unravel it my friendss
you sort it out
i aint the best in the world
but on the other hand
im a rare commodity
cos despite what they say
i care
think about it
i care
n
i try
simple words
simple concept
sometimes i forget
but it aint cos im swanning around
like marie antoinenette
saying let em eat cake
thats not fucking true
i care
as much as i can
you know me
but i dont really know you
i care as much as i can
for people i dont really know
ok?
im sorry i made ya disgruntled
i cant be all things to all people it seems
i was trying to meet n greet the ones i did see
im shaking hands n kissing babies like ya wanted
doing the hard yards driving a van for thousands of ks
all thru city n dell n marsh n alp n plains n other planes
you may think ya know me….
but i putta lotta hard yakka into this thing
try being a fucking vegan for 3 weeks in europa
for a cuppla days i ate bread rolls n tomatoes all day
somedays i hadda put up with something with cheese or starve
you dont know the love n care i try to put in my words n songs

and i love what i do
and i give you the uncondescending best that i have
everytime
be it jack frost or hex or a poetry reading or a lyric or a blogg
(as i type this line grant comes on shuffle
what are the chances
i know grants been trying to contact me..
grant im still alive, i cant see you )
dont tell me i aint trying hard enuff
im committed
im committed to quality
im committed to the the strange n extraordinary
im committed to the electric guitar
im committed to bobby dylan n neil young n leonard cohen
n keith richards
im not in their league
but baby
thats how im planning to get olde
just like that
rocking n rocking on
whatever any of ya dont like about me
too badde
thats what it takes
take the badde with the johnny be goode
ive fucked up my own career with my stupid behaviour
im my own worst enemy
i dont need snide little comments from anonymouse
jealous little prick
i know who you are
and im gonna nail ya!
ha ha ha