The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

dear fiendss
the time being was absent yesterday
due to a lost internet connexion
eg whoever it is hes piggybacking off
finally got wise
and the internet round this way
is scarcer than hens teeth
ok im on now
but its coming n going
getting fainter
getting fainter
wouldnt you know it…thats how life ends
ah…..
so i may not be able to even post this blogge
in which case
how is it that youre reading it…
huh?
so i donna know whatsa going on with the net
dont someone tell me i gotta fork out for that as well now
it may be the straw that breaks the panthers back
here again
i thank profusely
every subscriber who has supported ttb
i appreciate it
and its very honourable of you lot
to chip in…even tho you didnt have to
the people who dont pay are welcome as well of course
just not quite so welcome as the others
no ha ha
thatsa justa me being a foolish being
being foolish
foolish being
ishing foolbe
anyway
nice to have you here
i was fretting to my fambley yessaday
them saying oh jus’ have a dayoff
me going no no no
you dont understand
i dont have days off
thru the thick n thin
up against your well
thru rain n sleet n hailstones as big as bowlings balls
i am here
i know you need it
thats why youre fiendss
because you want your being
when you want it
and you dont wanna fucking have to wait
and then you were left cliff hanging
the being delving deeper ever deeper
shorely hay-dey storeys whirr necksed
i was about to finally tell you some thing
when i lost the thread
the internet went down
i was stranded
lowtide becalmed
in a sea of passwords i couldnt guess
signals i couldnt attract
and diagnostics i couldnt understand
fuck em all then
i did what i could
i guess im gonna have to pay
its against my (greedy) principles
i feel the world does owe me a living
or at least
the internet could continue to be free
why isnt there a rule for me
and a rule for everyone else?
so inconvenient doing it by the book
the way eye see it
is this
all tho i am not the greatest
singer
writer
musician
poet
painter
actor
blogger
who ever lived
im so much better
than loads of the useless gits
who are living it larger than moi
in fact
now take 2 minutes
to think of all the talentless
shallow
“straight”
hopeless
idiots
who are
in fact
living it larger than your beloved being
be beloved being
being beloved be
arent you angry that some
pretty insipid boyband
are raking in more shekels
than your heroic killa
or some old actress making 20 mill a pic
while your main man stands in the wilderness of cyberspace
virtual cap in hand
i know it must hurt you my people
to see me in my thousand buck falcon
while lesser luminaries cruise in lexii n beemers
i sit here in my flannelette shirt n my broken glasses
yet blokes who dont know nothing
ponce about in top line suits n ties

the twillies arrived sunday night
+ 5 other swedes from their fambley
will be living round the corner from us
in a nice house
minna looks more like uma thurman than ever
but dont say it!
elli looks like scarlet
there was a lotta noise here lassanite
we scored a few blows back against downstairs
and their insufferable doof doof doof

have been working more on solo album with timbo
its coming along nicely
very pleased
youll like it
its pretty good
im sure youll love it
and you’ll say
why aint this guy livin’ it large?
and there wont be no answer
thats for sure

being asleep
being fast asleep
what is sleep?
can we define these simple things?
what is sleep
what is love
what is a song
what is life
the being sleeps his restless sleep
the tv flickers
its that movie
yeah you know the one from the last installment
in the previous episode
that film about this blokes life
some guy from the twentieth century
one of namen turners best ever roles
he learnt to play the bass just to do the film
someone poured a lotta dough into this biopic
enter one dan frankowitz :
hell im just a midwest boy
i went to college and got a degree
now i run uni-mount and para-versal films
i just loved the chirch growing up
my elder brother brad played em all the time
my mom hated em
“i dont know how you boys listen to the depressing trash” she said
dad called it music for” layabouts who dont know real music”
aunt debbie said it wasnt music at all
and she said that stephen kilby couldnt fucking sing!
ha
she was right!
but i still loved em you know
i have one ipod for each of their albums
and each day i manage to listen to at least 100 of their songs
i named my theme park in florida el parko descuidado
i own all the original locations where any album was recorded
and last night i made the winning bid
for richard ploogs heyday shirt on ebay
completing part of the west wing of my chirchyworld museum in montana
anyway
when i took over as the ceo here
we made a few huge pictures ….
pictures that defied all box office expectations
like the gormenghast movies…
they said people didnt want stuff like that
but they did!
anyway what the fuck…?
im the boss right…..!
i said i wanna make this picture
its about stephen kilby right….?
people here’d say
boss no-one out there has heard of the guy
i’d say everyone knows under the milky way right?
people wake up…it was on miami vice ferchrissakes
anyway i say bring me some stars…some real stars
tom hanks as his brother rusty
garth merenghi as his brother jack
judi dench as juicy wallop
so we get chris walken as peter copes
we get danny day lewis as martie piper-wilson
we get charlie sheen to do tim prowse
julia roberts had already jumped at the chance to play natalie dolphin
a real coup…the swedish twins were playing themselves
after the olsen twins fucked up the accents
of course nobody was quite right as kilby himself
until i saw a film with turner in it as some mad genius organist
jesus i knew hed have to be my leading man….
but the film ran into a lotta problems
turner had problems with the beard-wig
particulary the adhesive which gave him hives
but in the early scenes…
during the unguarded moment video remake
god he was a dead ringer
except that namens only 5 foot 7
and kilbys 5 11
so er…namen was looking a little short against chrissy walken there
he had a few nasty accidents fallin off his perch there too
i can tell ya…
he and julia hadda real chemistry tho
particularly the scene where the final daughter crimson kilbey is born
when the anaesthetist took off his mask
and it was ricky gervais doing the epidural…
it was a showstopper!
you see
i believed in this film to transcend kilbys status
as an appendix to a footnote
on a dusty shelf
in the museum of obscurity
theres a powerful message here
a tale of redemption
of struggle
of perseverance
of overcoming mammoth odds
and thats just while hes still in high school!
unfortunately the film went straight to video cassette
and got its premier screening in mom n pop motels
around the world simultaneously
the motel chain said
“its a great film for getting em outta the rooms in the morning”
of course i was a little devastated
but thats showbiz
hell
cue the final curtains

the map of love
where does it lead
indeed
the killer trudging down this lonely hard road
the rocks and the gravel cry out to him
as he walks over them
the deep earth ignores him
the sky turns black as night falls down
cars whizz by out there
as it starts to rain
a light drizzle
he sees his breath as steam
he sees the halo around the moon
somehow he has his ipod on
listening to the ruff mixes of his solo album
the one he made that time
before….
before what….?
before things changed
did he lose his mind?
has he got amnesia?
is there an identical twin impersonating him n wreaking havoc?
is this a dream?
is this an out of body experience?
is this the stoned ramblings of an old hippy?
is this anything at all?
will there be a happy ending?
he doesnt know yet
he thinks all of the above
above all
above it all
anyway
hes in this interval here
here
he is
a motel
hes checking into this motel
just another guy on the lost highway
this motel on the edge of which town where
this kinda rundown seen better days hotel/motel
maybe its an inn
or a motor inn
or a motor lodge he thinks…
reception
the sign says reception
a young girl working there
no two young girls
ha
well heres yer identical twins
dont all mystery stories have identical twins?
goodevening said one
we’re closed said the other
would you like a room? said one
no vacancy said the other
for one night? said one
or forever said the other
does it have hbo he asked
yes said one
no said the other
they both said
we have a great selection of videos
may we recommend
a new bergman film
called
bardo
oh whos in it ? he asked
oh this actor
you probably havent heard of him
they said
namen turner
oh but i know him he said
good they said
hes playing you
in this film
about your life
first the book said one
now the film said the other
but what about my room he said
dont you want to see the film …its on now said one
its the bit where you come good in the end said the other
can i watch it in my room? he said
do you have a credit card? said one
we only take cash said the other
no we saw in the film how he lost his credit card in rangoon
ha ha yes
outside the ambassador hotel
during the coup
during the nineties
during the arista period
when you had the hit
and the problem
and all that excitement
and all that tedium
all that money
all those taxes
all those fans
all those enemies
wow!
does turner even look like me in this film ?he asked
not really they said
much younger and hansomer
much taller and slimmer
much more …believable they both said
how can he be more believable than me? he asked
oh yes he is said one
i believed it more said the other
well who sings? he asked
oh namen turner sings
a voice like a lark
what? he sings my songs? he asked
they let him rewrite most of the words
there much better now
for a modern audience
for the i-gen
they changed some bits too they said
youre born in england now
you play the organ
you got 5 sisters
and 2 sons
its very strange
its quite straight forward too
it got some good reviews
it got some stinkers as well
they didnt deal with the drug stuff too well
very realistic though i thought
they changed the drug to crack or something
more relevent to todays kids
hang on hang on! he said
now im confused….
are any of the bits like me at all? he asked
oh all of it said one
oh none of it said the other
anyway
heres the key
to the last room
at the which town where motor lodge
its room 1313
on the thirteenth floor
but press 12a on the elevator
i picked up my guitar and suitcase
i mean
he picked up his guitar and suitcase
and ascended in the lift creakily
up up up
he got outta the lift
and staggered down the hall
tired and wasted after another gig somewhere
turn the key
lay on the bed
its goodnight

tbc

*

he was looking around as the bus opened its doors
surely this was …no
but yes….
stockholm ….a freezing winter afternoon
outside the tube station in st eriksplan
he shivered and shook
the snow had stopped falling
the world was cold and frozen
headlights glanced off the snow and ice
and everything seemed to be saying
go away you dont belong here
it didnt matter where the bus would go….he thought
anywheres better than this here right now
he stepped onto the bus
he couldnt really get an impression of the driver
but he when he proffered some money
the man had jerked his head towards the back of the bus
a load of wretched shadows sat fidgeting in the seats
and it was cold inside
shteeve ?said the man next to me
as i sat down
halfway up the bus
shteeve…..its janne!
i peered closely in the feeble light of the bus
at the man
outside the icy suburbs went past..
remember someone pushed me under a train.. janne said
im dead now shteeve he added sadly
janne had been a 2 bit connexion down at the station
he would connect you with the man for a quarter of the pie
sometimes he even sold the stuff himself
but that had been long ago
now he mostly scrounged
now…?
now was a long time ago too
he was killed in a dodgy “accident” waiting for a train
and he’d been dead awhile
sometimes on cold days like this
i’d naively let him come to my flat
have something hot to drink
but the miserable gollum like creature just stole from me
and would then lie pathetically when caught in the act
where are we going janne i asked
to T -centralen.. he said…..where-else…?
hey mr kilbeee called out a harsh female voice
a strong looking woman
with a tough face and broad cheekbones
came up the aisle of the bus
what the fuck man? she said
carina?
ha ha ha! she roared and coughed and spat
hey everybody its my friend from australia mr kilbeee
they all came crowding around
leffe?
yes steve! said a large fat swedish guy who looked like kris kringle
leffe …didnt you hang yourself…i tried to call you that very day
yes steve ….i know
and your wife..?
yes steve shes here too
an emaciated young woman who looked like a scrawny kitten
popped her head out
hi steve she whispered soundlessly
leffe had been a cab driver
hed met his wife
a lot younger than him
she was an addict-prostitute
he worked n then bought n sold drugs
so she wouldnt have to sell herself
but of course it all went awry
he started taking the stuff himself
and she couldnt stop earning a bit extra on the side
they were dealers together
it was the saddest shambles you can imagine
she propositioned all the customers
saying
do i still have it?
pulling open a dirty dressing gown
to show you her heroin ravaged corpse like body
she gave me many free caps of the stuff
i guess i had been the sanest and nicest of all their customers
they sometimes invited me to stay and have a cuppa tea n swedish cakes
sometimes i’d go around and she had dropped capsules all over the place
they were both nodding out or asleep
people would just pick stuff up n piss off
then theyd wake up and wonder why all the stuff was gone
he got behind in his payments to the nasty people at the top o the chain
she used more n more and turned more n more tricks
and took rohypnols by the handfull
i went round there once and he was crying
after an unfatal overdose on pills
saying i dont know how to even kill myself steve…
but i figured it out in the end ,didnt i ?…leffe said
interrupted my thoughts
carina said and you know this guy…
enrico ruiz revilla ! i said
a handsome latin young guy stuck out his hand
hey man!
what happened to you, rico?
ah just an o.d. he said
enrico would meet his customers outside a certain clock in town
you had to be there at 12 or 4
he’d turn up and a swarm of hungry junkies would engulf him
as usual i used to get to know them
these misfits n outcasts selling dope on the mean winter streets
i’d get to see another side of them
you see most were lonely and friendless
and i was the only “reasonable” kind of person they knew
you dont look or act like an addict they said to me
and so they trusted me or confided in me
and sometimes i saw their homes
here was a finnish speedfreak working girl with only one arm
she hadda ask people to help her shoot up
it was not something one wanted to have to do
there was ulla the old whore
who stalked her daughter whod been taken away from her
and a greek pickpocket who nicked cream buns for our morning tea
the african guys…i never really knew all their names
a russian guy who ripped me off and….
thomas
standing tall and thin
thomas who was some kind of scholar and teacher
with a fiancee and a real house of his own
before addiction stripped him bare
and rolled him out onto the streets
thomas? what happened? i asked quietly
oh yeah hey steve..
thomas had a very upperclass accent when he spoke english
he looked like he coulda made the grade
he even got off for a long time once
but he’d retained a smouldering fascination
with the underworld
i’d seen him once
this is true
he had gotten free
he was walking thru the underground one night
with a bunch of la de dah business men n women
all swedish n correct
going out on a friday night
for a nice meal and a show
then i spotted thomas
changed now
grown healthy n clean
dressed in a suit
chatting with his friends
when by chance he saw the sorry collection of ratbags waiting to score
i heard him say to his friends
excuse me can we stop?
i want to watch this…..
and he stood and vicariously lived the whole thing
saw the money n drugs change hands
and walked away smiling…
ah but alas now
he was a hollow cheeked unshaven scruffy thomas the addict
who died miserably eventually unable to get of the stuff n pills
oh the stuff n pills
a lethal multiplying combo
thats knocks people right outta their seat
and gets em down low in jails rehabs n morgues
carina said
so you finally ended up here with the rest of us kilbeee?
but what is this bus? i asked
thomas sighed
we’re all going to score
i think youd call us hungry ghosts….
but i dont use anymore! i said looking round at them
carina laughed a big ho ho ho like a female pirate
leffe smiled and janna next to me scoffed
the whole bus found some grim merriment in this
what are you doing here then? demanded carina hoarsely
i watched the bus pull into the central station
cmon she said
time to get off!
the whole miserable crew alighted from the bus
and swarmed thru the stockholm underground
like the onset of a dismal plague
as in life
as in death
carina led the rabble and seemed to know the score
she put her hand out and the various characters
gave her 500 crowns in various denominations
mr kilbee..hurry now…i got no time to fuck about..
i numbly handed over my money
my intuition said
this is not good but it may be alright
carina disappeared down to the blue line for her rendezvous
the others were all antsy and jumpy
smoking ravenously on foul cigarettes
or arguing with each other feebly…
was this really the afterlife?
and if it was
why was i here?
thomas said
hey man if you can lend me 250 crowns
i will tell you everything
i felt in my pocket
i pulled out 2 hundreds and 2 twenties
det racker he said in swedish
its enough he said in english
my friend you are so stupid
he said with his running red nose
and his watery eyes
you are not really here at all
not like we are here
you got off the stuff and you come back?
why is everybody in your story dead?
except you i mean
and you hope…
he lit up a marlboro red and winced as he exhaled
im so fucking sick man he said
cant i lend another tva fempty
i found some more money
he snatched it greedily
i pay you back he said
sure i said
what do you fucking mean sure? he said getting angry
sure youll pay me back i said
hey fuck your dream or whatever it is! he said
the others shush shush shush
anyway says thomas presently
you need to watch yourself man
you are still alive by the way he said
you were never a proper junky anyway he added
carina suddenly came back looking troubled
there was a group wailing and gnashing of teeth
as she shook her head sadly
and then
ha ha ha ! she smiled to reveal a mouthful of little white capsules
i watched in amazement as the ghoulish dope fiends
fixed up there n then on the spot
and as each one fixed up
they slowly dissolved and disappeared
soon only carina and i were left
she spat out a cap and tossed it to me
i told ya carina im clean now i said
i know you are
she said
i got something different for you
she sat down
and got out her doings
and cooked up n then fixed a big hit
just like the cheshire cat
she laughed and laughed as she vanished
only her smiling lips remained
oh she said and she was gone
i looked down at what she had thrown me
as i undid the little packet
it started to unfold out into a map
and the map was growing and growing
a map of space and time
somewhere out there
was where i was sposed to be
i jumped into the map and headed south-past
back
way back

tbc

*

yes of course
i should have known it would be you….
playing that music
behind the door
a man about the killers own age sat there
the room had nail- on woodpanels
and green curtains
the man was playing an upright piano
slim!
dad?
watcha!
hi dad……
remember this one slim?
he started playing one thing but halfway thru
it slowly changed into some other songs
dad its half a dozen songs in one … killer said
oh yeah youre right dad said and laughed
whats going on here dad? he asked
im just playing the bloody joanna, slim said dad
too many flourishes ,dad he said
you leave me alone…i dont tell you how to play…
dad started to play some enchanted evening
the killer crooned a long
yer singings a bit better now said dad
where are the boys, dad ? he asked
out the back with the dog
wheres mum?
shes in the kitchen getting dinner ready
why am i here ? he asked
why do you bloody think ? dad said
well i dont know he said
dad shrugged and improvised on some old music hall thing
he looked up
go and get your bass guitar son
but dad… he said
go on get your bass and your amplifier
we can play some music together he said
go on slim ! get your bloody bass!
the thought of the corridor of slowness filled him with dread
but how could he deny his father this simple request…?
watcha waiting for ? said dad
he turned back and opened the door
and stepped on thru
instead of the hallway he had expected
he stood in a room
a hotel room
oh art deco all mod cons
hes just been travelling for ages
all over the place
man i feel tired
man i feel fatigued
i’ll just sit down on this bed he thinks
maybe i’ll meditate and fall asleep he thinks
he sits there saying his mantra for half a minute
and a hole opens up in his head
and the afternoon pours in
this is not a metaphor in fact
this happens
imagine it
you are endless
you are not expecting this
being so exhausted
you are not courting this at all
nonethe less you have opened up
and the gate was open for everything
its not pretty and you panic
its all happening on a huge screen
every word you say reverberates
every fear you have exaggerates
youre sitting back watching in the good seats
watching yourself up on the screen
simultaneity druid…..aint it something?
incredulously, you perceive the whole shebang as a wobbly projection
the solid reality upon which you stand has been undermined
the facades and veneers crack and peel back
voices whisper in hisses and screams
and you understand them all
this is the real abyss
not death
but madness
or enlightenment
but dark enlightenment
finding out everything is fucked!
shudder and shiver this is a terrible place to be
the abyss abyssmally hypnotic
in you go into that horror
its whirling baybee
its whirling you and everything around
its warping and oozing and spinning
and youre upside down inside out
every cell rails against this inversion
sucked off into his mind
the raw stuff of existence
its chaos!
locked in your mind
it is as big as the universe
inside your mind you dream up huge floating planets
crashing around in a sick solar system
you have to stop it somehow
how can you?
there are so many …and only one you
and look now youre so big yourself
youre a thousand storeys high
youre a skyscraping monster
and you feel so seasick just considering anything
and the planets go on bouncing and making this awful sound
and you have to stop them because youre all alone in here
and being alone frightens you too
as you suddenly realise how utterly you are
are alone
inside your head
with everything going wrong
cos you pushed it too far
and it wont snap back
still in an art deco hotel room on a bed
just with closed eyes
whimpering a little maybe
obvlivious to all that now
have i gone crazy ? he asks
and theres a knock at the door
come in he says eventually
the door opens and its dad
oh good olde bloody dad
nothing could ever be too bad then
dad established normality
dad grabbed that afternoon and pulled it out of his head
no no he groaned
cmon boy dad said and suddenly it was over
dad and him were driving along somewhere
im gonna drop you off just up here slim…ok? dad said
numbly he climbed out of dads car
dad beep beeped as he drove off
he was in a city
it was snowing
he was cold
intuition said nothing
nothing he could hear
he just stood there
until a bus pulled up….

tbc

*

in the nullification
at the zero mark
lying unconscious in a temple
in a jungle
looking for intuition
at the bottom of a deep well
where he lay
in his mind
so far down
under himself
into everyone
at the base level
where they say all knowledge is
but not to know
but to be
to actualise it
love in action
where everything is joined
the loftiest eagle
the crawling king cockroach
the mighty emperor
the old drunk man
the loveliest panther
the horriblest pig
the fair maidens
the hideous crones
the grass
the trees
the flowers
the seas
somewhere the intersection
an easy place where all things may rest
the lowest common denominator maybe
before pulling on your mantle
here dwelt intuition
for everything has intuition
if they could but heed it
but also a false intuition
that says i am your intuition!
but is a fraud
and then can you tell them apart…?
the false intuition has no intuition
but in all other ways is cunning
it can imitate intuition perfectly
like a photo of a sandwich
you cant get anything out of it
and many prophets become undone by false intuition
and many gamblers lose their shirts
and many women who may have a good intuition become lost
unable to trust either one
now the killer had a huge false intuition
and its voice could mimic his real flashes of insight
and this false intuition was so swollen up
with its own importance
it was inexorable
and had drowned the real thing in its clamour
and had sprouted even new false intuitions
who bayed n howled in the killers head
demanding consideration
and he had become dismayed
and ignored them all
but now…
now in this easy place
this quiet deep warm place
the false intuitions suffocated
or were dislodged
or worn away
slowly his damaged intuition awoke
to be healed
replenished
he could suss things out now
he could only tune into the real thing
he was online and ontrack
and now he was outbound
outbound and rebounding
but getting back out and up
was not that easy
he realised he was walking down a hallway
passing a few familiar doors
he could not place….
he was moving so slow
like he was entombed in transparent molasses
and it took all his will to keep moving
to keep pushing on
millimetre by century
so slow was he going
so long did it take
and when he had finally run out of will
and energy
and could not guess where he was
when he was ready to give up
and sink into slowness forever
he heard a sound
oh such a familiar sound
he hadnt heard for ages
like another world away
and he oh so wanted to hear a little more
so he pushed against slowness with all his might
and he made headway
and the sound got closer
it was ….
it was a piano
yes it was someone playing a piano
it was kind of what his father called a boogie woogie
something about this thought made him smile
and he started to gain ground on the slowness
a door loomed large at the end of the hall
actually there was a door to the right as well
and it was open
why it was the door to the outside world…!
and he looked at that outside world
a world of summer lawns and sprinklers
and long dusks with families sitting outside in the garden
and everything seemed so simple there
and his intuition spoke up and said
this would be nice
and he stepped through the door a little
he was on a little balcony with steps going down
to the front lawn which sloped to meet the street
he looked down and saw he had grown young
his beard was gone and he was youthful once more
and he stood there marvelling at this simple world
this uncomplicated summerplace
everything still lay ahead
he had time in fucking spades again
the temple
his men
it seemed like a dream to him
his intuition spoke again
this would be nice but…..
and it said no more
troubled slightly he stood there
already a shadow cast across this eden
and he knew his intuition had spoken the truth
but he had free will to ignore it
to over-ride its advice
the piano was still tinkling away behind the otherdoor
but he wanted to somehow forget that now
oh lord it was 1971 and he was 17
oh how light his step and spring in his stride
he walked down the steps
his blue mazda was parked there
his old tiny mazda with the column gear stick
the tinny radio was on
blaring out heart of gold or tiny dancer
he jumped in
turn the keys and hes off
down the road
into archibald street
up to dryandra
and away
driving round and round
listening to everysong on the radio
that burst out in living colour before his ears
and hes driving n driving
and are there other cars on the road?
he never notices
and hes driving round kingston n barton
ha ha theres the old offices where i will oneday work
he thought
a confusing thought
but an amusing thought
how this olde experienced him will change things
this time around
and theres the shop i bought toasted tomato sandwiches
and yoghurt and the canberra times
and i was sitting at work reading the illuminati books
and at night i went home and worked on music
and everyone except my 2 brothers thought my music was awful
and i started to smoke dope before during n after work
and everything became hilarious
but thats all a long time in the future or past
whichever way you wanna look at it
points on a circle maybe
reconcilable contradictions perhaps
thats just humanspeak
it aint like that to a dog or a whale
(i guess)
anyway
for now
the real now
in this story
our hero the killer
is 17
recently turned 17 from 52
and boy thats a nice jump to make
like a thousand years of yoga
and a thousand years of swimming
and a thousand shots of botox
and a thousand gallons of skin gloop
and a thousand plastic surgeons all a sewing
and a thousand diets
and a thousand sit ups for a thousand times
yes youth feels so good
this would be nice but…
said intuition again
sooner or later
he parked his car at the kingston shops
and he had a walk
there was a record shop tucked away
that sometimes stocked rare or imported records
in the window was a pair of white faces
on the cover of an album
the album bore the title t.rex
he stared at the face on the left
powdered with theatrical makeup
surrounded by flowing curls
the man looked like a greek tragedian crossed with a faun
he stared and stared at the face
it seemed like it was trying to tell him something
it seemed the lips were moving
he could hear a voice
he could hear lovely music
be like you could the voice sang
this would be nice but…
sang his intuition
he turned and headed for the car
immediately the slowness oppressed him again
after a million years he fought his way to the car
he took off down the road
back towards his house in lyneham
back towards that other door
to the piano
to give up this new found youth
to help his friends
to seek his destiny

tbc

*

killer was in a tough spot
bitten by a hissing viper
attacked by piranhas
stung by hornets
sucked by leaches
pursued by baboons
(kinda like the music biz really)
now they were actually inside the temple
his intuition had failed
and the men were weary and demoralised
bolan said
what now olde bean?
you lost lennon back there somewhere
he seemed really pissed off about something…
the killer snarled
someone told him about liam gallagher naming his kid after ‘im
bolan nodded
oh really….yeah…
buddha says we should meditate on it
houdini says disappear
tolkien suggested another smoke..seems hes got a stash
dante says go on
ian curtis says walk in silence
what about elvis?
he says he feels so lonely he could die
ha!
what about mclennan…whats he saying
he says i dont fucking know….whatever you say
oh…ok
merlin says doomed if we do doomed if we dont
oh …cheerful
and rimbaud says something in french i cant understand
oh well then
and what about you marc…
what do you say….?
i say
be like you could killer
the killer sat and pondered
in this temple in the jungle
where pelicans and porcupine had taken up residence
with its crumbled statues of baal n zeus
and some distracted lucifer
where the sharp yellow teethed monkeys waited
and serpents writhed entwined
where the fleas bit
and the ticks burrowed
and the flowers all stank
and the fruits were poison
and the roots were all tangled
and your hopes were all mangled
vines dangle amid the gangly trees
somewhere in this maze of ruins
lay the atlantean crystal
health
wealth
power
charisma
fame
these were but a few of its attributes
anyman who weilded this crystal would be a superman
if they knew but how
and if they knew but where it lay hidden
bolan interrupted his reverie
are there any options left?
killer nodded
yep…but i never wanted to use it
well what is it
killer pulled a little baggie from his pocket
it contained a single purple coloured pill
but whats that said bolan surprised
its called intuition
artificial intuition
it would take a thousand years of yoga
a thousand years of having abstained from dead flesh
a thousand years of chi gong
to achieve this
but the side effects …said bolan
yes the side effects
dizziness
sweating, cold hands
nervousness, excitability
stupors
delusions of grandeur…
but killer youve already got all that said bolan
yes bopping elf , it could only get worse…
there you are then….
killer took the pill from the baggie
it had a little fleur de lis stamped on the side
it looked small in his palm
he squinted through the gloom at his second in charge
its a long shot but it just might work…i gotta hunch that it will
he put the pill in his mouth
and swallowed
at first there was nothing
and then a faint hum
and then a whirr
and then everything began to sway and shake
and the whirr became a scream
and everything sped up so fast
and he was travelling travelling
across the back of the waves o’er kingdoms of merfolk
thru the sky like an egret over a lake
rushing with his reflection
and the scream became unbearable
and the speed became intolerable
and he began to feel himself fall apart
bit by bit
piece on piece
he evaporated into thin air
and he was gone
deep deep into another place
so far down and in
like he was falling forever
down the rabbit hole
in the blackness of the collective unconscious
in the stillpoint of oblivion
and there he lay
for an eternity

tbc

ps if you dont like it
you know what you can do….

*

the jungle trembled and shook
it was one huge living thing
stretching from beach to beach
canopy vines and lianas
its atmosphere was suffocating
sweet moist omnipresent
it hindered penetration
the trees seemed to move and reach out and grasp
the ground gave and a disgusting mud sucked at the feet
killer pushed on ahead
after all he was a timebeing
the thorns and nettles made no difference
his crew were close to mutiny
he cursed their lack of faith
ronson and peake had already been lost
back there
in this inferno of a jungle
a jungle ripe with ghosts
spirits of trees
voodoo hidden people with tipped darts
half human monkeys screaming and hurling things
in this dank jumble of wet wood and whispering voices
in this no mans land tangled twisted spiteful
bolan walked alongside him
these cats are ready to flip he said
they want to know whats in it for them…
killer sighed
maybe theres nothing in it….for any of us
bolan looked down
i dont wanna hear that right now druid…..
look i know theyre upset about mick and melvyn said the killer
melvyn was never gonna make it…you know that
but ronson…..
too impetuous
such a shame
we’ll miss him thats for sure
the killer called a halt
lets have a fucking smoke for godsake
mclennan took him aside
steven we’re in the middle of a jungle…
you wanna get stoned?
killer nodded solemnly
and the last of neils purple heads
were rolled up into a 2 paper tally-ho spliff
with a rolled up bit of cardboard as a filter
killer puffed deep and exhaled coughing and wheeezing
tolkien puffed on his pipe
while the rest passed the spliff around
except ian curtis
no thanks killer he muttered
and stood outside the circle on lookout
gentlemen said the killer
we are approaching our destination
soon will come the most perilous part of this journey…
this quest…interrupted bolan quietly
the killer continued
how much do you lot know about atlantis?
all began talking at once
merlin suddenly became agitated
and banged his staff upon the ground
all magic
all power
all knowledge
comes from fair atlantis
the druids
the bards
the magicians
all take their art from her
the royal blood of atlantis flowed through
christos and our own celtic kings
houdini said
you know guys i never really made up my mind about atlantis
but i sure am interested in whatever this has to do with us
tolkien nodded
atlantis way down below the ocean
where i wanna be uh she may be
arthur rimbaud said
oh sweet city in the seaside afternoon
on the day you sank
we slept unaware
like babies at the tit…
errr thanks arthur for that said the killer
there was a polite round of applause
for godsakes steven go on with it said mclennan
ok
this is it
the atlanteans had discovered the secret of life
and had determined the existence of a vital ray
this ray was captured and stored in crystals
like batteries…
what is battery? asked dante
never mind
its a way of using energy
one small crystal could contain enough power to…
to do what ? someone asked
an atlantean crystal is the most powerful object in the world said merlin
i saw one once
when i was a child
it was nearly used up
but still an object of great magic…
gentlemen said the killer
i seek the last atlantean crystal
its name is bel-tyne
its power is as yet untapped..
yes said houdini yes!
killer put out the joint
pulled off a leach
and stood up
gentlemen he said
lets get our arses into gear

tbc

*