The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

*
left to my own devices
i appear in japan one afternoon
obliviously high
in the crowded markets
pressed into my new suit
armed and dangerously calm
hugging the coastline
in a series of hotel/motels
i undo em
you wanted it so deep
deep in the past
up to the hilt in years
i unwind and unwind
blindly binding my mind to your will
blowing my shot into this abyss
somewhere in space a satellite shifts
lifting the lid on the kids navigation bid
but the boss cant tolerate loss
he sits in his villa stiller and stiller
calls me the killer
calls me direct
tells me collect
so here i am maybe
maybe not
outside the door or
in the vacant lot
no blade
no knife
no gun
no movement
you dont see it
you only feel it
crush your ribbons
break you bonaparte
eat your heart
suck your soul off
now i am nicely inside
with the lightest touch
away again
leaving you standing there
empty

my shadow sings
the very air we breathe
the numbing flood
all in its time
for deep within
within this life
and beyond all that
somewhere else
somewhere so strange
why cant i remember
remember what ? my shadow sings
oh now thats quite a voice
mellifluous
subtle as all fuck
sincere and endearing
enduring no flaw
i must be mad i say
though there is no one for years around
just my shadow on the ground
singing across the miles
something about something
called love

angel in crystal
like a childs magic
what is this life ?
outside its medieval
fleas dirt cold damp
lost in the centuries
fucking woman banging at my door
get thee gone hag i will pay the rent sat’day
anxiety gnawing within
my little rat eating me always
my fire has no heat
my night has no day
only my work
my head light and throbbing
outside myself sometimes
the drugs i take for granted
a pinch for me
i have a tiny monster
indulging her over and over
hidden in the weave
a phantom glyph
as decipherable as a cloud
my work through the night
where does it all join up?
at some sublime point
music mathematics magic myth
rest for a spell
move slowly through a dream
the years are asleep
angel come angel come
soft laughter
her bitter reproach
that strangest pain deep inside she loves
behind glass inside her heaven
eyes of blue ice
maybe i’m blind
my eyes are so sore
my monster needs to feed
my rat begins to gnaw
still the need to work
the need to know
until power is mine
after thousand and one
in the year with no son

oh the future aches in our bones
every cloud is a sign
every bird sings its song to you
magic exists secretively
you used up your spells
i used up my wishes
i call up my father who lives on within me
i feel him smile in deep memory
again its morning
again its night
again its again
rush towards moment
my angel herself appears
of course i cannot see her
i cannot say her name or bear to think of it
i only hear a voice
i hear whisper in dark corner
a hymn she sings as a hiss
a cold and old voice
she says my name
not this name
my other name
my spirit name
my intrinsic atoms that have always being
good deeds evil deeds
YOU ……never learn ! angel hisses
ok then
i remember the devil and his abode
not fire and brimstone but quiet luxury
a handsome devil
his laugh is really quite endearing
you could get to like him easily
he listened to great music
urgent and simple yet unpredictably strange
infernal fugue
a corruption of the angelic tongue
the words are exultant
good isnt it? he says
he sings along :
heaven is what you make it
god can dish it out
but he cant fucking take it……
my hands are numb
i’m very very cold
lowered down down down
someone crying
someone laughing
inside i still alive
let me out get me out i blubber silently
sudden freedom
my skull empties me out
i briefly struggle in the narrowest stricture
the devil sits in his elegant chair
i’m not THE devil he says in english
oh i have never heard english pronounced this way
its simply beautiful
heaven is closed for renovations jokes a demon
your widows dancing on your grave says another smirking
youre dead unlucky chimes in a third
the devil tells them to shush
better call in angel he croons
as soon as said as done
angel naked winged blazing dimly
angel what are you?
i am terrible love
then quickly
no more devil
the night is over
a nauseating elongation of distance
angel is in crystal
i hold the orb in my hands
i see her hidden in the folds and shards within it
am i still dead i foolishly ask after she is gone
i still hear her voice
never dead
never alive

feeling very fucking frustrated
coz i made a little movie for you fools
and it times out when i try to upload it to blogger
even tho its only 22 mb
ive uploaded much bigger ones before
so you wont get to see “index” today
but ok
it is making me that much more satisfied
to have that excellent one stop sk shop
thetimebeing.com
coming soon
real uncrushed videos not fracturing in pixellation
real interaction
i’m gonna open up the vaults (and the volts)
i’m gonna whip up a storm of stuff
its gonna be more direct than ever and forever
thetimebeing.com
quality videos and music
archives
shopping
exclusives
blah blah blah blah blah
baby you gonna love thetimebeing.com
now one thing thats gonna make thetimebeing.com jump
is that your lousy luddite humble hero is finally
moving into serious home recording
slowly mastering the ins and ups
soon
very soon
and if you love my music this should excite you
i will again be making music
that is 100% me
of course
you dont want 100% me 100% of the time
but its been a long time since remindlessness
thats when i last took the reins across the board
yes there were some guests
but it was me who decided everything
the record has its flaws
it is no abbey road
but its me
and no other person came between me n my music
now that the home recording limitations of 1989
have been blown skyway by macs n logic n blah blah blah
my next record will be pure me
i might ask ricky to play on it
itd be an honour if frank kearns did something too
patti hoods harp would be nice i think
but i’m gonna call the shots of what it all is
and i’m gonna record it and engineer it and mix it
so what you get will be pure kilbey
and thats a heady brew
and maybe some people aint ready for it
and never will be
but believe me
with todays technology and possibilities
i will begin a new era of unbelievable grooviness
because i have my modus operandi
and it will not fail
excellent music , i promise, by the end of the year
meanwhile the texans plot away
a website is taking shape out there somewhere
and guess what
the guys helping me with this are on my side
not doing it for the money at all
they are offering me their expertise
but they also have high aesthetic standards
thats why they dig the time being
i am gonna surprise ya
keep tuned
this will be a very good thing
lotsa music
lotsa vids
lotsa art
lotsa sk
fuck yeah
my word
in spades

ceiling whacks
sin city
bad times
catching a dirty little train back to yer hovel in the sticks
nibbling grimy biscuit as you watch the miss nsw pageant
toggling backwards n forwards between 2 points on the griddle
fuck! youve burnt yer fingers on the faux flames
jesus! that packet of neuroweb cost 300 fucking bucks
watch out! an avalanche of scrambly bugs
moon still glows out the flue
tremors reaching into the vast interior of your pasts
quickmetal fatiguing faster than you can watch it
yer wife irons yer sox
one for me
one for you
some stupid machine you bought cheap dont work
your lulu has been gazetted
that little bloody bastard nero drake
hes diddled me outta my bonus questions
they were gonna gift ya a gift
you attended a lifestyle seminar in chalky vale
where you learnt auto response and angle management
the rain starts up again
oh god my feet so cold now
my stomach so empty
i’m shaking uncontrollably
someone sitting behind you its linda b
she picks at your head
wow your brains are tiny she exclaims
what does it say on the meter?
what happens if you lose the ticket?
the windows rattle and the drafts penetrate deftly
words rolling off my back like feathers
suddenly everything slows down becomes soft n intense
a woman lying on her stomach on the bed
in the red light her pink skin glows electric white
hit me baby she murmurs sleepily
the pub across the road turns off its grog
the cops bust an honest joe and he goes down quiet
the soda jerks and the bar flies away
i piece together history from u-tube tutorials
hey did you know alexander the great pretender return to sender
hey i learnt that ancient rome had 23 different words for empire
hey i learnt that plate is the capital of china
finally something packs it in
and the world drops out of the sky
i shoulda known it
more personal grief
the boom has bust

weird daze post touring
i fly up to qld n do rock wiz show
i filmed it all
itll be available on my new upcoming website
travelling long singing my song side by side
stay at nice hotels
usual things aggravate me
i do yoga coldly sometimes in posh rooms
with good views
at night its the olde on with the show
and the people loved the show
and i taking some great solace in being a ‘umble cog
in the machine
because it was a good machine
and the cogs all worked well
fly back in time for all kindsa shenanigans
you wouldnt read about it
more good and bad excitement
fuck yeah
fuck no
then saturday drive to canberra for the school reunion
it was outside in a pub garden
an irritating jolly celtic-ish big band scraped my tinnitus
rendering conversations more painful than usual
a horrible bloody bonfire burned foul smelling smoke
nevermind all that
i filmed the whole thing
one day it will be available at my new supersite coming soon-ish
you’ll hear some women testify to my innate nastiness as a youth
you werent yourself says janet g a former classmate
others protest my innocence
my “fame” seems to blur some memories
the words fame n famous get bandied about a lot
not surprising
with a few exceptions
i am more popular with the ladies at this do
than the gents
the same old blokes who disapproved of me back then
still didnt dig my groovy stupid trip
the geezers who were neutral remained neutral
my couple of old pals still liked me n treated me the same
i mingled around
i guessed who most people were
i was looking forward to meeting megan m
who i had secretly had a long crush on thru school
i met bronny n jo from my old debating team
they havent changed and we pick up as tho not much has changed
jo still treats me with slightly impatient disdain
while bronny jumps in saying kind things
(as she did back in 1972)
a finnish girl who had been quite a plain jane at school
had blossomed into a willowy tall elegant woman
ones who had been willowy at school now seemed smaller and round
i am introduced to a lady with blond hair n glasses
she hides her name and i know i should know her
but i cant say who it is
c’mon she says guess who i am
but i dont know n i feel embarrassed
its megan….i didnt recognise her at all
some blokes were completely bald
others had hair just as it was in 1972 the last time i saw em
most of us drove to restaurant after the pub
a rude mouthy woman called linda b
sat behind me in my car pulling at my hair
gee your hairs pretty thin! she says
im fucking 55! i protest
we all are ! says a chorus of voices
later at the restaurant linda keeps pulling at my thin hair
its receding isnt it? she asks
but then adds
youve hardly any wrinkles on your forehead
is that botox ?she asks seriously
still youre bloody handsome she finally sighs
other blokes from school are unfortunately overfond of booze
they get a loada red wine into em
and become just like the kinda people we hated at school
actually they all seemed to like to drink
there was a slide show powerpoint thingy
some old poems from the school magazine are projected
a couple of pretentious poems by bronny appear
and bigmouth me declaims them to everyone
in a ridiculous accent like a boorish king from camelot
loving her embarrassment
but instant karma soon follows when a loada my 4th form dribble
is up on the screen
and people
it was the most awful stuff
that made bronnys poetry look like rimbaud
i hid my face deep in my coat and groaned
as i leave the whole do
i run into scrubby s (a former classmate uninvited)
who works the corner of antill n northbourne washing windows
(dickson, act)
i give him 20 bucks n we have a chat
i give him some tips about getting off the gearski
and he gives me some tips about having thicker hair
dont ever wash it!
and remaining young
dont eat anything….
it must be said that poor scrubby does indeed look younger
than many of the guys who did well
remarkably youthful in fact except for his teeth
he dont look much different
its all the food n booze that ages people we agree
and working for the man n doing a job you hate
makes you all bitter n boring n yer hair turns white
and it was a long sad strange drive home to bondi
it rained n i nearly rain outta petrol
thank heavens i didnt
over n out

i hurtle thru time
over all my hurdles
burn out my brains
endure triumphs failure
mitigate my virgin version
fuck i dont know
made mad
sanely insane in vein in vain
burn out my brains
oh extraordinary life
a shame you cant live it for me
wildly careering all over the place
hedonistic heavens colliding with hideous hells
one minute one thing
next minute next thing
things move around
my fender jazz bassguitar sometimes plays itself
my pictures incompleted
my mail unopen
my male
the man in my mansuit
he dont let up
i cant count on anything
shoot short films on my lappy
download your app onto my mac
wind down slowly with a blast of bile
ignore me applaud me adore me deplore me
move thru cycles of the moon
my service has been interrupted
my rapture a rupture
a sutra the future
a fait accomplis
seems my homage discontinued
even tho we are all liars and phoneys
private dicks
and one trick ponies
its 144 its gross man
its the most man
glorious host man
but
here i remain
within my suit
everything at my fingertips but nothing handy
flying driving arriving
walk on walk off
make em laugh
keep it simple
hit the notes
note the hits
call it quits
some good bits
off key behind the door of sleep
i weep n weep in my dreams
i wish i was more of me
at least they say as their voices trail off
a beautiful fervour has flavoured my favours
my column crumbled oh well columns cant last forever
tomorrow is here knocking at my drawbridge
i fidget in my suit of rooms
in the many mansions of the lord
where hopefully we will wander
re united in eternal life
beyond this dark place
unprepared to pay the cost

music by s n rp kilbey from gilt trip