The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

aw why dontcha just cheer up...?!

sweden

yeah

what a beautiful place

oh god how i miss sweden

my two eldest twin daughters

identical n graceful creatures

half me half strangers

i sit here as the winter sun dies

i think of sweden

i had a lovely little apartment on bastugatan (sauna street)

huge windows

i saw the silent soft snow

i saw the endless twilight hang in that northern sky

i wandered thru stockholms streets n gardens

i caught trains that took me here and there

i watched the news in swedish n understood almost every word

i bought n took drugs

i got sick and tired

i got ripped off and i got wasted

i wasted my time

i wasted my precious time

i ate toasted sandwiches in kungstradgarden

i went swimming with martin krall out at the salt sea baths

i bought risi-fruttis at the sodermalm 7-11

i went to n.a. meetings in a school building

i smoked prince cigarettes and took grov snus

when me n krall were broke we lived on semolina pudding

we met new dealers in new places

we shared what we had which sometimes wasnt much

the twillies would stay over at my place sometimes

everymorning theyd have an argument on how we were going to get to school

elli always said train minna always said walk

they liked the spice girls n hanson

they liked a group called aqua

all this seems so long ago

stockholm such a delicate little city compared to sydney

so petite so civilized

its natives are so statuesque

their broad cheekbones their blue eyes

their archaic language like some weird old english

their seeming cold and distant

my bed was a loft bed above my front door

my kitchen was tiled blue

i sat n ate my semolina pudding n krall n i would figure out how to get money

every now n then some royalties’d come thru n i’d live like a king for a week

i’d go shopping at soderhallen n eat at the veggie restaurant

i’d go out to carina n jannes n buy up big n maybe drink pear cider with em

i’d get my guitars back out of hock from pantbanken

which was next door to bjorn borgs underwear palace

you could buy blocks of hash from the rastas in the parks

we’d get loaded n listen to ambient music and underground lovers ways t’burn

i got arrested for riding a train without a ticket

i spent a lot of time waiting here n there for people to show up

a lot of waiting around

i became a fixture on the scene

people called me “englishman”

hey englishman …you want some dynamite stuff

a lot of those people are dead now

enrico ruiz revilla

carina

guld leffe

that italian guy i cant remember his name

tomas the school teacher

leffe the cab driver n his young wife

so many gone

so many unremembered

so many disappeared

just as i talk about this very thing

margot smith rings me up

shes in a bad way n not long to go she says

what a waste of an incredible talent

what a voice what a writer

yeah this life can break your heart

it will break your heart before its over

or you havent lived

people will exit yer life

people will get sick n old n theyll exit

only one way in

but so many ways out

the needle

the bottle

cancer

car crash

heart attack

suicide

all the rest

snakebite beesting lightning strike jealous husbands

execution hep c pianos falling on top of ya

still i sit here in this house type type type

the kids are out with their uncle at a film

i am stone cold sober

55 looking back over my chaotic life n the people ive known

all the backstage bullshit and carryon

tv studios recording studios planes n helicopters

record shops n music shops n grocery shops

women come n go thru my life

women with their beauty n softness

women with their soothing hands and sweet words

women with their moods n demands

women wrapping me round their fingers

women who i always remember

women who i hope to always forget

women from all over the world pass thru my life

yeah at one stage i had a girl in almost every port

rome

portugal

germany

spain

south america north america east n west america

what was i thinking?

what was i doing?

desire was whipping me along

later to be replaced by smack

at least smack killed off all that rampant desire

and it became the question n the answer in every situation

i guess before that i was quite a playboy ha ha

using n being used in turn

loves subtle n brutal games

my black book bulged with exotic names

later to be replaced by dealers phone numbers

a girl in every port became a dealer in every port

fly in to such n such n get on that phone

keep those plates spinning boy

might actually fit in a concert too

but music often came way down on the agenda

too much other stuff

a lot of attractions n distractions

music…..? nah…dont have much time for that mate…gotta lot else on

fuck i had some ups n downs tho

fuck i copped some highs n some lows

now i just want some peace n quiet i say

but what do i really want?

what do i really feel?

always one more layer of me to peel back to find out the truth

the elusive frickin’ truth which everyone pursues in vain

thrills n spills n hotels n gigs

arguing with the fucking boys

always the eternal arguing

the grudges the complaints the bitching the moaning the backstabbing bastards

greed naivete stupidity ignorance vanity revenge

the endless mind games

trying to resist the idiot zeitgeist that makes ya into a fool

everyone had an opinion on what i should do

everybody could see how i coulda done it better

everyone was a genius in fucking hindsight

theres a million tongues whispering in my ear tonight….

jesus

now i’m like this proper old hemingway geeza (minus the talent)

sitting here on a bleak lonely sat’day nite

on my bloody own n i dont mind it for a bit

im totally changed from that old pre-smack smart alec

im pushing bloody sixty ….aint it the troof…?

funny thing is i really dont mind

death dont daunt me that much

it looms tantalizingly somewhere ahead like a well earned rest

as long as its vaguely somewhere ahead not this year not next year

not the year after that

its funny because out of that immature sapling

the time being sprung n i know a lotta ya will be sad when n if i do

shuck off this mortal coil

it’ll be like the end of something in yer life for you as well

the geeza who wrote those songs you listened to all those years ago

oh no

the end of an error

allright

never mind all that

i feel ok for my advanced years

i can kick on for a while yet i guess

i can hear the kids at the door

i gotta get em in n get some dinner down their mouths

i gotta put on my daddy hat n be some bloody use

instead of this endless introspection

aurora minus her tonsils n ads

eve looking tall n grown up…always cheerful n buoyant

scarlet a bit of a chip off the olde block

ok thats it then

thanks for frequenting my new fab site

i love ya n then some

sk

unto my wavelength

a  flat day in 2D

the debris in alleys

the sick cats the old dogs

bits of paper bits of rope

i move along under a grey urban sky

tired and careworn

hoping for something good

hoping for something nice

now drugs are out of the equation

no sudden infusion of enthusiasm

i stuck with myself

i stuck here in this head

aerials antennae boston ferns rusty wheels broken bottles

stones rocks sticks weeds ever my kingdom of busted stuff

chasing fame running from blame

drink a coffee which amps up my metaphysical torpor

things gone wrong

just wanna walk away

just wanna run away

jump in that falcon n cruise for a million miles

leave kilbey behind somewhere in a b+b place

kilbey who said this n did that

kilbey with his sore throat and cold feet

it starts to rain again

you can hear it over the acoustic guitar overdubs

you can hear it over the starlings mournful call

you can hear it over the sad bewildered kids

you can hear it over the wind in the empty vodka bottles

you can hear it over the lines and the wires

somewhere is life

life somewhere else

somewhere my friends in the sun talkin’ about me

somewhere the to n fro of summer in sweden

the deep cold lakes

the choking reeds

elli n minna in the country

karin in the kitchen making cloudberry cordial

her blonde hair imperceptibly turning to grey

her swedish skin turning so brown in that gentle sun

the huge mosquitoes find a way into the guest house

the slow worms in the grass slither soundlessly

night never arrives only a brief twilight

i long to escape this electro-radiation hell

the roar of impatient traffic

the twitch of the lights

the consumers n their consumption

the shops n all their junk …where does it all come from…?

dont park

dont stop

no standing

no loitering no littering (yeah sure !)

no news is good news

no hope no point beyond this alcohol

no passing

no dice

we must accept these heavy hopeless days

we must struggle on thru this obstacle course

we must endure brickbats n bouquets

we must learn to take the good with the bad

perspective, please

i am alive

i am not in jail or hospital

i am not a slave

i am a stranger tho’

stranger in my own skin

this is a poem not a complaint

i locate n cement my melancholia

i remain in the feeling

i think of a million things

who am i?

who am i frinstance

if you cut off my ego and my personalities….what is left…?

if you take away the music and the freckles n the wispy  hair

if you take away the harsh tongue and the grey blue eyes

if you take away the past if you take away my imagination

where is me?

who really knows me n not just an idea we /i concocted….?

i been in show biz long enough to know its all just a performance

singing dancing sleeping fucking getting old

all an act

pull on my face from the ancient gallery

“its showtime!”

manipulation of fields of data

combining n recombining possibilities

working your seam

mining your mind

everything reacts accordingly

people say they love ya

people say they hate ya

billy at pool says

“steve only one person you can trust is yer mother…but yer father cant….”

spend my day sorting thru bits of sage advice

spend my day like money n then its gone

coffee wakes me up but gives me the jitters

i eat a tasty little strawberry cake n it makes me feel a bit sick

everything makes me sick

life love food drink going on stage

my skin is so thin

beneath the surface viscera carries electrical chemical messages

organs i dont even know i have pump n squeeze n bulge and contract

my head feverish my feet cold

my vestige of a tail aches

my muscles my tendons my bones full of marrow

i want to examine everything

i want to take it all apart see how far it can be taken

i want to write a million words that will not make sense until i’m dead

i want to rail against the senselessness

i want rage against the impotence of humanity

humanity needs some cosmic viagra to finally get it up

is this the best we could come up with…..?!

my laptop burns my thighs

my thoughts bore my brain

try getting a real job like working in a shoe shop

try getting a real job like selling insurance

try getting a real job like sitting in a cubicle moseying thru facebook when boss aint looking

try getting a real job like singing in a rocknroll band

or being an undertaker or a bankrobber or gravedigger

or a tinker tailor soldier sailor

silk satin cotton rag

my intelligence has imploded

it spits random facts dates numbers axioms aphorisms

i enter a place called discontent

all the connections have gone haywire

all the wrong voices speaking to each other

the drums are playing the piano

the painter is delivering the baby

the poet is working out my tax brakes

the lyricist is talking to the coppers

the young boy  in an old mans pants

the woman is interpenetrating the man

the past is remembering the future

the crooked is impinging on the straight

the child is minding the father

its all mixed up

i see sounds

the abstract in the concrete

a battle hymn for a new republic

the wearer of the serpent diadem who tramples down the westerners

the islands the dominions that lay at the edges of the known worlds

the visitors among us

the underlings the overseers

the computer starts to type on its  own

it spews out its own rant

vomiting out weather n sport n recent google n tits n ass n text edit n skypes with unclean spirits

i must stop now

i must let it all go

kilbey before the after

the marshes and the moons

the minuscule minutiae that make up moments

walking the path speaking a language of love

the ruined cities

the former glories

nineveh out in the desert

ah leave it alone man

you can never go back

my sister on the battlements framed against the temple n ziggurats

wake up one day n youre someone else

land through my fingers

the gardens all neglected

my angular faces all distorted in death

we reach for our gods our feeble voices lingering unheard

prayer after prayer

decade on decade

minute by minute

my sister in the mirror unadorned and fresh

interminable war

the shouts the blood the pain

miraculous escape

another day has ended

trumpets drums and pianos

creamy music surges around the stars

same old stars now as then

the planets revolve in a sky

vulcan juno apollo diana

my sister tends to her husbands wounds

blood gurgles from a winged genius

thoth-amon astride the cosmos

boy emperor giggles cruelly

a wolf by my side

the iron age rusts in a museum

locusts gathering as a darkness

anxiety betrays us

an energy hurling itself around

king on queen

prints on a scrim

a new disease cuts down the people like a strike

the doctors the first to flee

my sister among those missing at the assembly

the horses were thirsty miles ago

i feign enthusiasm

night divided by evening

thunder rolls from the hills

gravity pulling at the corners of my mouth

feel the super chill of flash fear

your village swept away before the new warlord

increasing pressure from the east

greed betrays us

the blow is absolutely painless

stagger away howling

the witch queen strokes her familiar a white jackal

houses of magnificent wealth burn unnoticed

my sister at the window calls me home

the drink sears my throat

truncated expedition returns empty handed

i remember now what i will say

something about my sister

nothing will ever be the same

a winters day in a deep n dark july

ok

2nd post

how you liking this site so far

how you liking this sight so far

i was born in 1988 to a beautiful italian opera singer and a formula one driver who was also a billionaire and a secret crime fighter……..i was schooled at oxford cambridge the london school of eccy-gnomics harvard yale and that other place i forgot oh yeah n the sorbonne…i speak many languages : did you know australians have 23 different words for beer..i play many different instruments, the crumpled horn, the skinned flute, the rhythm method, the ear drum, the heart beat, the bass ball, the lead uke, the elbow harp, the car radio, the bong pipe, the sex cymbal, the horizontal cha cha, the zylo-phone, the humba mabumba, the karmatron and of course my main axe the tommy hawk, i am an expert at many martial arts including pinching pulling hair and dew jitsu, i have majored in the inhumanities and comparitive boasting. i spent the early years of my life on an unmanned sputnik listening to the music of the spheres and t wrecks …eventually i had pads n gaffs in nyc, la and imho and lol then i moved to syddley where i put together my dream band of hand selected players …however that didnt work out so i  manifested the crunch consisting of me, the tall one, the rockstarry one, and an old school bully called ward nicks who couldnt play drums but was good with nasty intimidation …eventually we replaced him with the nutty dutch guy and then eventually we got that small nice bloke from pneu zealand called pim towels…still extant today….all our records went linoleum in albania and we actually sold a cassette to someones mum accidentally outside a gig in wollongong once

of course i made  many disappearances on tv  ghosting australias top plop shows and onboard a ship as anchor, man…i made many films too directing producing fetching things and forging scripts for naughty codeine products, i been married many many times and have a loada children including my triplets amnesia, florence and the other one, i been dabbling in painting after doing a nice job in my laundry rolling  it cream including the spiders webs and a fly who was on the wall …of course i got arrested in nyc for impersonating a genius and have had treatment for my approaching sexagenarianism  also i am considered a pseudo thespian and i believe in homo sapien marriages and am anti diluvian kings

i cuurently live in bondi with my no cats n dogs n my bonsai tree called figgy who really truly ruly loveth me

please dispose of ttb products thoughtfully when finished and recycle my words to alleviate the great dictionary crisis i have narrowly averted

please examine the contents of your head…they may have shifted during this flight of fancy

i love ya!

ha ha

nevets yeblik!!!

the cold white dead moon screams

life at last

salutations from the other side

fuck yes

here i am

oooh double spacing

a good name for my next album picture song line sculpture ballet dinner puzzle yoga-pose noodle manifesto conundrum or whatever the fuck i do next n rest assured i will do plenty next

ok thats 55 words so far, how you liking it…..authentic of course there is no other time being other than moi i am the one i am he i am steven john dionysius st loki slim killer kilbey and boy oh boy this is mah new website and well come the time being is dead long live the time being …who am i? i was born in hertfordshire england from a couple of working class people and i came to earth with powers n abilities unexplained swearing in my pram at age 6 months and attending the school of fuckin’ hard knox where i graduated in bullying bossing around and messing about with majors in annoying everyone else with my precocious bloody carryon …hey johnny cole turn off the spell check cos i own this english language n i spell my own way and i say whatever i want because words fill up my head so fast i cant type em out quickly enough because i am a full on raving nutcase genius madman lucid in the skies boney fido daydreamin’ nightcrawlin’ ladykillin’ bass playin’ fenonoma…yeah i’m the one you never seen before n i dedicate my life to my dedicated fiendss fans friends n assorted fucknuckles …i suddenly wonder if the envious little pigs are here with us or did we leave em back at the old place c’mon you jealous tiny sods post a naughty comment so we can see if an evil has entered this new pristine kingdom of kilbeydom ha ha knowing as you do that we all realise how you love to hate to love me i know youre obsessed with me i mean who wouldnt be cos when god was dishing out the talent looks sexiness n charisma i got a bank error in my fucking favour! yeah favour with a U cos i an englishman from austraylia n owe allegiance to no bastard except my devotees to whom i appear in my universal aspect with my greyblue eyes and my freckly skin and my wispy hair and my pointy slightly red nose and my sharp tongue and my sacred calves etc etc etc i love to talk about myself you love to read about me i say we got ourselves a deal i gonna thank kipmccccc n jm cole one more time i never ever fuckin’ mess with texas n i advise you muggles to do the same i like to thank holly mc eek who is my fairly godmother who told me hey stevie buoy keep painting n one day you’ll be the biggest painter on your block n i’m almost there i’d like to thank ricky maymi who frickin’ rawks i’d like to thank rusty my bro for tellin’ me to blog on regardless n johnny my bro fer puttin’ out my records n i’d like to thank my five daughters who are exquisitely gorgeous n kind n dutiful i’d like to thank all my subscribers from the old place n we’re gonna work out a dealio for ya if ya recently chucked some dosh into my coughing coffers cos all art aint fer free baby n if you wanna get primo premium kilbo boy you gonna have to pay a bit but if you broke you get still plenty o’stuff  for nothing cos we at the ttb are generous to our own frickin’ detriment , ok

well thats about it

i got a lotta stuff to do so welcome to here

i love ya

hope we together for a long long time, ok?

steve kilbey newttown

2010

well we had some fun
we had some laffs
we had some ninnies
we had some controversy
we had the big split a few years back
when the carnivores left en masse
we had lovely generous fiendss
we had envious tiny pigs
we had millions of words
we had over one million reads…well over
still got almost a thousand readers a day
this will be the last on here however
tomorrow …aw you know where to go
much better
i’ll be able to post high quality longer videos
better photos
better blogs
better living thru timebeing
so thats it
a little tear of farewell
a backwards glance
dont look back in anger
just look forwards in anticipation
thetimebeing.com
thats it
aloha blogger
see you for a new blog tomorrow elsewhere
thanks for all the support
steve
n bondi july 25 2010

over in newtown working on starlings record
its a cold overcast day
feeling sad n strange like starlings music
melancholia
what is life?
went to see wendy the white witch
she said i fucked up my last life with anger
she said i was a big shot
she saw me in a tunic (?)
she said i got angry n took the left hand path
she said i walked away from my responsibilities
and went to the left
i said is this actuality or what
she said
maybe thats just the way her crazy old brain interprets it
she said my job in this life is to deal with anger
i am fucking angry
a lotta stuff makes me angry
i was so angry the other night i was vibrating
literally beside myself
i parked in a no parking zone gotta fucking ‘nother ticket
i went into my gnostic lecture
it was about..you guessed it…anger….
for the 1st half i was too angry to listen bout anger
eventually the message seeped in n i was somewhat calmed
you gotta be aware not feed the anger
watch it observe it dont feed it
ok easier said than done i gotta master myself
ok
yeah easier said than done
maybe harder to overcome than the gear
i just want things my way
i want to control people n events i guess
i would at least like my home to be the way i want
it isnt at the moment
im too busy to sort it out properly
n i get upset with it all
aurora mcbunny is steadily improving
scarlet the woofle aka mouse is still naughty
eve k aka the starr is still warm n lovely
im a lucky old geezer i guess
aint heard from my big daughters for a while…
it maketh me sad
the distance physically n emotionally between us
newtown is goth central
in a house full of muso types smokin’ n takin’ drugs but i resist
i just want to be freaking happy for once
doesnt everyone?
but i should aim more to be content
content with whatever comes
wendy says its a test
wendy says my destiny/fate is to do service
what service is that i say?
writing songs?
she says well i can heal but i cant write songs…
somehow i want some herculean task to perform
maybe “just” writing songs is service
maybe if my songs can heal (as people often tell me)
wow what a mystery life is
almost 56 n things are not really any clearer
i do my laps in the coldest water so far in 2010 (15.7)
jump out feeling renewed
but i still go home argumentative n bitter
maybe one day when its all over n put to bed
i can write about it all
but at the moment i cant
except to say things arent the way i want them or ever foresaw them
i know a lotta people got it worse than me
a lot lot worse
but i feel everything intensely
occasionally some smartarse says try having a real job!
remember i struggled hard to get to wherever i am
i taught myself everything
you didnt see me humping amps n p.a.s in out
up n down stairs on cold nights for years
the gigs when no one clapped or even came
borrowing money from banks to buy equipment
all the driving n arguing n setbacks
its not working down a mine
but its not all dancing on clouds believe me
it still isnt
sometimes i wish i was some bloke working 9 to 5
watching telly drinking beer n no existential angst
we all got our cross to bear
and our bear to cross
etc
i always appreciate the support n advice of my readers
i always appreciate the love of my friends
rock on kids
rock on
sk

ps 4 more days to new timebeing site
blog will continue there (dont mourn this one!)
new additions all the time
marten jansson karins bro n twilly uncle
just sent me a fixed up demo karin n i wrote in 86
called pink island moon
i had completely forgotten about it
things like this will be becoming available
everything eventually will be available there
good on ya j coal!
good on ya everyone else

me n the human bunny aurora justine kilbey

i’m just getting by
i have an unwanted problem at my house i cant seem to shake
nothing can move forward with the problem here
aurora is feeling ok i guess
her voice is a little squeaky
i have an interview with the wonder full denny daniel on
http://www.flashbackalternatives.com
on thursday night new york time 9 pm n then again at 12
or you can open your itunes page radio tab n find flashback alternatives
under alternative (gee, duh)
its gonna be a great interview (i hope)
done prior to new york show this year
my new timebeing web page is looking great
its gonna be up n running soon , real soon
26 th july they tell me as the planets align for my e-empire to begin
we gonna have a lotta stuff to start n more being added all the time
there will be much to see n do
tomorrow i go back to working with simon starling
feeling kinda underwhelmed with my inability to go forward
but i will
my nature is to suffer , overcome and then move on
i have before and i will again
heres to new and exciting times
your ‘umble ‘ero
your unscientific scribe
moi

aurora just got her tonsils n adenoids out
i just left her at the hospital with her mother
she was sucking on an icy pole and cracking jokes
she looked like george clooney in oh brother where art thou?
i dunno why i think that but i do
her eyes rolling around in her head a little
i am greatly relieved
i love that childe dearly
amen
thank god

a few weeks back
i got offered a part in a new musical playing at sydney fringe festival
its called “van park” n its written by greg appel
greg was a member of the lighthouse keepers
who had an amazing indy hit with a song called gargoyle
back in the early eighties
gargoyle was a song i wished i’d written myself
russells band the crystal set did a version on one of their records
so i pricked up my ears
when i got offered this part
the part of nebauchenezzar
a mysterious ex rockstar who now lives in a caravan park
down the coast of new south wales
appearing also in the musical is john paul young
the famous aust singer who sang love is in the air
among others
he plays another ex rocker type a more basic n brutal
the play is funny poignant and has some truly beautiful songs
i did a reading yesterday n a bit of a sing
and they have found a wonderful singer/actress
to play the character of gypsy fire
who is married to jpy’s character but with whom nebauchanezzar
is also in love
the play is a real delight
and the songs are mind blowingly good
nebauch is a strange old bird pontificating on life
and moving thru van park in his cloak
i cannot wait to get my teeth into this
its like this part was written for me
we will be doing five performances at the seymour centre in sydney
in september
and will be hoping the play gets picked up for other cities
the band king curly will be backing the play featuring gregs brother steve
i cant overstate how good the script and songs are
and i hope all ttb enthusiasts will turn out to catch this one
im very very excited
and i feel lucky to be involved in such a good thing
yay!
ok