the players assemble
it never gets any easier
from macbeth to mack the knife
we read our lines
we make the gestures
locked into character
we stalk these stages
we move in and out of focus
we embrace and ignore the others
at the end of long days suddenly
the theatre closes down
out on grim snowy streets we are adrift
i knock on various doors i find
in a corridor of doors
in a roomful of white gardens
in market place within a globe of snow
i am sorry i have never been outside before
i do not know how to act when i’m not acting
once everything was taken care of
i knew what to say and when
the bullets were blanks
the sky and trees just props
the music written especially for each scene
singing and dancing and moving to cues
out here where life is harsh
this winter bores into me
my words unheard declaimed from a gutter
the birds sing ugly songs
incessant upheaval
impossible weariness
each new day staggered out of future
yes i deserve everything the good and the bad
a snake on a ladder
a viper in romes bosom
a slow worm on a fast track
we should undo all that we did
the void is kinder than we’d imagine i’m sure
otherwise it would not be
nothing has become something
sometimes the opposite is true
my characters taught me much
and i marvel how they possess me still
and how time flies when you having your best shot
and time stops when you forget just one line
and opening nights and the end of a run
in a chemical glow of faces and seats
the audience awaiting just beyond the crimson curtains
merciless critics
adoring fans
the rustle of programmes
maybe only last year
i strode on the stage
prospero to the nines
my cloak with its magical signs
a tower on a wild isle
but i was a magician among the spirits
and how ariel obeying my commands
shot thru the sky on an almost invisible harness
winched by the stagehands in another universe behind the facades
and the mechanical waves went up and down
and at the movement of my staff
the sound of thunder
the flash of artificial lightning
the vague sound of torrential rain
how they roared as i cast my spells into that firmament containing mayhem
ariel calling down the storm
turmoil vivid like a scar
all shot through with delicious revenge
afterwards as i took off my makeup
the players chatting quietly and smoking cigarettes
i was still in the mirror with miranda and caliban
and the isle swirled around my wild eyes
outside here
the real life
waking from a sweet fleeting dream
up against the present stretching on all sides
absolutely impenetrable
the past is inviolate
even for prospero
who lays down his magic
and retires into obscurity