The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

when i was sick in rehab getting off heroin tortured aching crying puking sweating unable to sleep a wink when i was vulnerable stripped back to nothing a raw and open human nerve with no way to keep out the world someone made me a mixtape and it had the bewlay brothers on it i hung on to this song like an incantation the melody the words the story which is no story whatever the fuck it is or isnt i just listened over and over as those slow minutes passed in LA on warm afternoons i listened to it again just now its still one of the most magickal and special songs anyone could ever have written amen!      

people surprised i fantasise about it oblivion after all the fucking drugs oblivion after all the fucking women oblivion after all the fucking arguments oblivion after all the planes and airports oblivion after getting chucked in jail oblivion after all the broken hearts oblivion after all the lies and alibis oblivion after all the ugly rivals oblivion after all the riches and debts oblivion after all the fucking racket is died down oblivion after all the boozing and schmoozing oblivion after all the lording it over them oblivion after all the grovelling to them oblivion all i found and then lost gone into oblivion and the hasty and hypocritical pronouncements oblivion to be nothing to be no one to not have to see it to not have to feel it to not hear about it to not have it shoved in your face oblivion   yes i am ok not planning on checking out but fuck it all oblivion!

more than i want all the gold oblivion more than i want all the drugs oblivion more than i want all the women oblivion more than i want all the fame oblivion more than i want all the blame oblivion more than i want this world and all the people in it oblivion more than i want endless life with its pleasures and its aches oblivion more than i want another scene oblivion more than i want another chance oblivion more than i want all the love oblivion oh to dissolve..!  

the empty street contains no clue there is no moon stumbling along inside a stillness bitterest of dream glimmer of doubt blueprint of loneliness oh why oh why oh why that certain sinking feeling where does it come from..? the anxious counting of minutes listlessly wasting hours flower of abandon how to long for that oblivion my reverie grows dark lost in a mist time to close in a child passes by close in that fog light of youth illuminating the white plains inside still however it rains the cars are crammed into my head they slip through the synapses effortlessly swerving blindingly in my mind my services are declined i am no longer steering nearing my abode i let the whole damn thing implode          

and lo it came to pass that in those days men could sing certain things into being and that these beings walked on this earth with those men strange loveliness o my Talitha..! the last days of Assyria the imperial measured fall into histories of abyss the dragon the lynx the female chimerae the winged bull beautiful monstrosity un-statued marble eye the crown of all india the graceless whining of century upon century the forgiveness we are unable to muster the cloaked place in the woods where we meet and fuck the mirror catches sight of some dreadful little pig; an involuntary shudder the far sighted archer apollo himself the prince of all musicians why! he guides these song weapons home driven into the idiot hearts of the hoi polloi why! he has visited me in dream and laughed at my useless offerings why! i am remade in his image now somehow i can hear him the words drop out of the sky like birds of burden my crash oh behold its necessity yonder as ungrateful slurs and spleen baby lonely in babylonian embrace i pictured it as the empress in the gutter on her knees i am a mere poet i record these scenes and forget them i resurface again and again in the worlds that are out there we all do but some cannot listen but i do!  

home in sydney now back in coogee beach so much work to do but so reluctant to do anything much havent eaten much…lost so much weight havent slept much…lost a lotta brain matter too yeah went a little crazy i suppose it all caught up with me america seemed hot and dry and strangely empty on the streets i didnt always have the best night every night either maybe i hit the edibles too hard. after all we were in all the legal states one after another stupid old killer like a kid in a candy store smoking weed eating it putting it on as lip balm hand lotion lozenges pills and watermelon pot shake yeah i did em all n all n all over again stoned fucking immaculate a law unto my own troubled self yeah baby rocknroll i got sick of the bus a bit i got sick of all the endless waiting around and the tediousness of soundchecks i never get sick of the lovely audiences and our VIP fans anyway its all over and done now now i got bowie shows round oz and golden greats and even something else which i will confirm once its 100 per cent the hardest working idiot in show biz folks steven j kilbey with the red nose the wispy hair and the sexy elbow yeah you know who i am sure you do!

we drive all night thru darkness and wild terrain the gig in nebraska was a good show not having been eating much lately i was surprised at how hunger can help lift your energy on stage so i had a good night and the audience likes us then that huge black drive through the night and morning to get here we arrive and we do a radio show recording some stripped back songs st louis is hot and steamy but its ok tomorrow it all starts up again the last 3 gigs for awhile fly home sunday night get in tuesday morning early man i’m looking forward to that this is a strange life out here sometimes it pulls you right in other times it keeps you at an arms distance so much fucking blah blah blah waiting around looking for things you keep losing people borrowing stuff that never come back trying to keep a track of everything that random capricious chance dishes up daily today i feel neither up nor down just alright and alright is fucking alright right?  

sing then o muses sing of the unholy darknesses that plague men like us sing of the sirens sing of the witches sing of the gorgons sing of the great waves that splintered my craft on this isle and the sand still in my hair the spells the lies the dreams the games sing of my musk sing of my blood sing of the oil which covers my hands i am mark antony i am shipwrecked i am nobody madam is this really illyria? the glory the racket the days and nights spent lost the lights were on still we never flinched the straps the armour the goads the horses tails yes the honey yes the flowing milk right there before me a stream i can still see it.. terrible loveliness always our sweet doom ruin i try to walk away i can never walk away i still long for these times even now and it burns nectarine yes it burns play my songs do my show ride the bus but inside my deepest blackest mind then its only you who will really  know where i am        

yeah we are pretty good i had some colorado edibles i am feeling all over the shop yeah this is the best and worst living in the world yeah its everything at once boring and stupid and beautiful girls screaming what does it matter now i’m riding a slump what can i say sorry this aint all light and sunshine here that aint what ya signed up for here i am doing my thing sometimes it aint so great i love you anyway steven x