The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

as i entered the sweet unknown today
i thought about you
and all the different ways you are
i thought yoga must exist to chase the old insults
from where they hide
in all unopened spaces in our body
i thought about how we will all seem heathens
one thousand years thence
how great civilisations pass away into nothing
as vishnu blinks his eye
and the snake
awakes
at the base of the tree
coiling up the trunk
wriggle by wriggle
yes
there will be temptation
this time it will be overcome
warm power flowing up into me
the white cosmic light
a spear in the fontanelle
the air is a liquid plastic mass of energy
oh yes it all seems so obvious now
the easy easy way
golightly
as you reach upwards
you become lighter
you think deeply
you cease thinking
more warm power
a body of light
you are light and you are light
no weight
no wait
like instruments in a symphony
we intertwine and separate
we harmonise we emphasise
your piccolo lips emitting tiny sonar blips
your clash of symbols
your crescendoes which are deathening
your codas and slight returns
your outro which leaves me hanging
and my sudden changes of time
and my impulsive stabs
yes and im a real pitta
i look in the mirror and im red
my eyes are huge black wholes
my eyes see right through me
i am fiery
i am angry
i am creative
the fire burns me good
the fire burns me bad
i have cultivated fire
i am pitta pattern
my nature seems to scorch and scald
i stoke the fires and everything else just comes
i laugh at my years
i seize the day by the throat
and i wring its temporary neck
now the fire is rekindled
i am not what i was
you can change
you can change!
you are not stuck with that old you
the snake sheds its skin
turns over a new leaf
ignites its past
steps forth legless
and ascends
i should leave the fire alone
i have always been a firebug
though i hate to get burned
i should wait till im cool again
although in both senses
that may be never
i love this energy now made available
i am becoming and becoming more myself
open a door
open adore
yoga
if this disinterests you
then so too magic
watch this space
space this watch
now im gonna make some guacamole
yeah

steev thrillby
androgynous albino hermaphrodite
world famous photographer and dancer
older than tomorrow already
adept of tantric yoga
murderer of time
sugarlover
hardcalves and softheart
lives with his/her daughters
the five graces
in a little duplex cottage
next to the cosmic sea
spring was changing into summer
day was changing into night
thrillby was changing into something more comfortable
naked on his/her yoga mat
he twisted into garudasana
and ascended slowly
as the blinds flap flap flapping in the wind
as sweet incense coils to the ceiling
sealing the room with sandalwood and wild rose
rose up to the windows filled with liquid glass
lover fighter thinker thief
miracle worker abroad
spearman mintlamb
is this a take off
screamed at the launch site
sight and taste and hearing now merge
taste this music steev offers to you
precise german and germane
germinating aerating water whence springs all-life
everyman is in love with everywoman
birds fall from the sky out of wedlock
oh the clefts of the female
oh the obsidian man
blessed be the child of their union
sacred like the name given to loves rooms
in the balmy bar me evening
evening up the odds
odd that you should mention it
steev is so far out hes come back in
again
poor thrillby
are you jealous
are you envious
are you serious
are you certain
poor thrillby
so rich in adjectives
a huge insatiable vocabulary
sexy dipthongs
sensual turns of phrase
table of malcontents
dramatis personae
exit exeunt exstacy
crack my smack with speed
encrusted aphrodisia in whorling filaments
sculptures of semi-darkness
shell-suit
shape-up
faxing a shadow on teleport road
rode me hoarse man
manage without me
look left
look right
look at you
abrupt end

rsi
need to paint
ambience finish tomorrow i hope
sorry if any ignorant philistines were bored
what the hell are you reading me for then?
anyway
2morro
kill-ar

brian peter george st.baptiste de la salle eno
an important cat
to be sure
eno was having an extraordinary decade
he would also of course
weigh in as co producer/conceptualist
for bowies incredible trilogy
low heroes the lodger
(although i am not so fond of lodger)
of course not having been there myself
what i say is mere speculation but
to me bowie and eno seem a nice combo
the all instrumental side of lows got enos hand everywhere
but mr bowie was no slouch either
and its seems a pretty much half half collaboration
as enos familiar motifs are given more light and shade
bowies beautiful languageless singing on subterraneans
years before sigur ros
although slightly after german band magma
who sang in their own gothic language…
one of my favourite pieces of music bar none:
crystal japan from these sessions
but these pieces were instrumentals but not ambient
although the feeling of ambience was at all the corners
of course
there is no clear line where music becomes ambient
one mans ambient is another mans new age is another mans satie
intention is all here
eno enabled bowie i guess
assisted and encouraged him
to mine a strange alien vein
untouched in rock at this point
very few people understood low at the time
reliable critic charles shaar murray
a big fan of db up until here
dismissed low with something like:
bowie and eno should trade tapes in the post
and spare us this stuff…
still
i loved it
it pioneered more frontiers in the 1st song
than most people do in a lifetime
in 1975
eno released discreet music
theres a blurb on the back
with diagrams of this and that
the music consists of a synth phrase
several phrases
interpenetrating each other
dying away slowly
drifting
the effect is serene detachment
like the tao turned into music
it was partially randomly generated
it should be listened to as quietly as possible
listening to it loud is doing it a disservice
let it blend in
let it float
do not concentrate on it too much
meditate to it
let it open doors in your memory
enjoy its subtlety and peaceful humility
a beautiful track and a first
the rest of the album is some cut up neo classic music
not bad
but not really ambient as such
next up
eno made the exquisitely titled
before and after science
to tell you the truth
only the last four songs approach some level of ambience
cluster join eno for by this river
at the time no music in rock was like this
even the songs julie with…
spider and i
as ambient as songs can possibly be
rock up until this point had been pretty me me me
it was all about me the ego the rocksinger
even eno himself on his earlier records
but he begins to disinhabit his songs as he goes along
eventually on spider and i
becoming a nirvana like emptiness
where things happen in a prolonged slo mo haze
we sleep in the morning
we dream of a ship that sails away
a thousand miles away..
through hollow lands is dedicated to harold budd
with whom eno would make 2 albums
the last four tracks on this record are sublime
music for airports came next
recordings of voices
pianos
synths
looped
randomly cut/fade
soothing hanging austere
yoga music
in 1986
i always did my yoga to this
totally different to discreet
the critics didnt lap it up much
some long forgotten critic criticised
the instrumentals on unearthed sneering
kilbeys music for dentists waiting rooms
it was, after all
a back handed compliment
eno was proposing that instead of the piped elevator music
or even worse nowadays
the latest idol winners super melodramatic maudlin schlock
that
we have real calming uplifting thought provoking sounds
oh eno if only if only if only
i envisage a world full of buildings with murals
the pavements decorated with chalk paintings
the cafes serving vegan food and mother natures own herbs
and the airports
ah the people would be proceeding thoughtfully
as this music drifted through the queues and the kisses goodbye
as this music permeates the luggage handlers and the hostesses
amazing stuff
actually named ambient 1 : music for airports
then
music for films
instrumental pieces and snippets for films as yet unmade
ironically you do hear this music in tv shows a lot these days
lovely pieces usually sad or sombre
some even approaching non ambience
in that they do demand your attention
because they are very tasty
the album still has a couple of downright edgy things like
patrolling wire borders
quite un-ambient in a way
as is a measured room
with its pulsating bass like a chase scene
but confusingly the title
music for films implies a continuation
of the series which music for airports implies
by being ambient one
funny i never realised this before but there is no ambient two
there is three and four but no two
and music for films is only partially ambient
but recommended
a borderline case of ambience
tracks like strange light however
are like discreet music but shorter
and a little more painted in perhaps
next
eno released fourth world vol 1: possible musics
with jon hassell the trumpeter
note the album is credited
jon hassell and brian eno
this is music you never heard before
the first time i heard the treated trumpet sound
primal hot pulsing music
unrelenting random blowing african tropical raining music
villages in the deluge
arrows fly in the teeming air
drunk on jungle juice and hallucinatin’ with malaria n ibogaine
threatening eyes in the trees
dark swollen rivers with sharp toothed teeth
meet a medicine man witch doctor raving shaman music
hassells almost unrecognizable trumpet like a stoned bird
cooing coaxing
the percussion clicks away tinny and insistent
the trumpet sounds like a voice is trying to break free
to be born and sing
singing in indonesian or in incan or ethiopian or something
not for everyone
one of my favourite records
for listening for yoga
for atmosphere
for any occaision
mysterious music
probably not ambient
certainly
worthy of your praise

tomorrow : ambient conclusion

ambient music
the term first used around 75 by brian eno
brian eno is to ambient music
what the beatles were to rock
the prime mover

something just happened that you wont believe
but here it is
my skin still goosebumped
my eyes still filled with weird tears
my ipod was on shuffle
i had been listening to biosphere
it was good to write about ambience to
then pugwash came on bright and chirpy
i jumped up
my head full of thoughts of brian eno
i thought “on land”
surely enos most amazing ambient work
i will listen to that as i type type type
i picked up the pod off the i box
and fiendss
its giving me the creeps to think of it
as i touched the pod
the screen changed
it had jumped off shuffle and pugwash
and it was playing
yes you guessed
on land by brian eno
can someone please explain
what i am to understand from that?
i swear on my life this is all true

anyway
as it happens
there was no real ambient music before 1975
and before brian eno
nothing i had ever heard (of)
apparently eno was in hospital
this is during his transition from strange glam star
to intellectual experimenter
he had a collapsed lung
someone brought him a stereo to listen to
it was a rainy day
there was a busy street outside
one speaker didnt seem to work
and when enos visitor left
he realised the music was too low
and he couldnt get up to change the volume
why the music was at the same level
as the rain and the wet streets and cars
initially frustrated
it dawned on him
the beauty of this barely audible classical piece
amidst the natural sounds
soothing non intrusive
it did not demand a reaction
you could take it or leave it
the surrounding sounds inter reacted with the music
enos genius was to hear the infinite possibilities implied
i had been interested in eno ever since he first came to my attention
roxy musics 1st album
i got it in 73 it may have been released earlier
actually the synth stuff he does is quite funny
obviously and proudly a non musician
eno brings an attitude
of course he was a non musician back then
these days im sure hes quite accomplished
even though he may not care to admit it
nevertheless some of its awful
some of it brilliant
he also began treating guitars
i had never before heard of anyone “treating” an instrument
at the time i had no idea what was involved
but i began to feel a new kind of thinking
had entered rock
2nd album more of the same
+ a very silly get up with peacock feathers and make up
he was not looking like the father of ambience
guess what
bryan ferry kicked him out
i guess he was tired of eno getting all the attention
or he wasnt interested in john cage and music concrete
you can imagine their disagreements
before ferry finally asked him to leave
both very polite and well spoken
lots of subtle nastiness and intellectual kidney punches
eno made a solo album
here come the warm jets
the title presumably referring to the playing card
on the cover
in which at least a hundred years ago
a gentleman is standing behind a lady
lifting her skirts
and watching her
as she squats and pees in some bleak landscape
very odd you must admit
anyway it was a pretty good album
some ambience was hinted at
but it was mostly twisted songs
phil manzanera playing some great guitar
enos goofy voice and his sharp bizarre lyrics
mixing pop cliche daydream and jargon
but it was still a rock record in the end
taking tiger mountain by strategy
enos 2nd album was a little weirder
he had his systems going here
his systems of writing and recording
eventually mutating into a box of cards
briefly available then re released recently
in which a random principle could be introduced
into the processes of creating music
this box of cards was called oblique strategies
i have seen them though i have never used them
i never really like ttmbs that much myself
i admired the methods but didnt care for the result
enos 3rd album however
is where ambient music seems to be slowly incubating
on this album are short instrumental tracks
strongly hinting at what was to come
when eno would finally abandon the song format
in the movie
dogs in space
it is shown as the album
that people wanted to borrow
when they wanted a seductive soundtrack to their hanky panky
yet this music is rarely erotic
and perhaps it was played to lull young nervous women
into a false calm
eno here
becomes eno
becomes himself
music that floats
music that truly drifts in clouds of sad strings
music that glimmers like gold in a stream
a new music
a new aesthetic
calm
serene
never pompous though
naive if anything
a new feeling
the songs were still quirky and poppy
but this was a man
to whom a whole new universe was unfolding
the next record was his last with songs or vocals
for a while
now i dont correctly know the sequence of things here
but all around this time
eno did this:
* made 2 albums of treated guitar with robert fripp
consisting of long droning notes looped and fed through synths
you can hear the church with this effect on dead mans dream solo
wherein marty is playing his guitar fed into a vintage synthesiser
and the filters on the synth
attackdecaysustainrelease etc
being twiddled with
no pussyfooting
the 1st album
by these 2 shy geniuses
a rude title no doubt referring to legendary groupie fest
the 2 had once been involved in in new york
this was roxy days i guess
the bands had toured together
king crimson and roxy
but
its the 2nd album
evening star
another type of ambience
music not intended to be your primary source of focus
you werent sposed to play this loud
however if you listened
such metallic beauty
not heavy metallic
but thin strips of gold and silver leaf
resonating in mineral voices
chords drown and gently mutate
distant storms only just heard
its beautiful beautiful stuff
yes you could do yoga or have sex to it
or both at the same time if youre a tantric casanova
it was not atonal or slightly dissonant in places
like no pussyfooting
it was sweet
*produced ultravoxs 1st album
containing eno/foxx composition
my sex
absolutely essential stuff
the words the music
eno sculpts a futurist city
for foxx to populate
with his dis-associated characters
who wander thru life
in wonder
but serene
“pieced from the tick of time
and geared for…synchromesh”
and that is as good as it gets on pop records
*worked with german duo cluster
made 2 interesting records with them
important to note the influence eno has
on all he worked with
* made recordings with new york band
television
before they made marquee moon
it never worked out
and the bootleg will attest to that
i guess verlaine couldnt give eno
any room to move
and that was the end of that
*toured the uk with pub rock band the winkies backing him
* worked with portsmouth sinfonia
which are amateur classical players butchering the greats
funny idea
excruciating listening
*appeared on genesis lamb lies down on broadway
if you want to clearly something eno was involved in
listen to silent sorrow in empty boats which has the trademark
eno backgrounds; floating vanishing gently changing
eno is credited on sleeve notes
eno as eno
and that is some justification
of the truly unique sound that he alone had
*he co produced the end by nico with john cale
an amazing album not for the lover of light fizz
*he made a live album with cale, nico and kevin ayers
but soon
he was to make
the worlds
very first
ambient record
discreet music

tomorrow
part 2

uh oh
that g word is loose on my page
raw power blasts on the i-box
and scarlet defaces a 2006 vegan calendar
the weather is grey and dreary
nagging doubt still hanging about
yes
and there last night on the comment page
a link to a website that rates the level of intelligence
required to read any blogges
so of course i put my blogges stevekilbey.blogspot.com
it says genius
and
i got the e-certificate to prove it
if you scroll around a bit
on this very page
you will find it
(thanks to jolly hordern for techsupport)
GENIUS
oh dear
im afraid thats one of those words that sets me off
all over the place
genius
they told me at high school i had the iq of a genius
and wondered why i was doing so averagely
i grew up believing john lennon n bobby dylan were geniuses
and albert einstein
isaac newton
picasso
da vinci
van go go
not a term dished out lightly
not many across the board genii neither like leonardo was
you know
einstein figured out e = aura2
but could he paint to save his life?
what scientific advance has dylan ever made?
can you be a genius at a very specific thing
or is it an all round accomplishment?
for example
could one
be a genius blogger but quite ordinary everywhere else?
if youre ingenious are you in, genius?
can a genius lack ingenuity?
and what the hell does it mean that e-certificate
that my readers are required to be geniuses
in order
to understand my blogges?
immediately suspicious
i typed in
sailsofoblivion.blogspot.com
i suspected that the criteria for my genius rating
must be due to having a large and colourful vocabulary
and i thought that in that case
sam sejavka will be an interesting test blog
he uses all kinds of arcane and strange words after all
it wouldnt be sam without it
the answer comes back
high school
hes awarded a high school e-certificate
indicating
that is the ability required to read his blog (?)
(which i would dispute by the way)
does anybody out there know how they would calibrate such things?
the program must be looking for certain word combinations
or is some mysterious panel reading and rating somewhere
housewives at home reading and rating blogs for extra bickies
i would love to know
and as a compliment to you
my dearest readers
my backbone and my support in my declining years
you reader
who doth verily understand these words
i labour over each day
a labour of love
i can assure you
as a wonderful vindication of your intellectual prowess
you
you sir
and
you madam
are assessed as a genius
(as hard as it may be for some of you to believe….)
isnt that nice?
you read my blogge cos you liked that song i wrote
4 million years ago when we were all babes in the would
and now
some distant hand declares you genius
sort of…
did you ever suspect how clever you were to understand my jive
do you really understand
or are you here out of loyalty
or looking for ideas
cos the being throws away brilliant ideas
like others throw away the shells of pistachio nuts
beware if you steal my idea
i’ll hunt you down with my team of lawyers
working for me round the clock
examining things for traces of ttb intellectual copywrite
right?
anyway
i can now fully let my own disputed genius loose more and more
i have reined it in in the past
for fear of appearing too highbrow
too esoteric, derek
and so
but
from now on
expect more online genius than before
each blogge will contain one new scientific proof
plus essays on mathematics history and amazing facts
youd be stupid not to be a genius these days
ttb is
now you can join this exclusive club
and guess what genius
its cool to donate
especially if you are a genius
ok

my glasses have broken
and these cheapies are killing me
instant headache
with my big head thats a doozie of a whopper
supersize that headache
add neuralgia and restlessness and anger
suddenly my printer dont print
i explode in useless laughable frustration
a ninny having a temper tantrum
how tedious
how bored i am with myself
how confused i get taking this wearisome meat thing on again
just like any old 2 sides
diametrically opposed
hurling insults
right?
the carns and the vegs
except that
while it goes on and on
millions of sentient creatures are being killed
mmm
sentient
able to feel and perceive things
yes yes
thats me
i can perceive and feel things
i know that
cos i hate pain and i can feel that
i hate grief and ive felt that
i fear an untimely death and i feel it always
i must be feeling
that i can perceive at least something
its self evident
im human, arent i?
yes i am
and i know humans
i know humans must feel pain and grief and fear
because i do myself
and i know another thing about humans
even though pain and grief and fear
are the very worst things
humans will inflict them on other humans
of course we do
even though we dread these things ourselves
we have inflicted them on others since time immemorial
how do we do it i wonder?
then i see into myself
i see an inherent willingness
to accept tragedy more easily
if its not in my country or neighbourhood
if its not happening to my people
the ones who look and talk like me
if its not happening to my friends and family
or people who live like me
thats why a terrible train crash in england or the u.s
will get more coverage than if its in india or africa or asia
its us and them really
the young vs the old
men vs women
allies vs axis
rome vs carthage
whatever
and each side
a rationale of dehumanizing the other
so you can do whatever it takes to vanquish em
you tell yourself :
they dont feel it like i do
but they do
maybe you just turn off :
ok i know they feel it but i dont care
or you lie to yourself a terrible lie :
it doesnt matter if they feel it.
funny after all the wars are over
we find out the enemies did feel it after all
just like us
yes they were heartbroken when their cities destroyed
yes they wept for their dead
yes they were glad it was over
we become friends
form an alliance perhaps
against new enemies
whom we can dehumanise
until we vanquish or are vanquished ourselves
that is history
people go around the world clobbering each other
not do as you would be done by
the golden rule
numero uno
before you do anything else boyo
on this planet
here is your number one instruction
do as you would be done by
surely all laws extant can be boiled down
to this one common sense axiom
and just imagine
a world where people always stopped and considered
how would i like it if someone did this to me
ok
another thing
we have been handed a very human presumption
by our parents in their ignorance
and their parents before them
and so on
us in the west i mean
i exclude hindus jains and many buddhists from this
we are given to believe
that the golden rule may be disregarded
if we are talking enemies or animals
and furthermore
animals dont count
except our doggies and cats
all else is here to be used however we see fit
whatever…its ok…its an animal
it doesnt feel it
in the sense “we” do
but i say that is a lie
i say that is a rationale justifying torture and murder
the sort of thing you wouldnt want yourself
being as that may be
it was perhaps easy to understand
hunters in various times and places
having to from necessity
perhaps
killing and eating individual animals
however
we are no longer talking about that
we are talking on an incredible scale
millions and billions
and not
walking through the woods until hunted
but an entire life
denied any of the basic things
a creature
any creature
might expect from a universe
from a world that hadnt gone totally crazy
from a time when maybe a little bit of justice prevailed
a creature might expect
to be allowed to remain with its mother
not to be mutilated or murdered
not to be separated from others of its kind
not to be denied freedom for its whole life
not to have its offspring torn away
not to be branded or broken
you get the picture
i would want all these things
i am a creature
i expect other creatures feel like me
i see mothers go to any length for their offspring
yes they do
human mothers
lioness mothers
kangaroo mothers
no less
cows
sheep
pigs
i see no reason to suspect that they dont feel it
in their own way
its not my way
but then
no body feels it the same way exactly
not even identical twins
people tell you fish dont feel the hook
thats bullshit
people think animals dont have feelings
thats bullshit too
people tell you even if they do have feelings it doesnt matter
more bullshit
just like war is fucking bullshit
bullshit we have been conditioned to accept
would you like to be killed in a war or a slaughterhouse?
would you like it for your friends and family?
if you answered no to those questions
yet you eat meat or advocate war
then you are fucking with the golden rule
and you are attributing other creatures
less right to live than you
is a human life more important than a cow?
only to a human
if you could ask a cow i doubt it would agree
of course everything wants to save its own skin
i dont know
to me
it takes a big pair of balls
to think it all through
and still say
fuck justice
fuck the planet
fuck karma
fuck all the other creatures
fuck my heart and my conscience
fuck the golden rule
fuck steve kilbey and his preaching self righteous rant
i eat meat cos i like it
i aint gonna stop
not only that
i will antagonise criticise and ridicule
anyone whos got the gall to speak out
slaughterhouses?
fine
as long as their outta my sight
and i can just buy my frozen gizzards and rumps
or get my meat lovers pizza with lamb balls
who cares?
OR
i would be a veg but
(choose a convenient rationale)
* steve kilbeys falcon is worse
* i need b12 (someone said)
* sam neill said we’re sposed to eat meat
* im married to a meat eater
* my dad was a farmer
* im anaemic
* i need blood cos im a woman and we menstruate
* i need blood cos im a man and we”re redblooded
* i need meat cos im growing
* what about the tibetans who eat meat?
* what about the screaming carrots
* vegs are self righteous so i’ll go on eating it
* it tastes so good
* i was veg once but…um…
* what about the poor?
* what about the trees
* there wouldnt be any cows if we didnt eat them
* i only have white meat
* i am practically..just a bit now and then
* its un australian or un american
* im not gonna do what kilbey tells me to do
* what about being a junkie?

ok
thats it
go ahead
comment about your ham sammich
its really funny
no really
what a comedian
ha
great
see ya round
like a rissole

seriously looking for some advice
i have a pixma mp170/mp150 printer
connected to my ibook g4
i changed the cartridges just now
as i have done many times before
yes they are the right cartridges
but when i try to print
i get error in printing message on screen
any advice gratefully accepted
killa

afternoon hangs off him like a coat
the birds out there in the wind
wind blows from the antarctic sea
rain drizzles and spurts
dreary days dragged across grey
idiots niggle niggle away at his mind
suggestions….who asked for suggestions?
change your photo
change your diet
change your belief
here he was
transmitting
trying to find out….something..
and the nitpicking nitwits poked around in puddles
sometimes it seems its the same little twit
all my life following me hounding me
chasing me through my dreams
bitching listlessly and whining thru the wire
remember when i wrote about the war
said
maybe this war wasnt a good idea
oh no
some screamed
i was naive
i didnt understand killing for peace
stick to writing popsongs they said
oh boy gee
my oh my
well um…..
and to think
then panel of experts in oxford say
exactly what i said
this war is achieving the exact opposite of what its sposed to do
but it didnt take an expert to see it
just the barest common or garden sense
like feeding sheeps guts to cows…
how clever did ya have to be to see that one fuck up?
but theyre surprised when mad cows disease comes along
no more forests should be cut down nowhere
no more whales culled for any reason
how is that so hard to see?
almost all unbiased evidence says
meat is murder
and
furthermore
meat is murdering you
just like those hindus said so long ago
and then albert einstein
a fool like me
who was a veg and believed in a god
he said
all actions have an equal and opposite reaction
ie
violence begets violence
you become what you hate
you are what you eat
eat a pig, become a pig
its that simple
until the war is won
we must hurl our constant outrage
against cruel ruinous business of meat n war
you dont
unfortunately just say it the once
the world has changed
the world will continue to change
change means overturning old brutal ways
people dont wanna give up their meat
and some of em scream and get real mad
but they didnt wanna give up their crucifixions
or their human sacrifice
or their holocausts
or their slaves
or their gladiators fighting it out
or any of the other rotten stuff from the past
change will come
the planet cannot much longer bear the cost of it
the sheer immensity of the problem
is bringing us undone
what am i trying to say?
do what you can
thats all
and become yourself
whatever that means

for anyone just tuning in here
let me bring you up to speed
i was born in 1954 welwyn garden city england
at the age of 3 we migrated to australia
my father leslie was a photographer
a mechanic
a piano player
quite a comedian
an ex-marine who fought in ww2
my mother joyce
young and very english
pretty but quite strict
interested in literature
both my parents working class
we live in dapto
a little town on the outskirts of wollongong
my father does well in australia
hes a very matey blokey bloke
and the aussies love his comedic schtick
i go to dapto infants and primary school
where i usually become the naughtiest most outspoken child
i get entered into a poetry eisteddfod but i do badly
i get in lots of fights
some i win
some i lose
i am constantly in love with various girls
my mother reads me alice in wonderland
the beatles 1st come to my attention in 1963
i learn to swim at 8 teaching myself after having failed at lessons
in 1964 we move to shepparton vic for one year
i was number 1 in the class at almost everything
pop music suddenly became important to me
beatles songs were soaking in via the radio
my father bought please please me their first album
russell and i would mime to relatives strumming badminton racquets
youre my world and anyone who had a heart by cilla black
blew my mind
music was beginning to take hold of me
i fooled around with a piano but i was hopeless
i lacked my fathers natural ability
or i questioned it too much with my insistent mind
so that it could not then function as it does now
at the end of 1964 we move to canberra
we live in brick house behind which is a park
canberra almost treeless and still very new
hot and dry and in the middle of nowhere
artificial lake and far from the lovely sea
i start lyneham primary school in 1965
my teacher really hates me as i am an impertinent brat
i get the cane quite often
i get into trouble with the police when some other boys
send a girl a “rude” letter signed in my name
i get into trouble again for burning down the park behind us
playing with matches with another boy
my mother made me have a bath and i went to bed early
i attended a school dance and the concept of fashion
intruded upon my thoughts
i realised that from then on in i should be “with it”
i still got in lots of fights
but something about it literally nauseated me
and i started avoiding them
the rolling stones and bob dylan appeared in my life
i attended an all ages rock concert at the albert hall in canberra
mpd ltd
the easybeats
bobby and laurie
normie rowe and the playboys
i took it all in deep
i immediately began to analyze and dissect in my mind
the screaming girls around the 11 year old me
their nascent sexual frenzy
the unbelievably loud pounding drums
bobby and laurie had a song where everybody stomped their foot in time
the power of this shocked me
the whole spectacle…what did it all mean exactly?
i started drawing rock bands in my schoolbooks
i fell in n out of love with various girls
i watched rock shows on the tv
i started buying my own records
the easybeats
simon and garfunkel
the stones
ray brown and the whispers
in 1967 i went to lyneham high
flower power exploded
psychedelic rock appeared and made a lasting impression
i got into fights but usually lost
the violence had more serious consequences now
i was an average student
i was often cruel to bugs and ants etc
i was reading playboys
i was interested in myth magic music
i was disinterested in sport maths science
i played cards a lot
i was still obliviously eating meat without question
i played squash
i grew up in many ways
i remained a child in many others
i was attracted to young female teachers
sometimes becoming friends with some of them
i got the cane regularly for stupid things
like carving bands names into desks etc
i loved attending the school dances
and can still feel that excitement
of walking in and seeing everyone dolled up n grooving
i watched the bands and i wanted to do that
i felt the bass guitar pulse in my stomach
and i decided that that would be it
after several false starts
my father bought me a violin bass for 80 dollars
he rigged me up an amp out of an old school pa
despite a massive wave of scepticism from all quarters
i persevered beyond their expectations and mine
it was hard slow going teaching myself bass
but at the end of a couple of years i could do it
discover marc bolan
i had a real girlfriend at 16
she would inexplicably break it off with me
and i wouldnt hear or see her for six months or a year
then she would phone up and we’d be back on
i joined a band called saga who played loads of songs
we did parties football clubs etc
i earned quite good money playing with them
at high school i debate and i debate for the state
i debate against malcolm turnbull
who is billetted to stay at our house
im 18 with hair down to my arse
faded grey lee cords
a houndstooth flannelette shirt
and thongs
hes 18 in slacks and a sweater or whatever
my mother says when he leaves
he’ll be prime minister one day
i leave school with a mediocre result
i languish in bed for a while
before being accepted into the public service as a clerk
in the dept of primary industry
i immediately become a thorn in the side
of anyone who was trying to do any work
and i remain so after nearly six years in the p.s.
i wrote poetry
organized poker games
i snuck off to guses cafe and drank cappos
got kicked out of saga because of my bad attitude
formed a number of bands which evolved into baby grande
who were excrutiatingly awful due to my pathetic songs
and that the other guys didnt like me
i was by now a vegetarian and couldnt eat anywhere
my mother gave me egg and chips a lot
i moved out in 1975 and lived with guys in band
i met michele and moved in with her
my father died of a heart attack
baby grande actually procure contract with emi but get dropped
baby grande kick me out of my own band
to become a power trio
peter koppes had long since departed
everyone was always angry with me
but they all needed me
because none had any clue about writing songs
i bought a four track and overdubbed with myself for 4 years
went to london for a few months see many bands
after that i couldnt stand canberra and moved to sydney in 79
i silkscreened tshirts and sold em at paddington market saturday morning
increasingly smoking marijuana and trying cocaine and lsd for 1st time
writing some satisfying songs now
constantly at work writing
sydney impresses me
its big and dirty and sleazy and i can lose myself here
i start to make more friends than i ever had in canberra
start smoking marijuana on a constant daily level
take mushrooms and lsd regularly
meet peter k and form the church
church has its ups n downs
i have 5 daughters
and start writing this blogge
then…..