The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

the world of men
pushing you towards a binary decision
the high road or the low road
war or peace
on or off
liberal or labor
democrat or republican
this or that
the world of men tries to tell me
listen, boyo
when it comes to this whole
earth/life/ meaning-of-it-all question
sometimes called
the big question
the world of men in 2007 says
listen,
are you a creationist
or are you for a process called evolution?
there are your 2 candidates…
oh now steven you dont wanna rush into this
youve been grappling with this since you arrived
there is no need for anyone who reads me
to write in here
pointing out the way christianity or evolution works
i believe i understand both principles thoroughly
i did em at school, just like you
i studied and tried to observe both things
my 2 choices
i was given as a childe
by my western world
that i was trusting implicitly
because i was
well
i was a childe
i looked hard at christianitys explanation of lifes beginning
on earth
im sorry everyone
the vicars and reverends
and all good christians
all schismed up into your denominations
and sects
and interpretations
your bloody horrific history
for the man of peace
the people around me
those who claimed loudest they were christian
displaying none of christs grace or mercy
puffed up on their fairy tale bullshit
that
to tell the truth
they didnt even really understand themselves…
well
nonetheless
even as a childe
the adam n eve n jehovah and snakey snakey
i mean c’mon
even as a five year olde
one must approach this little cock-tale with a pinch of salt
as an adult i see this is some kind of allegory
it is not meant to be taken literally
its a story that is supposed to point out a greater truth
although whatever that truth is
in this case
eludes us modern folk, i’d say
i mean what the hell are we supposed to come away with
after reading this load of olde malarkey?
1 god created the world….
ok im with you there
of course it raises other questions
but for the time being
ok….
2 he created everything but the people to start with and
then he did adam and cos he was lonely, eve
hmmm already feeling like something from the grimms
3 everything was peachy for a couple of days
until eve was persuaded to eat a magic apple by a talking snake
who had legs up until then.when eve talked adsy into a bite
god, totally pissed off (though here was a genius who could design an ear-drum
or a dragon -fly
or carve great waterfalls and all the rest)
this incredible artist
this divine inventor
is totally miffed and throws a william
fuck it says
i guess in hebrew
or whatever him and adsy spoke together
thats it!
he chucks em out
gives us pain and mortality
he’s extra nasty to eve and all women to come
making them bear children in agony
(how were they to be born previously then? one wonders)
cos of that one fucking apple
talk about bearing a grudge….
at 8 years old
i perceived it as one of the most unlikely things
i had ever heard
yet i was told by all the religious authorities
this is the way this world got here
its quite patently bullshit!
why even bother demolishing it further
its totally unacceptable
i was not fucking born in or of mortal sin
i have nothing to do with adam n evie
noah(read gilgamesh)
or someone dying for my sins
i believe jesus christ existed
i believe he said wonderful revolutionary things
was he the son of god?
arent we all, in some senses
and not, in others…..?
he said he was the son of man
thats beautiful and highly ambiguous
but nowhere did he say or even any of the dudes writing it
that he was dying for people in the futures sins
thats an accretion
that means someone added that in later
not into the bible
but into the manifesto of the christian faith
someone came up with that ransom bit
hundreds of years later
it was welded on
jesus never said it
anyway
i felt defiantly non -christian
i had been taught or was led to believe
that the other religions were all a load of superstitions
and savagery and idol worship etc
after all christianity must be the real religion
because we had given hindus muslims and all the rest
a damn good kicking over the years
and their gods hadnt seemed to intervene
so one presumed christianity was the last word in god
and
that last word was
at least as far as
how did this all get here? is concerned
bullshit!
no one could believe that was how
this wonderful planet and all its amazing stuff
got here…
ok
so
i am not
never was
will never be
a “creationist”
the other candidate
in this election
was a theory called evolution
discovered or invented or postulated or whatever
by a druid named darwin
who was a christian
who was still a christian when he died
who imagined evolution as a part of “gods” way of working
not instead of it
science ran with the ball
they saw evolution in everything
and after a while
evolution became the prime mover
and “god” was gone from the equation
not only that
but evolution was thought to prove
the nonexistence of “god”
of course this left a few awkward gaps
and it was kinda decided ( i guess)
that it all started off
theres this planet
part of the big bang
thrown out from this explosion
as the big bang banged
and these perfectly spinning spheres
come flying out
and go into orbit around this star
also part of the bang-ski
which is just sitting there shining away
and our sphere
called the earth
is just loaded with all kinds of chemistry thingies
accidentally of course
by chance
all of this happened by chance
because western science cannot accept it otherwise
and one day
this is a good part
almost as good as the snake
as far as using your imagination
one day
many moons ago
lightning struck a pool of chemicals
and it
jolted by a great uncertain voltage
miraculously
though we cannot use that word
this pool of primordial blechh
assembled itself into life
and then
it started to figure itself out
this charged up amino acid thingo
it was now alive
the rest
as they say
is history
the amino slime grew
into bacterial doo-dahs
they grew gills bills
wings trunks
legs
birds turned into mammals
mammals into apes
apes into men
men into….ummm
well that leaves us here
doesnt it
western world
2007
god is dead
said a crazy german guy and we sniggered and agreed
no reason other than the variety of nature:
i say other day
trees breathe out oxygen…its a miracle
commenter says
au contraire…that proves its no miracle
we must summise therefore
everything is totally open to interpretation
each proof for one side
is also a proof for the other proving the opposite
evolution
which is based on a chance
of whirlwinds assembling jumbos from a junkyard
or monkeys typing out shakespeares complete works
in other words
its totally improbable , statistically speaking
evolution and random chance and a long time
put this all together
every incredible thing just happened of its own accord over time
all those golden ratios
all those immaculate autonomous interconnecting mechanisms
all this wonder and terror and glory and horror
the world with its tenderness and brutality
everything is just here by chance
ok
theres your 2 choices
howard or rudd
creationism or evolution
the ridiculous past
the ridiculous future
not for me, boyo
not for me
dont tell me i gotta choose between these 2 non starters
you saying i dont have a 3rd
or 4th
or a thousand other candidates
is this really what it comes down to
adsy and evie
or i’m a fucking monkey man
i dont know bout you science-boy
but i aint no monkey
i am prepared to believe we share similarities of design
doesnt all life in varying degrees
dont we have many similarities to a green fly in principle?
arent we all “creatures”?
anyway
nobody is gonna trap me into a category
with some tricky loaded phrase like
“intelligent design”
that phrase now carries a christian stigma
although
unfortunately it is a very good phrase
because
i can only see
intelligent, nay, genius design
everywhere
i am humbled by whoever did this, by their vast mastery
not on canvas or film or tape or stage
but a master who works in living things
we know now how our merest thoughts can change the crystal pattern
of water
everything interconnected
everything vibrating
everything moving in a dance of one zillion years
i have avidly searched and read
i do not take things as true because our modern latest science says so
science has been wrong or partially wrong
or right for the wrong reason many times
it contradicts itself every hundred years or more
and thats well and good and healthy
and evolutionist science
has done a good job of silencing everyone else
with ridicule
daring you to laugh
at their lack of birds with half a wing
turtles with half a shell
their dawn horses
and their missing links
big fucking deal
someone or somethings skull
how grisly
the way we dig things up and fuck around with em
i dont need a skull or a bible
i am a living creature
with senses i do not even realise i may have
i think and observe
i hold no fucking allegiance to either side
spare me your christian or scientific dogma
i know it
i read it too
now im feeling something
ive felt it before
it has been a small voice in my heart
or an overwhelming force hammering me along
it has shown me the way in small ways
it has comforted me
it has filled my head with music and words
it has inspired me to try harder
no one can tell me what i have felt and what it was
i have made direct contact only once
and it was everything i always wanted
as sweet a nectar as the hindus always say
thats an allegory, folks
this god of mine
is so huge
is so tiny
does not punish
or judge
does not throw people out of gardens
or preside over worlds of chance
and monkey men who crawled from ligtning struck pools
he will not be trapped in yer test tube
he will not be measured by yer blah blah meter
(i use the word “he” for lack of an appropriate pronoun)
observe this earth
its formulas
its colours
its ratios
the privilege and responsibility of being a human
the gratitude we should have for living in “peaceful” countries
the pain and death yes
but also the love
the magnificence of just about everything
the wonder of it all
does jehovah or evolution really explain it all to you?
take up a discipline
train your eye to see
your ear to hear
question every fucking assumption ever fed to you
including those by me
think for yourself
quieten your babbling mind
things are happening on every frequency on the dial
but we’re tuned into the same old a.m. station
cranking out that same old jive day in day out
think about what you spout
come up with yer own take
of course darwin was on track in some ways
thats what us humans do
we analyse n figure it all out
yes yes yes adaptation is a wonderful process
but it aint all
theres more to it
cmon you can feel it cant you?
life is unbelievable
there is something else
something more
something that seems to remain hidden
something outside the box
beyond our tiny minds
ha ha ha
how funny to think
charlie darwins thoughts
should be seen as the final word
when they barely scratch the surface
they may attempt to explain how
but never
why?
why?
why?
that
is what
you should be asking
yourself

like pink lightning splintered on grey
like the black obsidian veins in the marble torso of mithras
the fingers of the waves
the geometry of the leaves that defies definition
as if one thousand masters painted a portrait
each in his style
each with the fiery caress of his creative mind
as the heart becomes inflamed with art
but nature moves in divine puzzles
suddenly you achieve the dislocation
layers of you detach and observe
in a way you never knew
what is happening to us in transition?
who wakes up to take the brush that paints the day
to imitate nature is to imitate god
the silver tree appearing superimposed on green
and white and red flowers impossibly glowing
their aura stains the rainy air and the perfect work blurs
subtlety is the key
nothing happens in bold moves
as you make your way within
others reach up through yourself to assist
oh good !
we learned to listen to them at last
we let them show us how
the graceful flight of spirit received
as small secrets are revealed
i believe in everything
i believe in everything again
but i dont believe in just anything
each small green fly has more complexity
more innovation
more aerodynamic ooomph
more self perpetuating mojo
more energy efficient
more streamlined
more speed
more strength
more resilience
than
the seven wonders of the world
and all the museums chucked into one big pit
oh i wonder how
oh i wonder how
how did it come to be
the incredible details
the invisible strings and magnetic forces
gravity and the moon
the desire for sexual union
the trees who breathe out oxygen
is that not a fucking miracle in of itself?
i wonder how our world spins so perfectly
and our seasons fold into each other
grapes appear on the vine
the blessed sun shines
clouds pour down sweet silver rain
the plants drink
and from the soil water and light
they pull themselves together
assembling viridians and brilliant white
and purples and yellows made from sunlight
and then like a devotee in yoga
the plants transform themselves
from tiny empty seeds
they have aspirations to be beautiful you know
they curl and unfurl themselves up through the earth
can you imagine that moment when the seedling pierces the sky
out of the nourishing but suffocating soil
the seed knows inside itself there is more to life than this darkness
the seed takes it on faith that there is freedom and light up there
the seed takes in moisture and decides to become itself
inside the tiny empty seed
is a magnificent strong silver limbed tree
with beautiful creamy flowers
whos opiating aroma
flows with gentle summer evening currents
ameloriating and softening lifes harsh glare
eventually bees arrive in the hazy morning
another cog in the mechanism
what delicious honey they must envisage
when did the first bee steal the pollen from the first flower
who saw to it that natures lines are an incredible mystery to unravel
who decided that these flowers would be velvety crimson
with a vivid yellow stamen
the bees can hover and manoevre with ballet like precision
they communicate in some honey like tongue
they carry pain onboard
just one lethal dose
the pain saves the bees life
otherwise the other creatures would over run the bees
but the bee deals in the sweet and the bitter
the bees fly down to die at the shore after such short lives
are they in a constant ecstasy which burns them out
somewhere a huge fat queen
replicates each worker
she gives them life at the moment of conception
the bee is born with knowledge
a predilection for colour and flowerscent
the bee lives off the purest of foods
dew and pollen
it vibrates at incredible speeds
did it take long
i sometimes wonder
to think up bees?
the sky lights up again eventually
revealing different aspects of the leaves
which shatters old patterns
and throws up new permutations
which will demand a subtle change of gear in your mind
if you truly wish to apprehend a way to replicate its appearance
on a piece of paper
i am doing this portraits hair
i paint it all brown
then i take various pastels and let them traverse the hair
not in the stiff hand of the neophyte artist
which moves in straight lines and blocks and squares
and in garish or unadventurous colours
nature demands all things conform to her slinky blue print
everything is just so
especially in sydney in december
the shapes of the swaying outside
moves my hand on the paper
i choose colours instinctively from my big boxes of pastels
colours call out
like words to songs call out
sometimes you listen to the wrong voices
sometimes you get on a roll
and it unfolds because that is what it is supposed to do
youve already painted it now get out the way
and let it happen
yoga is suddenly rewarding me in a thousand ways
years of hard slog and now suddenly
the flexibility is multi-levelled
not merely some fucking ligaments or muscles
the mind opens as wide as the sky temporarily
you get a glimpse
bit by bit
you build on it
day by day
you never miss a day
because you have learned to love this discipline
you say to yourself
no my boy
now you will do it
and you do it
and you gradually learn to love it
and the things you hated are the things you love
and the things you loved you love even more again
you think i put any thought at all into this blog
no no no
i did not
you would think that would be a self criticism
he didnt even think about it doris..
i know horace
he fuckin’ made it up on the spot
as fast as ‘e could fuckin ‘ well type
then wheres it coming from
how did i get this ultra fast hookup
to all the sevices i originally wanted
all those years ago?
and im loving it
getting old has become irrelevant in some ways
there is a cosmic fire
it can be kindled and cultivated
there are principles of art and life
so obvious and sublime
i knew nothing when i began
i even deterioted
i hibernated
the cocoon of a ten year drugged half life dream
then like the seedling i emerge from the earth
and my growth accelerates
as i grow and improve
and i learn to curve and undulate
my mind remembers
sometimes the future nudges me oh so gently
steven….it says
try this!

its a straynge thing to write a blog, childe
i sit here now ready to tell you about my day at earquacks
suddenly it occurs to me
why would they care?
why does anyone on this earth care about my eustachian tubes
and it seems to be a tremendous honour
and no
i dont think youre toadies or syncho-fants
i am genuinely touched by the goodwill directed at me
it helps
believe me
you are my e-solace
last night ricki miami comes over
minna comes over
we have vegan spring rolls with pee-nut source
we have delicious fresh salad
with avocado slices
baby tomatoes (isnt that cruel?)
spinach and lettuce leaves
everybody talking
but i cant hear a word
how frightening being deaf will/could be…
my right ear with no infection is pretty gone
i just sat there
like they were all speaking a foreign lang
laughing at the right spots
aurora does one of her long monologues
in her jimmy stewart accent
and everyone at the table laughs and yells with delight
i didnt catch a word
oh dear
anyway
went to see earquack specialist today
you know
one of those guys with an office with a great view
and a team of receptionists tapping dutifully at their screens
he looks in my ear and sighs
when are you going on tour he says doubtfully
first gig next tuesday doc says i
hope yer not flying anytime soon says earquack
well steven
you have an outer and middle ear infection
you also have tiny bones growing in your ears
as a result of swimming in cold water without plugs
(which of course i now use)
at this juncture earquack
produces the latest type of swimmers earplugs
these molded jobbies
where can i getta setta them i ask earquack
ah ha he says
well i just happen to carry them
because i dont want my patience driving all over town
(that was a little pun there)
anyway
he sucks out my ear with a thingy
he puts something else in that really really fucking hurt
i ‘m jumping away from him and hes restraining me
saying
this is almost the last one
i keep trying to brace against the pain
but like a dent-ist probing that inflaymed nerve
when he hits the spot
you just lose it
it bypasses all yer mechanisms
and this white light of pure pain
connects your ear to a whole universe of agony
anyway he chucks some hydrogen peroxide in
and i sit for a while
my head tilted
while my ears fizz crackled schnapped but never popped
it seemed like at any moment
the inside would reach the outside
and i would hear again but it never eventuated
meanwhile im looking at this very nice diagramme of the hu-man ear
i’m so sorry my dear atheist friends
when one sees this incredible delicate device
this machine of flesh and blood and fluids and hairs
of chambers and drums and skins
which enables us to translate auditory stimuli
into all the wonderful and terrible sounds of our world
so we can tell a cello from a viola
so we can listen to the birds and the babbling bloody brooks
how complex?
how did this come about?
by accident?
by trial and error?
i’m sorry
when i see the way the little hairs oscillate
how the fluids transmit sonic impulse
all the little bits and pieces interconnected
machines designed to last for a lifetime of constant use
the designer is a genius
no this sort of thing does not just come about of its own accord
to see how your ears (are supposed) to work is
a humbling and reaffirming experience
i say to god in my heart
you are real you do truly exist
and i feel him shrug and say
of course do you like that ear design?
i have no answers my little pigs
i cant tell you who to believe in
but how could any logical sane person
look at this thing
and not perceive the ingenius love
that our creator has imbued in this one little part of creation?
these ears are wonderful contraptions…..
anyhow
then i have a hearing test
which consists of having little tones played
(sounds like enos discreet music)
everytime i hear one i press the button
then they do a kind of sonic sonar on my lugholes
the earquack surveys the results sadly
its hard to believe just music has done this to your hearing
he said
and then
what dinner last night had confirmed
the hearing in the right ear is almost as bad as the infected left
any cures for tinnitus i ask
stay away from loud noise forever he said
come back on monday he said
im gonna drain the middle ear when the outer one clears up
what will that be like i asks
ahhhh he shakes his head and looks at me guiltily
anyway
i can rehearse he said
i dont know how that will go or even if possible
i feel like a cymbal or a stray guitar squall could sink my ears forever
your hearing is far too important to compromise says earquack
so looking forward to monday
the drain age
oh christ my ear is hurting now like someones in there stabbing me
with a barbed electric harpoon
i knock down 3 neurofen plus
3? says nk
yes 3
i always need more than anybody else
thats my nature
i need more
and i build up tolerances quickly
the quack takes my bloodpressure etc
perfect he says
youre still a young man he says
young at fifty three
what good will it do if i am going deaf
and the damage is done children
i mean the band hardly ever plays these days
i must never listen to my pod on headphones again
especially those intrusive ones
is this the end of my ears?
stay tuned
same kil-time
same bee-channel
the time being fades down into sea of earpain and static

saw ye olde quack this morning
for alas your humble fools ear is still non-functioni
so tomorra im on the special-list
to see specialist
oh all the pseudo-ephedrine n codeine has rotted my sox
im alert and in no pain but i cant hear a fucking thing
and my left ear going down i realise how bad my right ear is
rehearsals friday n i’m feeling pessi-mystic
no pristine silence neither
but the roar and ring and shriek of tinnitus
from one million guitar chords ringing on for ever
i paint and paint to meet my dead lines
so
feel sorry for me
feel very sorry for me
pray to your heathen gods and spirits
offer sacrifice for my well being my time being
dont eat from dusk to dawn
name your teddy steven if you want tho i may lash you
i’ll do anything to vote my earache out of office
anyway the quack says the ear quack may have to suck or blow
(he wasnt sure, witch)
going in thru my nose to get at blockage
gee thats not sounding like much fun doc…..
i really hope i dont have to play in this cond…
have been watching dvd of auckland show
and am very satisfied with result
it should be hitting the black market any day
shortly followed by the blue market and the common market
lotta people asking wherefore be painkiller?
coming my frogs coming
people say where is poetry?
people say be nice to kevin rudd the saviour of the free world
his posters still hang around bondi
simply saying new leadership..
is he ever gonna take em down
or will they be up permanently like kim sod jong the thirds?
ok no more rudd jibes
from now on i am the apolitical animal
oblivious to the sliminess of the whole business
i know this is a very basic assumption to question
but think about it a little
i asked it the other day and its growing in my mind:
has the electoral system really served us, the hoi polloi, well
i say a resounding nope!
anyway
back to the painting
see you soon

been painting some portraits
tricky business
the angles
the planes
the ratios
the shadows
the proportions
faces defy all rules you thought you knew about faces
sometimes you can get it horribly wrong
and it still kinda looks like the subject
othertimes one small thing you cant figure out
and the face looks ridiculous
i’m doing a straightforward face but its hard to get it right
then after days of mucking about
it looks alright in pencil
but when the colour goes in
its gone all wrong
luckily pastel is a very forgiving medium
edges can get moved if they have to
but beware
you make the eyes a little bigger
suddenly the nose is too small
then the cheekbones have lost their reference point
and the mouth is too close
and the chin too far away
the slightest change is a ripple
that flows through the entire painting
trying to figure out what colour a shadow really is
trying to be artistic and realistic
trying to flatter the subject
emphasise the good points
portray the bad because you must
but tone it down
teeth are hard to get right
eyes are obviously important
and a slightly wrong shaped eye can ruin it
noses are surprisingly often shorter than they appear
sometimes your staring at a feature
but you just refuse to draw it the way it is
sometimes i just go into a geometric mode
wherein i see the face as a series of related shapes
it can be frustrating and rewarding
my next portrait will be david mccomb for a planned book
this one i can really go to town on
and im looking forward to it
thats it for today
love
sk

all mylife
ive had the effect
of somehow making grande pronouncements
when i guess im just joe schmoe writing a bit o’ bitter blog
this happened especially at school
when i said i didnt like such n such a band
it always seem implied that not only didnt i like em
but that i thought every aspect of them
and their fans was a loathesome dollop
i have never thought much about a lotta things
i see em on some random newspaper somewhere
i form my kilbee insta-opinion
and i go round spouting it
especially if i consider that its “funny”
now funny is a very interpretable n ambiguous term
and its amazing that fineline between cutting edge
and embarassingly offensive
ricky gervais seems to surf it as a specialty
and i guess a few others
so i guess silverchair is no pet hate or anything at all
its just i see em on all these frontpages in this iconic manner
and yesterday
im looking at the paper
there they are again
and i just asked myself
hey kilbey!
what do you think of silverchair
and all i could remember was that
i’d forgotten the earlier stuff
then i had played to me bits of that orchestrated one
from a few years back
and um……
mind you i was probably the only geezer in australia
who didnt think it was the new sergeant peppers
so musics like that
one mans poison is another mans meat
one mans peppers is another mans sneeze
you know
thinking about it
i need to have two kinds of opinionated bigmouthing modes
one which merely says
i
as an ordinary olde geeza living in 2007
dont happen to like such n such but dont mind me
it is even possible i could change my mind …..
then
i need the
i hate this passionately its ‘orrible
i am prepared to bore you stupid with my loathing
if youll listen, beware rants ahead
may offend some
approach with caution etc
pronouncements of doom
kilbeys own fat-wah in fact
where i urge from my e-pulpit
my deranged army of fiendss
to run rampaging through the western world
urinating on rubby williams posters
and other such symbolic situationist attacks
on the status quo and their demi-gods of hideous ennui
meat would land in this category
along with war
show-biz bullshit and schmaltz
anything dumbed down
ear infections
(but i got prescribed codeine and pseudo ephedrine today!!)
kids shows that are noisy and insultingly smarmy
drunken brutal oafs reeking of aftershave
over made up tarts smokin’ ciggies
awards nights
quiz shows
reality shows
dancing shows
cop shows
lawyer shows
gossip rags n shows
talk and tonight shows
posters of successful real estate salesmen
old election posters especially if its the loser
anything cute
anything in yer face
anything without originality
anything without mystery
game hosts
radio shock jocks ( shockingly amateurish)
dogs just doing their thing any old where
i say
three strikes and theyre out!!
eggplant however it may come
facile pre-learned answers no ruddy way
the pappar-arsey
rehab
tommy hill-figure or any other designer or their name
people who dont take no for an answer
my advice:
no is a good answer
take it and piss off
queue jumpers (less its me)
duck hunters…you silly sadistic sods
oh god
theres so many
parking inspectors dressed like cops with walkie talkies
guys down the beach who throw their girlfriends in the water
politicians who vote to give themselves rises…..vile scum
anything containing gelatine
hair product
foundation makeup
underarm products with aluminium…..nasty nasty
mobile phones that never get switched off
people try to gee you up needlessly
anyway
as i write this blogge
a french guy a kinda friend
has been running in and out
some malarkey with key
and tryin to persuade me
in his thick lovely french accent
why i should put green clay drops in my fucked up n painful ear
hes trying to do a number on me about clay
oblivious to the fact he has already converted me ages ago
albert i say (al-bear)
but steve he says (stieefv)
i get a cut i put it in he says mimicking a sliced open arm
and filling it in with green clay
al-bear i been fucking drinking it i say becoming angry
probably because with my tinnitus the infected ear his accent etc
its so hard to hear what hes saying
yes he remembers
ive drunken 2 whole courses of green clay an (alleged) liver cleanser
apparently it is in europe but here theyre not allowed to recommend
the actual intake of clay here in aust
yes i put it here n here n here n here says al-bear
his arms a flurry of clay annointed spots being pointed out
al-bear i says
yes i’d put it on my neck
or my arm
or my leg
and even on my ….
(i used the word dick here hoping to lessen offence
should he have taken it )
or even up my……(what is that french word?)
but i aint putting it in this fucking ear ok?
google it then he says….
meanwhile a strange storm has rolled in
playing havoc with my deafened ear
sydneys weather is very changeable watch out!
i had a dip in l’ocean this smorning
already poms n irish out there getting horribly burnt
my own daughter evie starr
she got burned in 15 minutes quite reddy , helen
lucky the next day it turned mostly brown
sometimes you even get a nice warm glow as it changes
but elli found this out
and evie too
you go brown
but then
it peels
and under that
is
freckles

1. i hate cricket
what a boring load of codswallop
i particularly hate the way it prevented several of the churches
vids from airing on a pop show in australia in the eighties
because the cricket came before anything
i once wagered a man in the public service 50 dollars in 1976
that more people in our office had heard of david bowie
than dennis lillee or whoever it was
i lost the bet
2. silverchair
this may be unaustralian to say so or something but
i never heard one thing by them i didnt think was awful
3. brendan nelson new leader of the libs…..two chances, buckleys and none
4. ads that promise men their hair back with faked pictures of regrowth:
listen if there was one thing that would make a gazillion bucks overnight
it would hair restorer but it aint been invented….yet
now at 53 i must admit my locks aint as thick as they once were
but i dont think theres really much to be done (readers tips?)
its still nice and brown…the greys all in the beard
but its wispy and fine and thinning
i was walking behind a guy the other day
oh he had such lovely hair
thick black and shiny
the wind playing in it was a delight to behold
if only if only if only i was thinking
and then i saw his face
the lovely hair only served to emphasise his ugliness
and it suddenly all changed
a bit like robert plant
the hair of a sixteen year old girl
and the face of 100 year old debauchee
anyway
i blame my dad for my obsession with hair
he was always saying
look at roger moore , slim
‘is bloody hairs looking awfully thin…
etc
thanks to my dad
one of the first words in my vocab was toupee
he’d always say stuff like
oh yes but he had a lovely head of hair!
and oh god
so many ways to go bald
so many cruel humiliating ways (if you care)
i guess i been fairly lucky
if you lined up all the 53 year old blokes in the world
i guess i’d probably have more hair than say 70 per cent of em
anyway
as ive said
a big thick mop of hair on top of a ugly olde face
can be quite repulsive
(come in sur elton)
keith richards hair went real weird didnt it
micks got a fuckin amazin’ barnett (thats hair to you americans)
(and how did that happen? his dad was completely bald)
but still
i’d rather look like keith
ronnie woods hair
is the kinda hair i really lust after for myself
you could do anything with that hair….
anothing about hair
it keeps the radiating aust sun from blasting your scalp
aint it human nature though to want what you cant have?
funnily enough though
my face is benefitting from my veganism n yoga
gone gone all the cheesy sag and pale jowl and double chin
in its place comes my real face
just as the real me emerges from the wreckage of the heroin days
every one who sees me says
oh you looking so healthy
yes im looking like myself again
but even more
and you may laugh at this
and some of you wont believe it
but i dont fear age if i can age like this
and everyone could age gracefully
if they put some maintenance into it
someone wrote to me a while ago on my comments
asking me what it was like for a once handsome man like me
to now be olde and ugly especially in regards to “the ladies”
well of course, im married now so i dont put it to the test
but i feel more happy about being me now
than i did back then
and my face carries the scars and story of my life
the wrinkles round my eyes my laughter and tears
my frowns and my thoughtfulness
my once visible again cheekbones…money couldnt buy em
thin red lips and yellow teef
my multi coloured beard
my nose which is rather nice but always red
my jawline which has returned
clearly defined against my long relatively unwrinkled neck
my skin freckly and tanned , could be a candidate for skin cancer
my body returning to its real shape slowly but surely
weak arms
strong legs like rock
small hands
broad feet
little body hair
strengthening and becoming more flexible
the opposite of aging
well thats yoga and veganism and swimming for ya
and the gall/ego/honesty to examine this old bag of bones for ya
it aint me
not the hair or the eyes or the balls or the toes
its just a fleshsuit worn by me
and this mind aint me either
its just an apparatus i think through
but im lost in this world of bodies and minds
i like her mind
i like his body
i dont like that body or mind etc
caught up in it
the bewildering superficiality of appearance
yeah
i’d rather chat to a pretty young woman than a fat olde geezer
even though i know that actually the spirit underneath both is god
i ve learnt my lessons but i aint digested em
ants bite me while im doing yoga outside
and i do my block and fucking squash em
and the uni-verse laughs and says
kilbey what a wanker
i make no claims that i’m right or superior or anything
its interesting to dissect this mass of organic material
that has organised itself into steve kilbey
a temporary sent to earth to learn how to love and live
just like the hair thing
im doing better than a lot of em
but trailing a long way behind the goode guys
whoever the fuck they are
(the people who put their own lives on the line)
anyway
i think those hair ads are particularily naughty
the baldies know in their heart of hearts theres no hope (yet!)
but they ,for a variety of reasons get sucked in
its cruel
and its misleading
so a pox on all their houses
i say
as i get older
what does it matter
we’re all worm fodder
beautiful ugly fat thin
its just so hard to believe it, isnt it?
you know youll die… logically thinking
but the thought refuses to take any real root
its a kind of necessary procrastination
the more attachments you have here
the harder it is to leave
thats why jesus said that thing about the rich man
getting into heaven..
look
i really dunno
go on
forget about all this
enjoy your sundae
love
me

one ear down
like vince van go go au go
swimmers ear
feeling tired beyond these years
empty vessel
no thoughts forthcoming
the goose below starts the doof doof
at 3 in the afternoon
the most constant throbbing doof doof
i wonder how a man could like this
music for people who hate music
ideas for people with no idea
the most horrible artificial continuous sound
devoid of feeling
devoid of love
devoid of lightnshade
devoid of melody
devoid of rhythm
devoid of swing
devoid of anything youd really want really
i mean ok
at a dance party at midnight i guess i dunno
but 3 in the arvo by yerself in yer bedroom
it comes running up the walls turning my place
into a giant reverberation chamber
and i find a lovely irony
that it be inflicted on me
who has the capacity to hate it with such vile passion
and now
with earblock
it feels like some earthmoving machine
furiously delving into the screaming earth
as all horrible things triumph in this world
cogs and oil and slagheaps and explosions
war and devastation and mindlessness
the victory of the moron
the gossip mags as bibles
with naked pictures of pregnant aguilera as icon
with television direct injected
soap hopeless opera
lust island (feat. spousal ab-use)
chicken wing bits with beaky bites from kfc
idle winners tell all about big nothing
atheists for jesus w/ rev billie joe crabbe
shopping mall prophets with brand name resurrection
text jehovah and vote for your favourite angel
skype the lord on 1 800 lordylordy
email me at satanworshippingtwitswithmascara@hotmail.com
everybody invites me to facebook
i invite you all to bumbook
i invite you all to a liberal party
i invite you to scuba doobie doo
while i sally fourth with a tally ho ho ho
i see tom cruise is a weirdo
gee that makes me feel better bout myself
i see the good actors the chosen ones
they wear the right gowns
and marry the right person this time
i see the bad celebrities too fat and thin
too rich and unhappy
too stupid to spend all that money the way i would
there they are playing polo in rehab
or accepting an award and being carted off to jail
drunk driving….huh!
supplying a miner with drugs….i thought he’d dig it
consorting with prosty-tuits
is that what you call it?
ice cream and tattoo parlours
shoe shop chain :club foot
new car names:
honda dribble
toyota dollop
nissan smudge
ford sparrow
holden uranus
mercedes slut 500
lexus porker
hummer lump
chrysler elbow
the new bmw groin
rolls royce impress coupe
audi 2 door squirt
new tv shows:
celeb euthanasia
obese olympics
the flying plastic surgeon
cops with bad attitudes
candid bathroom camera hosted by chuck berry
coroner quiz
hollywood blood test
great frauds and real fakers
wrestling chefs
wild animal brawls:tonite whale versus tiger
extinction countdown :tonite froggys numbered days
tasty climate watch : cheese and arctic melts
football statistics versus the cabbala with maddy n becks
southern christian revival techniques :drowned baptists with pastor gnocchi
americas naughtiest death rowers : inside peak with heidi flies
the tonight show with whatsisname and the bald guy in the background
renovation revolution with k. rudd : starving in a garret and pulpmill stucco
homes of the rich and infamous : mafia boss richie prosciutto invites you in
pollution lottery
kids channel : pc syrup and namby pamby dribble
history channel : hitlers toenails part 2 : clips and memories
shopping network : coffin bargains and ammo savings
sports channel : west versus east
comedy central : old mcdonald had a famine plus whats my phobia
science channel : evolution : monkeyman bones and all that

ah phooey
i just ran outta steam
killer